7Flashback: Kardashians Circa 2008

This photo was one of the first shoots that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe collaborated on, and it’s somewhere around five years old. While the girls look “pretty” and all, there’s one thing that I feel compelled to point out—these three chicks have some big-ass heads. They are some melons, aren’t they? It’s not even just the bouffant hair—it’s the whole damn dome, guys. The Kardashians have big heads, and while I’m not making fun of them (because I’ve been told that *I* have a big head), I’m definitely pointing out its evidence in this picture. Because it’s there. For sure.

Incidentally? In related Kim Kardashian news? She was voted Worst Dressed (along with Nicki Minaj) on the Huffington Post’s Worst Dressed Celebrities list, and gosh. Can we go ahead and credit Kanye for that? Because while she never really had the greatest fashion sense in the world, it’s definitely gone downhill since she started f-cking with Kanye West.

Congratulations on that, Kim. And Kanye—hats off to you, too, I guess, huh?

January 18, 2013 at 7:30 am by Sarah

7Look, It’s The Kardashian Kristmas Kard!

Because we all know that it’s not Christmastime until we see how the Kardashians and the Jenners decided to come together for their annual Christmas card.

There’s a couple of interesting things here, I guess. Obviously, Kanye isn’t there, which is extremely upsetting, and also surprising. Don’t they realize how much more press they would get with this is he was on there? There’s not any trouble in Kimye paradise, is there? Heaven forbid Kim lose the latest love of her life, especially when she’s still married to her last one. Can you even imagine?

I guess the only other interesting thing is how much people care about these cards every year. When I was trying to find the best version of this photo, I found dozens and dozens of other blogs and news sites that already got the tip last night, and I don’t get it. And you know I’m not trying to do a big “why do people care about celebrities?” thing, or even a “why do people care about the Kardashians?” thing. People care about them because it’s fun to gossip, duh. But I don’t get why people care so much about these Christmas cards specifically. Is it just so we can speculate about Kim’s love life? Or to see what Bruce Jenner‘s face is up to? Because I can understand that. But otherwise, what’s the appeal?

It’s not Kim’s stupid greased back hair, that’s for sure.

December 18, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

11Quotables: Khloe Kardashian Talks Body Image

I tried to cut out a lot of sweets. And I love … cheese. [Cheese] is not a sweet, but …. I don’t care. [I like] cheese on anything, I don’t care. … [I] binge eat and cry. … It’s always going to be a lifelong thing for me. And I’m not where I want to be. When I used to do things like crash diets or things too fast, it never stuck because it wasn’t a lifestyle change, so for this, I’m working out consistently like three to five days a week … It’s been harder. But I’m just changing my diet slowly.

—Khloe Kardashian on her relationship with food and dieting, God love her. I seriously wonder if she feels the way she feels about herself and her body because she worries what people think about her and her body, or if it’s really something that bothers her on a deeper level. Because while I’m not all on board with people destroying themselves through substances (whether it be drugs, alcohol, or edibles), I AM on board with people doing whatever the f-ck they want with their bodies as long as it’s not harming anyone else. I mean, seriously. What’s so wrong with having a few extra pounds? Why’s it such a big deal when people love food? Why does there have to be anything wrong with the person who loves nothing more than to sit down to watch Monday Night Football with a cornucopia of stuff to graze on, having it make them happy?

Seriously, are there not much, much worse things in life than people who derive serious joy from food?

November 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

2So Khloe Kardashian’s Probably Going to be Hosting the X-Factor

From TMZ:

Khloe Kardashian may be doing her part to jump start the economy … because TMZ has learned she’s the front-runner to become the “X Factor” host and we’re told the suits want it to happen.

Sources intimately connected to the show tell TMZ … Khloe is definitely #1 among the women who tried out and is generally considered the best in the entire pack of host wannabes.

Khloe did a screen test that went over well. The suits — including Simon Cowell (who has probably never worn a suit) — believe Khloe makes the most sense in terms of audience draw, since they’ve already invested heavily in Britney Spears and Demi Lovato to attract young viewers.

