Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kourtney Kardashian

Quotables

photo of scott disick pictures

“You know, I just realized there’s bigger things in the world than just being a selfish, self-centered, prick. There’s times that it’s difficult but, you know, the good outweighs the bad. It’s nice having a healthier lifestyle than I used to have. … I mean, I get along better, I think in general, with everybody in the world. Not only my family, but just even the surrounding people.”

Scott Disick, Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy, with a whole new attitude to go along with that smarmy-looking face. Disick, if you’ll remember, was a raging, insulting alcoholic that finally decided he needed to clean his act up. Still, it’s a shame that boyfriend still wears that same egg-suck dog look on his head, because although it’s awesome that he’s embraced sobriety or whatever and a better lifestyle, his face still screams ‘Pretentious douche!’ much like Paris Hilton’s vadge would STILL scream ‘Scabies!’ even if she became a nun or something.

Klook! Kardashian Ksilly Kbandz!

I will just laugh myself into the grave over that headline. Giggling myself six feet deep is what I’m doing over here.

After the whole Kardashian Kard fiasco (not that kard, the other one), you’d think Kourt, Khloe and Kim would show some discretion when putting their name on a product, but no. Now the girls have introduced a collection of Silly Bandz, those rubber bracelets you probably saw your kids and cousins swapping under the table like, last Easter. That’s when these things were popular. To come out with a collection of Silly Bandz in 2011 is like coming out with a collection of Timbaland-style high heel boots in 2009– just completely fucking tragically late and unstylish.

Thankfully, I have no problem being ugly and irrelevant, so I will be picking up a pack of these bad girls ASAP. A rubber Khloe Kardashian on my wrist? Is it my birthday again?!

And while we’re on the topic, what other reality shows should they turn into Silly Bandz collections? I’d like a Real World San Francisco pack and even though I don’t watch the show, I’m sure a The Biggest Loser collection would be amazing. Just little sandwich and tear-shaped pieces of rubber?

Kardashian Christmas Cards Through the Years: A Veritable Treasure Trove of Belly Laughs

photo of kardashian christmas cards pictures photographs old

Molls brought you guys the Kardashian klan’s latest Christmas photo (and no, the ‘K’ alliteration will never get old guys, sorry) the other day and with some diligent scouting, I’ve recovered the epic Kardashian cards of Christmas past.

Check out the pics below and vote for your favorite in the comments – it’s sure to be fun for the whole family.

The Kardashians Talk About Their Vaginas on Conan

It’s funny how the Kardashians are so similar to the Three Little Pigs. Kim is, like, the one who built her house of bricks and stuff because she’s probably the best in interviews, almost like a veritable fortress of ‘good’ manners and poise, where Kourtney kind of waffles between being stable and flimsy and you just know she’s all about the sticks, and then you have Khloe, who is like the loud-mouthed, lazy little porker with no provisions, who just goads the Big Bad Wolf into wrecking shit to oblivion.

And when these gals start talking mayonnaise with Conan, it makes me think of bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches (which are gross, but I know people who eat them anyway), and then I get to thinking about the Three Little Pigs again. Amazing how the craziest things can be linked, guys, you know?

The Real Deal on The Kardashian Kard

Kardashian Kard by MasterCard

The Kardashian sisters recently teamed up with MasterCard to release a new pre-paid “credit card” designed to help girls with their spending. Instead of learning the hard lesson of minding your credit score with a real credit card, you can enjoy the benefits of a cash-free world while only spending exactly what you have… Except now we’re learning that there’s some major flaws in the system in the form of huge fees.

From CNN:

While regular bank debit cards are typically free and don’t charge any fees, a 12-month Kardashian Kard costs $99.95 just to own, including a card purchase fee of $9.95 and 12 monthly fees of $7.95. After the first year, consumers must continue to pay the $7.95 monthly fee.

On top of these initial fees, it costs Kardashian Kard users $1 every time they add money to their card, and it costs $1.50 to speak with a live operator. If they want to pay their bills automatically using the card, they’ll be charged $2 per transaction.

In exchange, consumers can make payments online, over the phone or in stores without racking up credit card debt or overspending their checking accounts. That had made them increasingly popular among consumers who don’t qualify for credit cards, are fed up with skyrocketing interest rates or are young and just entering the world of plastic.

Uh, I can’t really see the practicality of a card like this unless you’re a rich person giving it to your 14-year old who probably doesn’t need to learn proper spending skills in the first place. Between the fees and the fact that no credit is being earned, it seems like the only perk you get is padding the Kardashian’s bank accounts.

The Kardashian Sisters Are Getting Sued For The Funniest Reason

A photo of Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian

I don’t watch that Kardashian show because I really prefer that my trashy reality television showcases alcoholic young adults with ridiculous nicknames or teenage mothers, so I tend not to tell you guys things about them unless it involves The Biebz or blow up dolls or something equally as great.  And I think this might be a little more great.

An inmate in Pennsylvania has filed a lawsuit against Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, saying that their shows have caused him “extreme emotional distress.”  Here’s the full story from TMZ:

According to a lawsuit filed in federal court, D.J. Goodson claims he was forced to watch “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.” Punishment for bad behavior, perhaps?

Goodson says he developed “extreme emotional distress due to their outrageousness of actions.”

Goodson claims he’s permanently scarred from watching domestic abuse (a boxing match on the show featuring Kim), emotional abuse (rantings courtesy of Kourtney and “paramour Scott”) and racism (Khloe referring to a baby doll as “the black baby”).

Goodson wants $75,000 in damages.

I wish I had the time and money to file lawsuits against celebrities for the emotional distress they’ve caused me.  I’d go after JC Chasez for selling himself so short with his solo career that it damaged my fragile teenage psyche, and I’d probably see what I could do about the emotional assault I faced with the premature cancellation of Firefly.

Following the good example of D.J. Goodson, who would you guys sue?

Scott Disick Needs to Calm It Down

A photo of Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian

Are you guys into those Kardashian people?  I’m not, but even I can tell that this Scott Disick character is a total douche canoe (try saying that out loud, it’s pretty fun), and I bet his neighbors feel the same exact way.

Here’s how this scene went down:  Kourtney Kardashian and Scott were hanging out by their garage, and a female neighbor said something about Scott’s parking job.  Being a completely grounded individual, Scott responded by saying the following things:

“We do own the place, and we’re leaving because you’re disgusting! Look at you!”

“You ruin my view! You know I have to sell my house cheaper because of you!”

“You’re disgusting, I would kill myself if I looked like you! Look at you, you whale!”

When the woman responded to that last remark with “Look at you,” he replied

“What about me? I’m perfect! You’re so disgusting, it makes me sick!”

You can watch the video of the incident here.  Note how quickly Scott goes completely crazy.  Also note how Kourtney just watches the whole thing with a smile of embarrassment, or maybe fear, or maybe maliciousness.  I don’t know, I don’t keep up with the Kardashians.

A few police officers showed up after the video ends, but there were no arrests or citations or even warnings, which is a shame.  How’s a douche canoe gonna learn?