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Kanye West

4Kanye Is Using Paris As An Invisibility Cloak

kim kardashian kanye west

Kanye West has been spending a lot of time in Paris recently and apparently this is going to continue up until he has no choice. He’s in NYC with Kim now but rest assured he is going to haul ass to his private jet as soon as possibly to flee the country. Why? Because he is hiding from Kim’s reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. He doesn’t want to be on the show. He wants to keep his life “private.”

DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH? YOU PICKED THE WORST POSSIBLE CANDIDATE FOR NORMALCY. YOUR “PRIVATE LIFE” IS OVER. I don’t care what Kim Kardashians claims.

Thus, Kanye is making Paris an invisibility cloak from the Deatheaters that are the Kardashians.

RadarOnline has an exclusive:

Kanye is recording in Paris and a source familiar with the situation tell RadarOnline: “He doesn’t want to appear on Keeping Up with the Kardashians and being out of the country made that impossible.”

The perfect excuse? While some may think so, Kim has explained their separation by blaming work commitments.

But a source tells Radar that Kanye’s team has advised him that appearing on the Kardashian reality shows is bad for his brand, and his bottom line.

“Kanye did appear on the show several times before he and Kim hooked up but that was because he was trying to get with her. Now that he has her, Kanye wants nothing to do with the reality shows. He most likely won’t appear at all in the upcoming season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Kanye won’t even let Kim talk to him on the phone while cameras are rolling. Kanye wants to maintain his private life,” the source says.

During an interview that Ryan Seacrest did with the Kardashian clan for an E! special Kim revealed that the rapper didn’t have time to appear on the show because of his work schedule, but “always enjoys watching it on television.”

Our sources beg to differ with the sex tape star. “Kanye thinks the reality shows are a waste of time, and contribute nothing. He wants Kim to focus on her fashion designs, and maybe pursue an acting career. But he wants her to quit the reality shows.”

THIS WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN. EVER. It’s over for you, Kanye. There is no escape. Even if you don’t marry or stay in a relationship, this child will tie you to Kim Kardashian for the rest of your lives. You can stop a reality spin-off show from happening, but you will never be able to completely keep yourself out of the Kardashian machine. Oh, and about that film career for Kim? Yeah, that’s never gonna happen. She might be able to get more roles of the supporting character to the supporting character to the main characters, but that’s about it and that isn’t going to last. Look at this photo. Look at the expressions on their faces. Look at the difference in expressions. It says it all.

kanye kim nyc

April 24, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

3Ray J Says You’re Thinking Too Hard About His Kim Kardashian Song

kim kardashian ray j

Ray J may have “hit it first” when it comes to Kim Kardashian and felt the need to release an entire song about it in a desperate plea for some amount of attention since the world literally gives zero shit about him, but now that everyone is getting in an uproar about the track, he wants to set the record straight. You see, Ray J wasn’t dissing Kim and Kanye at all! No, he’s a lover rather than a fighter and would never do that. He just wants the world to know about the “concept” of giving her The D before Kanye got in there for God knows what reason. Don’t take things so personally, guys!

From Hot 97:

“It’s a song, it’s not about that. It’s about a concept, you know what I’m saying? People are going way too deep… They’ve just got to keep it on the surface. Like, I’m not trying to create no war. It’s all love. We’re doing music.”

“I think people are digging into it too deep. It’s a song – we’re just having fun, that’s it. It’s not a war. It’s not a diss song. We’re just having fun. Bring it back to the song – that’s all I’m on.”

Someone needs to phone Miriam Webster, because Ray J clearly doesn’t understand the definition of “concept”, which tends to be more subtle than “I had her head going north and her ass going south/ but now baby chose to go West”, for starters. Second of all, it’s not even a good song. No one’s going to sit around listening to it and thinking, “Goddamn! Hope Kanye’s got some ice for that burn!!” No, they’re going to be thinking, “What the f-ck is this bullshit?” and turn it off immediately. Nice try, Ray J.

April 9, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

22Kim Kardashian Says She Doesn’t Like Junk Food, Only Craves “Carrots and Celery”

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian pretty much gets shit on a daily basis for putting on so much weight during her pregnancy, which is ridiculous and stupid because hello, she’s having a baby and second of all, who in the hell is anyone to tell a woman off because she doesn’t fit society’s example of the sexy, curvaceous, ogle-worthy woman she’s supposed to be? Ugh, don’t even get me started on this (and besides, Jezebel does it better).

