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Kris Humphries

8Aww, Kris Humphries Doesn’t Want Kim Kardashian to Go!

A photo of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

And really, can you blame him? Poor Kris Humphries didn’t even know that his true love, Kim Kardashian, was actually filing for divorce until yesterday morning, just a few hours before the rest of us found out. And, understandably, Kris is very, very sad about things.

Here’s his official statement:

“I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce … I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.”

Bless his giant heart, right? Seriously though, I did feel bad for Kris for about three seconds after I read this, but then I thought “wait, it’s these people.” Then I shook my head and thought about how I should paint my fingernails next*.

Here’s a bonus fact for your enjoyment: Kim and Kris first met on Halloween of 2010. That means that these crazy kids met, courted, “fell in love,” got married, and filed for divorce all in one wacky, busy year. Oh, the life of a Kardashian, can I get an “amen”?

*I’ve been water marbling, and it’s super neat!

November 1, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily

5Quotables: “Why” Kim Filed for Divorce from Kris

photo of kim kardashian and kris humphries divorce pics
“After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

OK, so for those of you who’ve been reading the site for a while now, you probably know that I’ve been a Kim sympathizer when those around us have not. I’ve defended her wardrobe choices, ignored her tacky sex tape, and gave (possibly unwarranted) praise and accolades when it came to her “perfect” face. But this, guys, I don’t know if I can ignore. She’d “hoped this marriage was forever,” but tossed it in the can after only seventy-two days, you see. I mean, what, she’d apparently given it her all and sat through hours of heart-rending conversations with Kris as to where the marriage’s future lie and decided that 71 days of marriage was the true indicator of what would be? And then day 72 would be specially reserved for publicizing the imminent divorce declaration?

Right. And I suppose there’s no possible way that this marriage was a sham to begin with. Please. This is almost worse than the BS the Jersey Shore kids pull on their reality show.

Almost.

November 1, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah

12Holy God: Kim Kardashian Is Getting Divorced

Photo: Kris Humphries with Kim Kardashian on October 21, 2011 in New York City.

There were rumors of trouble in paradise, but I, for one, am shocked. Shocked! Sadly, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from brand new husband (!) Kris Humphries, TMZ reports. And unfortunately, TMZ is never wrong.

The couple was married on August 20, making theirs one of the shortest, crappiest marriages this side of E!

TMZ:

We’re told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It’s a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites “irreconcilable differences.”

We’re told the date of separation is listed as today, Oct. 31, 2011.

Kim has hired disso-queen Laura Wasser, who has repped the likes of Britney Spears, Maria Shriver, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Reynolds, and Robyn Gibson, Mel’s almost ex-wife.

But why did the marriage collapse so soon? Apparently, young Mr. Humphries expected the new Mrs. Humphries to move to Minnesota, while Kim is forever an L.A. girl. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect any newlywed couple to hammer out before the wedding but, TMZ explains, they “got caught up in the hooplah.” Other sources speculate that Kim’s decision to divorce may have been sparked by a recent lunch date with old flame Reggie Bush. At least one source believes the divorce was calculated.

Last night, Kim Kardashian was reportedly “miserable.”

October 31, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Jenn

2Is the Honeymoon Over Already?

photo of kris humphries wearing no ring moving boxes pics
Well lookee here. We have Kris Khumphries, *moving boxes from his New York City hotel room “home,” which is shared with wife Kim Kardashian. Oh, that, and he’s not wearing his ring, either. Why the long face, Kris? Why the small box? Moreover, why marry a woman who can’t even purchase a flat in NYC and has to stay in a long-term hotel room instead?

If it’s that last bit that steered you off course, friend, I can’t say I blame you. I think Kim‘s all hot and stuff, and would just love to learn all of her dirty little secrets, but that living-out-of-a-hotel-room part would definitely be the deal-breaker for me, too.

Good luck on your travels, bro!

*Incidentally, all of the Kardashians are moving out of the hotel since the NY version of their show wrapped, but that still doesn’t explain why boyfriend here’s not wearing his everlasting symbol of pure, perfect love.

October 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

6Kim Kardashian Got Married!

A photo of Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian

I know, right? Finally. After what feels like absolute eons of engagement ring talk, wedding invitation judging, bridal registry complaints, and just plain waiting on pins and needles, Kim Kardashian is officially a married gal. Stop what you’re doing and grab a glass of champagne or some PCP or whatever it is you kids do nowadays and celebrate!

We don’t have any pictures yet – the pictures were sold to People, who will be publishing them in next Friday’s issue – but trust me, as soon as we see any hint of them, you’ll know. We’re krazy for Kardashians! Well, not really, but you know I had to do that.

Ok, if you can’t manage to wait any longer to hear some wedding details, then you just calm your heart, because boy, do I have a good few.

(more…)

August 20, 2011 at 11:00 pm by Emily

1Kim Kardashian’s Getting Married Tomorrow, You Guys!

photo of kim kardashian wedding dress wax figure pictures photos

I figured today would be as good a day as any to visit Kim through the years, and take one last glimpse of her while she’s still a hard-bopping, social singleton. Will you be tuning in to the crazy, worldwide coverage of girlfriend’s wedding?

Also. How long do you think these guys are going to stick with this whole marriage bit? Khloe and Lamar have surprised me, staying together as long as they have (but good on those two crazy-asses, sure), and I really think it’s only a matter of time before Kourtney WAKES THE EFF UP, realizes that a douche doesn’t change its spots and kicks Scott Sickdick‘s ass to the curb, but … do Kim and Kris have what it takes to go the distance, guys? Don’t be shy now.

August 19, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
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