Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kanye West

It’s OK, Kanye’s Just Wearing a Leather Kilt

photo of kanye west leather skirt pictures
Did you guys watch the 12-12-12 concert last night? I didn’t. I was on a cross-country flight with no internet access (I hate you for missing my flight, GoGo) and I thought I was going to die anyway. Probably right around the time that Kanye was fannying around in his girlfriend’s leather skirt while performing at the aforementioned concert, actually.

See, my plane hit some pretty wicked turbulence about an hour before arrival, and I had visions of tombstones dancing in my head—along with barf bags and my water bottle, both of which were dancing in the air around my head. The last thing I was worried about was whether or not Kanye West was wearing the fashion equivalent of punching myself in the face, you know? Priorities.

Later, when I landed, I found out that my connecting flight had been canceled because of “maintenance,” and had to rent a car to drive almost three hours more to get home. It was a really, really great night/morning, and when I saw today’s picture of Kanye West performing at the Sandy benefit in this outfit, I just knew that it was fate that my plane had landed safely. I mean, how could I have lived another day without this kind of experience?

Isn’t life so, so funny sometimes?

Love It or Leave It: Kanye Does Winter Wear!

A photo of Kanye West

You can say whatever you want about Kanye West, but you absolutely cannot deny that this man has style. He has style out the wazoo. He has style rolled up into little balls and tucked inside each and every one of his pockets, and he has his very own Rumpelstiltskin that sneaks into his room at night to knit him special panties made from threads of gold. Stylish as hell.

Just look at that coat, friends. That’s all you need to know.

It’s All Happening to Kim, Kanye, and Kris All at Once

photo of kris humphries kanye west and kim kardashian
Hey, did you guys hear? Kris Humphries got kicked out of a basketball game last night in Boston. Here’s a clip of Kris and Rajon Rondo shoving one another, because OOH BADASS shoving:

Bunch of f-cking morons. Yes, let’s push one another into the crowd so that innocent bystanders get injured, because that’s thoughtful. Losers.

Anyway, this is what Kim Kardashian is contending with as her divorce continues to chug right along (making almost no progress whatever)—and the fact that Kanye West is being dragged into proceedings again. What’s happening now (aside from more nothing) is that Kris is still insisting that Kim orchestrated the entire relationship and subsequent marriage for television ratings, and Kris’s team subpoenaed Kanye West in order to testify under oath (of course) that he, as a close, personal friend of Kim’s, never knew anything about her plan.

Personally, DUH, of course Kim married this dickhead for ratings, because it’s not like he’s got this shining personality full of selflessness and integrity (as demonstrated on the basketball court), and honestly, I don’t even know why that’s even being contested. It’s no wonder Kris gets squdouche in the pre-nup, because she knew that she was going to divorce his ass anyway. But naturally, Kim’s team claim that Kris is dragging the whole thing out and ordered Kris and his team to stop all the stalling.

The trial is set for February 15th, a day after the most romantic day in the whole entire world*, and won’t that be just a joy to behold.

*Don’t. You know better.

Good Morning, Here’s A Picture of Kimye Kissing

A photo of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Yesterday, we celebrated the things we are thankful for. Personally, I was especially thankful for my family, including my darling fur babies, and banana pudding. Lots and lots of banana pudding. I was unthankful for my incredibly bitchy cousin and her equally bitchy husband who openly rolled their eyes and laughed when everyone else told me how great I looked (pink hair! Ha ha, I’m a miserable bitch!), but I was thankful for her banana pudding.

I was also thankful for this incredibly wonderful job, and the neat fact that my niece’s teacher reads what I have to say. She saw this site open on his computer, and she told him that her aunt wrote for that, and he was like “she’s fantastic!” So suck on that, haters.

But it wasn’t until this morning that I came across the thing that I am, without a doubt, the most thankful for. The thing that really and truly proved to me what an amazing life I have, and how beautiful the world is. Guys, it’s this picture of Kim and Kanye kissing. It’s Kim’s stupid outfit, it’s Kanye’s stupid face. And I’ll carry this picture in my heart forever.

Kim Kardashian Loves Balls

photo of kim kardashian marine ball pictures
Guess Kim didn’t get the memo that celebrities attending Marine Balls were so last year. Gosh.

