Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes Might Have More Kids and Become a Lawyer, Maybe

katie holmes allure

Katie Holmes has always struck me as mind-numbingly boring and personality-less, especially after she got with Tom Cruise, and her interview in the new issue of Allure does nothing to dispel that opinion. In excerpts, Katie sounds off on exciting topics like motherhood, career and… world peace.

US Weekly shares some “highlights”:

After finalizing her divorce from Tom Cruise, 50, in July 2012, the mom to daughter Suri, 6, talks about the possibility of expanding her family one day.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I’m open to it.”

She’s also seems to be open to the rumors that she plans to become an attorney. “Well, my brother and father are attorneys, and – we’ll see,” Holmes says. “I like the practical thinking of attorneys.”

And while she’s looking forward to the possibility of new projects ahead of her, Holmes says she hopes this year is good everyone and not just herself.

“I hope this is a peaceful year for a lot of people in the world,” she tells the magazine. “When you look back on the last year, there were a lot of tragedies — Hurricane Sandy, the Connecticut shooting. I just hope it’s a good year for everyone.”

Wow, that’s… deep. So… she’s vaguely interested in more kids, could maybe sorta see herself being a lawyer and wants everyone to be generally chill. I feel like I know so much more about Katie Holmes now! You’d think the real life Carrie Bradshaw would have more to say for herself, but I suppose you can’t win them all.

Katie Holmes Is the Real Life Carrie Bradshaw, Won’t Leave New York

Katie Holmes recently finished up her run in the Broadway show Dead Accounts, which left many wondering (God knows who cared) whether she’d leave the Big Apple and head back to Los Angeles, the land of bumper to bumper traffic, disgustingly hot weather and In-n-Out. However, rest your weary heads, everyone! The question which plagues our generation has now been solved! Katie loves the east coast and plans on staying put. Wouldn’t you if you’d become the real life Carrie Bradshaw?

From The Huffington Post:

“Katie is in love with this city. After being very isolated while married to Tom, she is now enjoying single life in New York,” says a friend of the actress. “She knows all the cool spots to eat, meet friends or hang out. She’s become a real-life version of Carrie Bradshaw as far as her love affair with the city.”

Katie’s publicist pretty much confirmed the news by simply saying that New York is the actress’s home – makes sense, considering the world’s most fashionable child, Suri Cruise, is already enrolled in school there. But seriously – aren’t Sex and the City references so five years ago? Also, as if, with that wardrobe.

Surprise! Anne Hathaway is a Super B-tch

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Remember how Anne Hathaway used to make fun of Katie Holmes on SNL all the time? Because there’s apparently this back story to it, and the back story isn’t so nice. At least, for Katie Holmes. I’m sure Anne Hathaway is just happier than a pig in shit, because she’s the one who thinks she’s so much better than Katie in every possible way known to man.

Again, National Enquirer, because lately, I think they’re onto something, maybe:

The claws are out between the Batman babes after Anne Hathaway poked fun at Katie Holmes during a November appearance on “Saturday Night Live.”

During hilarious skits on the long-running late-night comedy show, Les Miserables star Anne skewered both Katie AND “Homeland” actress Claire Danes. And although she’s offiically offered a mea culpa to Claire — along with a bouquet of flowers — she’s conspicuously neglected to apologize to Tom Cruise’s ex-wife Katie.

“Anne and Katie are longtime rivals,” disclosed an insider. “Anne puts forth a very genial, friendly image, but she has a wicked competitive streak. She doesn’t like Katie because they used to go up for similar roles. Anne always felt lke Katie used her Hollywood connections through Tom to advance her career. And she constantly makes fun of Katie behind her back, mocking her former marriage and even her appearance.”

Anne also believes she outclassed Katie in their Batman movies. While she was lauded for her performance as Catwoman in The Dark Knight [Rises],” critics panned Katie, 34, for her role as the Caped Crusader’s love interest in Batman Begins.

“Simply put,” said the insider, “There is no love lost between Anne and Katie.” Anne, 30, hosted “SNL” for the third time on Nov. 10, and while she also spoofed Claire’s erratic character on the Showtime series “Homeland,” her mean-spirited mockery of Katie’s smile and mannerisms both infuriated and humiliated the actress.

And that was even Anne’s first roast of Katie — she also mimicked her during a 2010 “SNL” appearance! While Katie was good-natured the first time around, she’s apparently not laughing anymore. “It all comes down to the fact that Anne doesn’t take Katie seriously as an actress,” noted the insider. “And Katie’s gotten Anne’s message loud and clear.”

Ugh, this bitch, guys. This bitch. I don’t even understand why people love her so much. Yeah, OK, so she’s pretty. And she’s got a decent body, I guess. Truth be told, I think she’s a sub par actress, and I don’t even need to see ‘Les Miserables’ to tell you that. I’d rather watch ‘Dawson’s Creek’ and ‘Teaching Mrs. Tingle’ over ‘One Day’ any damn day.

Can’t we just keep it civil for Batman’s sake, guys? Come on.

