5Kanye Charged with Three Misdemeanors in Paparazzi Fight

Whoops!! Kanye West was charged today with misdemeanor vandalism, battery and grand theft, and his road manager, Don Crawley, has been charged with the same counts, but two of each. This all stems back to a fight they had with paparazzi at LAX on September 11 of last year. Video of the incident showed both men wresting a camera away from a photographer, and both smashing parts of it into the ground. Crawley also allegedly smashed a second photographer’s camera. The incident resulted in minor injuries to one of the photographers, prosecutors say.

If convicted of all charges, Kanye could face up to two years and six months in jail and his road manager could face up to five years in jail, according to the statement.

Wow, I didn’t even realize you could go to jail for a misdemeanor! Whatever, though, he’ll probably get off with a slap on the wrist. Wouldn’t it just be ridiculous if Kanye ends up serving jail time for this shit but Chris Brown gets off? That’s totally what would happen, too.

March 18, 2009 at 11:42 am by Evil Beet

24Quotables

“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

Kanye West in his VH1 Storytellers documentary, sharing the biggest disappointment of his life.

You know what the greatest pain in my life is?  Having to write about Kanye West every time he comes up with a quote intended to keep his name in the media.  Or, you know, every time he decides to punch a pap.

March 3, 2009 at 8:35 am by Wendie

62I Wish I Were Cool Like You, Amber Rose

Let’s talk about Kanye West’s new girlfriend, Amber Rose, who accompanied Kanye for some shopping and lunch on Sunset today.

I can’t even tell you how jealous I am of this look.

I wish I could wander around LA in February wearing a see-through half-tank with no bra, faux denim hot pants and fuck-me heels. And don’t forget the cigarette!

What a radical departure from social norms, Amber! You’re so awesome. I wish I had the guts to show up at uber-expensive restaurants looking like I just finished my hooking gig at the trailer park. Looking respectable is so passe. You are totally the future of fashion … at the Bunny Ranch. Airforce Amy is going to take a break from blowing lines to call Kmart and see if they have those heels in stock. That’s the kind of trend-setter you are.

March 1, 2009 at 6:20 pm by Evil Beet

13Quotables

“My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step—it literally took me all night to do a step, ’cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.”

Kanye West, discussing his young and hyper-sexual computer programming skeelz, during an interview with Details magazine in which he also claims he became successful because of his sex drive:

“People ask me a lot about my drive,” he says. “I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex—to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3 a.m., the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic…”

OK but seriously is it weird that I’m a little impressed that he wrote that game at the age of 12 and that I want to play it now? I used to write computer games at that age, too. And mine were really sexual as well. It was back in the early ’90s, and I’d write them for, like, DOS and the TI-82 calculator, and people would pass them all around my middle school and everyone loved them, and finally the teachers caught wind of it and I was told I had to delete all my games and not let anyone see them ever again.

And that’s why I had to become a celebrity gossip blogger instead of the next Bill Gates.

Thanks so much, repressive middle school authorities.

February 17, 2009 at 5:52 pm by Evil Beet

37Kanye West Obviously Hasn’t Been Broke Recently

Kanye West is on February’s cover of Vibe sharing more of his outlook and wisdom.

“I made a decision. I wanna make popular music, but I want less fans,” he told writer Sean Fennessey when asked if he was comfortable with fame. “I want the freedom of having less fans. It’s like the freedom of having less money. If you have less money, you have less responsibility. It’s like Björk. If she wanted to pose naked, you’d be like, ‘Oh, that’s Björk.’ But if I wanted to pose naked, people would draw all type of things into it. I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I’ll pose naked. I break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture.”

You know, he has a really good point.  I never feel as free as when I can’t afford to buy food.  Knowing that I won’t have to cook dinner is soooo liberating.  Not having enough in my checking account to cover the electric bill makes me feel like a soaring eagle.  Seriously.  Utilities are an imprisonment.  And to my husband, honey, hasn’t it been so freeing having never gone on vacation since we’ve been married?

Alright, I’m exaggerating a bit but Kanye needs a reality check.  The good news is, if Kanye whittles down his fan base, that should solve his surplus income problems.

January 11, 2009 at 9:51 am by Wendie

26WTF Was Wrong with Kanye West on SNL This Weekend???

Seriously there were better vocals in my seventh-grade class play. And we were doing Fiddler on the Roof. With twelve year olds.

And I mean I’d understand if, like, he had a cold or something, but does a cold make you this completely tone deaf?

Can someone explain this shit to me?

Kanye’s second performance is after the jump. It’s “Heartless,” and it’s every bit as bad as “Love Lockdown” above.

(more…)

December 14, 2008 at 11:46 pm by Evil Beet