Jessica Simpson was photographed earlier in the week at LAX looking rather harried. And unhappy. And bloated. She’s even got the heavy Britney eyelids going on. What’s the deal, Jess? Too many margaritas with your frenny-fren, Ken? Did you catch Tony in bed with John Mayer? Ashlee eat the last jelly-filled doughnut again? What, then, girl?

I’m pretty dedicated to Jessica Simpson. I defend her. I feel for her. “She’s a nice girl! Leave her be!” That’s the kind of thing I say about her. But then last night she posted this video on her Twitter that’s making the rounds today and oh my goodness, is she being annoying. Old school, Newlyweds annoying.

You see, I guess her BFF/hairstylist Ken Paves have her a candle for Christmas that’s supposed to such your ears clean of all their earwax. I’m not quite sure on how that science works either, but I’ve done some Googling for you and you can check out this if you want. During the entire video (which is only about a minute or so long but seems to last a lifetime), Jessica whines loudly as if she is in pain while Ken sings Christmas carols. One thing I do have to give the girl: She looks good. She always does. She’s without make-up, her hair is in a bun and she’s holding a candle in her ear with a Papa John’s pizza box stuck on it to catch wax. Not many people could look as pretty as she does doing that… but do you think she could SHUT UP?

World News Sources have confirmed today that Britney Spears has finally lost some of her baby weight and is so excited she is shopping for a new wardrobe.

Even though I’m a little taken aback that this is a WORLD NEWS STORY I am kind of excited because this might mean that hot Brit is going to make a comeback. I love Britney Spears and though I have filled my trashy pop void with an unhealthy obsession with Danity Kane I really have missed her.

I really think that Britney should dump Kevin, become besties with Ken Paves and do a duet with Justin Timberlake. That would be hot.

So y’all Brit’s coming back. I’m so excited.