Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kris Humphries

Kim Kardashian’s Getting Married Tomorrow, You Guys!

photo of kim kardashian wedding dress wax figure pictures photos

I figured today would be as good a day as any to visit Kim through the years, and take one last glimpse of her while she’s still a hard-bopping, social singleton. Will you be tuning in to the crazy, worldwide coverage of girlfriend’s wedding?

Also. How long do you think these guys are going to stick with this whole marriage bit? Khloe and Lamar have surprised me, staying together as long as they have (but good on those two crazy-asses, sure), and I really think it’s only a matter of time before Kourtney WAKES THE EFF UP, realizes that a douche doesn’t change its spots and kicks Scott Sickdick‘s ass to the curb, but … do Kim and Kris have what it takes to go the distance, guys? Don’t be shy now.

Of Course There Are Photos of Kim Kardashian’s Bachelorette Party

photo of kim and kourtney kardashian at bachelorette pool party pictures photos hot pics

What else would you expect from the Kardashians, something private, low-key, and kept out of the public eye? Surely you jest!

The Kardashian girls were photographed this past weekend at the party held in Kim’s honor, which took place at a hotel in Las Vegas. Just judging by the photos, it seems that the Las Vegas sunshine must be quite different than that of LA or NYC or – anywhere but Seaside Heights, New Jersey - because everyone in attendance had some kind of weird, radioactive orange glow.

Don’t get me wrong, the girls look good – and so do Khloe and Kourtney – but orange? Unless that’s the color of the bridesmaid dresses or something, I’m not quite sure that’s the look we should be going for, what with this big expensive wedding coming up so soon and all.

Are you guys stoked about the nuptials being televised?

Check out photos of Kim’s dance party and the rest of the pics taken poolside.

Kim Kardashian Is Getting Married in Two Months

A photo of Kris Humpries and Kim Kardashian

Because when you get engaged after six months of dating with a ring that’s big enough to murder someone and you want to have a wedding as big as that royal one, getting married in two months just makes sense.

This information comes from Life & Style from an unnamed insider, but I believe it, mostly because poor Kim has been itching to get married for a while now.  Besides, can you imagine what this is going to do for her TV show?  People love fancy weddings, and, for whatever reason, people also love the Kardashians.  This is going to be huge for the shameful side of reality television.

Here’s the “official” reason for the rushed wedding:

“The wedding is going to be at the end of July or the beginning of August,” an insider tells Life & Style. “The reason they’re rushing it is because they want to do it before the basketball season starts again, so that they have time to have a romantic honeymoon!”

Basketball season.  I’m sure.

The Kardashians Do Katy Perry’s ‘E.T.’

Ten random thoughts about this whole deal:

10. Can Kim NOT do anything where she’s acting like a total hooker?

9. At the :20 mark, Kourtney Kardashian IS Michael Jackson.

8. Bruce Jenner is WAY too into this.

7. Is Kris Humphries in this video? The quality on my laptop sucks right now, but I want to be sure I laugh extra-hard if that is him with the white T and sunglasses.

6. I GET IT. You’re rich, you have a boat, the boat is centrally located on some water.

5. 2:00 mark: We were waiting for you, Khloe. … and your, um, blinking LED ring.

4. Those are THE ugliest gold shoes I’ve ever seen. And no, you do not get extra points for walking like you’re something else in them.

3. Again. Can Kim NOT do anything where she’s looking like a total hooker?

2. Who’s weird cabana-on-stilts/reject from Swiss Family Robinson thing is this?

1. Scott Disick doing anything except being a smarmy, smirky git. Fuck yes.

Well that was fun. What stuck out to you guys?

Quotables: Kourtney Kardashian Talks About the ‘Real’ Kim

photo of kim kardashian pictures photos

“He fits in [with the family] already. I think they’re just themselves, and I think that’s the most important thing. Kim is totally herself in front of him. Everything is easy, comfortable, no stress.”

Kourtney on how well Kris Humphries fits into the Kardashian family. I’m still trying to decide whether or not he should be insulted by something like that, but then I get all confused over who Kim is if she’s not herself in front of the rest of us? I mean, the concept of the REAL Kim Kardashian is a totally overwhelming paradox. But then I get stuck back on Kris fitting in with the Kardashians. And I know that if he were a regular, non-magical creature, he probably have a hard time of it. But trolls kick it with trolls, so I suppose I’m not at all surprised. Moving on!

Let’s Take Another Look at the Rock Kim Kardashian’s Dragging Around With Her

photo of kim kardashian and kris humphries engagement ring 20.5 carats pictures photos

And I don’t mean her fiancé, Kris Humphries (man, of COURSE he spells his name with a K).

The ring? Let’s talk about this some more, and how inappropriate it is. How seriously ugly, fake-looking and over-the-top it is. I’m a fan of classy, and I’m sorry, but unless you’re Madam Maxime, there’s no pulling this off whatsoever.

The happy pair of lovebirds were photographed publicly for the first time together since announcing their engagement, and of course Kim took every opportunity to flash the gigantic emerald-shaped diamond that, you know, would STILL be fucking obvious even if she tried to hide it in her ass. That, my friends? Is how you know that this sucker is just positively HUGE.

Kim Kardashian is GETTING MARRIED!

photo of kim kardashian and kris humphries pictures magazine cover engagement pics

OMG can you imagine how NUTS this chick is probably going right now? She’s been aiming for this for years now, and an engagement has finally come to fruition – her Harry Potter character boyfriend of six months, Kris Humphries, has popped the question. Moreover, in related craziness, how do you pop the question to a girl who’s waited her entire life for the moment? How do you out-do anything that she’s dreamed of in the past? Like this:

On May 18, at her Beverly Hills home, her boyfriend of just six months, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, was waiting in her bedroom on bended knee with four words written in red rose petals: “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

According to an interview with People magazine, Kim was shocked:

“I didn’t expect this at all. I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now.”

The ring is a 20.5 carat (a little excessive if you ask me, holy cripes) custom design by famed diamond queen, Lorraine Schwartz. The two haven’t confirmed that a date is set, but if you ‘know’ Kim Kardashian like we all do, the date will be wicked sooner rather than later. I also know that a lot of you think Kim is this trashy, vapid little ho, but in all honesty, I do kind of like her and I’m actually happy for her. I hope it works out. She’s going to be a gorgeous bride, and this. is finally. her moment.