Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kristen Stewart

Kristen and Dakota Are Totes BFF

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You know what? This is exactly what needed to happen to Dakota. She’s in LA filming Runaways with the coolest girl in school, Kristen Stewart, and the two seem to have gotten awfully chummy during this time. I’ve been waiting for years for this perfect little child to release that dark, dirty, tabloid-friendly side that I know she has deep inside her. I think K-Stew’s gonna be the one to release the dragon — Puff, the Magic Dragon, if ya catch my drift.

And yet, I’m torn. There’s a part of me that hopes — and kind of believes — that it’s just a matter of time before Dakota’s getting pulled out of clubs with her eyes half-open, and there’s a part of me that still feels really protective of the little girl she used to be, and hopes she can transition from child actor to adult actor without having to do more with lines than read them.

Anyhoo. These pics are super cute.

Is There Anything Greater Than Pics of Kristen Stewart’s Ridiculous New Haircut?

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Yes. There is something greater than pics of the ridiculous Joan Jett haircut Kristen’s sporting for her new flick, Runaways. And it’s these photos of Dakota Fanning, her costar, arriving at rehearsals.

Dakota Fanning at Runaways Rehearsals Pictures Photos

LOOK HOW BADASS DAKOTA IS NOW!

Seriously, though, no. I don’t think a look like this will ever work on Dakota. She’s forever eight years old in my mind, and no number of pretentious interviews or rape scenes is going to change that for me. Put on a nice ruffled dress and run off to your tea party, Dakota. Leave the badass-ing to Kristen. She’s really, really good at it.

Kristen Stewart’s Mullet

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I finally watched Twilight last week, not because of any personal inclination, but I figured I should do some research. Glittery disco vampires aside, throughout the movie I watched Kristen Stewart and kept thinking, “Holy crap. This girl is the next Lindsay Lohan.” It’s something about the awkward, stilted acting and her awkward, spacey personality in interviews and at awards shows. This chick is doomed. But at least we can look forward to all of the gossip website fodder she’s going to provide in the future. Beet, meet your next cash cow.

As if to confirm my predictions, Kristen got a new haircut this weekend for her role in an upcoming biopic about Joan Jett. Even though it’s for a role, I consider it just one signpost on the road to drinking binges, poorly applied orangey fake tans, and other forms of Lohan-esque trailer park infamy.

Kristen Stewart is Smokin’

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While perusing photo sites today, I stumbled upon a set labeled “Kristen Stewart is a Smoker!” that contained several exclamation points and the above photos with nifty little red circles indicating the irrefutable evidence that Kristen Stewart is in fact one of the most horrible human beings ever to walk the planet. Forget about her terrible acting or the fact that she’s so stoned out of her mind at award shows it’s a miracle she hasn’t swallowed her own tongue yet. The bitch smokes!
I’m going to go ahead and preempt the idiotic maelstrom of “terrible role model” comments and E! Entertainment News pieces that will probably follow the publication of these photos and suggest she learn to pop prescription pills and starve herself or drink excessively and hop behind the wheel of her expensive car like most other “it” girl celebrities under 30.

Get it together Kristen.

The Third Twilight Flick: Already Casting!

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Before Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson can even begin their We Don’t Give a Crap tour to promote New Moon, the studio has already started hunting for the co-stars of the third flick, Eclipse.

Here’s who they’re looking for so far, according to the casting notice:

Riley “is a handsome, blond, clean-cut college boy who falls victim to Victoria,” the notice reads. He’s in his early to mid 20s and “plays an integral role in Victoria’s attempt to murder Bella Swan.”

There are two more members of the Quileute tribe and La Push wolf pack in Eclipse. Like New Moon, they are looking for Native American or First Nations actors to fill the roles.

“Seth Clearwater is a “tall, gangly-limbed boy with a huge, happy grin,” the notice reads. “Seth idolizes Jacob.”

Seth’s big sister is 19-year-old Leah Clearwater and the only female member of La Push: “She is tall and slender with beautiful skin and short cropped black hair. She would be considered gorgeous if not for the perpetual scowl she carries due to a broken heart and her anger issues.”

Meanwhile, Taylor Lautner will continue to put on mass for the third film, after having put on around 30 pounds of muscle for New Moon. “Jacob’s character is continually growing throughout the series,” Lautner said at the MTV Movie Awards Sunday night, “so I got about eight weeks off before I go back again for Eclipse and I’m going to be hitting the gym.”

As for the fourth installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn? The cast — including Kristen, Robert, Ashley Greene and Peter Facinelli — have all expressed interest in sticking around for a fourth. We are NEVER going to be done with this. Kristen Stewart is going to be stumbling down red carpets and dropping awards on the floor until we’re all old and grey. Eventually, she’ll just carry the bong up on stage with her.

New Moon Teaser Trailer: ‘Kiss Me… I Love You’

In this brief, 15 second teaser trailer for New Moon, Edward gives Bella a very special birthday present. The trailer will make its television debut this Sunday during the MTV Movie Awards where Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner will also unveil a scene from the new movie.

Many of you complained last weekend that I mentioned Robert Pattinson’s presence at the Cannes amfAR party but didn’t post his pictures in the gallery. Well, I want to make you happy, so in addition to the above teaser trailer, I’ve put the aforementioned pics of Pattinson in the gallery.

He still looks like he just woke up and rolled out of bed, but doesn’t look greasy or creepy like he does so often. He looks, dare I say, suave.