Lord, give me strength. Kim Kardashian‘s reserves of stupid shit to say to reporters must be hitting an all-time low as she’s been coming out with some real clunkers lately. If possible, I think being pregnant with Kanye‘s baby has dulled what was left of her brain cells, as now she’s talking about how wearing maternity clothes makes her feel like who she was before getting knocked up. I don’t even know.
From her “Mommy Blog” (Kill me now!):
Hi guys! So I love sharing my favorite products and beauty and fashion tips with you all and I wanted to do my first mommy blog today to tell you about these new J Brand jeans I received. They are these super comfy maternity jeans with soft, stretchy side panels in the front and they are absolutely amazing! I feel like I’m back to my old self and I’m so happy! With this being my first pregnancy I’ve been finding it really difficult to find clothes that are comfortable and fit me well, but these are great. Are there any other moms to be out there who have tried these? I’d love to hear you pregnancy tips too!! :-) Xo
So, basically you stopped wearing clothes that were 10x too small for you and got… maternity clothes. For pregnant people like yourself. Listen, we’re all about feminism here and women can wear whatever they want, whenever they want, but I love how it was a mindblowing experience to discover that she didn’t have to squeeze herself into skinny jeans and chiffon button-down tops and could actually go for an elastic waist. Hell, I’m not even pregnant and I choose an elastic waist for the majority of the week (hell yeah, leggings!).
It’s also a shame that Kim has to solicit “pregnancy tips” which to most humans is just “common sense”. Maybe someone should make sure to tell her to take prenatal vitamins and eat lots of fruits and vegetables so her unborn baby gets as much nutrition as possible. While we’re offering tips, let her know she’ll need to buy diapers, which will need to be changed when the little one takes a shit. Good lord.
There is no story to go with the photo above. Well, there is, and this is it: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West felt it necessary to get naked and simulate sex for the cover of the French magazine L’Officiel Homme. I just can’t with this chick. But whatever, if you think your future kid is gonna love seeing her parents riding each other on a magazine cover, more power to you. So much for learning the value of privacy.
But wait, here’s something fun! In another interview (this one with Cosmopolitan), Kim has the nerve to say that she judged her sister Kourtney Kardashian for getting pregnant with Scott Disick‘s baby without being married to him.
“I was like, ‘You’re not married! How could you do this?’ I was really firm and strict. But she was like, ‘Marriage isn’t what I want.’ And later, I realized she had a better family life than I did.”
Let that sink in for a minute. The woman who has had a public sex tape, can’t seem to keep her clothes on and is also now pregnant out of wedlock before even completing her divorce from her first sham marriage has the nerve to judge her sister for… being with the same bro for plenty of years and having a stable family environment. I mean, I doubt Kourtney Kardashian is the model mother and Scott’s last name should be Dick rather than Disick, but come on.
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are having a baby girl. And Kim Kardashian wore an atrocious outfit. Of the baby girl, they are “over the moon.” Why is that the go-to phrase for everyone about pregnancy? A source also told US Weekly, “Kanye always wanted a girl.” Cool story, bro.
Gotta say, Kardashian gave a quote about being pregnant to Du Jour magazine that I thought was genuinely hilarious.
I used to always say I can’t wait to get pregnant because I will just eat whatever I want, but it’s completely different. I’m like, OK, I want to eat as healthy as possible. Though lately I’ve been watching shows like I’m Pregnant and Addicted to Meth. It definitely makes me feel better if I’m wanting one sip of Diet Coke or, you know, too much sugar. I’m like, This woman is on meth.
So true, Kim. It’s all about perspective.
The point of this story is that Kim Kardashian is retiring from reality TV in its various incarnations – Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, Get the Kardashians Off My F-cking TV Already, etc. After five years, she wants to use being knocked up as a turning point and stop living her life in front of the camera… but only because Kanye West pointed out the concept of “privacy” to her.
From to DuJour magazine:
“My boyfriend has taught me a lot about privacy. I’m ready to be a little less open about some things, like my relationships. I’m realizing everyone doesn’t need to know everything.”
“When you live your life so publicly, like on a reality show, people assume that they know every side of you already,” she adds. “But they always want more.”
