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Kristen Stewart

24Twilight is Going to Make You Spend Double Your Money

photo of twilight stars for breaking dawn promo

The franchise’s fourth installment, Breaking Dawn will be split into two films; one will premiere in November 2011, while the second film’s release date has yet to be announced.

Yeah, and for all of you who don’t devour Stephanie Meyer’s novels like they’re chunks of sex-covered cheesecake on Blanche Devereaux’s kitchen table, Breaking Dawn will feature “sex” scenes and “childbirth” scenes, but will somehow maintain to keep its PG-13 rating. I can only imagine how this one’s going to go:

Edward: Oh, Bella … I want you so desperately. I need you so. I have to put my thing into your thing, and that way, we’ll create a beautiful moody, brooding offspring together.

Bella: Oh, Edward. I’d be pleased for you to put your thing into my thing. I’ve only been waiting for you to do this for my entire adolescence.

[Lights fade as the two climb into bed together, fully clothed.]

Nine months later …

Flash-forward to Bella and Edward sitting at their kitchen table in a bright and cheery kitchen. Things have changed drastically since the two have “made love.” Sunlight pours in the windows and dust particles dance in the shimmering sunbeams while the two anticipate the Arrival of Their Child.

Bella and Edward gaze lovingly into one another’s eyes while they grasp hands. There’s excitement in the air; even Edward has an unnatural blush high in his cheeks.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, the two jump and start at the sound of the clanging doorbell, which plays “That’s What Friends Are For.” The couple rejoins hands, intertwining sweaty, nervous fingers and walk slowly, deliberately down the hallway and into the foyer, where a large shape behind the mullioned glass door throws odd-angled shadows on the plush carpeting and dark-stained hardwood below.

They look at one another as Bella bites her lip as Edward gives her an encouraging, yet curt, nod. “Now is the time,” Edward’s eyes seem to say. Bella, with her free hand, opens the door and gasps — for standing there, almost silhouetted by the bright early-morning sunlight, is …
(more…)

June 11, 2010 at 7:33 am by Sarah

5Kristen Stewart Can’t Be Bothered To Care About Death Threats

Kristen Stewart Doesn't Care About Stalkers

Leave it to K-Stew to appear bored and uninterested by a death threat. The Twilight star, who’s kinda known for being “blah” about just about everything, supposedly has a stalker who keeps repeatedly threatening her life, and while other stars who’ve faced similar scary folk have gotten restraining orders, Kristen has just decided to ignore it.

From the Chicago Sun Times:

A longtime Hollywood honcho, who has worked with Stewart, says the young actress is telling people around her she refuses to be intimidated. “She insists that no crazy ‘will keep me from living my own life,’” said the source, who understands that point of view.

“But this isn’t like the paparazzi — who Kristen understandably hates because they are so intrusive. These people can be dangerous.”

Apparently, Stewart — along with the rest of the young “Twilight” stars, particularly Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner — are bugged by many, many “Twilight” vampire-obsessed fans. The Stewart friend refers to them as “real nuts … scary kooks. … These people are far more serious than the merely annoying paparazzi.”

While it would probably be in the studio’s best interest to make sure their star is protected, I think Kristen’s public attitude of not giving a shit about the stalker is the way to go. Feeding into a stalkers ego by showing fear is exactly what they want– attention. I’m sure that Kristen will be fine, so this time I’ll give her and her bitchface a pass.

June 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm by Molls

17Quotables

A photo of Kristen Stewart on the cover of UK Elle

“My family are amazing. I had, like, the perfect upbringing. It sucks for people like Lindsay [Lohan], but it’s not her fault that she’s so off the rails – and she’s smart, very smart.”

-Kristen Stewart imparting her wisdom on family matters and Lindsay Lohan.

Thank you so much, Kristen.  What would the world do if you weren’t here among us like a prophet, nay, an angel, guiding us toward the light?  Teach us more, Kristen.  Please let us continue to drink from your overflowing goblet of insight, for that is your true calling.

June 1, 2010 at 11:32 am by Emily

26Kristen Stewart Does Elle UK, Still Can’t Stop Sticking Her Jaw Out

photo of kristen stewart doing the cover for elle magazine in a black dress

Girlfriend honestly looks like she has an under-bite when she does it. It looks awful. I mean, I love Kristen Stewart’s look, I think she’s classically beautiful, and if she were a lesbian and I were a lesbian and it was another time and place, I’d totally do her, but she looks way wonky when she juts out that mandible of hers.

