Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a baby together in a few short months, so one would assume that they plan to be together for a long time. Couples don’t have to get married to be committed (holler and let your love RIP, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins), but many choose to walk down the aisle as a show of their everlasting love… or at least for the tax benefits. Turns out, Kanye’s probably dodging poor Kimmycakes because he’s got no intention of exchanging vows since it would be bad for his checkbook. LOL, work that one out.
From Star (via DS):
“Kanye has real money. He won’t marry Kim because it would hurt his finances.
“Kim is a shopaholic! She spends $350,000 a month on her credit cards.
“She pays hundreds of thousands of dollars for designers to custom-make clothes for her, and she spent millions on Louis Vuitton handbags to match each outfit.”
Uh, $350,000 a month? Are you shitting me? I don’t think I could even find $350,000 worth of shit to buy in a year, let alone a month. Then again, I guess even the entire Primark summer collection wouldn’t add up to half that, so maybe we’re on different scales, here.
I think the real reason Kanye won’t marry Kim is because, duh, he doesn’t want to be with her. It’s clear he’s having major regrets about having dipped his pen into that ink, if you feel me, and he’s not trying to put a ring on it. He never was. There’s no way in hell this baby thing was planned, AT ALL, and something tells me it wasn’t a welcome surprise.
Also, here’s a present for getting through this article, but you’ll have to go behind the cut as it’s a little… disturbing. Read More
Kanye West is getting real sick of his extended Kardashian family — WELCOME TO EARTH!!! Mr. West performed on Saturday Night Live May 18 and things seemed to go well despite a classic Kanye rant a few days prior about how he’s not doing any “mothaf-cking SNL skits“. But apparently there was drama; it was just all backstage, where we couldn’t see. Here’s an exclusive from Diary Of A Hollywood Street King:
An insider says the arguing match between the trio all stemmed from Yeezus discovering Kris and Kim were secretly selling images of him and Kim, behind his back. That’s before we’re told Kayne began cussing Kim out, in front of SNL’s cast and crew, while Kris Jenner was being escorted out.
Here’s what an insider had to say:
“Kanye was an asshole and he was being very standoffish to everyone there. Lorne Michaels will never invite him back. Backstage Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian with Kanye and his bodyguards and basically hovering over him while they scream and yell. The whole cast fled out of the way and security had to be called.
Kim was crying and Kris was basically being carried away by security. Chris Rock tried to step in but Kanye just brushed him to the side and was like ‘Man! this is nothing.’ Kris was raving and screaming the whole time and she felt bad for Kim.”
Can you really blame him? I STILL think that Justin Bieber is the bigger SNL douche. So, to quote Kanye, “Let’s have a toast to the douchebags.”
As for Lorne Michaels banishing Kanye…not sure if this will really happen. Kanye didn’t actually wreck the show or do anything while on stage. I think it’s more likely that the Kardashians will be the banned ones, although I doubt Kanye OR Kim & Co. will ever want to go back to SNL. You may remember in 2010 Kanye performed “Power” on SNL, which includes the lyric, “F-ck SNL and the whole cast” — and Kanye changed that line just for the show. He even tweeted,
25 Minutes to dress rehearsal … Just saw Lorne Michaels … uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum …. Akwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard LOL!
Best of luck with all future endeavors, Kanye.
Kanye West is not a comedian and won’t be doing no f-cking skits ever or whatever, but he did actually turn up to Saturday Night Live and perform two new songs from his upcoming album Yeezus (yes, seriously) – ‘Black Skinheads’ and ‘New Slaves’. Well, those are… provocative titles. Too bad the execution leaves a whole lot to be desired – and that’s coming from someone who can appreciate his musical talents despite thinking he’s batshit insane.
‘Black Skinheads’ seems to have some pretty grand aspirations, but uh, Kanye? Marilyn Manson called and he wants his beat back. Also, The Black Keys called and asked if you could return their vocal effects. Oops, wait, one more message here, sorry, nearly forgot. Wackness called and congratulated you for outdoing it.
As for ‘New Slaves’, I can deal with this slightly more, but it still sounds like he wrote this shit when he got some particularly potent weed and was having mild hallucinations. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but I just wish he would stop trying to accomplish so much in a single track. Not only that, but I wish he’d stop making it in-your-face to the point of contrivance. I bet Kim’s got this bumping in some of those pregnancy belly headphones, though.
Kim Kardashian is planning to put the Kris Jenner parenting approach into action once she gives birth, so it might be helpful if she has a girl. After all, we see how hard it is for Kris to pimp Rob out. Well, lucky for Kim, her little one just might be lucky enough to continue the royal lineage of selling yourself for very large amounts of money, because rumour has it that she’s having a daughter.
From E! Online:
Kim Kardashian’s baby shower preparations are well under way.
In fact, invitations have gone out to a select group of friends and family members for a June 2 baby-themed bash to celebrate the impending arrival of Kim and Kanye West’s first child, E! News exclusively confirms.
