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Kid Rock

Kid Rock: ‘Beyonce’s not hot; I like skinny white women with big tits’

kid rock

Welp, whenever Kid Rock gives his astute opinions on matters of the heart, what can one do but sit back, listen and take time to properly reflect on the profound observations he lays at our feet? Kid’s latest diatribe involves Beyonce, and particularly how she’s totally not hot at all and he doesn’t get what all the fuss is about. However, he’s not hating – you’re free to like what you like, just as he’s free to chase his own dreams: white women with a low BMI and humungous breasts.

From Rolling Stone:

Rock sometimes seems like a right-wing politician catering to his base. He won’t play Europe or mainstream U.S. festivals, but he will play SeaWorld. His fans love it when he shouts things like “Fuck Radiohead” onstage or attacks mainstream pop. He’s “flabbergasted” by Beyoncé worship. “Beyoncé, to me, doesn’t have a fucking ‘Purple Rain,’ but she’s the biggest thing on Earth. How can you be that big without at least one ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ or ‘Old Time Rock & Roll’? People are like, ‘Beyoncé’s hot. Got a nice fucking ass.’ I’m like, ‘Cool, I like skinny white chicks with big tits.’ Doesn’t really fucking do much for me.”

Well, hey – at least he’s honest. Can’t fault him for that! And he – God help me for saying this – actually kinda has a point. Beyonce has had a lot of songs that people know, but is she a legend yet? Eh… debatable.

One more thing – don’t expect Kid to have a country career anytime soon!

Rock could have had a country career after his 2001 hit with Sheryl Crow, “Picture” — he is routinely asked to co-write with Nashville’s top songwriters – but he’s not interested. “In country, those award shows make your career?.?.?.?and I don’t suck dick,” he says. “I’ll tickle your balls a little bit. But I ain’t gonna suck your dick.”

LOL, okay, man. Whatever you say! I legit like Kid Rock – he seems like an absolute ass, but he’s hilarious and doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks. You can’t help but find that enjoyable.

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Kid Rock has deep thoughts on guns, abortion, “rap rock” and more

kid rock

It’s been nearly four years since this site has reported on Kid Rock, and for good reason – he’s a fucking idiot. What he’s been doing since our last story is anyone’s guess – probably terrorizing “real America” in myriad ways, no doubt. For some reason, The Guardian thought it’d be a great idea to let him terrorize us even more by letting him write his own column about… nothing and everything. Here are some highlights in which Kid talks about being a redneck, his right to call shit “gay” when he wants, and more:

I am definitely a Republican on fiscal issues and the military, but I lean to the middle on social issues. I am no fan of abortion, but it’s not up to a man to tell a woman what to do. As an ordained minister I don’t look forward to marrying gay people, but I’m not opposed to it.

I’m not just wealthy, I’m loaded. I can say that because I’m not embarrassed – I’ve made a fuck-ton of money, but I’ve never made a dishonest dollar. I try to do right by the people around me.

I’m 43 and about to become a grandfather, but it keeps my redneck street cred up. I could be a great-great-great-grandfather by the time I’m 80. I am excited, but also nervous for my son. He was dropped on my doorstep at six months when I had no money and was trying to be a rock star. I didn’t have a clue.

My success with women picked up around the 14 millionth record I sold. I know what it was about – I don’t exactly look like Brad Pitt. I learned to be careful. I didn’t want 10 kids around. But there have been a lot of women. I could have set a better example for my son. When he was a teenager I’d bring home girls that he had more in common with than I did.

I don’t smoke much weed, it makes me dumb. But they should legalise and tax everything: pot, cocaine, heroin. Has it not been proven that people will always find a way to get what they want?

I’m always buying more guns. I have everything from a Civil War cannon to an MP5 machine gun and old police guns. If someone invades your house, yeah, you can shoot them. I don’t think crazy people should have guns.

