Kara goes over to her friend Paula’s house for a little party. She’s having a good time, you know, but then she gets a rumbly in her tumbly and has to eat something immediately. She moseys on over to Paula Abdul’s fridge and finds some brownies – success! She helps herself to six of the delicious treats before she’s satisfied, and then she goes back to partying. Everything’s fine, right? No, it surely is not:
“Six hours later I was like, ‘What’s going on?’” she said. “I fell out of bed, on the floor and stumbled down stairs … and the ambulance comes, and this guy is like, ‘This bitch is high as a kite!”
DioGuardi said she spent the following three days sick in bed. “I was hallucinating, I was on an IV. I stumbled out like junkie … it was bad news!”
Kara made sure to tell everyone that the pot brownies were not Paula’s (as if), but I don’t think that’s the part of the story she should have been worried about. Paula has earned the right to keep desserts laced with drugs in her home, but has Kara earned the right to just take six whole brownies from her hostess’ refrigerator? I think not.
Who knew that Kara had such a tough past, jeez. The one-time American Idol judge and award-winning songwriter recently penned her memoirs, titled A Helluva High Note, and has released some excerpts to E! Online, one of which included an incident that occurred between a friend of the family and her when she was only ten or eleven years old:
“On one particular day, he took me into the back shed of his house and put his hands all over my breasts and vagina,” she writes. “I remember freezing and not knowing what to do.”
Then, later in life, when it seemed she’d mostly gotten past the worst of her sexual abuse scars, she was date raped by a well-known music producer:
Last year’s American Idol victory song — “No Boundaries” which was written by AI judge Kara DioGuardi — never really took off. As a matter of fact, runner-up Kris Allen dropped it from the repertoire of songs he sings on the American Idol tour. According to him, it slowed down the momentum of the shows.
Kara, the scrappy songwriter, just released a studio recording of herself singing the tune. Is it my imagination, or does this song sound a lot better being sung by a woman?
I really felt that Kara was going to be gone. After last season, when the world realized that American Idol with four judges makes no sense, I thought she’d be out the door. Anyway, isn’t she really bad? I tuned in once and she was trying to teach a contestant the right way to sing — awkward! But her contract has been renewed and this scares me. It makes me wonder if they truly aren’t bringing back Paula.
I don’t really watch AI unless I’m beyond bored and I suspect the world is coming to an end, but with Paula off the show, what would be the motivation to ever tune in? Ryan Seacrest continuing that “straight man” routine? I guess that is pretty entertaining, now that I think about it …
Kara DioGuardi, the American Idol fourth judge that no one understands the purpose of, got married this weekend in … Maine.
She married Michael McCuddy, a general contractor, this’ll never work and told People just a couple months ago about how, because he’s from Maine, he doesn’t like fancy things. “He’s from Maine. He likes that earthy girl, just-out-of-the-shower look.” So, in the spirit of all things unadorned, she wore a Vera Wang gown and $250,000 worth of Neil Lane diamonds.
No word on whether her co-judges attended, or whether Paula Abdul could have even located Maine on a map for that matter.
Let’s address the real question at hand: Which will last longer — her marriage to a GC from Maine or her stint on AI?
“I don’t think she got the reaction she was hoping for. I think she probably thought I would cry or get mad, and I didn’t — I played it off,” Katrina Darrell said about Kara interrupting her on stage during the Idol finale. “Looking back at the tape, she just made herself look stupid; she didn’t make me look stupid.”
You know how Paula Abdul always appears completely whacked out of her mind on American Idol? It can no longer be blamed on drugs. Nope, the Paula you are watching this season is like a pile of fine Colombian-pure and unaltered.
In an OK!interview, Paula tells of the surgery she had this past summer that has changed her life:
For the first time in 12 years, I am pain free. I had my 15th surgery to correct my back and neck problems last August and it worked. Finally! I had a new doctor who tried a new procedure and because of that I’m a new woman. I may have to have one more surgery in the spring but after all this, I can handle it.
Not only is she pain-free, she’s (allegedly!) drug-free as well. And her audience has noticed the difference (?):
Not only am I pain free, but I am pain-medication free. I weaned myself off everything I’d been taking. There were times in the last few years when I was at an American Idol taping and was in so much agony, I’d tell the guys I wasn’t sure I could do it. It’s great to know that viewers can see how much better I am now.
In addition, Paula feels that new judge Kara DioGuardi doesn’t fit in: “Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great. But we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”
This is the last year of Paula’s contract and she has indicated that she may be moving on. Translation: the one and only reason to watch American Idol is about to leave the building.
Albatross judge, Kara, released a statement, as if we’d expect anything else: “Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”
She also suggested a sing-off between the two. Okay. Not really.