Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katie Holmes

Early Morning Musings: Cameron Diaz ASSAULTED!

  • People in this country seem to think it would be a good thing if Lindsay Lohan moved to London. Such thinking belies a tacit ignorance of the economic underpinnings of our nation. A drastic shift in the supply/demand curve of the blow industry impacts all of us.
  • Cameron Diaz filed a police report accusing a photog of assault with a deadly weapon.
  • Angelina and Brad continue their tireless quest to buy our forgiveness, donating $1M each to the Global Action for Children and Doctors Without Borders. It’s really pathetic, you know, behaving as though a vast improvement in quality of life for thousands of third-world children in any way makes up for the broken heart of one first-world Jennifer Aniston. You two sicken me.
  • Someone went Wild On…Brooke Burke. Check out pics of her preggers. And, for the record, I tried very hard to think of something more current to pun on than an E! series she wrapped four years ago, but that’s really all there is for her.
  • No, silly, Chris Klein did not impregnant Katie Holmes. An alien did.

Moby’s Take on Suri Cruise

From Moby’s blog. I’ve noted the spelling errors. I post this mostly because I agree, and because it echoes almost eerily the sentiments I expressed when Brad and Angelina stuck their kid on the cover of People. I’ve corrected the spelling mostly because I don’t really like Moby, either, and because nothing’s funnier to me than a moral high ground expressed fearlessly and spelled incorrectly. So without further ado:

are you kidding me?
putting your fucking CHILD on the cover of vanity fair?
are they out of their minds?
using a child as a p.r prop???
argh. question: what is more important, your ability to shepherd a child through life and give it a healthy foundation for the hardships of existence, or usingit to get a vanity fair cover?
using children as p.r props does disgust me, i have to admit.
in the grand scheme of things fame pales in comparison to family and child-rearing.
i don’t know tom cruise and katie holmes, but i really cannot for a second fathom the mindset of parents who would sell pictures of their children and use their children to get better press coverage.
i’m sorry, i try not to be too judgemental judgmental, but it’s gross.
shouldn’t children have to be cogniscent cognizant of what’s actually going on before they’re being used by their parents to be on the cover of magazines?
not to sound too old fashioned, but if parenthood and infancy are not sacred in our culture, what is?
it just seems fucking grotesque to me, to use your newborn to get press coverage.

Picking up the Pieces: Things that Happened to People Other Than Lindsay Lohan Today

Picking Up the Pieces

A Few Things You Should Know

I haven’t really been in a writing mood today, which is why you’ve been treated to videos and nip-slip pics, but as a responsible journalist (cough cough hiss hiss), I respect that there are some things my readers should know before I sign off for the day:

1) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes oblingingly struck the we’re-in-love pose for paparazzi yesterday, and people seem to think this is newsworthy, so, there ya go.

2) X17 thinks they’ve got a shot of Suri Cruise. That sad, longing figure in the window may or may not be Katie Holmes.

3) Gwyneth Paltrow is African. All male bloggers subsequently announce themselves painfully well-endowed. I can’t compete with that. Except for this: Right, Gwyneth, and I have two vaginas.

4) I keep hearing buzz about terrorist plots involving airplanes. Didn’t Nick Cage do a movie about that?