Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kate Middleton

There Might Be Photos of William and Kate Having Sex, Hope You Love It!

A photo of Kate Middleton

It’s been two whole days since we first saw Kate Middleton, current Important Person and future More Important person, topless. How is the world holding up? You haven’t noticed any signs of the apocalypse, have you? No? Well, that’s probably because the bomb hasn’t dropped yet. The “bomb,” of course, being the photos of William and Kate boning. Ewwww.

From TMZ:

The editor of the French magazine that ran topless photos of Kate Middleton is suggesting she has SEX PHOTOS of the Royal couple in her possession but has decided not to run them … yet.

Closer editor Laurence Pieau revealed the bombshell today while defending her decision to publish the topless pics of Kate … saying “I won’t hide the fact that there are more intimate pictures that exist that we haven’t published and will not publish. These images are full of joy, not degrading.”

She didn’t specifically say sex pics … but she didn’t have to. It’s pretty clear what she meant.

So why would she even tell the public about the unseen “intimate” photos?

She could be trying to paint herself as a heroic figure who SAVED the Royal fam from further humiliation … or she just issued a thinly-veiled WARNING to Buckingham Palace: Back off the lawsuit, or else.

Too far, Closer editor Laurence Pieau.  Too far. And if that wasn’t too far, then the news that popular porn site YouPorn wants the photos bad and is making it known that they have an “open checkbook” certainly is. So, once again, ewwww.

Here’s my thing about all of these photos: I think they’re weird and creepy. It’s not like Kate was on a beach or at a hotel, she was staying at a relative’s private estate in France, and she was just hanging out with her husband, and some creepy old photographer hung out in some tree a couple miles down the road (look, judging by the quality of the photos, he was either really really far away or he needs to invest in a better camera if he wants to do this for a living) and took pictures. It’s not wrong because of who Kate Middleton is, it’s wrong because it’s a complete invasion of privacy. I’d feel the same way if there were pictures of Lady Gaga snorting a line off Terry Richardson‘s junk inside her own apartment. It would be like if you were walking around your own house naked and someone saw a crack in the blinds and snapped some photos. It’s weird. Please stop.

Unfortunately, no amount of weirdness can stop me from loving that one topless photo of Kate, the one up at the very top. She looks like she’s doing a little topless jig, and I will never not think that that’s the best thing that Kate Middleton has ever done.

UPDATE: Some Italian magazine claims to have over 200 new pictures that they plan on publishing tomorrow. The royal legal team is aiming to stop it. Will they succeed? Will tomorrow bring new photos of the royal titties? Only time will tell!

Well That Was Fast.

photo of kate middleton nudes pictures
So we talked about Kate Middleton’s nudieness earlier today, and French magazine Closer made good on their promise to release the pictures while I napped and tried to sweat out the DayQuil OD I’m in the process of having. The Royals, though not initially sure they were going to pursue legal action over the photos, have decided to do so, and have also released this statement:

“Their Royal Highnesses have been hugely saddened to learn that a French publication and a photographer have invaded their privacy in such a grotesque and totally unjustifiable manner. The incident is reminiscent of the worst excesses of the press and paparazzi during the life of Diana, Princess of Wales, and all the more upsetting to The Duke and Duchess for being so. Their Royal Highnesses had every expectation of privacy in the remote house. It is unthinkable that anyone should take such photographs, let alone publish them.”

Yeah, well, in the meantime, you can check out Kate Middleton’s nudie photos in the gallery. It’s all cute. And I didn’t nearly expect Kate to have such dark nipples. I always imagined her with larger, peach-colored ones rather than the ones she actually has. But hey—cute is cute!

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So I Guess There’s Kate Middleton Nudes Out There Somewhere

photo of kate middleton pictures photos nudes topless pic
Looks like Duchess Kate is about to join the ranks of Prince Harry—in her very own topless scandal! Word on the street has it that French magazine, Closer followed Prince William and Kate on a vacation to Provence, where Kate, naturally, engaged in some topless sunbathing. Closer, sending out the above photo teaser yesterday, claims that the photos will be released later today, and the Royals are pissed. A spokesperson for the family claims that Will and Kate are “saddened” and angry, and that a “red line” has been crossed.

