Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Leann Rimes

Quotables: LeAnn Rimes is “Perfect”

photo of super skinny anorexic leann rimes weight loss pictures pics

“I think she looks wonderful. She is very healthy, and to me — perfect.”

You know, that’s a really nice sentiment coming from a husband, about that whole perfect thing. I mean, I’ve been married to my husband for almost four years and I’ve never been told I’m perfect, but that’s OK, because we’re a realistic couple and I know I’m not; just as he knows he’s not. Do we love each other just the way we are?Absolutely. There’s no question about it. That being said: I wonder if LeAnn would still be considered “perfect” if she decided to, say, pack on fifty pounds? Would that still be OK with Eddie Cibrian then? I’d sure hope so.

LeAnn Rimes Moves Past the Emaciated Stage, Moves on to Stomach Bloat Phase

photo of skinny leann rimes on the beach in a bikini pictures photos before and after thin hot

Isn’t that, like, on the way to death? When someone gets so skinny that their stomach goes all distended? I mean, that’s what I see, at least, when those horrible commercials featuring starving children across the world. I mean, it’s either that or she’s pregnant. But I have a hard time believing that, just like I have a hard time believing that she’s actually getting regular periods being this skinny*, you know?

Also, it’s amusing: the thinner LeAnn gets, the fatter Nappy McSquintnuts seems to get.

*To be fair, LeAnn is actually looking a bit healthier in some of these photos than she has over the last few months.  But that doesn’t mean she’s still not in danger.  Girl.

Stills From LeAnn Rimes’ “Sex Tape”

photo of leann rimes sex tape pictures photos

I say “sex tape” because I’m not really sure that these two ever HAD sex. A lot of LeAnn supporters claimed that she was nothing more than a beard for her ex-husband, dancer Dean Sheremet, and that she’d longed for a real man (like Eddie Cibrian, I guess) which is why things unfolded the way they did.

Moving on.

Really, it doesn’t appear that there was any sex to be had on this tape, as the stills emailed to me today by a friend claim portray a goofy Dean Sheremet filming a goofy LeAnn Rimes clumsily trying to change her clothes, and that, my friends? Is probably the extent of any “sex” that may have happened on this tape.

Things to notice in the stills: LeAnn’s body looks MUCH MUCH better in these photos than it does today. This is living proof that the grass is not always greener. Also? I think she’s rocking her original teeth, too, not the Hollywood White veneers from Drive-Through Dental.

LeAnn Rimes Got Her Hair Cut to Distract You From Her Ever-Shrinking Body

photo of leann rimes skinny hair cut pictures photos hairstyle 2011 pics

Hey, look, it’s LeAnn Rimes and her protruding wrist bones hips clavicles patellas sunglasses!

How are you doing, girl? Good, you say? What, working on getting pregnant with your new husband, Eddie Cibrian? Sweet. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I’m just LOVING your haircut. It really flatters your face.  I’m hoping Eddie likes it, too, otherwise those pregnancy plans of yours might fall through.  I hear he’s pretty particular on who he has sex with, but you’re fitting that busty, blonde, bony look that we all hear he’s hot for. Then again, you might have other barriers stopping you from getting knocked up – like missing those pesky regular periods.  But hey, almost there, girlfriend! YOU’RE IN IT TO WIN IT!

LeAnn Rimes is Skin and Bones

photo of leann rimes pictures photos skinny anorexic pictures

I want to know in what world LeAnn Rimes thinks she looks good. Moreover, I want to know in what world Eddie “I like ‘em lookin’ like a hypodermic needle” Cibrian can actually bone LeAnn without breaking her. Because girlfriend, frankly, is bordering horrifying-skinny. She was cute, athletic, toned, and sexy, and quickly moved to svelte, passed by slender, chilled out at waif-like for a minute, and is now taking up permanent residence at the L’Hôtel de EMACIATED.

Eat a goddamned sandwich, LeAnn, or better yet, a whole fucking Subway franchise. Then? Let’s work on your stage presence, OK girl?

Quotables: LeAnn Rimes Defends Her Body

A photo of LeAnn Rimes

“Those are called abs, not bones, love.  Thanks, but this is my body and I can promise you I’m a healthy girl.  Thanks for your concern, but no need to be.”

This was LeAnn Rimes’ response on Twitter after she posted the bikini pic above and some of her fans pointed out that she looks like she’s dying.  Now don’t we all just feel stupid?! She’s not bony, ok, she looks great and she’s the picture of health and how dare you imply otherwise.  In fact, we could all learn a few things from LeAnn.  So the next time you get on your high horse and think you can discern the difference between muscle and emaciation on a human body, you just check yourself before making such hurtful and stupid comments, ok?

Oh Crap, LeAnn Rimes’ Arms Fell Off

photo of leann rimes and eddie cibrian leann skinny pictures photos

No, they really didn’t, but until I put my glasses on this morning to get a closer look, it looked like girlfriend’s arms went on hiatus. THEY’RE SO SMALL. They sort of remind me of a little bird that fell out of my maple tree the other day. He fell a long way (he died soon thereafter) and his tiny spindly feet sort of looked like LeAnn Rimes’ arms.

And speaking of LeAnn, she’s actually doing a concert ten minutes down the road from me next month. It’s at a place called the Freeman Stage at Bayside. It’s a really, really small venue, guys. And at first, I heard the tickets were free, and I kind of laughed. But then I heard my ‘free ticket’ information was wrong, and that the tickets ACTUALLY range from 40 to 75 bucks a pop. Then I laughed even harder. I considered trying to get in (for free, of course) and trying to see if I could get close enough to talk to her and I realized, duh, of course I could. She’s going to attract a crowd of about a hundred people maybe. MAYBE. I just don’t feel like listening to her bellyaching about how hard it’s been to be the other woman and how amazing it is to be so emaciated svelte. I also wouldn’t be able to stand sitting through two hours of music knowing that Eddie Cibrian‘s pinched face was lurking somewhere backstage, perched on a darkened corner on a stool while sexting some random blonde he met earlier in the week.

Too much drama for me, guys.