So I finally watched the Roast of Charlie Sheen yesterday—it aired Monday night, yes, but I was busy—and I have to admit this Roast was pretty good. Not Bob Saget good, but then again, what is?

There was a real likelihood of the evening falling flat. How do you parody a parody? How do you make light of wife-beating? And who invites Mike Tyson to do stand-up, even? But the jokes were scathing, and the Roast bit to the quick. I’ve rolled my eyes at Charlie Sheen‘s recent I-Don’t-Have-a-Job Humble Pie Remorse Tour, and I don’t like him, but he sure did take his lumps like a champ. (Some critics are saying the jokes weren’t mean enough, but seriously, how many more jokes about Sheen ruining his kids’ lives did we really need?)

Warming Glow has compiled a comprehensive guide to some of the best zings of the night. Here’s a sampling.

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik, to Charlie Sheen:

- “Every minute of your life looks like the first two minutes of SVU.”

- “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” (Cut to actor Richard Kind, in the audience, having a heart attack.)

Jeffrey Ross:

- “If you’re ‘winning’, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. Don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”

Jon Lovitz:

- “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!”

Amy Schumer:

- “You’re just like Bruce Willis: you were big in the ’80s, and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.”

Steve-O of Jackass:

- “Charlie still hasn’t hit rock bottom. He’s looking forward to it, though, because he thinks there’s a rock there.”

Charlie, on Charlie:

- “You are all worthy adversaries. But you can’t kill me. Because I can’t kill me.”

The Roast’s guests also roasted one another, as per usual. Actress Kate Walsh, to William Shatner:

- “I’m so, so happy to see that William Shatner is here, because a medical colleague had told me that you’d passed on. I said, ‘Bullsh—t. You ever seen his resume? Shatner’s never passed on anything.”

Rips on Mike Tyson:

- Seth MacFarlane: “He’s a guy who’s beaten every opponent he’s gone up against—except the letter ‘S.’”

- Jeffrey Ross: “Your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex-wives.”

According to a completely unscientific survey, the evening belonged to comedians Jeffrey Ross and Anthony Jeselnik. Seth MacFarlane was a wonderful roastmaster, and Shatner finished the evening strong. The real #winner, though, was Comedy Central itself: with 6.4 million viewers, it was the highest rated Roast yet.

Despite some uneasy jokes, the mood was positive, and there was also a recurring theme about redemption or whatever. Then, after the Roast was already over, Steve-O finally, successfully broke his own nose against Mike Tyson’s fist. There Steve-O stood, triumphant and stone-sober, even as his nose began to squirt blood.

Here’s William Shatner, dispensing some sage NSFW advice (“Prostitutes cost a lot of money, Charlie. Hasn’t anyone told you that actresses will sleep with you for free?”):

Hey, I didn’t call her a “wharf rat.”  I’m just trying to be supportive and agreeable here!

Private Practice star, Kate Walsh appears in the March issue of Redbook and talks about the dissolution of her marriage.  This is it in a nutshell:  When she got married, she didn’t think she would be getting divorced.  She is known for being very persistent and trying, trying, trying.  She got divorced after fifteen months.  She still cares about her ex-husband.  She was sad.  She’s dating.  She’s an insecure and desperate, quivering wharf rat.  She wishes she could call guys and hang up but can’t because of caller ID.  She longs for the days of being able to stalk dudes.

Kate obviously hasn’t heard of Facebook.  Because I stalk my legions of exes on there.  I love when they look really bad and defeated by life.  Oh, I meant to say that I hope they are happy.  Sigh…see why I could never be a celebrity?

Kate Walsh and Balthazar Getty, neither of whom have had much luck with marriage lately, cuddle up at the Oliver Peoples Hollywood luncheon yesterday in LA.

But my favorite thing about this photo?

The little scrunched-up bulges in Balthazar’s pants.

What did Wendie call that again?

Oh, yes. An ass twat.

In the predictable shit-storm that is the end of Kate Walsh’s 15-month marriage, the divorce filings are flying.

Two weeks after her husband filed for divorce, the Private Practice star has submitted her own paperwork asking for a permanent split from 20th Century Fox exec Alex Young.

