You know how Paula Abdul always appears completely whacked out of her mind on American Idol?  It can no longer be blamed on drugs.  Nope, the Paula you are watching this season is like a pile of fine Colombian-pure and unaltered.

In an OK! interview, Paula tells of the surgery she had this past summer that has changed her life:

For the first time in 12 years, I am pain free. I had my 15th surgery to correct my back and neck problems last August and it worked. Finally! I had a new doctor who tried a new procedure and because of that I’m a new woman. I may have to have one more surgery in the spring but after all this, I can handle it.

Not only is she pain-free, she’s (allegedly!) drug-free as well.  And her audience has noticed the difference (?):

Not only am I pain free, but I am pain-medication free. I weaned myself off everything I’d been taking. There were times in the last few years when I was at an American Idol taping and was in so much agony, I’d tell the guys I wasn’t sure I could do it. It’s great to know that viewers can see how much better I am now.

In addition, Paula feels that new judge Kara DioGuardi doesn’t fit in:  “Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great.  But we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”

This is the last year of Paula’s contract and she has indicated that she may be moving on.  Translation:  the one and only reason to watch American Idol is about to leave the building.

Albatross judge, Kara, released a statement, as if we’d expect anything else:  “Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”

She also suggested a sing-off between the two.  Okay.  Not really.

Okay, okay, they’re still doing better than all the competition, by far, but the season-opener today was a 10% ratings drop over last year’s opener.

However, they still brought in 30.1M viewers, so not too shabby.

What did you guys think about the new judge, Kara DioGuardi? I found her to be immensely annoying, and I’d almost rather have Bikini Girl judge the damn thing. I was also sad that they focused so much on good auditions. And when they focused on bad auditions, it was all well-behaved, sweet people who weren’t good singers. I want the focus on the CRAZIES who LOSE THEIR SHIT. Let’s ENCOURAGE that, because it’s totally the best thing on TV.

Also does anyone know where in Phoenix those auditions took place? I grew up in the area, but I couldn’t quite place that hotel. It’s driving me nuts.

American Idol auditions kicked off in New York today … with the addition of fourth judge Kara DioGuardi.

It’s obvious already that they hired Kara to help prop up Paula — literally.