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Kourtney Kardashian

Kourtney Kardashian Had Her Baby!

A photo of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick

From People:

A new reality star is born!

Kourtney Kardasian and fiancé Scott Disick have welcomed their second child, a daughter named Penelope Scotland Disick, born early Sunday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, reports E! News.

“Scott and I are overjoyed to welcome our precious angel Penelope Scotland Disick into our lives. We are forever blessed. Mommy and baby are resting comfortably,” the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star – who, with Disick, is already mom to 2-year-old son Mason – told E! News.

Their new arrival weighed 7 lbs., 14 oz. and was delivered via all-natural birth, according to the report.

“It was a great. She had an easy delivery,” matriarch Kris Jenner told E! “[Penelope] is so cute. She looks just like Mason. She’s so beautiful. We are so happy.”

Describing her pregnancy with Penelope, Kardashian, 33, told PEOPLE in April: “I feel really good … [though] this time I had a little more morning sickness. I think it’s a little bit harder being pregnant when you have a toddler I’m chasing after. Last time I could nap more.”

Am I in the minority by thinking that Penelope Scotland is a pretty adorable name? I usually think that naming a baby after a geographical location is sort of weird, but names like Brooklyn and Paris* have become somewhat popular, and I get that those sort of names usually have some sort of significance for the parents. But Penelope? I think that’s a lovely name.

Now we just have to see a picture of little Penelope Scotland and a video of Kourtney ripping her from vagina and we’ll be set!

*I went to elementary school with a girl named Paris Love. I was about 8, and I was like “man, if I knew what porn was, I’d think that she had an awesome porn star name.”

Look, More Quotes from Oprah’s Interview with The Kardashians!

A photo of Oprah Winfrey and the Kardashians

I can’t tell you why I’m so excited for the legendary Oprah Winfrey to interview all of the Kardashians, but I really, really am. Maybe it’s because I want to hear Kim talk about the divorce. Maybe it’s because I’m excited to see the whole family together. Or maybe it’s because I like to pretend that Khloe is my best friend, and besties totally support besties. I don’t know.

Regardless of the reason, my excitement remains the same. Or it did, until I read new quotes from the interview. After that my excitement shot way up, as if that was even possible.

It’s no secret that Kris Jenner is very hands on when it comes to her kids’ careers.

But does the momager overdo it as a manager and forsake her role as a mom when doing business with the Kardashian kids? In an OWN special airing Sunday, Oprah Winfrey sat down with Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloé Kardashian Odom and Rob Kardashian and asked what they thought about claims their mom was “pimping her children.”

“I think that’s so ridiculous,” Kim said. “First of all, we have to hire a manager. So regardless, someone is going to get that [job].

“No one will fight harder for you than your own mother,” she added. “She knows us. She knows all of our moods…We just get each other. We vibe. It works.”

The OWN mogul then moved on to another touchy topic: Would the Kardashians would be running an empire and enjoying the success they have today if they weren’t “good-looking kids?”

“Well,” Rob started, pointing to his three older sisters. “They’re not, like, skinny women.” (Khloé, of course, put her little bro in check, asking, “Who are you?” and sarcastically telling him, “You’re so sweet.”)

“I mean in today’s society, yeah, to be honest, probably not,” Lamar Odom’s lovely wife answered. “You have to have this bombshell over here [Kim] and this petite little bundle of joy [Kourtney] and this hunk next to me [Rob].” (For the record, Khloé, you majorly factor into that gorgeousness equation!)

“But we are all different,” Kourtney added. “We have different body types.”

“But I don’t think [our success] would’ve happened if we were all like skinny, pretty models,” Kim reasoned. “I think it has to do with us, the curves, the dark hair!”

She also thinks that the sisters “helped broaden” the representation of Middle-Eastern women in mainstream media, giving them a niche role as they rose to fame.

So. Excited.

Music and Video to Slit Your Wrists To on This Fine Sunday

Ahem. By the numbers, now, shall we?

:32 (this is going to be a long one, guys). Already I want to kill myself. How am I going to make it through the remaining four-plus minutes? Pack it in and hold on folks.

:41. Good thing Kendall and Kylie Jenner have their MOM to teach them how to dance like little whores on a boat. These two have a long road of fun cut out for them, let me tell you.

:55. Who are the wannabe-Kardashians? And why would anyone WANT to be a Kardashian?

1:11. KIM. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.

1:18. Scott Disick is officially an embarrassment to all white men ’round the world.

1:22. KIM. WE KNOW IT’S YOU. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.

1:27. Weird Kardashian brother. Stop pretending that you don’t want to hump Kim’s ass, weird Kardashian brother.

1:33. MY EYES! I’M F-CKING BLIND! BLIND! BLIND!!!!!!!!

2:12. … Still recovering. And only Kim Kardashian would spray tan in the Dominican Republic.

2:27. Told you it was Kim’s ass.

2:40. “Have sex on rugs that’s Persian.” Let me guess: YOU’RE PERSIAN, KIM, AREN’T YOU.

3:15. One of those Jenner girls probably has skin cancer today.

3:16. … And Bruce Jenner was definitely about to slap her ass.

3:22. Wait. Where’s Khloe and Lamar?

3:56. Why can’t this ship just sink?

4:13. Wait. Kourtney’s water just broke? LIARS.

4:17. Kris Jenner is really classy spouting “motherf-cker” all over the place.

And that, guys? Is how you get shit done on a Sunday morning. Dear God.