Stewart recently interviewed with Elle‘s UK magazine and did the obligatory photo shoot along with it and frankly, if you’ve looked at the photos, there’s absolutely no denying that Kristen Stewart is one grossly gorgeous woman (except when she looks like an uncomfortably sexy bulldog).

And also, it’s clear that the folks at Elle really dig Kristen, too. She was June’s cover feature for Elle US. But they love her fans even more, by giving them a sneak peak at what’s supposed to be a super-uber crazy-Subscribe! Now! Collector’s Edition of the mag. Kristen dishes on Twilight, naturally, and her non-relationship-relationship with co-star Robert Pattinson.

On Twilight:

” … I’m quite nervous about the third one, actually. It’s such a privilege to be able to play a role for so long. Also, it’s such a product now; it didn’t start out as a product.”

On banging Robby Pattie (uh, sort of):

“It’s so weird, that you have to be worries about people seeing things,” KS ‘fesses to the reporter. “You want to be excited about something, normal people can be excited about their lives, and I am, too, but it’s such a different thing. It comes out as entertainment for other people and that makes me want to throw up.”

However, during the course of the interview, the interviewer picks up Stewart’s fallen iPod, and just who happens to be on the wallpaper? Oh, snap. Stewart and Pattinson with their arms around one another. And Stewart’s cat getting in on the embracing. Saccharine.

(Enter millions of Twilight fans screaming.)

Nah, man, that’s cool. I’m glad that they’re kind of, sort of trying to keep their relationship on the down low. I’ve never seen the Twilight movies, believe it or not, and haven’t read the books (just not interested), but I think Kristen’s absolutely hot — and Pattinson? Shit. I thought he was smokin’ way back in his Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire days.

And yeah. Never a Twilight fan, always a Harry Potter fan; don’t judge, haters, just look and the damned pictures and say, “Thank you.”

May 26, 2010 at 7:24 am by Sarah

10Twilight on Oprah? The World Will Never Be The Same

The cast of Twlight is going to be on an upcoming episode of Oprah and a preview of the episode has just been released. What do I think? Well, in four words: God help us all. How do I feel about it? In one word: Nervous.

The screaming, the emotions, the lack of emotions from Kristen Stewart. I can imagine it all perfectly in my head and I can’t even imagine what the world will be like after literally every single television on the face of this earth will be tuned into ABC for that one hour. Think about it, all those teenagers PLUS Oprah’s already massive audience? If Oprah was smart she’d plan subliminal messages in every third second of the show. She could own us all after that one hour. Never has she been so powerful and that’s saying a lot.

May 11, 2010 at 5:53 pm by Molls

12Contrary to Popular Belief, Kristen Stewart Actually Does Give a Fuck!

Can’t you tell just by the ear-to-ear shit-eating grin?

Your girl Kristen Stewart appeared for the first time as the cover model on the June issue of Elle and while girlfriend looks moderately happy about it, she still looks uncomfortable as all holy hell. Stewart dishes on a little bit of everything during her interview with the mag and covers topics like privacy, acting, romance and her signature awkwardness. Natch.

On the madness that has become her life:

“It’s insane! Once somebody finds out, you have to get the hell out of wherever you are. People freak out. And the photographers, they’re vicious. They’re mean. They’re like thugs. I don’t event want to drive around by myself anymore. It’s fucking dangerous.”

On her loss of privacy:

“Somebody knocked on my hotel room door and asked for a light, then said that they were a big fan. I was like, ‘Do you really need me to light your cigarette? How do you know what room I’m in?’ I can’t be by myself and I like being by myself.”

On criticism of her public manner:

“I think it’s funny that when I go onstage to accept an award, they think I’m nervous, uncomfortable, and awkward—and I am—but those are bad words for them.”

On her red-carpet demeanor:

“People say that I’m miserable all the time. It’s not that I’m miserable, it’s just that somebody’s yelling at me…I literally, sometimes, have to keep myself from crying…It’s a physical reaction to the energy that’s thrown at you.”

On Team Edward vs. Team Jacob:

“I would never cheapen my relationships by talking about them. People say, ‘Just say who you’re dating. Then people will stop being so ravenous about it.’ It’s like, No they won’t! They’ll ask for specifics.”

On caring:

“I hate it when they say I don’t give a shit, because nobody cares more than I do. I’m telling you I don’t know anybody who does this that gives a shit more than I do.”

Now what, haters? Stewart finally speaks out about her put-upon sense of awkwardness (duh, it’s real!) and tells people, contrary to popular belief, she actually does give a fuck even though she pulls that “not-giving-a-fuck” thing off so damned well. Now if she’d only viscerally admit to boinking Robert Pattinson, my life might be complete.

May 6, 2010 at 7:22 am by Sarah