Producers will make a decision soon. The host won’t appear until the live shows air, and that begins next month.

Can I see this happening? Absolutely. However, guys, just because we’re all pretty much unanimously in agreement over the fact that Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian, she’s still a Kardashian. And I think the last thing any Kardashian needs is more exposure on television. Or rather, the last thing anyone who’s not a Kardashian needs is more Kardashian exposure on television. And I’m serious—I’m kind of torn over this. I like Khloe, and I think she might actually be an OK kind of girl, but rooting for her to take the slot as host on X-Factor (which is, granted, a show I don’t even watch) is kind of like asking for punishment.

Are you a glutton for punishment, too?

September 7, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

12Love It or Leave It: Kardashian … Ugh, Eyewear Now

So, bearing in mind that I *am* a glasses-wearer (I just prefer them to contacts, because I wore contacts for such a long time that I finally got sick of them and the hassle that they were, as unbelievable as that sounds to some die-hard contacts wearers), try to remember this when I say how stupid Kim Kardashian looks in glasses. She looks flat-out dumb. Like, her face is just way too fancy and done up for something as simple and grounded as glasses (and I don’t mean the part about her face being too “fancy” in a good way, either). Kim Kardashian wearing glasses is like wearing sweat socks with your ballroom gown.

And you know what? That’s got to really, really suck for Kim that she’s so high above it all that she can’t even do the simplest of shit like have eyesight problems. It’s got to be some sort of highfalutin issue when you can’t even wear f-cking glasses without drawing criticism. Either that, or people just hate you, and I think it’s definitely that.

The other two girls, Kourtney and Khloe, actually look kind of charming wearing the specs, and I have to say, the look on those two is flattering. But Kim? No. Not at all, actually. Laws. It’s got to be so tough being the Perfect Bitch, you know? Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

What do you guys think about the Kardashian eyewear line (aside from the general “What the f-ck” reaction that probably plagued you all)?

August 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

1Kim Kardashian: “I Hate to Talk About Myself”

Oh wow. This is too rich, it really is. Last night the second part of Oprah‘s interview with the Kardashians aired, and Kim actually said that she hates to talk about herself. Goodness gracious, what a joke.

Let’s break down the interview and see if we can find any other gems, shall we?

- When Kim was asked about Kanye, she said that “I don’t know why it took us so long to get together. I think we’ve always had an attraction to each other…one day it just happened. It took me by surprise.” She also said that Kanye is what she’s looking for in a man, which is hilarious to me, but that she’s “apprehensive” to talk about the relationship.

- Apparently Oprah wanted to talk about Kanye for a while, because she also asked Kim if their relationship was a publicity stunt. Kim’s response? “No. It’s your heart you’re playing with. I couldn’t sacrifice my heart for a publicity stunt.”

- Also, we’re all so totally wrong about what Kim’s all about. She’s not some mindless spoiled brat, ok? “I hardly drink, I go to church on Sundays,” says Kim. “I’m so far removed from my image.”

- Then she said something kind of cryptic about marriage and Kanye: “I’m not thinking about marriage right now,” says Kim. “To have him (Kanye) in my life this way, says a lot about us.”

- But Kim, please, tell us how pretty you are! Oprah asked her if she knew that she was beautiful, which is when Kim said that she hates talking about herself because “I’m so critical.” Since you’re all on pins and needles, Kim admitted that she’s pretty, but she wouldn’t call herself beautiful.

- Khloe and Lamar got some time in with Oprah too, and Khloe told her that they’re “always trying” to get pregnant.

- Oprah asked Scott Disick an amazing question: what’s the hardest thing to watch in the shows? He responded with “I would probably just say maybe Kourtney crying, one, two, maybe a million times.” Good answer, now if he could work on not being a jackass.

- And does Bruce Jenner have any regrets? “The only thing, the whole (Kim and Kris) wedding thing,” says Bruce. “We went so overboard on that. And, the way it turned out and everything. … And, because I mean at the time it was honest, it was love, it was exact, I mean, I was all in, you know? But then it turned so quickly.”

Bless you, Oprah. Bless you for this.

June 25, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily