Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kourtney Kardashian

Photos Released of Kourtney Kardashian’s Kute Kid … and Some Other Guy, Too

kourtney-kardashian-baby-photosA mere two weeks after Mason Dash Disick is born, Kourtney is releasing the photos to Life & Style magazine.

Mom looks great, natch, and the baby is absolutely adorable — looks like he inherited the sweet olive-skinned goodness that his mother and aunts all have.

But I have to ask … Who the fuck is this Scott Disick dude? The only thing I can find about him online is that he’s a (snort, snort, chuff) television personality who also happens to be Kourtney’s baby daddy. Dude’s not even important enough to have a Wiki, for shit’s sake.

When I do see this guy, all I can think about is Fonzie.  Yes, Happy Days-era Fonzie.  The Fonzie that’s all thumbs and teeth and ‘Eyyyy’. And that makes me laugh.  Yet, I’m saddened by my own laughing because this guy’s last name is ‘Disick’, which can be transposed into ‘Dickis’, ‘Dickii’ and ‘Sick Dick’ which is also sad for him. But then I have to laugh again because of that whole Fonzie thing.

Weird.

Kourtney Kardashian Named Her Baby After Her Store

Kourtney Kardashian

Wow! What a crazy, magical nine months it’s been! I can hardly believe that I’m reporting the news to you that Kourtney Kardashian has finally given birth to her little Prince of Calabasas, Mason Dash Disick. Yeah, Dash. You know, as in the name of her clothing boutique or the second syllable of her last name.

I don’t want to call her dumb. I am trying hard not to call her dumb. I feel like I’ve heard her say intelligent things before. Molls, even if it kills you, do not call the new mother dumb. You’ll feel bad about it for the rest of the day.

Here’s what I don’t understand: What is the deal with her and this Scott dude? They were dating for awhile, they broke up, they kept hooking up after they were broken up, she got pregnant and now they can make it work? I say if you’re going to have a baby with a man you don’t want to marry and you’re wealthy, then just go balls-out and do it yourself. I seriously doubt this clown is going to be around past the child’s second birthday, so why live under what seems like a pressured situation to have a “normal” family? He looks like a sponge and if he’s already been dumped once, way before there was another human life involved, then it’s going to happen again.

Kourtney Kardashian’s Kid Kould be Koming Soon

Kourtney Kardashian, Scott Disick

A super pregnant Kourtney was spotted at lunch with her fiance Scott Disick on Friday afternoon in L.A.

I thought Kourtney Kardashian got pregnant, like, a week ago. How is she already this big? TV timelines have got me all messed up. Kourtney is actually due sometime in late December.

In most of the pics, she looks pretty annoyed and uncomfortable. And that makes me happy. As a woman whose sister had the first grandkid in the family, I get some kind of vindictive satisfaction out of pregnant women looking miserable. Yeah, I have issues.

Celebrity Burglar Is In It For The Clothes

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Rachel J. Lee, a 19 year old from Calabasas, CA, along with several of her girlfriends, has been arrested for breaking in to and then looting the closets of several celebrity homes in the past year. Lindsay Lohan, Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton , Orlando Bloom and Kourtney Kardashian have all had similar break-ins occur at their houses– there were no electronics stolen (which is usually the first thing a burglar would grab), mainly clothing, jewelry and handbags. Not exactly the most lucrative loot jobs, basically.

This isn’t the first time Lee’s been motivated to break the law for vanity sake either. A couple years ago she was caught shoplifting from Sephora. OK, so that’s a little different than finding someone’s home via star maps and the internet and then checking their appearance schedule to best guess what time they’d be out of the house and then breaking in and stealing all their clothes, but there’s a theme here. Also, it probably doesn’t do Rachel a whole lot of good that she’s high school pals with the man formally charged with the Lohan and Patridge burglaries.

It kinda makes me sad to think about these girls so desperate to dress like a celebrity that they actually steal their clothing. The materialism disgusts me. What’s wrong with some $24 shoes from T.J. Maxx and a Hanes v-neck and the jeans with the tiny hole ripped in the ass because you’ve had them for so long? These girls are 18 and 19 years old, they should be running around topless, celebrating their young bodies and free minds. But no! They’re taking the easy way out and breaking in to multi-million dollar homes owned by celebrities they admire and stealing their t-shirts and headbands. Teenagers are so bad these days, you guys. I can’t handle it. They should be at the beach.

