Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kris Humphries

Kris Humphries’ Lawyer Dumped Him

kardashian humphries

Kris Humphries and Lindsay Lohan have something in common: both got dumped by their lawyers. Marshall Waller, lawyer of said alpaca, played the irreconcilable differences card and split. Oh man, ouch. And on Valentine’s Day, too! Just for fun, since this is what I consider fun, I Googled Marshall Waller to see who else he’s represented and found reviews of him, like a Yelp for lawyers. Most of them favorable! And in case you were wondering, he charges $295 – $525 per hour. Super!

Hopefully Humphries can find a new lawyer soon so this poor horrible nightmare for Kim “My Face Looks Super Different But I Haven’t Done Anything To It” Kardashian and Kanye “This Is Why People Hate Me” West can end. Ms. Kardashian said that she really, really wants to be legally divorced before her baby is born, to which everyone says, “Lol, no, that’s not how the law works, sorry.”

Which side are you rooting for? I’m guessing most of you are going to comment with, “neither.”

 

Via Eonline.

Kris Jenner Won’t Let Kim Kardashian Get That Annulment

A photo of Kim Kardashian

Well, goodness gracious! All this time that Kris Humphries has been pushing for an annulment, Kim Kardashian has been perfectly willing to agree to his terms – the marriage was a fraud, y’all – but she hasn’t yet. And you know why? It’s because Kris Jenner is the worst mom ever, that’s why.

From Radar:

Kim Kardashian is willing to give her estranged husband, NBA star Kris Humphries, an annulment on the grounds that the marriage is fraudulent, but her momager, Kris Jenner, has shot it down because she fears that it will damage the Kardashian brand, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

“Kim has made it known that she is ready to give Kris an annulmentbecause she just wants to move on with her life. If she doesn’t give an annulment, Kim will be forced to testify at a trial after her baby is born this summer, which is the last thing she will want to do,” a source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“Kim’s baby daddy, Kanye West, doesn’t understand why she hasn’t already just given Kris the annulment. Kim’s momager, Kris Jenner is adamantly protesting to her daughter’s idea because of the possible ramifications it could have for the Kardashian empire. Kris is concerned about the negative press and criticism Kim will get if she goes through with it. Kris’ main concern is how E! would react to Kim’s decision since the network aired their wedding special,” the insider added.

I still don’t understand this seemingly constant fear of “damaging the brand.” It’s not like this is the thing that’s going to make or break the Kardashians. No, the Kardashians have move passed that point, and now they will live on regardless. Like cockroaches.

But still, would an annulment really do more damage than that tiny little Kimye baby at the divorce trial?

Of Course Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Are Fighting Over The Ring

A photo of Kim Kardashian

From Radar:

Kris Humphries wants the gigantic engagement ring back that he gave to Kim Kardashian, but the reality star is steadfastly refusing to return it to her husband of just 72 days, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

As we previously reported, the basketball player scored a huge discount on the massive bauble, which was valued at a retail price of $2 million, but he still splashed out a cool $750,000 of his hard earned cash for the stunning 20.5 carat diamond Lorraine Schwartz ring, and believes Kardashian should do the right thing and give it back.

“Kris is adamant that he wants the ring back,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com. “And it’s becoming a real sticking point between his and Kim’s attorneys. She has made it plain that she has no intention of returning it though and feels she is within her legal right to refuse as she went through with the wedding. However, Kris contends that the marriage was a total sham and that Kim only wed him for publicity so therefore she has no right to keep such an expensive gift.

“Kris doesn’t understand why Kim would even want to keep the ring anyway. It obviously has no sentimental value as she has publicly declared their wedding as ‘a huge mistake’ and she certainly doesn’t need the money, so why doesn’t she just return it to him?”

Oh my god, this isn’t even fun anymore. These two have been trying to get divorced for longer than they’ve been together: their entire relationship, the meeting, the dating, the engagement, and the marriage all took place within one year, and they’ve been separated since last Halloween. It’s ridiculous. It’s not even good gossip, it’s just frustrating. It’s not like Kim or Kris are really going to suffer without the money or the sentiment of this stupid gaudy ring. Who the f-ck cares. I just want to see Kanye testify in court, that is literally the only thing I care about in regards to this dumb divorce.

