“The Hilary Swank movie where you walk out of there with tears and just feel terrible. I can’t handle it. I just want to see somebody fall off a ladder, the boy and girl go home to a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and feel great about myself. I don’t want any drama in my life — not even in a f*cking movie. Not even when it’s… What’s fake? Is it fiction? Even if it’s fiction, I don’t want it. I just want to be happy and have fun.”

- Kid Rock tells Men’s Journal about his least favorite type of movie.

In the interview, Kid Rock also says that the hardest thing about slowing down on “whatever your thing is, if it’s pills, cocaine, smoking weed” is relearning how to drink.  He said “I still black out here and there, but nothing too serious.” Bless his heart.

I love Kid Rock for all the wrong reasons, you know? I think it’s because he kind of feels like home. How are you guys feeling about this fella nowadays?

Yesterday, in the midst of the worst hangover in my short drinking career, I said to myself, “Self, you are in charge of the very first post on Evil Beet in the year of our Lord, 2011.  You better make it a damn good one.”  So when I awoke today, I scoured the photo agencies, and I think I’ve succeeded with these pictures of Kid Rock on the beach.

I know that some people are super into Kid Rock (“Only God Knows Why” though, am I right?  Hey-o!), but even if you’re not, flip books are fun for everyone.  You can draw your own pictures to fill in any missing moments, and won’t that just be so much fun? Did your list of resolutions for the new year include being more creative?  If not, tack it on real quick, and if so, then you’re welcome.  It’s for auld lang syne, my dears!

“Will you just have my baby, and let’s just get it over?”

–Kid Rock to Sheryl Crow at this year’s CMT Music Awards.

Girl. Kid Rock is, by far, one of music’s hottest manly-man guys out there. He’s hot in that “I’m repulsed by my attraction to you and that makes it all the more hotter” kind of way, and if you had any inkling about what great sex is, you’d better take him up on his offer.

‘Cause, you know, unless he’s gonna be a sperm donor (which would be a waste of such hot, hot fornication), you’ve got to do the do with him.

One could only imagine that sex with Kid Rock would have to be a mind-blowing, spirit-altering experience.

Am I right or am I right?

“It’s gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I’m going to tell them, ‘Twitter this [bleep], mother[bleep]er.’  I don’t have anything to say, and what I have to say is not that relevant. Anything that is relevant, I’m going to bottle it up and then squeeze it onto a record somewhere.”

Kid Rock talking to Rolling Stone about his general distaste for all things Twitter.  Do people really still say “It’s gay”?  Apparently so.

Where have I been and how did I not know this?  Despite it being “the worst-kept secret in Nashville”, I was completely unaware that these two were dating.  And they’ve reportedly been dating for a year! 

Pickler, on a radio interview, referred to being involved in a year-long relationship.  Now other Nashville sources have stated that “the guy” is actually the ex-Mr. Pamela Anderson.  He does like them blond and low on the bell curve, doesn’t he?

What do we think of Rockler?  Cute couple or creepy?  I vote “kinda cute.”

Kid Rock played Grand Marshal at Endymion’s 2009 Mardi Gras parade yesterday in New Orleans.

I bet that cup is full of tobacco chew spittle and sunflower seed remnants. Delicious.

Kid Rock is whining because community service isn’t going the way he thinks it should.  He was sentenced to eighty hours of community service after his Waffle House melee back in 2007.  Since then, he has done charity events for autism, AIDS and war veterans organizations and feels that those efforts should be applied towards his time.  Instead, he’s been assigned to clerical work and snow removal in his home state of Michigan.

Here’s the thing-community service is punishment.  It isn’t Club Med.  You don’t get to peruse through the services menu and ponder the benefits of giving concerts versus hosting a charity dinner party.  It’s typical celebrity entitlement.  Here’s a message to all law-breaking fame whores:  You.  Don’t.  Get.  To.  Choose.  Mkay?

Evil Beet Gossip isn’t just about fun; it’s about learning.  The lesson today?  Don’t start hurling yourself around poorly lit, roadside breakfast dives unless you’re willing to shovel.

“No! What?! Right. I can give you a definite no on that. In one word: No. In two words, hell, no!”

The always-classy Kid Pebble, on Ryan Seacrest’s show, when asked if he’d be teaming up with Britney Separs for a VMA performance.

Although the fight was last October, the video of the fist fight Kid Rock got arrested for at an Atlanta Waffle House has just been released.

In case you care.

Kid Pebble has finally been sentenced for his little ass-kicking at an Atlanta Waffle House last year.

He’ll have 12 months of probation and six hours of anger management counseling. Plus, he’s gotta do 80 hours of community service and was fined a whopping $1000.

Wow, this is sure to fix everything. I’m sure we’ll see no more trouble out of Kid Pebble in the future.

Oh, and this photo where he’s grinning? Is his mug shot. Hey, at least he didn’t have his hair and makeup done for the photo, a la Khloe Kardashian.

What? It’s June, people. It’s very important to stay well-hydrated. Clearly Kid Pebble did not pack enough juice boxes when he partied into the wee hours of the morning at Central London’s Whisky Mist nightclub, because he failed to appear as scheduled on stage at the Download Festival the next day. He had been hospitalized for “dehydration.”

Dehydration was a very serious summer issue in Arizona, where I grew up. We were lectured again and again about the importance of drinking water all day long, and we were always given juice boxes and water bottles wherever we went. And let me tell you, even as small children running around outside all day, we managed to keep ourselves hydrated. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona for twenty-one years and I never knew a single person who was actually hospitalized for dehydration.

I did, however, know plenty of people who were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and drug overdoses.

I’m just saying.

Oh, and while he was in London, Kid Pebble gave an interview to The Guardian, and he had this to say about his failed relationship with Pamela Anderson: “I touched the stove, it’s fucking hot, I don’t want to touch it any more.”

“When your record sells 50,000 or 60,000 copies, you’re hooking up with bigger women in, like, southern Ohio. Then, 10 million, 15 million, when the sales went up, the girls got prettier.”

Kid Rock, to the London Observer