Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kourtney Kardashian

The Kardashians Talk About Their Vaginas on Conan

It’s funny how the Kardashians are so similar to the Three Little Pigs. Kim is, like, the one who built her house of bricks and stuff because she’s probably the best in interviews, almost like a veritable fortress of ‘good’ manners and poise, where Kourtney kind of waffles between being stable and flimsy and you just know she’s all about the sticks, and then you have Khloe, who is like the loud-mouthed, lazy little porker with no provisions, who just goads the Big Bad Wolf into wrecking shit to oblivion.

And when these gals start talking mayonnaise with Conan, it makes me think of bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches (which are gross, but I know people who eat them anyway), and then I get to thinking about the Three Little Pigs again. Amazing how the craziest things can be linked, guys, you know?

The Real Deal on The Kardashian Kard

Kardashian Kard by MasterCard

The Kardashian sisters recently teamed up with MasterCard to release a new pre-paid “credit card” designed to help girls with their spending. Instead of learning the hard lesson of minding your credit score with a real credit card, you can enjoy the benefits of a cash-free world while only spending exactly what you have… Except now we’re learning that there’s some major flaws in the system in the form of huge fees.

From CNN:

While regular bank debit cards are typically free and don’t charge any fees, a 12-month Kardashian Kard costs $99.95 just to own, including a card purchase fee of $9.95 and 12 monthly fees of $7.95. After the first year, consumers must continue to pay the $7.95 monthly fee.

On top of these initial fees, it costs Kardashian Kard users $1 every time they add money to their card, and it costs $1.50 to speak with a live operator. If they want to pay their bills automatically using the card, they’ll be charged $2 per transaction.

In exchange, consumers can make payments online, over the phone or in stores without racking up credit card debt or overspending their checking accounts. That had made them increasingly popular among consumers who don’t qualify for credit cards, are fed up with skyrocketing interest rates or are young and just entering the world of plastic.

Uh, I can’t really see the practicality of a card like this unless you’re a rich person giving it to your 14-year old who probably doesn’t need to learn proper spending skills in the first place. Between the fees and the fact that no credit is being earned, it seems like the only perk you get is padding the Kardashian’s bank accounts.

The Kardashian Sisters Are Getting Sued For The Funniest Reason

A photo of Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian

I don’t watch that Kardashian show because I really prefer that my trashy reality television showcases alcoholic young adults with ridiculous nicknames or teenage mothers, so I tend not to tell you guys things about them unless it involves The Biebz or blow up dolls or something equally as great.  And I think this might be a little more great.

An inmate in Pennsylvania has filed a lawsuit against Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, saying that their shows have caused him “extreme emotional distress.”  Here’s the full story from TMZ:

According to a lawsuit filed in federal court, D.J. Goodson claims he was forced to watch “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.” Punishment for bad behavior, perhaps?

Goodson says he developed “extreme emotional distress due to their outrageousness of actions.”

Goodson claims he’s permanently scarred from watching domestic abuse (a boxing match on the show featuring Kim), emotional abuse (rantings courtesy of Kourtney and “paramour Scott”) and racism (Khloe referring to a baby doll as “the black baby”).

Goodson wants $75,000 in damages.

I wish I had the time and money to file lawsuits against celebrities for the emotional distress they’ve caused me.  I’d go after JC Chasez for selling himself so short with his solo career that it damaged my fragile teenage psyche, and I’d probably see what I could do about the emotional assault I faced with the premature cancellation of Firefly.

Following the good example of D.J. Goodson, who would you guys sue?

Scott Disick Needs to Calm It Down

A photo of Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian

Are you guys into those Kardashian people?  I’m not, but even I can tell that this Scott Disick character is a total douche canoe (try saying that out loud, it’s pretty fun), and I bet his neighbors feel the same exact way.

Here’s how this scene went down:  Kourtney Kardashian and Scott were hanging out by their garage, and a female neighbor said something about Scott’s parking job.  Being a completely grounded individual, Scott responded by saying the following things:

“We do own the place, and we’re leaving because you’re disgusting! Look at you!”

“You ruin my view! You know I have to sell my house cheaper because of you!”

“You’re disgusting, I would kill myself if I looked like you! Look at you, you whale!”

When the woman responded to that last remark with “Look at you,” he replied

“What about me? I’m perfect! You’re so disgusting, it makes me sick!”

You can watch the video of the incident here.  Note how quickly Scott goes completely crazy.  Also note how Kourtney just watches the whole thing with a smile of embarrassment, or maybe fear, or maybe maliciousness.  I don’t know, I don’t keep up with the Kardashians.

A few police officers showed up after the video ends, but there were no arrests or citations or even warnings, which is a shame.  How’s a douche canoe gonna learn?

Shut the Hell Up, Scott Disick

Scott Disick is the Worst

Kourtney Kardashian’s babby daddy Scott Disick is a douchebag. I really hate him. After watching him on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and seeing that he’s just a bottom-feeding nobody who happened to impregnate one of those amazing Kardashian sisters and “strike rich” so to speak,  I can’t stand him. I think that he’s as bad as Spencer Pratt for playing into his role as the villain and for treating Kourtney in a humiliating and degrading way in order to maintain that character. If Scott had half a brain, he could probably figure out a way to paint himself as the bad guy without also painting himself as a chauvinistic alcoholic. Why couldn’t have Scott gotten in trouble for embezzling QuickTrim money instead of getting wasted and trashing a hotel room when Kourtney was in her third trimester of pregnancy? That’s all I wanna know.

So that rant came off the heels of me reading something Scott said to digitalspy while trying to defend his honor:

“I don’t mind being portrayed as the villain on TV, but nobody knows the real me. I’m a great guy. All the haters are just jealous, so they’re trying to bring me down. I’m young, handsome, successful, wealthy. You could say I’m a role model – I’m the American dream!”

Ugh. Yeah. We’ve got another Spencer Pratt on our hands and the only way to destroy him will be to ignore him. This is the last time I will talk about Scott Disick on the Internet if I can help it. It will be hard because I truly, truly love those Kardashian girls, but it has to be done. Scott Disick must be stopped.

Kourtney Kardashian Finally Gave That Loser The Boot

New mom Kourtney Kardashian had finally had it with her dumb-ass baby daddy, Scott Disick. Things have been going south with these two for quite some time, but now with their new baby, Scott’s problem’s were getting harder and harder to deal with. InTouch reports that most of Kourtney’s issue with him was that he was unhelpful with the baby and quick to argue with her. One of Scott’s friends told the magazine that he had regularly been harassing Kourtney for not losing her baby weight, and has even told people that he’s no longer attracted to her because of her post-baby figure.

Good riddance! I don’t care what argument you have for a two parent home. Kourtney Kardashian has more than enough money to raise a kid and that Scott character sounds like bad news.