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Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Megapost: Name changes, fat asses and more!

kim kardashian west

I’m trying to be helpful here and show mercy here by condensing all the Kim Kardashian news you can handle into one post instead of spreading it throughout the day, because that’s just cruel. I couldn’t do it to you. So let’s just get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?

First order of business: Kim “officially” changed her legal last name to West, apparently. She announced this on Instagram, as you do, with the photo above – which she claims is her new passport photo, by the way. Like, what? Considering the photo is about 80% forehead and it’s clearly taken from above, I’m not quite sure it’s legal to use it on a passport, but whatever. She’s said before that her name is her brand so she couldn’t really change it, so I’m imagining this is just for documentation purposes and she will not be Kim West anytime soon in public. Also, for someone so rich, she sure is bad at contouring. Disaster!

kim kardashian kylie jenner

The other story is that Kim went on Twitter and started whining about how fat she is and how she desperately needs to get skinny again and is going off carbs so she can get rid of her big ass and hips and get back to her pre-baby weight. She even put a photo of herself at dinner with sister Kylie Jenner, admonishing her for “trying to make [her] eat carbs”. Insert eyeroll here.

kim kardashian diet

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Why do I feel like she’s finally starting to regret shooting fat into her ass at the cosmetic surgeon’s office a few years back to get the legendary Kim Kardashian backside? Look, Kim Kardashian is not fat, and she knows she’s not fat – she’s carrying on like that in a public forum for attention because that’s the name of the game. But seriously, if she really is feeling the pressure all of a sudden to lose more weight, I have a sneaking suspicion that’s coming from Kanye “my woman is the most perfect in the world” West.

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Justin Bieber wants to f*ck Kris Jenner, apparently

justin bieber kris jenner

It was a star-studded event in Ibiza the other night for Italian fashion designer Riccardo Tisci‘s birthday party. By “star-studded”, I mean a bunch of washed up supermodels and wannabes (nearly the entire Kardashian / Jenner family was there, for example) taking too many Instagram pictures to prove how awesome and special their lives are. Justin Bieber was there, too, and took a ton of pictures with the aforementioned Kardash/Jenner clan. The above photo, for instance, was posted along with the caption: “@kendalljenner @kyliejenner who’s your daddy”, which… no. Just no. I don’t even want to pretend or joke about Justin Bieber fucking Kris Jenner, thank you.

While it’s all fun and games to joke about sleeping with someone nearly 3 times your age, Justin might actually be having a relationship with the one member of the family who seems to hate the others: Kendall Jenner.  Word on the street (internet) is that they had a nice hook-up, but not for the first time, because I think they were linked several months ago, as well (or am I just confusing Justin with Harry Styles?).

From Page Six:

While Bloom was turned away from Tisci’s party, Bieber, 20, seemed to score with Kardashian’s sister, Kendall, 19.

Spies at the Beats by Dre-hosted bash said “they were flirting all night” and left together. “Bieber looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.”

Kendall, girl, you were just getting likeable. Don’t do it to yourself.

kendall jenner justin bieber

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian tried to stay relevant by posting endless amounts of photos of herself looking like an extra from Willy Wonka, leading her followers to ask why she doesn’t seem to spend a single minute with her infant child rather than traipsing around the world partying.

kardashian jenner

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North West learns how to walk so she can get away from Kim Kardashian

kim kardashian north west

North West recently celebrated her first birthday – they grow up so fast, don’t they?! – and she’s learning how to walk. Apparently after a swim lesson yesterday, she took her first steps, prompting Kim Kardashian to post the above photo on Instagram to share her happy news and say how proud she and Kanye are of their daughter.

I’m actually surprised Kim didn’t miss North’s first steps because she was too busy taking pictures of her own ass. Small miracles.

Now that North can walk, however, that means she’ll be able to run, soon. Once she can, I recommend she runs straight out the front door of their house and as far away from her insane parents as possible.

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