And as you might have guessed, these weren’t just any old store-bought invitations…
They arrived at their intended destinations in music boxes that, when opened, played Kanye’s tune, “Hey Mama,” the tribute track he wrote for his own mother, as a wind-up ballerina twirled.
Oh, brother. I don’t trust Kim and Kanye with any child, but I shudder to think of the future that baby Kimye has in front of her. Two egomaniacs for parents, one with serious delusions of grandeur and a problem with misplaced anger and the other nearly naked all the time without the sense God gave her. Therapists, wait by the phone.
P.S. Dem feet, tho.
Kanye West is NOT A CELEBRITY so we shouldn’t even be talking about this, but apparently Kanye is scheduling a tour for his upcoming album in October and word has it that Kim Kardashian is going to take her newly born moneylump and follow him. From TMZ:
There are reports Kim felt like Kanye was abandoning her by scheduling a tour for his new album in October — just three months after she’s expected to give birth — but sources close to the touring company tell us, that’s not true … because Kim and the baby are coming along for the ride.
And she’s not messing around either — we’re told the touring company has already been given orders to arrange for cribs and soundproof hotel rooms at every stop.
Ball so hard.
Hope your bus can float, Kim, because you know he’s hitting up all of Europe. He’ll probably go to Antarctica if it can buy him more time away from you and your childrearing plan. Not that it isn’t a great idea to bring a newly born baby on a tour bus for months.
Kanye West is still totally pissed off at that street sign, and he is HAVING NONE OF YOUR SHENANIGANS. HIS LIFE ISN’T A JOKE. WHICH IS WHY THIS IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE:
Kanye West performed at “Adult Swim’s Upfront” whatever the hell that is, at Roseland in NYC. And he decided this was the perfect opportunity to avenge the serious injustices against him, so he went off on a tirade about why he “ain’t no muthaf-ckin celebrity.” Oh, okay.
I ain’t no muthaf-ckin celebrity… There’s one thing about me, I’m a terrible, terrible terrible celebrity. I don’t know if you really know there’s one thing about me but I’m the worst kind of, the worst kind of celebrity. All I do is make real music. All I do is sit in the studio and make real shit. And that’s it. And that’s muthaf-ckin it. That’s muthaf-ckin it!
So I don’t want no people runnin’ up on me with cameras, trying to like sell pictures and shit to magazines, asking me dumb ass questions, throwin’ me off my focus and shit. Harrasin’ you all muthafuckin day. I ain’t no muthafuckain celebrity.
It’s so funny. Somebody asked me, ‘when you do SNL, are you going to do a skit about the paparazzi and shit. And like humanize yourself?’ I ain’t hear to apologize to no muthaf-ckas man. It ain’t about me humanizing myself. At one point did I become un-human where I had to turn myself back. Or maybe I was demonized, or maybe I was treated inhumane and not human in that type of situation. I ain’t no muthaf-ckin celebrity. I ain’t runnin’ for office. I ain’t kissin’ nobody’s muthaf-ckin babies. I drop your baby and you muthaf-ckin sue me and shit. I’m trying to make some music that inspires people to be the best that they can be. And I don’t want nobody else to ask anything of me! Don’t ask nothing else of me.
Muthaf-ckas chasin you down, about to make you crash and shit. And all they want is for a n***** to laugh and shit. Hell nah, I ain’t doin no muthaf-ckin SNL skits. This is my Goddamn life. This ain’t no muthafuckin joke.
Are you kidding? This is f-cking hilarious. “I drop your baby and you muthaf-ckin sue me and shit” — yes! Brilliant! Love it!
Actually Kanye, you did once do an SNL sketch, poking fun at yourself of how much you love to crash award shows (and this was before the Taylor Swift thing) so it’s not an unreasonable question.
Also, you’re INVOLVED WITH KIM F-CKING KARDASHIAN. I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT COMES WITH THIS.
Kim Kardashian isn’t expected to be a good mother by anyone’s stretch of imagination, but prepare for your percentage of faith to plummet into the triple negative digits when you realise that she’s going to be approaching motherhood using skills learned from… Kris Jenner. Momager extraordinaire Kris is the most batshit insane parent on TV and probably one of the most batshit insane off-screen, as well. Of all the adjectives to describe her parenting style, I don’t know that “good” would come in the Top 100. And yet…
Let us have it, Kimmy’s blog:
Mother’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a special day to honor my role model and best friend. As I’m counting the days until I finally get to be a mother, I’m a bit nervous and anxious but also excited knowing that I learned from the very best. My mom is a strong and ambitious career woman that despite her busy schedule and the millions of things she has going on, she still manages to put family first and continues to look out for us every day. Motherhood is a gift and I know after watching my mom do it, it’s not easy especially when trying to balance a career. I’m honored to follow in her footsteps and make her proud like I am of her.
Oh dear… Kim also says she’ll look to sister Kourtney for some help, which is, I suppose, fractionally better, but not by much. She hasn’t even given birth to this kid yet and it’s already shaping up to be a disaster. Her perfect romance with Kanye going awry? Check. Momager Kris trying to take over the whole affair? Check. Kim WANTING her to? Lord help us all.