- Orlando Bloom decides he can’t see Kate Bosworth anymore. No, really, he can’t actually see her anymore.
- It’s official: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes found a baby to adopt! Katie Couric kicked off her CBS career with the pics. From the looks of the kid, some 15-year-old prostitute in Cambodia is a real big fan of Scientology these days.
- It’s not that Victoria Beckham is pregnant, it’s just that her husband doesn’t speak Spanish.
- When a lot of rich people have invested a lot of money in you, you don’t have to go to jail for petty things like using heroin and selling cocaine to teenagers in rehab. Isn’t that right, Pete Doherty?
- Jessica Simpson denies she’s dating John Mayer on the View today. So if we could just get a moratorium on all “Is Jessica Simpson’s Body a Wonderland?” headlines for awhile, that’d be great, mmkay?
- If you liked Mean Girls, you’ll love Heathers 2.
- When William H. Macy goes on the record with how much you suck, Lindsay Lohan, you must totally suck.
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been lurking around the Yahoo/HBO complex in Santa Monica. They must have found a sitter for their little Suri. And by “sitter” I of course mean “fake sitter,” and by “Suri” I of course mean “PR stunt.”
- Since he can’t marry Kate Moss just yet, Pete Doherty is passing the time by sneaking cocaine to teenagers in rehab.
I haven’t really been in a writing mood today, which is why you’ve been treated to videos and nip-slip pics, but as a responsible journalist (cough cough hiss hiss), I respect that there are some things my readers should know before I sign off for the day:
1) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes oblingingly struck the we’re-in-love pose for paparazzi yesterday, and people seem to think this is newsworthy, so, there ya go.
2) X17 thinks they’ve got a shot of Suri Cruise. That sad, longing figure in the window may or may not be Katie Holmes.
4) I keep hearing buzz about terrorist plots involving airplanes. Didn’t Nick Cage do a movie about that?