This is Kanye in Paris, and it must either be cold, or he’s got a rancid, raging case of facial herpes that he’s worried about the world seeing. I’m guessing it’s probably that second thing, because I don’t know about where you guys are, but it’s been damn cold here on the Mid-Atlantic coast of the United States. It’s been postively frigid, and I mean that when I say it, considering I’m originally from northeastern Pennsylvania, where a day of -2 is no big deal.
That all being said, I prefer to think that Kanye has a big old outbreak that he’s trying to disguise (and with Kim Kardashian as a girlfriend, that’s totally plausible), and not that he’s a big old weenie when it comes to weathering cold temperatures.
In any case, it’s totally ridiculous and I hate it. The end.
Oh my gosh, wouldn’t it be neat if you could decide every single thing about your kid before you even had one? Maybe? I can’t decide if it would be neat or boring or creepy, but for Kanye‘s sake, I’m going to lean toward neat for now.
See, Kanye, way before he impregnated Kim Kardashian, already planned out what his son was going to be like, and he documented it all in a song called “New Day.” The song was one of his collaborations with Jay-Z on Watch the Throne, and one of his verses went a little something like this:
And I’ll never let my son have an ego / He’ll be nice to everyone, wherever we go / I mean I might even make him be Republican / So everybody know he love white people / And I’ll never let him leave his college girlfriend / And get caught up with the groupies in the whirlwind / And I’ll never let him ever hit the telethon / I mean even if people dyin’ and the world ends / See, I just want him to have an easy life / Not like Yeezy life, just want him to be someone people like / Don’t want him to be hated all the time, judged / Don’t be like your daddy that would never budge / And I’ll never let him ever hit a strip club / I learned the hard way, that ain’t the place to get love / And I’ll never let his mom move to LA / Knowin’ she couldn’t take the pressure now we all pray.
Well, some of this stuff is nice, at least. He says he won’t let his son have an ego, which … well, I guess it depends on Kanye’s definition of the word. Because if he thinks that he himself doesn’t have an ego either, then oh, this poor child. But the part about wanting him to have an easy life is sweet, and the part about not letting him go to strip clubs with bad intentions. And of course, the part about his mom is heartbreaking, and totally implausible now that the mother of Kanye’s child is going to be Kim Kardashian. But most of this is actually ok. Except the bit about making him be a Republican and not letting him ever do telethons. That sounds a little controlling.
Adds sister Kourtney: “Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can! Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!
Kardashian, 32, and West, 35, went public with their relationship last April, about six months after Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries. The divorce action is still pending.
During Sunday’s concert at Revel Resort’s Ovation Hall, West revealed his big news by singing, “Now you having my baby” to the roar from the crowd of 5,000, the Associated Press reports.
West asked concertgoers to congratulate his “baby mom” and called the pregnancy the “most amazing thing.”
Oh my god. Oh my god. Shut up! Do you even realize what this means? It means a lot of things. It means that Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Just let that thought sink in for a minute. She’s going to be someone’s mom. Some child is going to have Kim Kardashian as a mother. But it also means that Kimye, the greatest couple of our generation, is in it for the long haul. Like, I’m pretty sure this means that they’re definitely, definitely getting married. That is, after Kim’s divorce. Because Kim is still married to her last dude! Oh my god.
What a way to close the year, right? This is already a great day.
Did you guys watch the 12-12-12 concert last night? I didn’t. I was on a cross-country flight with no internet access (I hate you for missing my flight, GoGo) and I thought I was going to die anyway. Probably right around the time that Kanye was fannying around in his girlfriend’s leather skirt while performing at the aforementioned concert, actually.
See, my plane hit some pretty wicked turbulence about an hour before arrival, and I had visions of tombstones dancing in my head—along with barf bags and my water bottle, both of which were dancing in the air around my head. The last thing I was worried about was whether or not Kanye West was wearing the fashion equivalent of punching myself in the face, you know? Priorities.
Later, when I landed, I found out that my connecting flight had been canceled because of “maintenance,” and had to rent a car to drive almost three hours more to get home. It was a really, really great night/morning, and when I saw today’s picture of Kanye West performing at the Sandy benefit in this outfit, I just knew that it was fate that my plane had landed safely. I mean, how could I have lived another day without this kind of experience?
You can say whatever you want about Kanye West, but you absolutely cannot deny that this man has style. He has style out the wazoo. He has style rolled up into little balls and tucked inside each and every one of his pockets, and he has his very own Rumpelstiltskin that sneaks into his room at night to knit him special panties made from threads of gold. Stylish as hell.
Just look at that coat, friends. That’s all you need to know.
Hey, did you guys hear? Kris Humphries got kicked out of a basketball game last night in Boston. Here’s a clip of Kris and Rajon Rondo shoving one another, because OOH BADASS shoving:
Bunch of f-cking morons. Yes, let’s push one another into the crowd so that innocent bystanders get injured, because that’s thoughtful. Losers.
Anyway, this is what Kim Kardashian is contending with as her divorce continues to chug right along (making almost no progress whatever)—and the fact that Kanye West is being dragged into proceedings again. What’s happening now (aside from more nothing) is that Kris is still insisting that Kim orchestrated the entire relationship and subsequent marriage for television ratings, and Kris’s team subpoenaed Kanye West in order to testify under oath (of course) that he, as a close, personal friend of Kim’s, never knew anything about her plan.
Personally, DUH, of course Kim married this dickhead for ratings, because it’s not like he’s got this shining personality full of selflessness and integrity (as demonstrated on the basketball court), and honestly, I don’t even know why that’s even being contested. It’s no wonder Kris gets squdouche in the pre-nup, because she knew that she was going to divorce his ass anyway. But naturally, Kim’s team claim that Kris is dragging the whole thing out and ordered Kris and his team to stop all the stalling.
The trial is set for February 15th, a day after the most romantic day in the whole entire world*, and won’t that be just a joy to behold.
Yesterday, we celebrated the things we are thankful for. Personally, I was especially thankful for my family, including my darling fur babies, and banana pudding. Lots and lots of banana pudding. I was unthankful for my incredibly bitchy cousin and her equally bitchy husband who openly rolled their eyes and laughed when everyone else told me how great I looked (pink hair! Ha ha, I’m a miserable bitch!), but I was thankful for her banana pudding.
I was also thankful for this incredibly wonderful job, and the neat fact that my niece’s teacher reads what I have to say. She saw this site open on his computer, and she told him that her aunt wrote for that, and he was like “she’s fantastic!” So suck on that, haters.
But it wasn’t until this morning that I came across the thing that I am, without a doubt, the most thankful for. The thing that really and truly proved to me what an amazing life I have, and how beautiful the world is. Guys, it’s this picture of Kim and Kanye kissing. It’s Kim’s stupid outfit, it’s Kanye’s stupid face. And I’ll carry this picture in my heart forever.