However, I do think it’s pretty sad that for some reason or other, Kim can’t just be like, “Yeah, I’m chillin’ with a pack of Oreos and some KFC three nights a week – I’ll work my ass off to lose it when I have the baby but for now, who cares?” Instead, she says dumb shit, like that she’s super upset that she just doesn’t like junk food and instead craves carrots and celery. Oooookay.

From E! News:

“I just don’t crave any of the junk food that I used to eat normally and that really is upsetting to me,” Kardashian told E! News. “I thought I was going to be home eating like McDonald’s and Taco Bell and ice cream—can’t eat any of it.”

“I mean, all the magazine’s say I’m like 500 pounds,” she jokes. “I crave carrots and celery with ranch,” she revealed. “I have to have that once a day, and protein bars.”

No, just stop the madness. Girl, you have put on a bit of weight since getting pregnant, and it’s not all in your stomach. That’s not “carrots and celery” weight, that’s 20-piece McNuggets and a large fries weight, if you feel me. Is there any shame in that game? Hell no (so long as you’re actually eating the carrots and celery and other healthy things for the growing person inside of you to do so correctly, that is). But there’s no reason to go over the top with blatant lies about it, because then you just look sad. Real sad.

Anyway, for all y’all thinking that Kanye isn’t appreciating Kim being large and in charge, think again – he apparently loves it!

“It’s just such an exciting thing, I think, for the guys to see our bodies go through all these different changes,” she explained. “He loves it and just embraces it. And he’s helped me to really feel sexy and embrace it.”

Awww, Kim! He’s such a great guy – you’re so lucky that you have a dude who might even deign to hold your hand as you push this kid out of your vagina if it means his progeny is here sooner. I just can’t anymore.

March 27, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

6Kanye West Can’t Wait to Be Kim Kardashian’s Baby Daddy

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In today’s edition of “No Shit, Sherlock”, Kanye West apparently can’t wait to be a dad to the creature due to crawl out of Kim Kardashian‘s nether regions in just a few months’ time.

From Showbiz Spy:

“Kanye is going to do everything he needs to do to make sure Kim delivers his baby,” a source said.

“So if that means he has to go to classes and help her breathe, he’s going to be there. If he has to hold her hand and she squeezes the hell out of it, he’s going to be one hand short. If he has to cut the cord, he’s going to cut it.

“He’s going to do everything in his power to make this birth for his girl and their baby as smooth as possible. No doubt, he’s looking forward to it all.”

Someone needs to explain how childbirth works to Kanye, because Kim’s invariably going to have the baby regardless of whether Kanye goes nuts with preparation or sits on his ass sewing new skirts or whatever.  Also, I love how him holding her hand while she’s in labor is something he’ll do if he “has to”. What a charmer. These two idiots deserve each other.

March 25, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer

11Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Are Getting Matching “Commitment Tattoos”

kim kardashian kanye west

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are absolute self-obsessed idiots – and therefore perfect for one another – so I don’t really have a problem with the idea of them getting matching commitment tattoos. Besides, I suppose it’s better than another televised sham wedding, eh?

From The Daily Star:

The pair, who are expecting their first child in June, have been to famous LA tattoo parlour Shamrock Social.

We’re told: “They’ll have each other’s names tattooed, leaving a big space for the baby’s name, so they all intertwine.”

Aw, isn’t that sweet – there’ll even be room for little Kimye. Though I have to wonder what the hold up is and why they’d need to visit the tattoo parlor first and plan all this out if they’re just having their names done. It only takes 15 minutes max to look through the font handbook – been there, done that.

March 15, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer

2Justin Timberlake “Absolutely Loves” Kanye West, Which Means He Hates Him

justin timberlake kanye west

Never has a music feud been so goddamn boring as when Kanye West and Justin Timberlake started being at odds. Now now, lads, there’s enough of Jay-Z‘s friendship to go around. After Kanye told a crowd in London earlier this month that he “ain’t f-ckin’ with that ‘Suit & Tie’,” JT responded by changing the lyrics in the song during his performance on SNL last weekend to something about rappers being dramatic because his “hit’s so sick”. I mean, whatever and all, but I just yawned while typing that entire paragraph.

After taking his shot at Kanye, JT decided he couldn’t put his money where his mouth was and decided to backpedal during an appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon when he was asked about the performance, saying, “I don’t remember that. Did I change a line? It is live. You know really, everyone keep calm. Let me say, for the record. I absolutely love Kanye, so there’s that. We love Kanye right? Did the lyrics change? I don’t remember.”

Ugh, this bitch. Playing the amnesia card is the corniest thing ever. I don’t even understand what’s got him shook, at this point. After all, what’s Kanye going to do, beat you with his crocodile skin scarf or whatever the hell it is he wears? These two need to just stop.

March 13, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer