Whether you love Lady Gaga or you hate her, you’ve gotta admit: all of this falling business is a little excessive, right? Yes. And I’m going to pin it right on one thing – her shoes. I appreciate that she tries to hard to be different and unique and whatever, but if she keeps this business up, she’s going to bite it hard one of these days.
Bottom line, I think Lady Gaga’s put-on persona is ridiculous. Ridonkulous. Ri-COCK-ulous. Y’all might not agree with me, and some of you might actually cry over the audacity that I have in lamenting Gaga’s antics, but it’s no different than those people who can’t understand the hard-on I have for Scarlett Johansson and her talent.
I mean, I get it Lady Gaga. I hear what you’re saying. You’re different and unique and special.
Just like everybody else.
April 21, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah
So even though you might have heard that Lady Gaga was blocking Al’s attempt to add this song to his upcoming album, it’s been confirmed that the single, ‘Perform This Way,’ actually WILL be included – apparently Gaga caved. Either that, or she thought ‘What the fuck, why not,’ because though Al said he’d respect her wishes and avoid adding the track, he released it online because, and I quote:
“However, given the circumstances, I have no problem with allowing people to hear it online, because I also have a personal policy not to completely waste my stinking time.”
Well said, dude. I mean, you maybe should have thought of all that before you went through the trouble of recording a song that you might not even be able to sell, but hey. I’m glad the circumstance changed for you, and I really have to give you props for using the word ‘stinking’ in the context that you did. I went through a big Weird Al phase back when ‘Amish Paradise’ was a big hit, and to this day I can’t hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers ‘My Friends’ without automatically thinking of your ‘Alternative Polka,’ so thanks!
April 21, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah
Well, regardless of your ability to handle it, we’re going through with this. Because Lady Gaga said some pretty interesting words again, and we’re going to analyze them. Here’s her response to everyone in the world speculating that she ripped off Madonna:
“No. Listen to me. Why the fuck…? I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in the eyes and tell you that I am not dumb enough or moronic enough to think that you are dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist. It means I’m fucking smart. Sorry.(Starting to well up) I just don’t want my fans – I don’t know. This is exhausting. I just don’t want to perpetuate that shit. I’m sure you want to address, but it’s so ridiculous. I was fucking shell-shocked by it. It’s so funny to hear you say, ‘It must have been an homage,’ I’m like, NO. When I homage, I fucking homage with a big fucking sign saying I’ve done it. Why would I not do that now? I need a fucking drink. (Sighs). “
Bless her heart. I think the “starting to well up” and the “sighs” add a lot of color to the quote, don’t you? I also think it’s amusing that she was “fucking shell-shocked” by the Madonna comparisons. You know, it’s like “have you ever heard ‘Express Yourself’“? Speaking as someone who doesn’t particularly care about Lady Gaga or Madonna, I think I can objectively say that yeah, they’re kind of similar. That’s not a retarded idea, Gaga, but thanks for playing.
April 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
“All of the songs on the album, to be completely candid [were written quickly]. The creative process is approximately 15 minutes of vomiting my creative ideas, in the forms of melodies, usually, or chord progressions and melodies and some sort of a theme lyric idea. It all happens in approximately 15 minutes of this giant regurgitation of my thoughts and feelings. And then I spend days, weeks, months, years fine tuning. But the idea is that you honor your vomit. You have to honor your vomit. You have to honor those 15 minutes.”
Did you catch all that? It’s all about the vomit, and don’t let anybody tell you different. This girl knows. She’s been places. She’s done things. She’s written painstakingly beautiful lyrics like “wear ear condom next time.” Let’s just trust her on this one, ok? Let’s just honor that vomit.
April 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Emily
I know a lot of you hardcore Gaga fans are probably just fucking squeeing with a hard on-like delight over her dramatic pose with Maleficent* at Disney World, but to me, this is just continual confirmation that Lady Gaga is a twat. She tries to be all edgy and cool, and anyone else posing for this photo would probably be way cute and fun, but not her. Nope. You know why? Because everything Gaga does is for show. Everything she does is to encourage you to say ‘Man, she’s just COOL.’ And to me? There’s nothing less cool about someone who tries so damned hard to be cool. Maleficent? Well, she almost covered up that fact, but things are what they are, you guys, no matter how many fabulously evil Disney queens are brought into the mix.
*Totally not Maleficent, thanks readers. I was more of an Aladdin and Lion King fan anyway, and there’s definitely no mixing up Scar and Jafar in those flicks.
April 18, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Yeah, it’s about that “Judas” business. Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, heard that in the upcoming music video for “Judas,” Lady Gaga will play Mary Magdalene, some dude will play Judas, and blasphemy will certainly ensue. Check out some of his harsh words about Lady Gaga:
“This is a stunt,” he says. “People have real talent, and then there is Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga tries to continue to shock Catholics and Christians in general: she dresses as a nun, she gets raped, she swallows the rosary. She has now morphed into a caricature of herself. She is falling short. She wants to shock, does she actually believe her own BS?”
“I find Gaga to be increasingly irrelevant. She thinks she is going to be groundbreaking. She is trying to ripoff Christian idolatry to shore up her talentless, mundane and boring performances. Another ex-Catholic whose head is turned around. This is a stunt. People have real talent, and then there is Lady Gaga. Is this the only way to jet up her performance? This isn’t random, we are getting closer to Holy Week and Easter.”
“Maybe if she had more talent we’d be more offended. She has gone to the well too many times,” Bill said.
Snap! ”Maybe if she had more talent we’d be more offended.” Them’s fightin’ words that I doubt Bill would say if he knew that Lady Gaga is a Transformer.
Once again, I’m going to have to ask for your input on this one. See, I hate Lady Gaga’s stupid music (did you listen to “Judas”? One of the lyrics is “wear ear condom next time.” And that’s absurd), but I also have really unpopular opinions about Judas (the dude, not the shitty song). I know this because after I went off on a rant about Judas in Dante’s Inferno in a lit class at my tiny Methodist college, my professor pulled me aside after class and said “Emily, you have really unpopular opinions about Judas.” I’m not going to go into details right now, but suffice it to say that I think that the dude gets a lot of flack that he doesn’t necessarily deserve. So on one hand, I’m proud of Lady Gaga for possibly addressing my point of view on Judas and for sticking it to The Man, but on the other hand, I want to destroy all evidence that this song ever existed.
What do you think?