In addition to having the cutest fucking toddler to ever see a pair of heels*, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise apparently have the kind of strong, enduring relationship that allows them to exercise together. Just like Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake! I don’t understand the appeal of jogging with your significant other. Look, when I’m jogging, that’s my damn time. That’s my time to be away from all the nuisances in my life, which usually expands to include whomever I’m dating at the time. You must really be close to your husband to agree to jog with them. Either that or you’re contractually bound to be within 20 feet of him at all time. I’m not sure which it is with Katie.
* It just occurred to me that I’m going to get some very upsetting search traffic as a result of using “fucking” and “toddler” in such close proximity.
Katie Holmes was on the 100th episode of So You Think You Can Dance last night. (I always want to put a question mark at the end of that show title.) I’ve got the clip for you. Unless you want to watch Katie scratch herself and look dead in the eyes, fast forward to about the two-minute mark. There, you can watch Katie lip-sync and look dead in the eyes. Enjoy!
Edited to add: The reviews are in! You know, I just cruised over to Twitter to see if Solange Knowles ever. stopped. copying. me. and saw that Shanna Moakler just posted this Tweet: “I am fckn INSULTED, Katie Holmes how dare you! maybe if I suck Tom Cruise off I can be Ann Miller for a day. Shame Shame Shame.” Like, she seriously couldn’t have sacrificed a comma or exclamation point in exchange for having enough available characters to be able to spell “fucking”? (Screen grabbed it for when the coke and martinis wear off and Shanna deletes it.)
Edited again: I’ll add any more coke-fueled Tweets valuable Shanna Moakler commentary that she posts.