Rap-rock was what people wanted at the time, and they still love those songs at shows. But it turned into a lot of bullshit and it turned out to be pretty gay… If someone says you can’t say “gay” like that you tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re not going to get anything politically correct out of me.

I just… I’m sort of dumbfounded, but not really – I mean, it is Kid Rock we’re talking about here, not the next Nobel Prize winner. His views on things are so… simplistic, so ignorant. Like, I get that he’s a redneck and he’s very proud of keeping that culture alive, but… wow.

Also, how on God’s green earth is Kid Rock so loaded? I mean, maybe in his heyday, sure, but NOW? Seriously?

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Quotables: Kid Rock Hates Hilary Swank Movies

A photo of Kid Rock

“The Hilary Swank movie where you walk out of there with tears and just feel terrible. I can’t handle it. I just want to see somebody fall off a ladder, the boy and girl go home to a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and feel great about myself. I don’t want any drama in my life — not even in a f*cking movie. Not even when it’s… What’s fake? Is it fiction? Even if it’s fiction, I don’t want it. I just want to be happy and have fun.”

- Kid Rock tells Men’s Journal about his least favorite type of movie.

In the interview, Kid Rock also says that the hardest thing about slowing down on “whatever your thing is, if it’s pills, cocaine, smoking weed” is relearning how to drink.  He said “I still black out here and there, but nothing too serious.” Bless his heart.

I love Kid Rock for all the wrong reasons, you know? I think it’s because he kind of feels like home. How are you guys feeling about this fella nowadays?

In Case You Were Wondering, We’re Going to Make A Flip Book of These Pictures of Kid Rock on The Beach

A photo of Kid Rock

Yesterday, in the midst of the worst hangover in my short drinking career, I said to myself, “Self, you are in charge of the very first post on Evil Beet in the year of our Lord, 2011.  You better make it a damn good one.”  So when I awoke today, I scoured the photo agencies, and I think I’ve succeeded with these pictures of Kid Rock on the beach.

I know that some people are super into Kid Rock (“Only God Knows Why” though, am I right?  Hey-o!), but even if you’re not, flip books are fun for everyone.  You can draw your own pictures to fill in any missing moments, and won’t that just be so much fun? Did your list of resolutions for the new year include being more creative?  If not, tack it on real quick, and if so, then you’re welcome.  It’s for auld lang syne, my dears!

Quotables

photo of rocker kid rock and sheryl crow together

“Will you just have my baby, and let’s just get it over?”

–Kid Rock to Sheryl Crow at this year’s CMT Music Awards.

Girl. Kid Rock is, by far, one of music’s hottest manly-man guys out there. He’s hot in that “I’m repulsed by my attraction to you and that makes it all the more hotter” kind of way, and if you had any inkling about what great sex is, you’d better take him up on his offer.

‘Cause, you know, unless he’s gonna be a sperm donor (which would be a waste of such hot, hot fornication), you’ve got to do the do with him.

One could only imagine that sex with Kid Rock would have to be a mind-blowing, spirit-altering experience.

Am I right or am I right?

Quotables or Kid Rock Much Prefers Making Shadow Puppets Over Twitter

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“It’s gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I’m going to tell them, ‘Twitter this [bleep], mother[bleep]er.’  I don’t have anything to say, and what I have to say is not that relevant. Anything that is relevant, I’m going to bottle it up and then squeeze it onto a record somewhere.”

Kid Rock talking to Rolling Stone about his general distaste for all things Twitter.  Do people really still say “It’s gay”?  Apparently so.

Wait. Kellie Pickler Dates Kid Rock?

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Where have I been and how did I not know this?  Despite it being “the worst-kept secret in Nashville”, I was completely unaware that these two were dating.  And they’ve reportedly been dating for a year

Pickler, on a radio interview, referred to being involved in a year-long relationship.  Now other Nashville sources have stated that “the guy” is actually the ex-Mr. Pamela Anderson.  He does like them blond and low on the bell curve, doesn’t he?

What do we think of Rockler?  Cute couple or creepy?  I vote “kinda cute.”