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Kelly Clarkson

7Kelly Clarkson Thinks Everyone at the VMAs Resembled “Pitchy Strippers”

kelly clarkson

Kelly Clarkson was probably too busy to attend the MTV Video Music Awards in Brooklyn on Sunday night, but she did make time to catch it on TV, and she wasn’t too pleased with what she saw. Between Lady GaGa‘s coke-fuelled mess of a “performance” to Miley Cyrus‘s exercise in cultural appropriation and pedophilia roleplay, the whole thing didn’t go over too well with the ‘Mr. Know-It-All’ singer.

Of course, you can’t shit these days without having someone share it on Twitter, so that’s where Kelly headed to share her thoughts about the state of the event:


When pressed by a fan to be nice, she replied:


Alright, listen. Pitchy? Totally into it. The vocals were all the fuck over the place and it was not a nice sonic experience. Cultural appropriation? Miley’s got you covered. Poor taste? Sure. But calling someone a “stripper” is implying that there’s something wrong with strippers and y’all know I’m not into slut shaming, whatever your personal feelings on sex/sexuality/public expression if it may be. Tone it down, Clarkson.

Of course, it wasn’t long before one of Miley’s “Smilers” – or rather, grown ass men who work in “the industry” and clearly will take a view of tits and ass however they can get it – jumped in to defend her and call Kelly names because she’s a big fat fatty (eyeroll):


Everyone just cool it. It’s not that serious.

August 27, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

0Kelly Clarkson’s Releasing a Christmas Album

kelly clarkson christmas album

Hang on to your hats, because I fucking love Christmas. Seriously, I start doing a countdown on, like, September 1. I love Christmas music and Christmas decorations and all the Christmas programs on TV and AHHHHH CHRISTMAS IS SO GOOD, GUYS. That’s why I’m glad Kelly Clarkson is putting out a Christmas album. I won’t buy it or even listen to it, probably, but the fact that it exists? I respect that. (I need to watch Zoolander.)

Here’s her tweets:


It’s called Wrapped in Red and is out October 29, in case you were wondering.

August 20, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kelly Clarkson

0Britain Really Doesn’t Want Kelly Clarkson Getting That Jane Austen Ring

kelly clarkson

Kelly Clarkson paid roughly $228,000 for a ring formerly belonging to Jane Austen and then Britain basically forbid her from taking it out of the country on cultural grounds and in hopes that someone else (read: someone British) to pledge the same amount and cancel her bid out. Now, an anonymous donor has come forward and bid £100,000 (about $78,000 short of Kelly’s buying price) to keep it in the country and she might lose it for good. What? Ugh.

From Digital Spy:

Culture minister Ed Vaizey placed a temporary hold on the item, which will keep it on British soil until September 30. This can be extended to December 30 if a new buyer comes forward and intends to match Clarkson’s winning bid.

The government is said to be satisfied that the Hampshire-based Jane Austen’s House Museum has shown “serious expression of interest to buy the ring” after receiving the £100,000 donation.

It now has until the December date to raise £52,450 and ensure the ring stays in the UK.

The museum tried to win the 19th century item at the original auction but was outbid by Clarkson.

Vaizey said: “Jane Austen’s modest lifestyle and her early death mean that objects associated with her of any kind are extremely rare.

“So I hope that a UK buyer comes forward so this simple but elegant ring can be saved for the nation.”

Again, why the hell not put a stipulation on the initial auction saying that it’s only open to UK buyers? Why the hell does it even matter? These seem like pretty extreme lengths to go to for a single ring – especially considering there are much more important artifacts on the go.

August 14, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kelly Clarkson

4Why Are British Government Officials PISSED With Kelly Clarkson?

kelly clarkson CMA 2013

Kelly Clarkson angered a nation, or at least the batshit crazy Jane Austen fans part of it — when she had the audacity to buy a piece of Austen’s jewelry at an auction. Wow, what a bitch!!!! Ms. Clarkson won the ring for a staggering $228,000. But now British officials want the piece to stay in their country.

From Digital Spy:

Culture minister Ed Vaizey has placed a temporary hold on the item which will keep it on British soil until September 30. This can be extended to December 30 if a new buyer comes forward and intends to match Clarkson’s winning bid.

Vaizey told BBC News: “Jane Austen’s modest lifestyle and her early death mean that objects associated with her of any kind are extremely rare.

“So I hope that a UK buyer comes forward so this simple but elegant ring can be saved for the nation.”

If the ring fails to find a new buyer, Clarkson will be granted an export licence and have it flown out of the UK.

Then WHY was it even up for auction? And dude, I think the UK will somehow survive without Jane Austen’s ring.

Good luck, Kelly! Too bad this “culture minister” doesn’t love you as much as the producers of American Idol.

August 2, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Kelly Clarkson

1Kelly Clarkson Gives ‘American Idol’ a “Thanks, But No Thanks”

kelly clarkson

We all know that American Idol is cleaning house when it comes to the judges and are thinking of having an all-alum panel next year. Jennifer Hudson is most likely going to be sipping away at her Diet Coke at the table, but Kelly Clarkson was also rumoured to be close to signing a deal to join the rapidly sinking ship that is Idol. Thankfully, that’s not happening now.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Despite rampant rumors, a rep for Kelly Clarkson tells The Hollywood Reporter that the American Idol winner will not be judging season 13 of the Fox show.

It was reported by New York Magazine’s Vulture blog on Wednesday that series producers are considering an all alumnae panel for next year’s competition, after seeing a double digit drop in viewership for season 12, which was judged by expensive music celebrities Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj, in addition to Randy Jackson and Keith Urban. E! later reported that a three-judge table made up of alums is “95% there” and featured images of Clarkson, Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson.

Wait, so Aiken is joining the panel? Well, I bet his stalker will be pleased about that. Also, I’m glad Kelly managed to… *pulls off sunglasses* break away from this shit show.

May 27, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

2Clive Davis Backtracks on Kelly Clarkson Abuse, Remains An Old Asshole

kelly clarkson clive davis pics

No one really gives a shit about Clive Davis. I mean, sure, we all know what a music industry legend he is and how many great talents he had a hand in signing and turning into popstars, but do we really care? How many occasions in the past 15 years have you spent more than five seconds thinking about Clive Davis? If the answer is “none”, you’re with the rest of us. Still, all grumpy senior citizens (and some annoying young folks) generally feel that need sometime to write their life stories out in book form and try to sell it to the public – such is the case with Clive, who felt like we need to know that he occasionally likes a little boy toy action and to talk major shit on Kelly Clarkson, who obviously wasn’t having it.

After Kelly tore him a new asshole and called him out for basically bullying her for no reason and outright lying about other aspects of her career, Clive did what all the hip kids do and took to social networking to backtrack on all the smacktalk and try to play the big man by wishing her the best (which is, in reality, probably a giant “go f-ck yourself”).

Via Twitter:

As anyone who has read The Soundtrack of My Life knows, I think Kelly Clarkson is a tremendous vocal talent and performer. In the book, I provide an in-depth look at our years together during which we shared major multi-platinum success, as well as a few creative differences. I am truly very sorry that she has decided to take issue with what I know to be an accurate depiction of our time together. Before the book was published, I had every fact checked with five independent individuals who were present on a daily basis throughout it all. The chapter as it is written was thoroughly verified by each and every one of them. I stand by the chapter as written in my book. At the same time I wish, and will always wish, Kelly’s talent and her career to soar to ever new heights.

Newsflash, Clive – no one read that book, we just read random paragraphs that online news outlets chose to publish. That’s more than enough for my liking. I’m Team Kelly on this one.

February 20, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
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