Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian’s “furkini” wins at Photoshop

kim kardashian furkini

It looks like Kim Kardashian finally got the hint that she needed to hire someone a bit more adept at Photoshop, because her latest pictures – apparently shot by Kanye and retouched by someone with a professional degree in digital image editing – while on vacation are a true spectacle to behold.

You can’t even shade these pics – the Photoshopping is on point – they’ve made her look like she’s got insane curves, the flattest stomach ever and basically picture perfect. Just like God intended it. Beyonce, take note! This is how you make yourself skinnier/not look like a normal person with imperfections in pictures!

kim kardashian furkini 2

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Kim Kardashian doesn’t smile because it causes wrinkles

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian loves taking selfies and basically catching her mug on camera in whatever way possible. In most of those photos, she’s scowling, or at the very least trying to look super serious and high fashion. It doesn’t work, but whatever.

Now, Kim swears she’s not unhappy – she has the best life ever, actually. She’s filthy rich for absolutely nothing, she’s married to Kanye, who is apparently her dream man, she’s got a gorgeous little girl. What’s not to like? Turns out, there’s a reason she never (*rarely) smiles in pics, and that’s just because doing so causes wrinkles.

She posted the above photo with her friend Shamari Maurice with the following caption:

“See I do smile… even laugh on occasion. Not too often though because it causes wrinkles.”

Now, was Kim Kardashian being sarcastic here? Sure, probably. Does part of her probably seriously believe this? Yup, 100%. I think the saving grace here is that she knows she has the family’s personal plastic surgeon on call, so if those smile lines pop up, she can just shoot a little Botox in there and that’ll fix her right up.

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Kim Kardashian can’t get pregnant again

kim kardashian kanye west

Kim Kardashian has been open about wanting to have another child with Kanye West. They’re already parents to North, of course, but given how big her own family is, it’s no surprise that they want to have a brood of ‘em. However, things aren’t exactly going to plan – apparently they’ve been trying for the past 9 months, to no avail, and chances are they won’t have any success in the future, either.

From TMZ:

Kim Kardashian is upset for a very good reason … as hard as she’s been trying, she can’t get pregnant.

Kim has been very open with friends and family … she and Kanye have been trying to have another baby for the last 9 months but nothing has worked. Kim has been to fertility doctors, but they’ve made it clear … having another baby is a long shot.

Turns out North West was a miracle baby … she had 3 specialists tell her she couldn’t get pregnant before North was conceived.

Kim and Kanye assumed the second baby would be easier since it worked once, but the doctors are telling her that’s not the case.

We’re told Kim is trying to reduce her stress and cut down on traveling … per doctor’s advice.

I mean, I guess that’s a shame and all, but if she’s so desperate to have more kids, there are PLENTY of kids who need adopting. Not that I would recommend that these two imbeciles raise ANY children, but it’d still be better than living in the foster system. Also, they do already have North, so if what she was wanting was the experience of being pregnant (which, let’s be honest, she’s bitched and moaned about nonstop ever since), then she’s had that. Upsetting? Sure. But certainly not the end of the world.

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Kim Kardashian sent Kris Jenner a very special email

kim kardashian kris jenner

I’m pretty sure Kris Jenner is some sort of evil mastermind, hell bent on controlling the lives of her daughters – each of whom she’s whored out to the highest bidder since they were able to make duck lips on Instagram – and everything about them: their money, their image, their business endorsements, etc. She also knows just how to put them in their places when they get a bit too cheeky for their own good. That has to be true, since I can’t think of another reason Kris felt the need to share an email sent to her by her most lucrative daughter (for the moment), Kim Kardashian:


I’m not quite sure what to make of the fact that Kim thinks Amish is spelled “omish”, though perhaps we can’t blame her for spelling phonetically. I suppose we should be lucky she can compose an email at all. Besides, maybe she’s right – maybe we do need more “chic, tights dresses” in our lives. What do I know?

Either way, I think Kris is an evil genius who thought, “Huh, you think you’re telling me something about fashion? I’ll humiliate you!”… though considering no one ever believed Kim was a Mensa scholar, I don’t know how effective that plan was.

British man spends $150,000 to look like Kim Kardashian

kim kardashian

I suppose I owe you all an apology, as I know you’re going to have this image burned into your retinas for all eternity. This 23-year-old old British man, whose name is Jordan James Parke, apparently spent upwards of $150,000 to look more like Kim Kardashian. The resemblance is uncanny, don’t you think?

“I love everything about Kim,” he told The Sun. “She’s the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair, everything about her.”

Apparently he’s had “lip and cheek fillers, laser hair removal, Botox, eyebrow tattoos and veneers”. God help us all. This is such a sad state of affairs on so many levels. I hope this guy spends his next $150k on some professional mental health counseling.

Also, shame on plastic surgeons who are so money hungry and unprofessional that they willingly cater to people like this, who are clearly not mentally stable. This goes above and beyond helping someone feel more confident. This is just ridiculous.


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Kim Kardashian cropped North West out of her selfie and the internet went crazy

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I don’t know why anyone on God’s green earth would be surprised that Kim Kardashian is vain and self-centered enough to crop her own child out of her selfie because it was harshing her duck lips vibe, but apparently they were because that’s exactly what happened yesterday.

Kim posted the above photo on Instagram yesterday, where you can clearly see a little sliver of North West. Her followers went INSANE, calling her selfish, saying how this is a sign that Kim has lost her last grip on reality, etc. I mean, she is and she has, but are any of us HONESTLY, seriously shocked that a woman who’s dumb enough to think it’s totally fine to sit on your phone taking pictures of yourself all night when you’re supposed to be on a date wouldn’t crop her kid out of her pictures to preserve her ~sexiness~? COME ON.

Here’s Kim’s response to the drama:

kim kardashian twitter

Well, that says it all – we can’t have accessory children get in the way of our vanity when we’re really feeling ourselves!

I mean, look, I don’t think it’s some cardinal sin or anything that her kid isn’t in a selfie, but I just think her total indignation over this thing is laughable. She honestly has no idea why people would think there’s an issue with it – which, let’s be honest, is more an issue in principal than in reality, but whatever – and it’s yet another display of her utter cluelessness.

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Kim Kardashian reveals Kanye West’s rules for dating

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s marriage has lasted far longer than anyone ever thought (and longer than her made-for-TV marriage to the oafish football player guy whose name I can’t even remember), so they must be in a great position to share their secrets to a healthy and happy relationship, right? It all goes back to their dating days, when Kanye set some serious rules for their time together.

“When we first started dating it was rude if we brought our phones with us out, so I learned from him not to bring my phone.”

“We have rules at the table. If we are eating at a restaurant, we’ll wait to do it (take pictures) when we are done eating.” She even praised Yeezus for the rule. “He’s taught me to take a little time for myself and I’ve taught him stop a little more to take time and take pictures and stuff.”

Question – and a serious one: Is Kim Kardashian really that stupid that she honestly had no idea that it was rude to sit staring at your phone all night when you’re out with someone you’re in a relationship with? Is she that self-absorbed that she WANTED to be staring at her phone all night when she was out with someone she was supposedly falling in love with? I’m almost afraid to know the answer (though I think I already do).

Anyhow, here’s video of Kim talking about this, and performing the infamous “Meep meep, get out of me car” Vine, which she’s apparently obsessed with:

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