I am dying over here, you guys. I love these pictures with all my heart. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are, of course, the greatest couple of our generation, a love story to beat all love stories, but these pictures? They’re in a whole different universe of awesome.

Look at Kanye’s tongue hanging out of his mouth! Look at his blank expression as he goes to adjust his balls! Things like this make me legitimately wonder if Kanye West is a human being or some other life form entirely. I don’t know if he’s from a different planet or from a different time, or if maybe he has some special kind of mutation that we’ve never even heard about before, but Kanye can’t be like the rest of us. He just can’t.

Oh, and my very favorite thing about these photos:

His PANTS. His pants are falling down and you can see his dainty underthings! I also love how his eyes pierce through you in this picture, like he knows how golden he is with this. He’s like “I’m precious and irreverent and y’all can see my panties, peace!” Love. It.

By the way, these pictures were taken in New York. Kim and Kanye, or Kandashian, if you will, went out to dinner and then back to Kanye’s apartment. These pictures were taken as they were going inside Kanye’s place. What do you think happened? There’s some speculation that something happened in the car involving Ye’s genitals, which would make a lot of sense, given his blank expression and pulled down pants. That seems dirty to think about though, doesn’t it? Kandashian is too pure and too sweet for backseat blow jobs.

You can browse the gallery to see a few other photos from this darling evening, and afterwards, we can theorize about what happened to Kanye’s pants. Or we can just giggle together, that works too.

Damn, now there’s no way Beyonce’s going to want to be her friend. Tell me this wasn’t staged by someone in B’s camp.

But before I even let you guys look at this photo, let me give you three reasons why it may not be her. Are you ready? It’s not a common thing that I’d defend Kim Kardashian, and it’s definitely not a regular occurrence for me to dismiss a nude photo as possibly being someone other than who it’s intended to be. Get ready—go!

1-In the photo, “Kim” is cracking an egg into a pan. RIGHT. Like this bitch’d ever actually cook for herself or, worse, someone else.
2-The tits are way too small to be Kim’s. Unless the photo was taken pre-plastic surgery*, it just can’t be.
3-The chick in the picture looks more like Kourtney than Kim. Do we maybe have a Kourtney Kardashian nude leak?
4-Where the hell was this picture taken, anyway? A 1980′s Maine summer camp? What kind of kitchen is that? Nice (busted up) cabinets.

Jump in to compare notes, and be sure to tell me why, exactly, there’s probably no way that this photo is nude Kim Kardashian. Photo is slightly NSFW, but the nips are covered up.

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Here recently, Kim Kardashian did an interview all about Twitter and being a presence on the internet. Seriously, that’s what the whole thing is about. And to be fair, Khloe was a big part of the interview as well, but, being the best Kardashian, the things she said were actually understandable (“I’ve never had a Google alert; I think they are so toxic”). Kim’s quotes, however, just made me laugh and laugh. Let’s check some of those quotes out, all right?

On Google alerts: I used to [have one], and I got rid of my old e-mail address, and they were on there. It was the big question in my mind: Do I add my Google alert to my new e-mail? I haven’t, and I just feel I have peace of mind now. I would look at it all day long. It doesn’t consume me. I hardly look on the Internet like I used to.

The internet helped Kim be famous: I think a lot of our fanbase, and a lot of our connection with people is Internet-based. I think that the Internet has brought on a different kind of celebrity. We are very well aware of who we are, and what our place is. We are so active on Twitter, on our Facebook pages, we are writing back, we are connecting. We enjoy it.

Why she got a Twitter account: Ryan Seacrest was like, “You’ve got to get on Twitter. Just try it. Please.” So I went to Mexico, and got the craziest sunburn. I tweeted a picture of it, and within an hour it was on CNN in Mexico. I was like, “I don’t understand this,” but I’ve been addicted ever since.

But has she ever deleted a tweet? One time I wrote, “F-ck yeah!” and all my younger fans were like, “What are you turning into?” So I deleted it.

On Instagram: I wrote an e-mail about my profile, saying, “Be warned, I’ll probably be posting some slutty pictures.” But I haven’t yet. I think Instagram is more artsy. Twitpics are all about glitz and glam.

On Twitter haters: I love writing them back. People will write me, “My phone battery lasts longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage,” and I’ll write back, “Oh, which phone is that?” When people are so stupid, you just have to have fun with it. Someone [without a profile photo] will say I’m fat, or a hairy Armenian, and I’ll write back, “Oh, that egg picture of yours is so gorgeous.”

I guess it just blows my mind that Kim has this much to say about herself. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. And sure, it’s an interview, and she was being asked these kinds of questions, but she actually said “it was the big question in my mind: do I add my Google alert to my new e-mail?” At one point in time, a serious issue in Kim Kardashian’s life was a Google alert. And she’s actually spent time considering how “Instagram is more artsy” while “Twitpics are all about glitz and glam.” I mean, honestly.

And here’s a bit of bonus news for all you fans of the Kardashian family music videos: there’s a new one on the way! It’s a video of the classic “Hypnotize” by the Notorious B.I.G. Can’t wait!

