Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kate Middleton

Prince William Is “Glowing” Over The Upcoming Birth Of His Daughter

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Seriously – when the hell is the royal baby going to be born? I feel like we’ve been waiting for ages and it’s high time the Princess of Cambridge greets the world. Good thing Kate Middleton didn’t give birth last weekend, since Prince William went off to a charity polo match in Cirencester Park, Gloucestershire. Of course, people were nearby to whisk him back to London if Kate went into labour, but luckily it didn’t happen. Still, everyone thinks that William was “glowing” over the baby’s upcoming arrival, if that’s a thing.

From People:

Though he was engaged in the match, Kate wasn’t far from William’s mind – protection officers were on hand to whisk him away to London (by road) should she have gone into labor.

“He is glowing about this wonderful time in his life – and I think we should be glowing with him,” Danielle Alexandra, a trustee of Centrepoint, told PEOPLE at the event. “My sense is he’s excited and very happy at the chance to be a father. He’s one of the most loving people. … He’s a perfect guy to be a dad.”

A local source tells PEOPLE, “Like all new arrivals, everyone is just keeping their fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and mother and baby will be both fit and healthy. … It is obviously very exciting that the future King or Queen of England will soon be living in the area.”

Well, that’s great. However, I don’t necessarily know that he’s glowing so much as suffering from sunburn. I kid! It’s all really great and we’re all really excited and this baby needs to be born, like, yesterday.

The Real Royal Baby Could Be Here By Monday

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It seems like Kate Middleton‘s been pregnant for about six years, but the time is finally nigh! Apparently the bookies have a bet on that Kate will give birth to Prince William‘s kid before Monday, and let’s hope they’re right because this shit needs to happen already.

From Digital Spy (via William Hill betting agency):

Those three days are the 10-1 favorites, while odds of 12-1 are being offered on the royal baby being born on Tuesday (July 9) or Wednesday (July 10).

Bookmakers have given 25-1 odds of the future monarch arriving in August.

Punters continue to place more money on Middleton giving birth to a girl (4-7) than a boy (5-4), with Alexandra (7-2), Charlotte (11-2) and Elizabeth (7-1) the three most popular girls’ names.

George (10-1) and James (12-1) are the favorite boys’ names.

Hmm, that’s all a bit boring, isn’t it? Charlotte is THE WORST name, so I’m not with that. Alexandra is okay, I suppose. Elizabeth is classic (obvs) but also a little old-fashioned… I dunno, I know they have to be posh so thankfully we won’t be getting a Madison or Aidan or whatever, but let’s spruce it up a bit, can we?

Apparently the press are already starting to assemble outside St. Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, where Kate’s going to give birth – happens to be the same place William himself was born. Bit early for all that – Kate’s not even there! I suppose they should head over to her parents’ Berkshires mansion soon, too, since she’s going to move there after having the kid? Also, there will have to be a Diana reference somewhere in the kid’s name (particularly if it’s a girl). I’d be surprised if there wasn’t.

Jennifer Aniston Is Jealous of Kate Middleton’s Hair

jennifer aniston kate middleton

She may have been the head behind The Rachel, but Jennifer Aniston is not all that thrilled with her own hair – even though most women think it always looks amazing and she’s co-owner of the Living Proof brand now. Turns out, she actually wishes she had Kate Middleton‘s hair instead of her own. Sigh. No one’s ever happy with what they’ve got, are they? ARE THEY?!

From Marie Claire:

MC: Does anyone give you hair envy?
JA: Kate Middleton. Does she do her hair herself? She’s got a hard job, being scrutinized like that. When I have a bad hair day, my hair just goes in a clip.

I do agree that Kate – ahem, Catherine – has amazing hair, but she’s got tons of people to style it and make it look good for her, too. She doesn’t just roll out of bed with it looking like that.

Wanna know more about how great Jennifer’s hair ISN’T? Well, okay, since you asked nicely:

MARIE CLAIRE: You’ve always had great hair. Is it genetics or styling?
JENNIFER ANISTON: I have naturally wavy, frizzy Greek hair, and over the years it’s taken a beating from blow-dryers, flatirons, curlers, and extensions, which I think are the most damaging. I couldn’t get it to grow because it just kept breaking. Even when it was longer, it didn’t look long because the ends were so thin. I ended up using clip-in pieces just to fill it out.

MC: You’ve used hair extensions?
JA: Yes. There’s only so much hair can take. Mine was really brittle, dry, and dull, but the Living Proof Restore Mask Treatment brought it back to life.

I love it – nice bit of product placement there, Jen. Also, I hope women read this and take it to heart when they stare at magazines and think, “Ugh, she always looks so perfect!” Yeah, until she’s not got a team of make-up and hair artists to make her look like that. I mean, Jennifer Aniston is a pretty lady anyway, but that whole ~media perpetuation of the perfect woman~ thing is just ridiculous. And women still believe it’s true/what they should aspire to! Lord almighty.

Anyhow, glad Jen got that mop sorted out before the wedding that may never be

Kate Middleton May Need To Be Hypnotized To Give Birth

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Kate Middleton is just like us, you guys — she’s a little afraid of giving birth. So she’s going to get hypnotized. Allegedly. And then it’s around that point she stops being “just like us.” I guess we could do that too, but…do we? I think we just go for the epidurals instead. I don’t know why I’m saying “we” — I don’t have kids and I never want to. Anyway, Kate Middleton, ladies and gentlemen. From Daily Mail:

The Duchess of Cambridge is reportedly considering hypnosis to deal with the pain of childbirth. The ‘hypno-birth’ would mean that her labour pains are lessened without using drugs, according to Grazia magazine.