More Details On What’s Going To Come Out Of Kourtney Kardashian’s Vagina!

Kourtney Kardashian is Expecting a Boy!

Kourtney Kardashian’s rep told People Magazine yesterday that the reality TV star and sister of Kim “Very Serious Business Woman” Kardashian is expecting a baby boy. Oh great! Hopefully I can start sleeping again starting tonight!

Kourtney, who recently watched her, ahem, “other sister” Khloe walk down the aisle in her wedding to LA Laker Lamar Odem, is due around Christmas and she and baby daddy Scott Disick couldn’t be more excited about the news of the sex. A source close to Kourtney told People “Kourt and Scott are psyched about having a baby, but having a boy is really exciting for them. She can’t wait to buy all sort of boy’s clothing. And [her brother] Robert is also eager to have a little nephew.” Ya hear that? She’s psyched. And she can’t wait to go shopping. Because that’s what having a baby is all about. Shopping.

Kourtney Kardashian Has Serious Maturity Issues

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The other day I reported about how Kourtney Kardashian got pregnant by forgetting to take her birth control pill.  And I voiced concern, because if you can’t remember to take one pill a day to avoid creating a human, you probably are going to have a bit of trouble actually raising a human.

Well today’s revelation — we should just expect these daily media announcements from now until the kid graduates college — was about how she told her sister and mom that she was expecting.  Reminder:  Kourtney Kardashian is 30-years-old.

“It was so hard for me to tell Kim and my mom,” Kourtney tells PEOPLE. “Khloe and I called Kim on speakerphone, and I made Khloe tell her. I think Kim thought we were lying! Kim was excited, but I feel like her first reaction was like, ‘Why? What are you doing?’ It was really just shock. Especially since we are so extremely close, anything that happens in our family is earth-shattering to us. But she was excited. She just wanted to make sure that I had thought this through.”

Kourtney waited until she returned home to Los Angeles to break the news to her mom, Kris. “I was scared,” Kourtney admits. 

 

So with Khloe at her side, Kourtney says she told Kris, “Okay, we have to tell you something. It’s serious.” Khloe then broke the news to Jenner, who’s initial reaction was a mix of shock and joy. “It took her a minute to digest it,” says Kourtney. “She didn’t even know Scott was around since we broken up, so was like ‘Scott, who?’ ” 

Since then, though, Kourtney says her mom and Disick get along, and any issues they had are a thing of the past. 

Kourtney has some serious growing up to do which will probably happen right about the time that a seven-pound terror passes through her pelvis and she can’t get her sister to handle the pain for her.

In other Kardashian news, Kim was seen dining with Reggie Bush at a Ruth Chris steakhouse Monday night.  So maybe those two are back “on” again.  Oh, I can only hope.

Kourtney Kardashian Fesses Up About Baby Daddy

I think most people who watch that Kardashian show already knew this, but this morning Kourtney confessed that her ex, and now current, boyfriend Scott Disick is the baby’s father.  I don’t know enough about the show to determine if this is good or not, but based on what I’ve read online, he sounds like a real ass.

I’ll tell you what concerns me most.  Kourtney also spoke on Ryan Seacrest’s morning show today and explained that she always forgets to take her pill — that’s how she ended up pregnant.  Kourtney, I am here to tell you that there are so many fucking things you need to remember when you have a kid.  There’s, like, diaper changes and feedings and carpools, medicine dosing and orthodontist appointments.  So.  Much.  

Kardashian is 30 and it just seems like she should have enough maturity to be able to remember one pill a day.  Taking a pill isn’t time consuming, it doesn’t require talent, and I think she can afford the $30 monthly co-pay.  Protecting yourself from getting pregnant before you’re ready is important!  She could have set an alarm reminder on her Blackberry — that’s how I remember to get my kid off the bus every day.  One little swallow could have prevented this!