Scale of 1-10, guys, with 1 being your local Mormon missionary and 10 being your really really high local Mormon missionary.
This isn’t weed high, either. Stoned Kristen is much more bored-looking and far less reactive. This is something more … interesting than that. So let’s make that the second part of this game. First: How high is Kristen Stewart? And second: What’s she on? (Combo guesses are allowed.)
It’s Friday, I’m feeling liberated, I’m just going to speak my mind — because I’m usually so inhibited — and tell it like it is. I do not understand the attraction, appeal or interest related to the cast of Twilight. They don’t have enough spirit to hold up their heads or their moods. That whole greasy, unwashed, flannel-donning era is so done, Played out via grunge, Seattle, 1992.
Anyway, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson did a press conference at Comic-Con in San Diego. Pattinson talks about the development of his character — he obviously takes this vampire shit really seriously — and Taylor Lautner spoke a little bit too.
Personally, I like the part at the (approximately) 2:30 minute mark when Kristen Stewart tells the press core that no question is off-limits and then again at 3:00 when a reporter asks about the possibility of a real-life romance with Robert Pattinson and she refuses to answer that question.
Kristen, I know that your current fame is a completely annoying burden that you liken to a recurring yeast infection, but enjoy it now. Once these Twilight movies are played out, you’ll be begging your agent to get you a Crest commercial.
You know what? This is exactly what needed to happen to Dakota. She’s in LA filming Runaways with the coolest girl in school, Kristen Stewart, and the two seem to have gotten awfully chummy during this time. I’ve been waiting for years for this perfect little child to release that dark, dirty, tabloid-friendly side that I know she has deep inside her. I think K-Stew’s gonna be the one to release the dragon — Puff, the Magic Dragon, if ya catch my drift.
And yet, I’m torn. There’s a part of me that hopes — and kind of believes — that it’s just a matter of time before Dakota’s getting pulled out of clubs with her eyes half-open, and there’s a part of me that still feels really protective of the little girl she used to be, and hopes she can transition from child actor to adult actor without having to do more with lines than read them.
Yes. There is something greater than pics of the ridiculous Joan Jett haircut Kristen’s sporting for her new flick, Runaways. And it’s these photos of Dakota Fanning, her costar, arriving at rehearsals.
LOOK HOW BADASS DAKOTA IS NOW!
Seriously, though, no. I don’t think a look like this will ever work on Dakota. She’s forever eight years old in my mind, and no number of pretentious interviews or rape scenes is going to change that for me. Put on a nice ruffled dress and run off to your tea party, Dakota. Leave the badass-ing to Kristen. She’s really, really good at it.
I finally watched Twilight last week, not because of any personal inclination, but I figured I should do some research. Glittery disco vampires aside, throughout the movie I watched Kristen Stewart and kept thinking, “Holy crap. This girl is the next Lindsay Lohan.” It’s something about the awkward, stilted acting and her awkward, spacey personality in interviews and at awards shows. This chick is doomed. But at least we can look forward to all of the gossip website fodder she’s going to provide in the future. Beet, meet your next cash cow.
As if to confirm my predictions, Kristen got a new haircut this weekend for her role in an upcoming biopic about Joan Jett. Even though it’s for a role, I consider it just one signpost on the road to drinking binges, poorly applied orangey fake tans, and other forms of Lohan-esque trailer park infamy.