Advocates of the technique say that it helps women use their mind to seize control of the birthing process and learn techniques that allow the production of oxytocin, a pain relieving hormone which stimulates the uterus. Women undergoing a hypno-birth may still use pain relief – such as an epidural, a pain-killing injection, many women find that they don’t need any additional anaesthesia.

Grazia quoted a source who said: ‘Kate has researched various birthing methods. She wants it to be naturalso hypno-birthing is one option that appealed and she ahd been reading up on it and listening to CDs to get into the right frame of mind. Some of her friends have used this method and swear by it. Kate wants to do it her way and be relaxed.’

A royal spokeswoman said she was aware of the report, but declined to confirm or deny it.

‘We appreciate it’s a happy occasion…but there are some matters which should remain private to the duchess.’

This is as close to a confirmation as anything I’ve ever seen from the royals’ publicists. GOOD LUCK UNDER HYPNOSIS, KATE!!! Meanwhile, unrelated, vaguely, isn’t Kate Middleton the skinniest pregnant woman you’ve ever seen? Mother of God.

All you moms who gave birth in some form: HOW? HOW DID YOU DO IT?

Kate Middleton To Move Into Parents’ Mansion After Giving Birth

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Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is going to move in with her parents after giving birth (according to The Daily Mail, so who knows really). Good for her! The move isn’t going to be permanent, of course. She plans on spending the first 6 weeks there with her baby (girl?), and no nurse.

In a break with royal tradition, Kate, 31, will not employ a maternity nurse after the July birth.

Instead, she has told friends, she will live with her parents for at least the first six weeks after leaving hospital.

Kate says she ‘just feels safest and most secure’ with her family and believes that no one could be better placed to teach her about bringing up a baby than her mother, who has three children of her own.

She will particularly need her advice and moral support when Prince William returns to work as a helicopter pilot after taking his paternity leave.

Sources have confirmed that William and Kate’s plans to move into a new apartment in Kensington Palace in time for the birth have hit a huge stumbling block.

This follows the discovery of asbestos – which has to be cleared before the couple themselves, let alone a new-born child, can set foot inside.

Kate’s parents, Michael and Carole Middleton, recently bought a £4.85million Georgian manor in rural Berkshire with plenty of space for their first grandchild to run around.

A recent visitor said Carole, who is ‘over the moon’ at the prospect of being a grandmother, is busy overseeing the redecoration of the house – including the installation of a new kitchen and ‘nursery-style’ room.

‘Carole fully intends to be part of this baby’s life and Catherine, for her part, plans to spend a lot of time with her parents, especially while she is waiting for the new apartment to be completed,’ they said.

[William and Kate] had hoped to move into their new home, the 57-room Apartment 1A – well before the arrival of their first child.

Wait, what the hell do they mean by “57-room”? Do they mean 57 rooms?? What??

So anyway, it’s nice to know that even Fancy-Ass Kate Middleton is moving back in with her parents, at least for a little while, even though it’s in a mansion, and not really like anyones’ life at all, yeah, never mind. Unless she’s in there nursing her baby while watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which I don’t think ever happened and ever will. I mean, come on. No way she’s a fan of that mess.

Royals Are Just Like Us: Kate Middleton Likes ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’

Today in “My, Aren’t We Relatable?” news, Kate Middleton apparently really likes Keeping Up with the Kardashians and started watching it after she heard that Kim Kardashian is fond of her. William apparently makes fun of her – nay, takes the piss out of her – for watching that trash, but she will not be deterred!

From The Daily Star:

A source close to the Princess told us: “Ever since Kim started mentioning Kate a lot in public, the Princess has started watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians religiously.

“She thinks the family are hilarious. People forget that Kate is just a normal girl, who married into royalty, and enjoys the same trashy TV shows most people do.”

But she hasn’t managed to get Prince William, 30, into the Krazy antics of the famous telly family.

We’re told: “Will doesn’t watch the show with her, and makes fun of her for liking it so much. It doesn’t bother Kate, though. She finds it relaxing, and is flattered Kim keeps speaking so highly of her.”

Do I think this is true? Not a chance. Shit, I’m not even royalty and I don’t have time in my day to watch the Kardashians (though I have, in past, kept those E! marathons on, not gonna lie). For some reason, I just can’t see Kate – who I was shocked to find out is my age when I first saw her – plopping down on the couch with a sleeve of Oreos and a bottle of Stella cidre (well, especially not when pregnant) to watch a bunch of airheads bop around Los Angeles and speak in screechy voices. Sorry, I’m calling bullshit on this one.

Is Kate Middleton Having a Daughter?

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If you want to put the Queen back in hospital, tell her you’re having a girl rather than a son who can carry on the royal lineage. We don’t know that that’s the case, of course, but Kate Middleton may or may not have inadvertently hinted that this baby of hers is of the lady variety.

From The Telegraph:

It was the merest slip of the tongue, but the Duchess of Cambridge may just have given away the sex of her baby as she chatted to a member of the public on a visit to Grimsby on Tuesday.

After being given a teddy bear as a gift, the Duchess said: “Thank you, I’ll take that for my d …” She stopped herself before going any further, but when a well-wisher asked if she was in the process of saying “daughter” she replied: “We’re not telling.”

The Duchess, who is due to give birth in July, also claimed not to know the sex of her baby, who will one day be monarch, but her comment will be seized upon by royal watchers the world over who are eager for any clues about whether she is expecting a boy or a girl. Precedent dictates that the sex of royal babies is never announced in advance.

The Duchess also said her baby had been kicking “very much” and joked to a fan that she might have to wait a long time before she is queen.

Hmm. Maybe it was a legit tongue-tied moment or perhaps she really is having a girl. So long as it looks better than this CGI rendering, I think we’re in business. This baby needs to get born already. If it’s a girl, how much do we want to wager on Diana being the middle name?