Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

What The World Needs Now Is Another Kardashian Spin-Off

A photo of Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner

Yes, a spin-off with those two little ones, that’ll do the trick! Oh, and one with the boy! And now that Khloe‘s Laker man, Lamar, got traded to the Dallas Mavericks, somebody with a camera should follow them on down to Texas! The Kardashian empire has just begun to take hold!

For real, this is all happening. See, there’s a new boss over at E!, home of the Kardashians, and she isn’t content with the three measly shows the family has now. No, she’s aiming for “two, three, even four new Kardashian spin-offs” that focus on all the crazy antics of this “beautiful” and “interesting” family. Yes, this lady called the Kardashians beautiful and interesting.

You know, I’ve been enjoying the Kardashians lately – I watched pretty much the entirety of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I just started on Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami because it’s fun for me to watch every single trainwreck take place and it makes me giggle that people that stupid actually exist in real life – but I think we’re in a good place right now. I don’t think we need up to four new television programs about this family, do you?

Blind Item: The Kardashian Paternity Drama

A photo of Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kourtney Kardashian

This is a really interesting but really sad blind item. The rest of the internet and I aren’t really accepting any guesses for this other than the Kardashians, so why don’t we go ahead and review the item and then talk about our feelings, all right?

While the members of this famous family certainly resemble each other, there is one family member with a unique physical characteristic that differentiates them from their more famous sibling/s. There have been rumblings about this for a long time, but it has finally been confirmed by parent to child: that the child is, in fact, the product of an affair one of their parents had long ago.  The child did not take the news well, and really resents having been lied to all these years. Given that certain members of the family tend to selectively overshare, it will be interesting to see if this information is ever publicly revealed, and – if it is – how it will be spun.

And now we know that it’s been confirmed that Khloe Kardashian is not truly a Kardashian by blood, and that Mother of the Year, Kris Jenner, slept around. Here, in no particular order, are the facts to back it up:

1) Check out the wording of the item: “a unique physical characteristic,” “more famous sibling,” and the tendency to “selectively overshare.” Not a Kardashian post goes by where somebody doesn’t comment on Khloe’s stature, of course Kim is way more famous, and … oversharing, guys. That’s what the Kardashians do.

2) Just look at Khloe. We’ve already mentioned the height, but there’s the lighter hair, the lighter complexion, and the fact that Kim and Kourtney could be twins while Khloe has a pretty different look.

3) If you watch the show, you might remember an early episode where Khloe did a DNA test to see if Kris was her biological mom. She stated that she never felt like a real part of the family and that she felt like she was treated differently.

4) Remember, Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian. A different set of genes might be the reason.

5) In Kris Jenner’s new book, she mentions that time that she had an affair around the same time that Khloe would have been conceived. So there’s that.

Any other guesses, or do you think it’s pretty much a sure bet that this paternity drama is all about the Kardashians?

Who’s Buying The Kardashian Nail Polish?

I think a better question would be who isn’t buying the Kardashian nail polish! With color names like “Sealed with a Kris,” “Kim-pletely in Love,” “Khloe Had a Little Lam-Lam,” and “Listen to Your Momager,” these nail polishes will practically sell themselves.

Even more good news: all the Kardashian ladies – Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kris, Kendall, and Kylie – are all in on the deal. The deal which earned these lovely women $600,000 up front to be split evenly between them. And yes, that means that 16-year-old Kendall and 14-year-old Kylie just made $100,000. How does that feel?

One more question: can anyone tell me a nail polish brand that isn’t ridiculously expensive that also won’t chip off five seconds after it dries? Does that exist?

Khloe Kardashian Is The Best Kardashian

A photo of Khloe Kardashian

Remember last week when we showed you guys some photos of Khloe Kardashian going to the gym without makeup? Sarah called it “positively refreshing,” and I definitely agree. Time and time again, Khloe has proven herself to be, well, kind of a better person than most of those in her family. But, as always, people are going to trash talk, and when they started calling names and poking fun at Khloe in those pictures, she had some pretty good things to say in response:

Some people are so stressed trying to be perfectly flawless…. but I’m so HAPPY to be perfectly flawed.

Haters are like crickets; they make a lot of noise you can hear but you never see them, then you walk right by them and they’re quiet.

“People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you.”

Its crazy 2me that if I dont go 2the gym I get judged. If I do go I still get judged. Yes when u work out u sweat, get red…

This is why I live for me and not for anyone else. You learn quickly that you will NEVER make everyone happy in life. But I am happy :)

See, this is why I love Khloe and why sometimes I can just respect the hell out of her and … oh god. Do I have a crush on Khloe Kardashian?

Stars Without Makeup: The Khloe Kardashian Edition

photo of khloe kardashian pictures photos no makeup fat weight loss gain pic
See that, up there? That’s the best piece of publicity that the Kardashian family’s gotten in the last thirty days. In case you didn’t recognize her without all of the makeup and glitz, that’s Khloe Kardashian on her way to the gym, and I think it’s positively refreshing to see that she hits the gym without a full-on Kabuki mask, like other celebrities are prone to.

Another thing I don’t understand? Those who go to the beach wearing makeup and jewelry. Last I checked, going to the beach for leisure was a recreational event and not a fashion shoot, but hey. These are the douchebags making millions of dollars a year, and here I am wearing last season’s sweatpants. Who’s one-up on that one, huh?

A Very Kardashian Thanksgiving!

A photo of Bruce Jenner and Kim Kardashian

I am so, so sorry, you guys. I know that on Thanksgiving day, you were just sitting around with your boring old family, eating pedestrian turkey and peasanty stuffing. You hemmed and hawed every time somebody mentioned that dumb parade, and when your stupid cousin asked you to pass the potatoes, you could have just about bitten his head off. And who could blame you? Your mind was completely occupied with wondering what your favorite family was doing for the holidays!

Thanks to Khloe Kardashian and her blog, we don’t need to wonder anymore! Now we know that poor Bruce Jenner looked weird, Kourtney Kardashian‘s adorable son Mason was adorable, and that Dancing with the Star‘s Mark Ballas showed up to play a little guitar. Feel better? I know I do!

Oh, and speaking of Dancing with the Stars, guess who’s being courted to appear on the next season. Kris Jenner, y’all. Could the day get any better?