Of all the silly, ridiculous things I’ve ever seen … wait, we’re talking about Kim Kardashian here, so this must really take the cake, considering how generally silly and ridiculous she appears at all times.

If you couldn’t figure out the initials on Kim’s earlobes, they spell out “K W,” which are Kanye West’s initials. Obviously. And if, for whatever reason Kim says otherwise, let’s brainstorm a few possibilities as to what K W could stand for. How about “king-sized wank.” Or “kicking white (men to the curb).” “Kissing willies.” “Kleenex washer.” Really, the possibilities are endless.

I don’t know. Is this Kanye just marking his territory? Because there are better, more widely accepted, ways of doing so when it comes to Kim Kardashian. You could just take a piss on her. She likes it, plus it generally works wonders for keeping other people far, far away. Do it up, boy. Stop making girlfriend wear the middle-school equivalent of an engagement ring.

I mean, what else could “K W” mean?

You know, I really think it’s pretty dumb that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are being called ‘Kimye’. Really, ‘Kandashian’ is way, way better, because it’s way more obnoxious (?) than that other thing they’re being called, and isn’t “obnoxious” what they’re really going for with all of this lovey-ness?

Anyway, eyewitnesses in New York say that Kim checked into a NYC hotel the other night, and even though it was close to two in the morning, nothing could stop (gag) Kanye from seeing his lady love:

“She arrived with sister Khloé and mom Kris,” an eyewitness tells Life & Style. “And it was clear Kim and Kanye couldn’t wait another second to see each other because he showed up at the hotel she’s staying at just moments after she checked in!”

“Around 1:40 a.m., they headed out for a romantic date at Mercer Kitchen,” the eyewitness tells Life & Style. “They stayed until around 3 a.m.”

Though Kim’s staying at a lush Manhattan hotel, that didn’t stop her from spending the night at Kanye’s place!

“They looked very happy to see each other and in love,” the eyewitness adds. “They both headed back to Kanye’s apartment for the night.”

One of the main reasons for Kanye’s quick appearance is because he allegedly wanted to make a good impression on Kim’s family, whom he’s never met. TMZ says that the Kardashian-Jenner clan approved madly, and loved spending the time that they were able to with him. Sources even say that the family thinks Kim and Kanye are “the perfect couple.”

Honestly, I could just die. It really has to be the end of days, because these two together can only mean bad, apocalyptic things. Things of the worst kind. And also, is she really wearing leather pants and heels with a sweatshirt? Because ew.

The photos in the gallery are from Kim and Kanye’s date later the next day, where they visited an ice cream parlor and shopped in Soho.

Here’s the caption:

I love that @kimkardashian still crawls in bed with me… she’s still my little girl! #favoritething

Hey, look, Kris Jenner is using one of her kids (the cash cow one, or just the cow one if you really, really hate her) for her own personal gain! And what personal gain, you ask? I don’t know. To get people to talk about her, because that’s what they’re doing now, like me, and here I am in this trap again. Celebrity gossip is a vicious, vicious cycle, and a lot of times, you end up being caught right up in it and giving attention to those you’d rather piss on (even though some of them would like that just fine, thank you very much).

This is Kim sleeping, and in that big, soft, clean-looking bed, she looks like a greasy, dirty sewer rat who’s gotten into the garbage, eaten herself into a submissive coma, and passed out mid-feed.

I guess there’s a market for all sorts of things, guys, and while you and I and many, many more people are completely appalled by the fact that we’re forced to see Kim Kardashian in such an intimate, vulnerable position on a daily basis courtesy of Twitter, there’s a whole lot worse that can happen. Like, Kris could probably accidentally leak a Kim Kardashian sex tape or something. Oh … wait.

It’s true: if you live in Los Angeles, specifically Glendale, then it might be time to pack up and find a new neighborhood, because in about five years’ time, Kim Kardashian is going to attempt to run your town.

From E! Online:

Seeing how Kim Kardashian has pretty much done it all, what’s left?

Well, if the E! reality star has her way, she may someday be entering the political arena!

Yep. You read that right.

In the above bonus clip from Khloé & Lamar (airing Sundays at 10 p.m. on E!), Kim tells sister Khloé Kardashian Odom, “I’ve decided I’m going to run for the mayor of Glendale.”

