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Katie Holmes

13Gratuitous Cuteness

Katie and Suri enjoy a nice October day in NYC.

October 24, 2008 at 9:58 am by Evil Beet

38The Katie Holmes Broadway Reviews Are Finally Here!

Oh, happy, happy day!

We finally get to hear how Mrs. Tom Cruise fared on the B’way stage!

Says the Daily News: “Her rather grand speech pattern takes getting used to but she seems comfortable and adds a fitting glint of glamour. Dancing with Lithgow, kissing Wilson, she makes you forget about her being Mrs. Tom Cruise.”

So that’s one GOOD review for Katie.

But here’s what the New York Times had to say: “While Ann is supposed to arrive at the Keller household with high hopes and good intentions, Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naive Chris.”

Okay, ya know what? Nothing annoys me more than when critics of the arts have to prove how damn important they are by using fancy-schmancy words. No one fucking knows what “asperity” means or who the “Erinyes” are. You know this. You write for a newspaper, dude. You know this shit is going to be completely meaningless to the overwhelming majority of the people reading it. So why use obscure references that no one will get? Oh, right, because you’re insecure and have to make yourself feel smart and important, even if it’s at the expense of the reader. Shut up, dude. Talk normal. Just for pulling that bullshit, I’m going to assume that Katie Holmes rocked the house last night, and you just have to be mean because the characters in Dawson’s Creek were getting more ass in high school than you’ve ever gotten in your whole life.

October 17, 2008 at 3:34 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Katie Holmes

13Selma Blair may have to turn to Katie Holmes impersonating

I find it strange how there are so many actors that look like each other.  Are they trying to do this thinking they are going to steal the others career?   Here’s a picture of Katie Holmes last night at the “All my sons” Broadway opening, and a picture of Selma Blair doing her best Katie impersonation in February.  Selma should have gone after Tom Cruise while he was scouting.    Selma must be pissed.  Katie beat her out for the role of Joey on Dawson’s Creek too.   Home girl can’t catch a break.  Now Katie beat her out of her own look.  Selma’s new show has been quoted as one of the worst shows ever to appear on television. So if that show gets canceled at least she can have a career on youtube as a Katie Holmes impersonator.   There was a youtube video yesterday of Selma trying her best to be funny (I emphasize “trying”)  It was making fun of the paparazzi I think and how they are a pain in the ass.  I don’t think anyone in the media really cares about Selma so I missed the point completely.  It would have made sense if Madonna or a real celebrity did it.  First we have a terrible TV show and now a really stupid you tube video looking  like an desperate attempt to get some media attention. It was a tad John Mayerish for my taste. John Mayer although is actually semi amusing at times.  Selma hasn’t a drop of funny in her.  If you don’t believe me, tune in to Kath and Kim  on NBC.   I see a bright future for her on youtube.  Move over Lonleygirl15.   Selma Blair is going to steal your career just like she stole Katie Holmes’ identity.  I would post the video, but it’s so painfully bad I won’t waste more of your time than I just did.

October 17, 2008 at 11:43 am by BonerBob

74Katie Holmes’ Look: Love It or Leave It?

At the after party for the All My Sons opening night.

October 16, 2008 at 10:47 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Katie Holmes

8Katie Holmes Makes Broadway Debut

Mrs. Tom Cruise made her big Broadway debut on Thursday night, and the performance was, as expected, protested by anti-Scientology groups hoping to help Katie make a run for it.

Hopefully we’ll FINALLY have some reviews on this girl’s stage skills by tomorrow.

I wanna know if she sucks or not!!!

October 16, 2008 at 9:17 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Katie Holmes

19Look, You Guys! Photographs of Katie Holmes Walking!

Is there anything more inherently interesting?

Let’s talk about the headband. You know you wanna.

I’d also like to share with you something exciting that I just realized. When you make a typo and spell her last name “Homles” it’s almost like her name is “Katie Homeless.” And homelessness, IMHO, is really one of the only circumstances under which wearing such an absurd hair piece is acceptable. The other one is cancer.

October 9, 2008 at 7:30 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Katie Holmes