Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

But Celebrities, How Do You Get All The Money?

A photo of Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kourtney Kardashian

Do you ever wonder exactly how people like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton get so incredibly, unbelievably rich with no discernible talent? Or even just any old celebrity, like, say, Beyonce, who, along with husband Jay-Z brought in $72 million this past year alone: yes, they work hard and they’re talented, but how do they get that ungodly amount of money? Sure, there are some cases where these stars come from rich families, but some people are just inexplicably wealthy. Did you ever wonder about how?

If you’re a little curious, check out this little breakdown to see where a lot of this money comes from:

1. On average celebrities make $33,000 per pound just for losing weight on an endorsement deal.
2. $10,000 per Tweet
3. 50% of all proceeds from staged paparazzi photos
4. $10,000 “secret” endorsement checks to wear certain items of clothing.
5. $100,000 for baby photos (except for the very high end babies which can command $1 million)
6. $25,000 for a club appearance
7. All expense paid trips for them and their entire family to show up and say they support a charity

I can’t.  It’s too early, I’m too broke, I can’t. $10,000 to wear free clothes? $33,000 per lost pound? $10,000 per Tweet? Goddamn. I don’t know whether to try to figure out where I went wrong that I’m not making thousands of dollars for going to a club or to try to figure out where our society went wrong. I think I’m going to settle for somewhere in the middle, and of course by “somewhere in the middle,” I mean “stay in my pajamas all day, watch The Notebook and Beaches over and over, and weep.”

The World Is Trying to Ban The Kardashians

A photo of Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Khloe Kardashian

You guys might have seen some comments around these parts or on other blogs about a “Kardashian Free Zone Day,” a boycott of the E! channel on November 27th. You also might have seen talk of a petition requesting that E! entirely remove the Kardashians from their programming because “these shows are mostly staged and place an emphasis on vanity, greed, promiscuity, vulgarity and over-the-top conspicuous consumption. While some may have begun watching the spectacle as mindless entertainment or as a sort of ‘reality satire,’ it is a sad truth that many young people are looking up to this family and are modeling their appearance and behavior after them.” Right now, the petition has nearly 85,000 signatures, so whatever you’ve seen, people are getting pretty sick of the Kardashians.

Personally, I’m torn. I’d never seen any of the Kardashian shows until this weekend. Don’t tell anybody, but I was really bored and curious, and I watched the first four episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I appreciated the show like I appreciate Jersey Shore: it’s mindless drama that’s just fun to watch. I enjoy giggling at the stupidity of people, and since these people are getting paid ridiculous amounts, I don’t feel bad for it. Everybody wins! Except, I suppose, whatever people actually look up to the Kardashians. Oh, and those girls who were very young when the show started and were almost inevitably warped by Kris Jenner‘s need for money and fame, they didn’t win either.

So really, I don’t know where I stand. I don’t want the young impressionable youth to think that emulating Kim Kardashian is remotely ok, but at the same time, I can’t imagine that Bruce Jenner’s face will ever fail to make me smile. Is it too ambitious to dream that we lived in a society where people made their own choices instead of going with whatever idiot who made her way on television has to say?

Where do you guys stand?

The Katastrophy That Kaused The Kardashian Kontention

A photo of Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and Kim Kardashian

Oh, I’m sorry, did you think the incorrect use of all the ‘k’s would stop being funny to me? Think again, friends. The fun has just kommenced.

Not for the Kardashians, though. No, for the Kardashians, there’s apparently quite the riff that began with the divorce heard ’round the world:

“The family has split into two camps since the divorce – Kim and her mom versus the rest of the family, who are really angry at her,” an insider tells In Touch magazine. “Encouraged by her mom, Kris, Kim has become a fame-addicted, money-hungry monster. She has lost touch with reality.”

A source reveals that Khloe is “seething” over Kim’s actions — and while in Australia, the sisters got into a battle in a bathroom.

“Khloe was mad because Kim was trying to look sad [about her divorce],” describes onlooker Hannah Smith. “She was telling Kim that people would see right through it, and Kim was only making things worse.” Kim and Khloe got so nasty to each other that they were “swearing at each other.” Kim stormed out of the room after getting totally worked up.

Then at the airport when Kim, Khloe and Lamar were heading home from Australia, Khloe and Lamar ignored Kim as she tried to wheel her luggage. “It was as if they didn’t even know her,” notes a witness.