However, Kim goes on to explain that “you have to have residency” in the Los Angeles suburb, so she plans on buying a home in the area.

“It’s going to be in, like, five years,” she says of actually pursuing her political ambitions in a city where many of the residents share Kim’s Armenian roots.

Fortunately for Kim, it looks like she already has a couple of influential folks on her side.

“I would support her,” Glendale City Councilman Rafi Manoukian told E! News. “I think she would make an excellent mayor.”

Meanwhile, City Councilman and former Glendale mayor Ara Najarian said he thinks “it’s a great idea,” adding, “I have offered her the position of honorary chief of staff to my office to help her get acquainted to Glendale.”

Najarian went on to explain that to be mayor of Glendale, Kim would have to run for city council, from which they elect the mayor. The term would last one year.

According to the Glendale City Clerk’s Office, there have been no inquiries yet from any potential candidates regarding the 2017 Glendale municipal elections.

I can’t tell what’s crazier: the fact that Kim actually thinks she has a chance of pursuing a political career, or the fact that other politicians are supporting her. Did everyone forget that Kim is famous for making a sex tape, being an entitled brat, and having a gigantic ass? Those are her credentials. That’s what Kim Kardashian does. But no, for sure, let her be in charge of a town. Sounds like a great idea.

Oh wait, I think I figured out what’s craziest about this whole thing. It’s Kim’s insistence on wearing the most awful pants she can find. That’s the truly insane part of all of this. Look at those things. That’s headed your way, Glendale.

“I’m not that excited, but we’ll see. Kimberly and I have had a conversation about them and their potential relationship.”

Bruce Jenner, at last night‘s public appearance at Northeastern University in Boston. When asked about Kim and Kanye dating, because really, why else would anyone invite Bruce Jenner to talk to a crowd anywhere—oh, right, he’s a motivational speaker—unless it happened to revolve around Kim Kardashian and her pompous ass (and by “pompous ass,” I mean her actual backside that’s really quite pompous and intrusive; I’m not talking about Kanye this time, though he is, by very definition, a pompous ass).

When asked to elaborate on his feelings, Bruce claimed that he was merely worried that Kim might be rushing into things and not exactly looking down the road for possible fallout.

If you remember, Kim claimed that she’s, in no way, shape, or form, ready to hop back up on the dating horse just yet. But I’m thinking there’s an addendum to that which we’re just not hearing; something maybe along the lines of “unless said horse has got a really big penis and is marginally more famous than the last dude she boned three times in a row.”

… But mostly, I think I just really want to know why he’s wearing so much eyeshadow.

I’ve got other questions, too, like ‘how does it feel to be dumped for Kanye West’, and ‘why do Kim’s friends hate Kris so much’, because Kim’s people are blasting him for hanging out in the spotlight where Kim left him. From the Huffington Post:

“The pictures are ridiculous and just go to show how far Kris is willing to go to remain in the public spotlight,” a friend of Kim’s tells me. “I haven’t spoken with Kim about them, but you know she will get a good laugh when she sees them.”

[Another friend says] “He’s a dude, he’s in great shape and very attractive and wanted to show that off,” Derek Warburton tells me. “He was getting pulverized week after week on the cover of every magazine, and he’s cool. I wanted people to see that. This has blown up. Everyone is talking about Kris now.”

But Kris’s rep’s claim that the interview is on the up and up and has nothing to do with exploiting his sham-marriage to Kim any further:

“The allegations that he’s seeking revenge with this photo shoot are false and we remain adamant that personal issues will be handled by his legal team and not in the media.”

So, I don’t know. I just don’t. Is Kris a bad guy? No, I don’t think so. Is he overstaying his welcome in the celebrity world? That’s subjective. Some would argue that because Kim “created” him, he’s got every right to be there. Since she exploited him and molded him to be “famous,” this is the result. Who, after all, has the ultimate authority to decide who deserves to be famous for whatever reasons anyway, when we’ve got people like f-cking Snooki and The Situation and all of those ho-bag teen moms running around? At least Kris Humphries has things going for him – like how he’s, you know, a professional basketball player and not, YOU KNOW, famous for no reason other than the fact that his family has money and can throw it around like it’s piss on a dirty whore.