Oh, the horrors of divorce. I’ve never had one, but since I do this for a living and also because my parents got divorced twice, I know a little about the pain it can cause. But this story? This is the most hurtful, malicious thing I’ve ever heard, and it goes to show that Kris Humphries is an absolute monster with no regards for the feelings of people that he claims to have loved.
From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:
Kim Kardashian’s big booty is a big, fat fake, sources say – and her estranged hubby Kris Humphries is threatening to expose the truth.
The reality TV sexpot insists her bubble butt is all natural and even displayed an x-ray of what she claimed was her backside on her show to use as proof. But some insiders claim the curvy 31-year-old beauty uses butt pads and say Kris filmed a video that proves his estranged wife’s prized posterior is phony!
Kris remarked to pals that, while he loves Kim’s shapely butt, it’s not the same as what you see on the red carpet or TV.
“Kris told his buddies that it takes a lot of work for Kim to make her bottom look as good as it does,” says a source. “He revealed all her secrets – how she uses ‘booty pads,’ Spanx and other things to enhance it. When she takes off the Spanx, the pads and everything else, it’s not the same. He knows what the real thing looks like – because he’s reported it on his cell phone camera!”
The article goes on to discuss how Kris started calling Kim fat and that “he said the undersides of her arms were flabby and she was getting a pooch in her belly,” but that’s too much. If Kris is going after Kim’s biggest asset (see what I did there?), that’s enough. We don’t need arm flab accusations on top of it.
Is it crazy to think that actual proof of Kim faking her ass would be way more detrimental to her career than a divorce after 72 days? Because I really think it would be. After all, the Kardashian empire was built, at least partially, on Kim’s ass, and if that empire was built on butt pads? Well, then it’s bound to crumble.
So one more time, just for funzies: Kim Kardashian’s ass, is it real or fake?
November 12, 2011 at 11:00 am by Emily
Oh, I’m sorry, did you think the incorrect use of all the ‘k’s would stop being funny to me? Think again, friends. The fun has just kommenced.
“The family has split into two camps since the divorce – Kim and her mom versus the rest of the family, who are really angry at her,” an insider tells In Touch magazine. “Encouraged by her mom, Kris, Kim has become a fame-addicted, money-hungry monster. She has lost touch with reality.”
A source reveals that Khloe is “seething” over Kim’s actions — and while in Australia, the sisters got into a battle in a bathroom.
“Khloe was mad because Kim was trying to look sad [about her divorce],” describes onlooker Hannah Smith. “She was telling Kim that people would see right through it, and Kim was only making things worse.” Kim and Khloe got so nasty to each other that they were “swearing at each other.” Kim stormed out of the room after getting totally worked up.
Then at the airport when Kim, Khloe and Lamar were heading home from Australia, Khloe and Lamar ignored Kim as she tried to wheel her luggage. “It was as if they didn’t even know her,” notes a witness.
This sounds completely plausible, right? It’s pretty widely known that Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian, Kourtney is ok, I guess, save her taste in men, while Kim and Kris are the money hungry bitches of the family. Or, you know, that’s how it looks on TV.
Here’s another issue: there’s talk that this whole debacle could be the end of the Kardashians, that America is not going to be willing to put up with any further nonsense from this family. Could that be true? Based on the amount of information that I read about these people every single day (and guys, it’s a lot. Like, a lot a lot), it seems like we’re going to be exposed to the Kardashians basically until they die, but I can’t be sure anymore. Thoughts?
November 10, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
“I don’t think anyone was surprised. I mean it is heartbreaking, but Kim and Kris are like Gary [Shirley] and me. Total opposites. One is a diva and the other is a down-home guy.”
Can we get Amber a job as a guest blogger? Or could someone give her a job on The View or something? I never would have guessed, but after this little snippet and some imagination, I figure that there’s probably not anyone else I’d rather hear report on some gossip than the trainwreck that is Amber Portwood. Can you think of anyone? I’m open to suggestions here.
Additionally, when E! asked Amber who was the diva, her or Gary, she responded with “Well, Janice Dickinson told me I’m a diva, so I guess I’d have to say I’m the diva.” And that’s how you pull together a Teen Mom, a Kardashian, and the always marvelous Janice Dickinson to form a new holy trinity of trashy fabulousity.
November 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Sorry, everyone. Emily mused yesterday that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries might yet put aside their differences and give their marriage another shot. And I had halfway extended hope! Because I am a hopeless romantic!
We were all so, so wrong, you guys:
Kim Kardashian is trying to find closure in her short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries.
Despite speculation that reconciliation was on the horizon, the 31-year-old reality star’s reason for flying to Minnesota over the weekend to see Humphries, 26, was because e-mail exchanges between the two began to turn testy.
“She wanted to see him face to face to put some finality on it,” a friend told Us Weekly. “She didn’t want things to get ugly with them and it was heading down that road.”
Oh. OK. So this was really a “I told you, if you don’t stop bombing my Gmail, I’m going to call the pastor” -type visit. That’s, uh, literally not what I’d ever expected. Huh.
In the meantime, Kim Kardashian is resolute but reportedly still grieving. Even the NY Daily News is quick to point out that Kim flew coach (!!!!!) and was “dejected” and “makeup-less.”
November 8, 2011 at 10:30 am by Jenn
Yesterday, accompanied by a glorious, glorious SNL clip, Jenn told you guys that Kim Kardashian went to Minnesota to see her true love, Kris Humphries. And listen: these two crazy kids might just be giving it another go!
The couple had a good long talk with their pastor that lasted four hours. They talked about their issues, which include fame whoring and a lack of moxie, and, as TMZ says, “the two expressed respect and love for each other … but both acknowledged a lot is wrong with their relationship.”
At this point, Kris still thinks that they have a chance, but Kim still isn’t sure. But the point is that there’s still hope! So rejoice, friends, for the romance of the century (after Doug and Courtney, duh) isn’t over just yet!
November 7, 2011 at 5:30 am by Emily
Here is a sad admission: I DON’T LAUGH THAT OFTEN. But this? This Saturday Night Live sketch from last night’s episode? Oh, I belly-laughed. I may have even guffawed. It was terrible, and I’m sorry. Except for, Kris Jenner is kind of the worst ever, and boy oh boy, did I laugh at Kristen Wiig’s version of Kris Jenner. Meanwhile, Andy Samberg’s limited talents (sorry!) were perfectly utilized in his portrayal of Kris Humphries. Oh, my God, and then Taran Killam as Bruce Jenner. Oh, my God. Just watch. (Charlie Day hosted.)
No, I do feel bad for laughing. I feel awful, actually: Kim Kardashian has reportedly flown to Minnesota to love-tackle (that’s a basketball term, right?) estranged husband Kris Humphries. Kim feels she was brash in ditching her husband of 72 days, evidently, and while this doesn’t signal a real reconciliation, I’m actually relieved that Kim is at least sort of trying.