This sounds completely plausible, right? It’s pretty widely known that Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian, Kourtney is ok, I guess, save her taste in men, while Kim and Kris are the money hungry bitches of the family. Or, you know, that’s how it looks on TV.

Here’s another issue: there’s talk that this whole debacle could be the end of the Kardashians, that America is not going to be willing to put up with any further nonsense from this family. Could that be true? Based on the amount of information that I read about these people every single day (and guys, it’s a lot. Like, a lot a lot), it seems like we’re going to be exposed to the Kardashians basically until they die, but I can’t be sure anymore. Thoughts?

SNL Mocks Kim Kardashian’s Divorce, Which Should Be Terrible, Except It’s Really Funny

Here is a sad admission: I DON’T LAUGH THAT OFTEN. But this? This Saturday Night Live sketch from last night’s episode? Oh, I belly-laughed. I may have even guffawed. It was terrible, and I’m sorry. Except for, Kris Jenner is kind of the worst ever, and boy oh boy, did I laugh at Kristen Wiig’s version of Kris Jenner. Meanwhile, Andy Samberg’s limited talents (sorry!) were perfectly utilized in his portrayal of Kris Humphries. Oh, my God, and then Taran Killam as Bruce Jenner. Oh, my God. Just watch. (Charlie Day hosted.)

No, I do feel bad for laughing. I feel awful, actually: Kim Kardashian has reportedly flown to Minnesota to love-tackle (that’s a basketball term, right?) estranged husband Kris Humphries. Kim feels she was brash in ditching her husband of 72 days, evidently, and while this doesn’t signal a real reconciliation, I’m actually relieved that Kim is at least sort of trying.

Love It or Leave It: Khloe Kardashian’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Jumpsuit

photo of khloe kardashian jumpsuit tight fit big ass pictures photos hot pics

Is that what you’d call a jumpsuit? I don’t know. My idea of “fashion” is comfy yoga pants, jeans, long-sleeved shirts, cardigans, and bare feet. Oh, and Birkenstocks. I guess that’s the height of my fashion know-how right there, guys.

However, even I know that there’s just something not all that good about Khloe’s jumpsuit. I’ve been giving her fair chances here and there, because I really, really want to like her – I think there’s something inherently appealing about the girl, after all; I’m just not sure what it is yet – but this horrendous wardrobe choice has driven her fashion sense back about four years or so. You know, back when that low-cut jumpsuit might actually have fit her younger sister, Kendall. Even she’s outgrown it since then.

On a positive note? Khloe‘s a lot prettier than I’ve really ever given her credit for.

Annie Leibovitz Photographed the Kardashian Trio

photo of leibowitz kardashian photo shoot pictures photos

Let’s play the spot-how-many-effed-up-things-there-are-in-this-picture game, shall we?

1. Since when is Kim both a lot larger-headed and a lot taller than both of her sisters? She looks positively cut and pasted into the photo, right?

2. Why does it look like Kourtney‘s awkwardly feeling for a baby-pulse there in Khloe‘s midsection? Was that scripted, or was it an accident that no one noticed?

3. Khloe’s face came off looking the best in this picture, and I’m afraid that’s not Photoshop, guys.

4. And speaking of Khloe (again), I know she’s not as petite-thighed as the other two gals (who aren’t all that petite-thighed to begin with) but how in hell are the tops of her knees tinier than those of both Kim and Kourtney?

5. … And why is it that you can almost see the top area of Khloe’s knee when you can’t see Kim’s despite the fact that KIM’S TALLER IN THIS PHOTO?

Final verdict? What an awful shitshow of a job, Annie Leibovitz, jeez. I’ve come to expect better from you and your cronies.

You can check out the other two photos in the gallery – be sure to point out all of the WTFs that you see in those, too. Doubtless there’s a ton of ‘em.

Because I Know Some of You Love Her, Here’s Some Photos of Khloe Kardashian Doing a Make-A-Wish Thing

photo of khloe kardashian make a wish event pictures photos

Khloe Kardashian has a seriously huge heart. Here, she’s photographed with a young girl who’s been struck with cystic fibrosis. Turns out, for her wish, all the young girl wanted was to have dinner with her biggest celebrity hetero-crush, and dine the night away they did indeed.

Isn’t it so nice that Khloe can use her massive star power to come out looking like the biggest and best Kardashian of them all? If I were to choose a Kardashian to befriend, Khloe would stick out like a sore thumb. She’s the greatest, isn’t she?