The whole world was paying attention yesterday as Kate Middleton managed to push an 8lb, 6oz child out of her tiny frame and out into the world. Everyone and their brother has had something to say about the birth of the royal baby, from world leaders like the Queen and Barack Obama to those random freelancers hired by The Guardian to camp out in the press wing of the hospital to live blog such important events as a man in a suit walking out the front door with a “wry smile” (yes, this actually happened).
But what about the Duke and Duchess themselves? Surely they must have a very important statement to make about the arrival of their first child – who will, incidentally, go on to become the King of England? Worry not! Prince William has spoken out! You ready for this? Here’s his statement:
“We could not be happier.”
Well… right on! Apparently William actually wanted a girl but Kate wanted a boy. I think everyone else wanted a boy, as well – after all, he can now continue the lineage, so the Queen will be pleased (although apparently she changed the rules so that even if the baby was a girl, she could grow up to be Queen, which is pretty cool).
The baby was delivered by the Queen’s former gynecologist, which is kinda bonkers. It’s nuts how much is decided for you when you’re part of the royal family like that. I doubt Kate was all that thrilled with some old guy poking around her nether regions, but custom is custom!
July 23, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a son at 4.24 p.m. The baby weighs 8 lbs. 6 oz. The Duke of Cambridge was present for the birth. The queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall, Prince Harry and members of both families have been informed and are delighted with the news. Her Royal Highness and her child are both doing well and will remain in hospital overnight.
Homegirl was in labor for more than 14 hours. People cheered when the heir was born. I bet she cheered too.
I have some great names, feel free to take these, Kate.
– Jumpin’ Jack Flash (or you could be more traditional and go with Jack Jumpin’ Flash)
– Chad Toddington
– Wesley Snipes
CONGRATS to the ultimate power couple!
July 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, was taken to St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Monday morning in what palace officials said was the early stages of labor.
The announcement was made at 7:30 a.m. London time, but the duchess had been admitted to the hospital around 6 a.m., according to the Telegraph.
The former Kate Middleton and her husband, Prince William, both 31, traveled by car from Kensington Palace to the hospital, according to World Now, reporting from London. She’s in St. Mary’s private Lindo Wing, where Wills and younger brother Harry were born. Her husband was expected to be at her side for the delivery.
If I was her, I would be throwing up right now — out of sheer nervousness.
After the baby is born, the info will be posted on an easel and held outside of the palace. And then it will be posted on Twitter and Facebook, for us normals to see.
July 22, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Seriously – when the hell is the royal baby going to be born? I feel like we’ve been waiting for ages and it’s high time the Princess of Cambridge greets the world. Good thing Kate Middleton didn’t give birth last weekend, since Prince William went off to a charity polo match in Cirencester Park, Gloucestershire. Of course, people were nearby to whisk him back to London if Kate went into labour, but luckily it didn’t happen. Still, everyone thinks that William was “glowing” over the baby’s upcoming arrival, if that’s a thing.
Though he was engaged in the match, Kate wasn’t far from William’s mind – protection officers were on hand to whisk him away to London (by road) should she have gone into labor.
“He is glowing about this wonderful time in his life – and I think we should be glowing with him,” Danielle Alexandra, a trustee of Centrepoint, told PEOPLE at the event. “My sense is he’s excited and very happy at the chance to be a father. He’s one of the most loving people. … He’s a perfect guy to be a dad.”
A local source tells PEOPLE, “Like all new arrivals, everyone is just keeping their fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and mother and baby will be both fit and healthy. … It is obviously very exciting that the future King or Queen of England will soon be living in the area.”
Well, that’s great. However, I don’t necessarily know that he’s glowing so much as suffering from sunburn. I kid! It’s all really great and we’re all really excited and this baby needs to be born, like, yesterday.
July 15, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
It seems like Kate Middleton‘s been pregnant for about six years, but the time is finally nigh! Apparently the bookies have a bet on that Kate will give birth to Prince William‘s kid before Monday, and let’s hope they’re right because this shit needs to happen already.
From Digital Spy (via William Hill betting agency):
Those three days are the 10-1 favorites, while odds of 12-1 are being offered on the royal baby being born on Tuesday (July 9) or Wednesday (July 10).
Bookmakers have given 25-1 odds of the future monarch arriving in August.
Punters continue to place more money on Middleton giving birth to a girl (4-7) than a boy (5-4), with Alexandra (7-2), Charlotte (11-2) and Elizabeth (7-1) the three most popular girls’ names.
George (10-1) and James (12-1) are the favorite boys’ names.
Hmm, that’s all a bit boring, isn’t it? Charlotte is THE WORST name, so I’m not with that. Alexandra is okay, I suppose. Elizabeth is classic (obvs) but also a little old-fashioned… I dunno, I know they have to be posh so thankfully we won’t be getting a Madison or Aidan or whatever, but let’s spruce it up a bit, can we?
Apparently the press are already starting to assemble outside St. Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, where Kate’s going to give birth – happens to be the same place William himself was born. Bit early for all that – Kate’s not even there! I suppose they should head over to her parents’ Berkshires mansion soon, too, since she’s going to move there after having the kid? Also, there will have to be a Diana reference somewhere in the kid’s name (particularly if it’s a girl). I’d be surprised if there wasn’t.
July 5, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer
She may have been the head behind The Rachel, but Jennifer Aniston is not all that thrilled with her own hair – even though most women think it always looks amazing and she’s co-owner of the Living Proof brand now. Turns out, she actually wishes she had Kate Middleton‘s hair instead of her own. Sigh. No one’s ever happy with what they’ve got, are they? ARE THEY?!
From Marie Claire:
MC: Does anyone give you hair envy?
JA: Kate Middleton. Does she do her hair herself? She’s got a hard job, being scrutinized like that. When I have a bad hair day, my hair just goes in a clip.
I do agree that Kate – ahem, Catherine – has amazing hair, but she’s got tons of people to style it and make it look good for her, too. She doesn’t just roll out of bed with it looking like that.
Wanna know more about how great Jennifer’s hair ISN’T? Well, okay, since you asked nicely:
MARIE CLAIRE: You’ve always had great hair. Is it genetics or styling?
JENNIFER ANISTON: I have naturally wavy, frizzy Greek hair, and over the years it’s taken a beating from blow-dryers, flatirons, curlers, and extensions, which I think are the most damaging. I couldn’t get it to grow because it just kept breaking. Even when it was longer, it didn’t look long because the ends were so thin. I ended up using clip-in pieces just to fill it out.
MC: You’ve used hair extensions?
JA: Yes. There’s only so much hair can take. Mine was really brittle, dry, and dull, but the Living Proof Restore Mask Treatment brought it back to life.
I love it – nice bit of product placement there, Jen. Also, I hope women read this and take it to heart when they stare at magazines and think, “Ugh, she always looks so perfect!” Yeah, until she’s not got a team of make-up and hair artists to make her look like that. I mean, Jennifer Aniston is a pretty lady anyway, but that whole ~media perpetuation of the perfect woman~ thing is just ridiculous. And women still believe it’s true/what they should aspire to! Lord almighty.
Anyhow, glad Jen got that mop sorted out before the wedding that may never be…