Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin Was All Like, “Forget This Shit!”

Bored single woman with absolutely nothing to do, Kate Gosselin, finally gave in to the fact that she hated her seven-thousand dollar extensions and chopped them all off. It’s unclear if the thought came to her after her tanning appointment or before her mani/pedi, but you know how us free-spirited single women are! When we have to do something about our look, we just have to do something about our look! What other priorities do we have beside making sure our shit’s on point? Nothing. There’s nothing for us to do. That’s why we’re single. We’re like a herd of wild, gorgeous mustangs with nothing on our schedules except running free and making sure we have plenty of time to just “do us”.

Now that her look is perfected, what do you think a woman like Kate can do with all that free time on her hands? Perhaps she can take a ceramics class where she can meet other young women who aren’t tied down and they can all bond over margaritas and boy talk at the local Chili’s after. I don’t know! Just an idea! I’m running late for my laser hair-removal appointment, but I’ll check back in with you later!

Kate Gosselin’s Heading Back to The View

My favorite show, The View, has announced their newest series of guest co-hosts and it’s really just more of the same. But in a good way.

Joining the ladies will be Meghan McCain (barf, but it’s sometimes fun in a “I hate the world” way to listen to her talk), Valerie Bertinelli, and Victoria Beckham, who apparently just does guest spots on talk shows and competitions now. And of course, Kate Gosselin, the woman with the seven-thousand dollar extensions who used to bone that wild moose, will be seated at the table on March 11th.

If you don’t normally watch The View, I don’t want to know you, but also, you should still probably tune in to check out Kate. Last time she was on the show she was in the midst of her divorce and for the most part, was respectful of her disgusting husband. Now she’s a completely single woman, she’s got her own TV show in the works, she’s got that fly-ass weave and her ex-husbro is dating a 25 year old girl that he was seen making out with all over Sundance. If ever there was an opportunity to see Kate Gosselin become unhinged, this is it. And if she’s smart, she will. Homegirl has to stay relevant if she wants to keep feeding all those kids.

Wild Moose Seen Making Out With Younger Girl All Over Sundance

This is gnarly. Jon Gosselin and his new girl, Morgan Christie (remember that name because she’s had to have sex with Jon Gosselin in order for it to appear on your radar and that’s dedication, folks) have been seen sucking face all over Park City this week. And yes, it’s as upsetting for everyone there as it is for us at home, according to US Weekly:

He and Christie were spotted making out Friday at House of Hype party at Cisero. “Tons of PDA, holding hands, kissing,” an onlooker tells UsMagazine.com. “They kept walking around, it’s not like they tried to be discreet and stay in a corner.” And despite Christie’s actual age, the law-school student “looked anywhere from 19 to 23,” the partygoer says. “Anyone who saw him remarked how inappropriate it was. Gosselin seemed to love the attention.” As for Christie, another guest that night says she was “super clingy and got jealous when he talked to other girls.”

“Other girls”. Sick. I’m still not sure what’s in this hook-up for Morgan. She’s a young and attractive enough girl that she could probably bag any C or D lister in Park City this week, so why she chose the one with eight kids and no signs of a promising career is beyond me. And get this: 32-year old Jon is staying with 25-year old Morgan this week… at her mom and dad’s Park City mansion. What a gross, moochy weirdo. 32-year old fathers of eight who are in the position to take time off of their lives to go to Sundance can put themselves up in a hotel before staying at their new girlfriend’s parents home. Show some damn class for once in ya life, Gosselin.

Oh and P.S. If you wanna know what Kate’s up to, she’s at home playing with her ponytail. If that doesn’t crush your heart, I don’t know what will.