It’s All Happening to Kim, Kanye, and Kris All at Once

photo of kris humphries kanye west and kim kardashian
Hey, did you guys hear? Kris Humphries got kicked out of a basketball game last night in Boston. Here’s a clip of Kris and Rajon Rondo shoving one another, because OOH BADASS shoving:

Bunch of f-cking morons. Yes, let’s push one another into the crowd so that innocent bystanders get injured, because that’s thoughtful. Losers.

Anyway, this is what Kim Kardashian is contending with as her divorce continues to chug right along (making almost no progress whatever)—and the fact that Kanye West is being dragged into proceedings again. What’s happening now (aside from more nothing) is that Kris is still insisting that Kim orchestrated the entire relationship and subsequent marriage for television ratings, and Kris’s team subpoenaed Kanye West in order to testify under oath (of course) that he, as a close, personal friend of Kim’s, never knew anything about her plan.

Personally, DUH, of course Kim married this dickhead for ratings, because it’s not like he’s got this shining personality full of selflessness and integrity (as demonstrated on the basketball court), and honestly, I don’t even know why that’s even being contested. It’s no wonder Kris gets squdouche in the pre-nup, because she knew that she was going to divorce his ass anyway. But naturally, Kim’s team claim that Kris is dragging the whole thing out and ordered Kris and his team to stop all the stalling.

The trial is set for February 15th, a day after the most romantic day in the whole entire world*, and won’t that be just a joy to behold.

*Don’t. You know better.

Kris Humphries Is Getting Sued for Having Herpes

A photo of Kris Humphries

Or, more specifically, Kris Humphries is getting sued for having herpes and then having sex with someone else and thus transferring some of his herpes to a new home. You can’t get sued for just having herpes. I think.

From TMZ:

Kayla Goldberg claims she met Kris in August, 2010 at the Newsroom Cafe on Robertson Blvd in L.A. — long before Kris met Kim Kardashian. The two flirted, exchanged numbers, and Kayla claims that night they met up at Trousdale nightclub on the Sunset Strip.

According to the suit, Kris came on to Kayla, touching, kissing and dancing with her. Kayla claims he took her to his hotel and they had sex multiple times … including oral sex. The suit claims during a portion of the sexual encounter Kris did not wear a condom.

The lawsuit claims Kris did not inform Kayla he had herpes — and she claims in the suit that he did indeed have the disease.

Kayla says a week later she was diagnosed with herpes. Her symptoms included a sore throat, fever, body aches and immobilizing pain, as well as extreme vaginal irritation and painful lesions on her genitalia.

She’s suing for sexual battery claiming Kris knew he had herpes when they hooked up and didn’t tell her.

Kayla — who put her full name in the lawsuit — is suing for unspecified damages.

Well, ok, bullshit. I mean, it’s obviously wrong to have unprotected sex with someone without telling them you have an STD. That’s a pretty shitty move. But if you’re going to have sex with someone, especially someone that you’re not in a committed relationship with, you should probably wear a condom, you know? Because right or wrong, you can’t trust some dude who’s trying to hook up with you to tell you upfront if he has any friends down below. You’ve got to look out for yourself.

And I’m saying this as someone who doesn’t have herpes (swearsies!), but I didn’t think herpes was that big of a deal. I’m sure it’s not super fun, but there are definitely worse STDs to get. And that’s why you wear a raincoat, kids. I know, I know, if you wear a raincoat, you can’t feel the rain, but you have to remember that sometimes the rain has gonorrhea.

Oh, but Kris Humphries wants you to know that he doesn’t even have herpes. So carry on, friends.

Kim Kardashian Isn’t Even Getting Divorced Until Next Year

A photo of Kim Kardashian

From People:

Kim Kardashian’s marriage to Kris Humphries is so mired in court that a settlement is looking out of reach and a trial doesn’t appear likely until next year.

