Well, those two crazy kids actually went and got themselves married. This Saturday, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were joined in holy matrimony at Odescalchi Castle outside of Rome. There were over 150 guests in attendance, including Victoria Beckham, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey.
Katie’s father escorted her down the aisle, and the ceremony was performed at sunset by a Scientology minister (read about traditional Scientology wedding vows here). The wedding party included Cruise’s children, Isabella and Connor, and the best man was Cruise’s best friend, David Miscavige, who also happens to be the head of the Church of Scientology. Katie’s sister, Nancy Blaylock, was her matron of honor. The wedding singer was Matt Lauer. Nah, I’m kidding, it was Andrea Bocelli. I hear there was a light drizzle at the start of the ceremony, but then things cleared up for the couple.
Since I honestly don’t understand enough of these words to paraphrase the description of what Katie wore, I am going to jack it, word for tedious word, from Us Weekly: “Katie wore a fitted Armani off-the-shoulder bridal gown with a train in ivory silk cadis adorned in Valenciennes lace and Swarovski beaded crystal embroidery, featuring a delicate crinoline frill at the shoulders and a silk soleil border around the hem. The gown was complemented by an ivory tulle floor length veil and ivory silk shoes.” If this sounds more like a recipe for a wedding cake to you, too, just check out the pics. For the rest of you fashionistas, People has a run-down of what the entire wedding party wore (summary: everyone’s in Armani). Need more pictures? TMZ has one billion, and Teddy and Moo has the rest.
Tom and Katie left early the next morning for their honeymoon in the Maldives. Where are the Maldives? Apparently they’re an island nation south-west of Sri Lanka. Where is Sri Lanka? Now you’re on your own.
November 20, 2006 at 12:32 am by Evil Beet
These are shots of the guests leaving their hotel to catch shuttles to the actual wedding site.
Victoria Beckham has apparently decided to skip the Cruise/Holmes vows altogether, opting instead to attend some manner of funeral being held by the cast of Melrose Place.
To celebrate Cruise’s virility, Jennifer Lopez has dressed as a penis.
November 18, 2006 at 10:37 pm by Evil Beet
November 16, 2006 at 12:17 am by Evil Beet
I don’t know that I want to turn into EvilBeet’s official CruiseKat guy but the stories seem to be calling to me. Here’s a fun tidbit, Katie just dropped three large on some lingerie. Included in the windfall:
1) A $340 thong
2) Matching robe trimmed with ostrich feathers that set her back $620
3) A lace bra with Swarovski crystals for $380 and matching thong with crystals for $175
Now admittedly I don’t know a ton about thongs but aren’t they um.. well not much fabric? What would cost $340? Does it come with equipment? Also, why are we killing ostriches? Isn’t it shame enough that they can’t fly?
Finally, I would like to put the Crystal thong on my personal Christmas wish list. I think I deserve it.
November 15, 2006 at 5:02 pm by Evil Beet
Rachel Weisz says it’s okay to drink while you’re pregnant. “Amen to that,” says Lindsay Lohan’s mom. [Cele|Bitchy]
Oprah and her couch are not invited to the TomKat wedding. [Bossip]
If Paris and Nicole can be BFF again, perhaps there’s hope for Britney and Madonna? [The Bosh]
You should return that bulk purchase of lube to Costco, guys. There won’t be an Eva Longoria/Beyonce lesbo flick afterall. [Junkiness]
Michelle Trachtenberg and DJ AM? In my mind, this is the definitive answer to “Which B-list celebs do you care about the absolute least?” But apparently they’re also banging. [A Socialite's Life]
November 15, 2006 at 6:48 am by Evil Beet
We are four days away from America’s sweetheart, Tom Cruise, giving up his flower one more time. This here link from ABC has a delightful sneak peek at the vows which are so awesome they must be broken down. They are as follows:
“Now Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills. A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.”
I should mention this is not fake in the slightest, this is what Tom really will say “Hail Xenu” to. A gal needs frills! To quote a British friend of mine “Luvs It!’ Also, perhaps a cat? L. Ron, why not just lay it down, she either needs a cat or she doesn’t man.
Here is what Katie will say “uh-huh” to:
“Hear well, sweet Katie. â€¦ For promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.”
Okay, so Hubbard was a writer but he couldn’t quite get the spirit of the word “folly” correct. A girl may be prone to folly, but I’ve never heard of follies. Okay, I just checked it out at Merriam-Webster and although it’s a word I’m still mildly pissed off about the usage. I’d further note that if Tommy is still a young man at the tender age of 44 I look forward to many years of forgetting to buy cats my own self.
If these two crazy kids can’t make it what chance do the rest of us have? The answer, sadly, is none because most of us are kinda-sorta on prescription medication and will never make it to the 42nd level of blinding light or whatever Cruise is up to now.