Both parties cite irreconcilable differences as the reason their 15-month union wound down so soon, but while Young’s filing listed their date of separation as Nov. 22, Walsh’s counterfiling has the break coming five days earlier.

Whatever.

Point is, don’t get married to some dude you’ve only known for a few months when you’re both ridiculously rich and important. You’ll both end up unsatisfied and divorcing each other.

How many times have I said that Kate Walsh and her stupid quickie husband wouldn’t last a year?

Okay, I was wrong. They lasted just over a year. Why must Hollywood be so predictable?

Kate’s husband, Alex Young, petitioned for divorce in November, citing irreconcilable differences.

Thank God.

I know this is horrible to say, but Kate Walsh’s life was seeming a little too fairytale there for my tastes.

But I wonder why it was the hubby filing for divorce. I thought for sure she’d dump his ass. You think she was cheating on him? Or too focused on her career for his tastes? Too much boozing? Secret drug problem? I’ll entertain your wild guesses in the comments section.

By the way, the photo above was taken less than two weeks before the divorce filing. Hm.

Oh, look, it’s Kate Walsh. Perfect, gorgeous, rich, happily married, successful, skinny, kissed-by-every-hot-doctor-on-television Kate Walsh. Looking perfect. Yay.

Kate Walsh and her husband, Alex Young, hit up the party for the premiere of Man Men season two.

I’m happy for them. I truly thought they’d be divorced within a couple of months — which is about how long they were dating before they tied the knot. It’s refreshing to see that they’re still going strong.

Kate Walsh and her new husband, Alex Young, mysteriously aren’t divorced yet. The nauseatingly cute couple spent Thankgiving frolicking on the beach in Hawaii.

No, that’s not a picture of his fiancee — “recent culinary school graduate” Nicole Jaracz (I guess if you’re gonna marry Drew Carey you gotta know how to cook) — but it is a photo of Drew and none other than Kate Walsh! These photos are from 1998, when she accompanied him to the premiere of Godzilla. Craziness, right?

I couldn’t find a pic of Nicole, but Drew proposed October 9. This will be the first marriage for both.

Things are going just splendidly for Drew and Kate these days! Drew has a new fiancee, and a starring gig on The Price is Right, and Kate has a new husband and a starring gig on her very own prime-time show.

Maybe I should dye my hair red …

No, not to each other.

Kate Walsh married that film exec at Fox who she got engaged to five minutes ago after the two dated for ten minutes. I give this marriage a few months. The two got hitched in Ojai, with Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight, Chandra Wilson, James Pickens Jr., Justin Chambers and Shonda Rhimes in attendance. If you can believe it, Isaiah Washington missed the festivities.

Giuliana DePandi got hitched to Bill Rancic, the first winner of The Apprentice. The two got engaged late last year, much to my chagrin. The wedding took place on the Italian island of Capri, with about 200 friends and family present.

Kate Walsh is one busy lady.

The newly engaged Walsh was spotted filming Private Practice, her Grey’s Anatomy spin-off, with hottie co-star Taye Diggs in Malibu yesterday.

The two-hour “premiere” of Private Practice — during a special two-hour episode of Grey’s — did well for ABC, so it looks like they’re moving full speed ahead with the series.

I wonder if Ellen Pompeo is pissed. Ellen gets her own series, then gets engaged. Now Kate gets engaged and gets her own series.

If anything, Katherine Heigl must be fuming.

I suppose they look a lot better these days than they did when they first showed up.

Still, though …

Anyway, Kate, 39, just got engaged to Alex Young, a studio exec at Fox. The two have been dating a whole entire month.

Additionally, Kate’s Grey’s spinoff, now titled Private Practice, got picked up for a full season on ABC. It’s a good week to be Kate Walsh.

It was just back in March that Kate was quoted as saying, “Sometimes I feel like, ‘What am I doing? Am I becoming my character, or is my character becoming me?’ I’m starting to get a little superstitious here. I definitely identify with my character in that, romantically at least, this is not where I thought I’d be at 39.”

What a difference a couple months makes …

Anyone want to start a pool on her DUI?