“To say I am frustrated is an understatement,” the reality star’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, complained to a judge Tuesday at a Los Angeles Superior Court hearing, according to E Online.

Humphries, 27, a pro basketball player, is seeking to annul the August 2011 televised wedding on the grounds the marriage was a fraud. Kardashian, 31, wants a straightforward divorce.

Now 10 months after the breakup, litigation shouldn’t last this long, Kardashian’s camp argues, due to a prenup and the fact that the two have no kids. Her side blames the delays on what it calls Humphries’s foot-dragging and odd tactics.

The latest weirdness, Wasser says, was leaving a deposition request for Kardashian boyfriend Kanye West in a Nordstrom’s box at Kardashian’s front door, when a simple delivery to the attorney’s office would have sufficed.

Humphries lawyer counters that Kardashian’s side hasn’t been helpful in providing business records needed to prepare for dozens of depositions, including stepdad Bruce Jenner.

Man, I bet Kanye is pissed. How is he supposed to marry this perfect bitch if he can’t even propose until next year? Shit is bananas.

But really, what’s Kris Humphries being an ol’ sneaky sneakster for? Why is he dragging it out this long? Kim has agreed to give him millions of dollars to just settle the damn thing already, but he keeps refusing because he wants an annulment. And I can understand why he wants to clean up this big mess of a bad decision as much as possible, and I’m on his side here, but isn’t it just time to count your losses and be done with it?

Fatmire and Kris Humphries Never Even Had Sex, God

A photo of Fatmire Sinanaj

Look, I know that some of you can’t appreciate Fatmire here as much as I can. And I respect that, I really do. I admire your ability to just say no to all the new train wreck fame whores on the block, but that just not an ability that I have. I can’t look away from this, and as much as I wish I could, I just can’t quit Fatmire. I can’t. I’m sorry.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you all about how Fatmire is now claiming that she never even had sex with Kris Humphries. This news, of course, comes just a week after she called TMZ to let them know that she was pregnant with Kris’ baby and posed for some paparazzi shots. That Fatmire, she’s like the wind:

When Myla was asked point blank if she has had sex with Kris she denied that they had. “No, I don’t do that type of thing,” she said.

“We’re friends. We’re really close friends.”

She also said that Kris needs to get a divorce before he starts dating, but that he’s “a great guy with a great heart.” During the interview they also talked about Kim (who has never had the honor to meet Fatmire, by the way) and the divorce proceedings (Fatmire has been subpoenaed by Kim’s lawyers), and she had this little gem to say:

“I’m hoping Kim realizes that she doesn’t have to fly all the way to New York for me, we’re just friends,” she said about her non-sexual relationship with Kris.

I’m not sure what that even means, but it just proves how delusional Fatmire is. I read through some of her tweets last night, and it sounds like this girl has lost touch with reality. Here are a few samples of tweets from the past few days:

So I say I’m not prego & ppl say why did u say u were?Wtf you want me to pee in a cup & post te results? LMAO I never said I was Press did

I swear you can’t win with ppl you tell the truth but they don’t like the answer. Yea I know truth isn’t as entertaining! Geez

Watch 2mrw they will report I have a life threatening illness with only 2 weeks to live lol I feel like I’m on Maury Everyday ?#markmyword?

I’m a curvy girl! Just depends on angle of pic Media job is to get bad ones of me! Its what sells

Girl. You are Fatmire. You are not Angelina Jolie. You are not Lindsay Lohan. You’re not even Courtney Stodden. You are a woman who talked to Kim Kardashian’s soon-to-be ex on a beach one time, and you ran with it. And good for you, that’s some good hustle, but I don’t think all these members of the press are sitting around, trying to come up with the next great Fatmire story. If you’d stop alerting TMZ of your every move, it wouldn’t be too long before you slipped back out of the public eye.

Oh, and just because I can’t let the whole “bad angle” thing go, here’s one of the photos of Fatmire that, along with her tip to TMZ, started the pregnancy rumors:

A photo of Fatmire Sinanaj

Yeah, that’s not a bad angle, that’s an ill-fitting dress and a pushed out gut. Oh, that Fatmire, she never disappoints!