Anyway, this photo pretty much speaks for itself—Kim Kardashian was invited to a Marine Ball because BOOBS and when she got there, BOOBS as well. BOOBS all night long, actually, which made any discussion about balls pretty uncomfortable. I bet, however, it’d have been worse if, for whatever reason, it was called the Marine Blue Ball (?).

And also, I’m having a hard time believing that Kanye West wasn’t positively green with envy and red with jealousy that Kim was on the arm of another man, a man who’s probably infinitely more accomplished and infinitely more polite than Kanye himself could ever be.

What a family, guys.

Kanye and Kim’s Wedding Details!

A photo of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Yeah, I don’t get this either. We all know that Kim wanted to get engaged on her birthday, but that Kanye got her a chocolate cake instead (which is still the greatest thing ever, right?). I thought that was the end of the Kimye engagement rumors for at least a week or so. But I was so, so wrong.

Hollywood Life has some very specific information though, not about their engagement, but about their wedding:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s wedding will definitely be one to remember — and not just because of their celebrity status! The two are reportedly planning a blow-out bash that could cost close to $20 million!

“The wedding planner alone will cost almost half a million dollars,” a source tells OK! magazine. “Kim is thinking of using David Tutera, who has [worked with] everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Jewel to Barbara Walters.“

But that’s just chump change in the grand scheme of their pricey extravaganza!

“Kim’s all-time favorite singer is Celine Dion, and she has had her people reach out to her for a price; usually a private performance runs well over $6 million.” a source tells the mag. “Another option they’re strongly considering is Beyonce, who will be there anyway.”

As for the big white dress (which would be Kim’s third gown), the 31-year-old reportedly wants “options” — including a $8.5 million getup!

“Kim’s dream dress would have real pearls and white diamonds, like the [gown] designed by Yumi Katsura, which cost $8.5 million,” a source says.

I’m sure you know that in the world of gossip, Hollywood Life and OK! magazine are closer to the National Enquirer than, say, People in terms of veracity, but something about this whole thing just screams “from the desk of Kris Jenner.” It’s in all the details -”real pearls and white diamonds” on the dress and the possible performance by Celine Dion. It’s also in little phrases like “Beyonce, who will be there anyway.” Because we all know that while Beyonce might be there, she sure as hell won’t hop up to do “Halo” for Kim f-cking Kardashian.

So while I don’t think this story is true, I think the Kardashian family really, really wants it to be true. I think Kim has already picked out her next engagement ring and her next dress, and I would totally believe that she asked Celine Dion about performing at her wedding. The only person who isn’t totally on board is Kanye himself. Oh, and Beyonce.

Kim Kardashian Turns Thirty-Two Tomorrow, Will Probably Get a Brand-New New Fiancé For Her Birthday

photo of kim kardashian and kanye west car sex pictures
If you believe Ryan Seacrest, then tomorrow’s probably Kim’s Big Day, and I don’t mean just because it’s her birthday. No, Ryan Seacrest claims to have inside information stating that Kanye West is definitely going to propose to Kim, and not just because she’s making him (OK, that’s a lie; probably entirely because she’s making him). This is what Ryan Seacrest has to say on the probable news, from the Huff Po:

According to Ryan Seacrest, who is an executive producer on all of the Kardashian reality shows, Kanye West may be getting down on one knee tomorrow (Oct. 21) in honor of Kardashian turning 32.

While chatting about rumors that Kardashian is demanding a “birthday” engagement ring from West on his KIIS FM radio show, Seacrest hinted that her wish may come true. He told co-host Ellen K: “I think we could definitely see an update on this story on Monday.”

OK, so first, I didn’t know that Ryan Seacrest was executive producer on ANY of the Kardashian shows, let alone ALL of them, and that kind of makes me sad. See, I always envision Ryan Seacrest as a younger sort of Dick Clark (they even kind of resembled one another when Dick was, you know, alive), and guys, I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t see Dick Clark having anything to do with any of the Kardashians.

I don’t know what I’m more disappointed about—this Executive Producer news, or the fact that I’m spending a portion of my Saturday morning thinking about what Kim Kardashian’s next wedding dress is going to look like and whether or not Kanye’s going to cry at their wedding.