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Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart Wrote This “Embarrassing” Poem

kristen stewart

So, Kristen Stewart is apparently more than just an actress – she’s also an amateur poet and all-around artiste, and decided to share her “embarrassing” creation in the new issue of Marie Claire. Like, she literally recited this word for word despite the “it’s awful” front. It’s called “My Heart Is a Wiffleball / Freedom Pole” and… what?!

Here it is in all its beauty:

I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man,
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked.

And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa.
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in
My eyes

And I’m drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine…

I mean, I suppose I’ve seen worse… not much worse, but I know it exists out there.

I’m not sure what the point was in sharing this, as I imagine she wrote it as a more personal thing to get out whatever was going on in that head of hers. Oh man, do you guys think this is about RUPERT??? She mentioned parking somewhere, and we KNOW what went down (so to speak) there. Uh, way to throw it in Rob‘s face, Kristen. WHERE’S HIS POETRY?

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Kristen Stewart Wants to Shave and Tattoo Her Head

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Kristen Stewart, the totally straight and not at all a lesbian actress who refuses to smile in pictures (LOVE YOU, KSTEW!), has made a revelation to the press: she wants to shave her head before she dies and get tattoos all over her bald ass scalp. Of course, she can’t really do that at the moment because she’s a very Serious Actor, but she plans to make her dreams come true one day before she dies.

From Into the Gloss:

If I wasn’t an actor, I would definitely do things to my hair. I would cut it more, I would dye it more. At some point I want to do a total boy cut, completely—not a pretty, girly version—like a straight up James Dean haircut. And then, I’m definitely going to shave my head before I die. I will definitely tattoo my head while it’s shaved before my hair grows back. I’m not sure which part, probably the bottom quadrant in the back. I don’t know what the tattoo would be, yet. Still thinking.

Fair enough, girl. I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for KStew, to be honest – I sorta think she’s a total babe when she’s not shoved into a dress and all of that haute couture shit. Her skinny jeans and Chucks look works for me. I like that she’s such a sourpuss and has that incredible ennui that hits you in your late teens/early 20s. She just doesn’t give a fuck, no matter what she’s doing, and I find that sort of enjoyable… at least for now. However, I don’t know that I would get behind a bald, scalp-tattooed KStew. Luckily, that’s not something we have to confront just yet. And anyway, do your thing, Kristen.

Here’s a little more on her fashion sense:

If you looked at pictures of me when I was 14 or 15, you couldn’t tell the difference between me and my brothers. I looked like a boy, fully. I really like extremes. I wear jeans and t-shirts and am a total tomboy, but at the same time, when I pull out all the stops [for an event], I want to fucking go for it, polarized in the other direction from my reality. Everything Balenciaga makes is beautiful; watching their runway shows is like watching a movie. But wearing it is not the easiest thing. It’s tough to integrate that type of thing into your life. But when you can do it—wear something unexpected, with your personal style—it’s incredibly badass.

Huh. Cool. Side note: what the hell is up with these pics? I know we’re not talking about Vogue here, but it looks like they were shot on one of those Walgreen’s disposable cameras. I suppose that makes them seem more “candid”.

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Kristen Stewart is the New Face of Chanel

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Kristen Stewart has somehow become somewhat of a “fashion darling” in that designers totally aren’t put off by her constant sourpuss face and actually think it works and is very, I dunno, haute couture or something. Chanel must’ve felt the same, because they’ve hired her to be the new face of the brand.

Karl Lagerfeld apparently hand-picked Stewart for his Métiers d’Art Paris-Dallas collection which is expected to launch in May 2014. In fact, Kristen actually showed up to Chanel’s Coco Chanel Métiers d’Art Fashion Show in Dallas on Tuesday night, when the news was announced. Well, this should be interesting.

Here’s what a “friend” of Stewart’s told Hollywood Life:

“Kristen is a huge fan of Mr. Lagerfeld and was honored to be invited to such an extraordinary fashion event. She loves his style and quirky sense of humor. He gets her and she loves him for that.”

And I bet she loves the massive paycheck the brand will be giving her. That sorta helps too, eh?

I will say that I think Kristen suits doing some modeling work. However, Chanel wouldn’t be even in the top ten design houses I’d have expected her to join up with. She’s more Rodarte, McQueen, something a bit edgier. Poor Coco, she’s probably rolling over in her grave.

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