Come on, now, are you surprised?

From Heat World:

“Despite Kanye being one of Jay’s closest friends, Beyoncé wasted no time in banning Kim from being invited into their circle, which is exclusive to say the least,” a friend of Bey’s tells heat. “Beyoncé is used to hanging out with Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s in a totally different league to Kim.”

It’s bad news for Kim who is big fan of the pop diva, as she was hoping for lots of girlie bonding sessions with Beyonce.

“Kim had visions of her and Beyoncé hanging out while Jay and Kanye talked music and business,” heat’s source reveals, “but it’s not going to happen.”

It looks like Reality star Kim’s tell-all lifestyle clashes with the ultra-private Beyonce’s – who closely guards details of her own private life.

“Bey’s marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event. Kim, on the other hand, turned her wedding into a media circus and the whole thing was filmed for a Reality show. Bey thought that it was really tacky and is not a fan of Reality TV, either.”

It just goes to show—no matter how much money you have, who you have under your thumb, how pretty you are, and even, f-ck, how many times you’ve been peed on for public consumption—money can’t buy class, and nor can it buy the friendship of people who possess said class.

Thing is, Kanye and Jay-Z are, like, the most epic of friends, supposedly. Don’t you think that Kanye dating Kim is going to drive a wedge between … well, it’s going to drive a wedge between someone(s), because if Kanye can’t bring Kim around Jay-Z and Beyonce because Beyonce knows what’s up, then Kim’s going to feel all awkward and shunned, and Kanye’s going to go on an ALL CAPS RANT, and shit’s going to blow up between him and Jay-Z, and then Jay might get upset with Beyonce ’cause she can’t get along with dirty hos. Man, the drama.

At any rate, if this is all true, it’s really good to know that even though there are people who idolize the Kardashians for whatever reason, that there are just as many “important” people out there who don’t think they’re worth a bucket of cold piss. No pun intended.

Sure, Kim and Kanye have only been dating for a few weeks. And sure, Kim is technically still married. And sure, this whole thing is probably just a publicity stunt for two of the biggest fame whores I can think of. But none of that means that they can’t be considering having children together:

Their romance may only be three weeks old, but Kimye is already talking babies! Will Kim get pregnant before her sister Khloe?

Kim Kardashian and  Kanye West both have babies on the brain, and she thinks he would make a great father!

Apparently Kim, 32, already thought she’d be a mom by now, a close pal of Kim’s tells OK! Magazine.

She’s falling quick for the eccentric rapper and thinks he’ll be a “great father” especially with his love of kids and of his heavy involvement with foster care, adds the source.

The source also says Kanye, 34, is on the same boat as Kim: “He said one of his goals is to be a dad.”

As for their budding romance, Kim’s pal believes they’ll actually last, as they’ve already been friends for nearly a decade. “It looks like this could be for real.”

I don’t even know about all this. I could see Kim questioning Kanye about having kids already, and I could see Kanye, I don’t know, answering her in a never-ending series of tweets that are really long-winded and self-important and pretty much nonsense. That’s how they communicate, right? Surely they don’t sit down and have actual conversations like the rest of us. Surely not.

Do you think the world is ready for a Kardashian-West baby?

I know, I was worried too. I was biting my nails, sitting on the edge of my seat, and doing all those other things that nervous people do, wondering “when will my sacred view into the lives of the Kardashians be ripped away from me? When will I not have that glimpse into the the perfect life that I cherish so much?” I was right in the middle of giving myself an ulcer when boom, this story came out.

The Kardashians just signed a deal for three more seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. And you won’t even believe how much money they’re getting paid.

From TMZ:

The Kardashian family has just signed on for 3 more seasons with E!, and it’s the richest deal ever in reality TV … TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the deal tell us, the family will get more than $40 million for 3 more seasons of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

The 6th season of the show averaged 3 million viewers. The 7th season begins airing May 20.

Our sources say the $40-plus million deal does not include product endorsements and other items associated with the show that Kim, Kris and the rest of the brood are able to hock.

Sources connected to  the deal tell TMZ … Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris and Bruce will get the lion’s share of the money … and they are each getting equal pay.

We’re told Kendall, Kylie and Rob are on a lower pay grade — and will be paid equally as well.

Scott Disick and his son Mason have a separate deal. Ditto for Lamar … who hammered out a package deal to appear in both “Khloe and Lamar” and “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

We’re told the new deal ONLY includes existing shows — so if Kim and Kanye get a new spinoff show … they will have to bang out a new contract for even MORE money.

Over 40 million dollars. Three more seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The Kim and Kanye show that was so tantalizingly hinted at (which, by the way, when it happens, it will be titled The Kim and Kanye Variety Hour, and it will be our generation’s Sonny and Cher). I think you can understand why my mind is having a hard time coming to terms with all of this.

I will leave you with this though: since the beginning of the Kardashian empire, we’ve gotten about one season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians a year. That means we have roughly three more years of dealing with these people. Minimum.

Hope you guys have a fantastic morning!