From a French magazine website called Closer (well, at least the Google-translated text, anyway):

“A little more than a year after their marriage, the royal couple was offered a romantic getaway, far from the protocol and etiquette in their very own garden of Eden.”

“Almost alone in the world … because Closer was there! After the holidays of Prince Harry in Las Vegas, discover the very sensual shots of Kate Middleton and her husband Prince William.

“Discover the incredible pictures of the future Queen of England as you’ve never seen her before … and as you will never see her again!”

What do you guys think—are you in agreement with Will and Kate, that a “red line” has been crossed (why red? Why not black? Why not teal? It is, after all, the color of gangrene, and what’s nastier than that)? Or do you think that it’s, you know, not really that big a deal?

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Because Who Wouldn’t Want Some Middleton Dolls?!

A photo of Kate Middleton and Pippa Middleton

Just look at these finely crafted items up there! They bear such a remarkable resemblance to Kate and Pippa Middleton in their classically gorgeous royal wedding day get-ups, and notice how they aren’t creepy whatsoever!

Would you be interested in one of these darling dolls? Well, for just $49.95, Pippa can be yours, and gorgeous Kate is a steal at $189.95! I know what I’m asking for in my letter to Santa this year!

Does anyone else know of any other beautiful celebrity-inspired dolls who absolutely do not look like they would come to life and murder you in your sleep?

Quotables: Justin Timberlake Is All About The Middletons

A photo of Justin Timberlake

“Us American males are big fans of Pippa. We like the Middletons very much. I’m going to sound like a sleazeball. I’m going to stop right there!”

- Justin Timberlake shares his creepy desires with Us magazine.

Is this true? Is that what you American males are attracted to these days, Kate and Pippa Middleton? Because I’m sorry, but unless you’re really into fancy parties or fancy hats, then I really don’t understand what you guys and Justin Timberlake go for.

Where do you stand?
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Quotables: Vivienne Westwood Says Kate Middleton Looks “Hard”

photo of red-haired british designer vivienne westwood pictures photos

“I think she’s got a problem with eye make-up. The sharp line around her eyes make her look hard. Either she should be smudgy or wear none. It seems to me, that her image is ‘ordinary woman’. Therefore, High Street shopper. And I just think she should be an extraordinary woman, wherever she gets her clothes from.”

First of all, I know Vivienne Westwood is, like, this amazing, revered designer and stuff, but if you don’t trust your own advice, there’s not much else to say about that. Has Vivi taken a look at her own makeup as of late, or is she leaving that solely up to our own artistic interpretation? While I don’t necessarily disagree with her comments regarding Kate‘s eye makeup, I’m not quite sure this one’s the best judge either.

Also. I’m not one of those dedicated, Duchess Kate-loving die-hards, but I do think she’s a pretty cool chick. Therefore, so-the-hell-what if she wants to be perceived as “ordinary woman”? I think, if that’s what she’s doing for, it’s admirable.

Hollywood Arranged A Play Date for Prince William and Kate Middleton Last Night

A photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton

Ok, it technically wasn’t just a play date, it was the inaugural ‘BAFTA Brits to Watch’ event, and its purpose was to “highlight the incredible depth and range of great British talent currently emerging in film, television and video games,” but between me and you, I think that’s just some highfalutin reasoning for a bunch of American celebrities to get to meet some real live royalty.

If you look through the gallery, you can see that it’s divided into three different categories: there’s some traditional red carpet coverage, where you can see Jennifer Lopez looking preposterous, Kate Middleton looking stunning, and Blake Lively looking pregnant, then there’s the part with bizarre celebrity pairings (I’m not going to pretend that the picture of Blake Lively with Quentin Tarantino isn’t going to give me nightmares), and then there’s my personal favorite, the part where Kate and William make friends with everyone! I think Nicole Kidman is their favorite, don’t you?