Love It or Leave It: The Return of Frumpy McFrumperson

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I don’t even understand why Katie would wear something like this out in public, but then I take a step back and realize that duh, I know pretty much nothing about fashion, and probably anything Katie would wear (especially out and about in public) is probably ten times better and more chic than anything I could put together on my best day, but why oh why would she wear the sweater that I hate so much twice in the very same month? And in the very same city? Because it’s something incomprehensible to me, much like the way Courtney Stodden’s continual sole-assault baffles me to no end.

The worst part about the outfit, too, is the fact that it looks completely grandma’d out, and unlike Taylor Swift’s granny-chic fashion sense, this is just … this is straight out the Alfred Dunner outlet store. There’s nothing chic about this and everything grandma. The silk shirt? The pleated high-water pants? The … oh God, the ankle boots? Does it get worse? I don’t know. I guess it might depend all on the underwear. In fact, hey. Yeah, it solely depends on the underwear. We could turn this around yet. See, last time we saw Katie in her underwear, it looked like this:

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And that was probably the best look she had all decade. Maybe we should do a little side-by-side comparison, huh? Like, right now?

Love It or Leave It: Katie Holmes Has Redeemed Herself

photo of katie holmes pictures broadway premiere pic
Guys, so the last time we talked about Katie Holmes (aside from that time that she wore a really awful, clashing outfit on Jimmy Fallon’s show), I believe I’d mentioned that I was watching the series finale of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ that particular day, and you know what? I did. I so, so did. I laughed, I cried, I made ridiculous faces at my laptop, and a good time was had by all (read: me). I made it through the entire series without distraction, and I’m so, so glad that I was able to experience the thing that I probably should have experience ten or fifteen years ago, back when the show was first popular. I loved it and it was amazing. If you gave up halfway through the series, or worse, through the first episode, you need to go back and revisit. Pay your due diligence to Katie Holmes, because that show, friends, is why we still talk about her today. Also, since the ‘Creek ‘finale, I’ve moved on to watching ‘Melrose Place’, and not the new ‘Melrose Place’ that was cancelled after one season, because Ashlee Simpson is a twit, and I really like Courtney Thorne-Smith. Any ‘Melrose Place’ fans in the house?

Anyway, this is what Katie Holmes wore to her recent Broadway debut of ‘Dead Accounts’ and my goodness, she looks like a goddess. She’s luminescent. She looks so genuinely happy. She looks so … well, free from tyranny, and if that isn’t the best thing (besides the whole ‘Dawson’s Creek’ thing) that ever happened to her, I don’t know what is. It doesn’t get any better than this, that’s for sure.

Katie Holmes is Talking About a ‘Dawson’s Creek’ Reunion (!)

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This is what Katie Holmes had to say to Jimmy Fallon on her most recent appearance on his show:

“I love everyone from the show. We have kind of talked about it here and there. But we’re like, ‘What do you do?’ Because [in] our last episode, Michelle’s character passed away…I don’t know…Maybe we’ll go on vacation — that [would] be fun — and just film it!”

You know, this might actually be happening. I know we talked about it in the past, and waxed all nostalgic over what it’d be like, but this is especially poignant for me on this day, friends, because today I’m watching part one of the series finale. Yup. I finally made it through the entire season, and today it reaches its end.

Just to brief you, this is what other characters from the show had to say on a possible ‘Dawson’s Creek’ reunion. Michelle Williams:

“I would very happily do a reunion show, I don’t know what it would be. My character died in the end, so there are certain limitations for me. It’s either I come back as a ghost or I’m shot through a lot of gauzy, hazy light as my nineteen-year-old self.”

Joshua Jackson:

“Well, we killed the show so I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. Never say never. If I’m out of work for enough years, absolutely. We’ll be old and gray and nasty by the time (that happens).”

Shut up, Joshua Jackson. James Van Der Beek:

“They can get nominated for all the Oscars they want. You don’t put the Beatles back together without John Lennon. And I’m Lennon and McCartney, bitch.”

Um, sort of. But really? This would be the best news of all. Word on the street was that the only thing holding up a reunion was Tom Cruise, but now that all that crazy’s out of the picture, hey. It could happen, right? Maybe just in time for the 10-year anniversary of the show’s ending!

Katie Holmes Needs Some Fashion Advice I Think

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A sweater cardigan with black leather pants? And lank hair? And teeth that almost match her skin color? Guys, the only thing that could make this whole thing worse is as if her shoes were totally, horrendously ill-matched and her nail polish was all chipped and unkempt and on just one nail. Oh, what’s that? Her shoes are totally, horrendously ill-matched and her nail polish is all chipped and unkempt and on just one nail? My bad:

photo of katie holmes jimmy fallon pictures
This is Katie Holmes and her outfit on Jimmy Fallon‘s show, where she and Jimmy hung out with the crowd and played charades. Interesting. But not, you know, as interesting as Anne Hathaway ripping Katie again on SNL this past week. Did you see this?

Because it was cute. Just not nearly as cute as Katie trying to fake us all out with pretending she didn’t just come back from a six-day staycation that involved lots of Lifetime movies, bathrobes, and non-showers.