Not only does everyone not need to know everything, we also don’t want to. I can count on zero hands how many people I know who actually give a shit about the Kardashians and what they’re doing in life. I’ll “watch” (read: zone out to) one of their shows if they’re on, but I never absorb any information, most likely because there’s none to absorb. They’re a family with too much money and not enough brains, but they’ve learned how to turn that into even more money, so good for them.
In any case, how hilarious that Kanye is responsible for telling Kim to cool it with sharing her entire life with the general public, and that it never occurred to her before now. I suppose it’s never too late for a little common sense, and lucky for us, the Kardashians’ various TV shows probably won’t last much longer once Kim goes. Every cloud has a silver lining, people.
Raise your hand if you find Kim Kardashian annoying. Now clench that hand into a fist and prepare to punch your computer screen, because things are about to get even worse. The socialite/reality star/whatever the hell she does is five months pregnant with Kanye West’s baby and is getting pretty down about gaining weight – you know, as you do when you’re growing a child in your womb.
From The New York Daily News:
Kim Kardashian has always been curvalicious but a source tells us the 32-year-old reality star — who is approximately five months pregnant with beau Kanye West’s baby — is not pleased about her expanding figure.
“At first, she didn’t mind because she was excited to be pregnant,” says a source close to Kardashian, who has reportedly gone up four cup sizes. “But now she’s flipping out because she didn’t think it would be this extreme.”
But West doesn’t seem to feel the same way. “He encourages her to eat whatever she wants. He tells her not to worry, and it makes her feel better,” says the source.
I’m not gonna front – as women, we’re conscious about our bodies to a degree and of course having to adjust to being a different size and shape than you’re used to or comfortable with is going to be disconcerting. However, there’s a difference between putting on 10 pounds because once you popped, you really couldn’t stop with that container of sour cream and onion Pringles and totally another to begrudge the human being brewing in your body because your tits are a little unwieldy. To “flip out” because of a natural process is the most ridiculous thing pretty much ever and there’s no way to get around it except to, you know, go on birth control and never have children. Especially when she barely looks any different! Ugh, go away!
Deadmau5, a Canadian “electro-house producer” known for wearing a gigantic-ass mouse head, gave some words of love and encouragement for rapper Kanye West. Just kidding he said, “I f-cking hate him.” He didn’t say this out of the blue, though. It’s not like he went into a Starbucks and said, “I’ll have chai latte and I f-cking hate Kanye West.” Vibe Magazine asked who he would most like to work with. And like any self respecting adult, his answer was,
Anyone other than f—ing Kanye. I f—ing hate him.
Bravery level: so.
Well whatever, Mouse Head, I’m not fond of you either. You get all pissy whenever someone refers to you as a “DJ” while acting like what you do and make is like John Lennon 2013. How is what you do that different from being a DJ? And what’s wrong with DJs? In 2008 in an interview with Irish Daily Star he said,
It puts me to f-cking sleep, to be quite honest; I don’t really see the technical merit in playing two songs at the same speed together and it bores me to f-cking tears and hopefully, with all due respect to the DJ type that will f-cking go the way of the dinosaur, I’d like them to dis-a-f-cking-ppear! [And then here he called them a very bad word.]
Please tell me more, from inside of your giant mouse head. Also you’re engaged to Kat Von D, who is bad on so many levels she’s like a dilapidated shopping mall. Remember when he proposed to her on Twitter? That has nothing to do with anything, I just like reminding people about that.
I understand why you wouldn’t like Kanye West — you’re not the first — but dude, don’t be a dick. Kanye is talented and super successful and a huge name in the industry and you’re wearing a f-cking mouse head, Joel.
Kanye West has always been at the forefront of fashion, so it’s no surprise that he ventured into the ladies wear territory late last year when performing in a leather skirt at a benefit for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Did he look ridiculous? Of course. Did anyone really care about his stupid outfit when we don’t really care about Kanye in general? Not particularly.
However, apparently some people have been giving poor ‘Ye a hard time about his love of a crisp a-line, because he wants photos of him wearing the clothing to be removed from photo agency websites so people will stop making fun of him. Boo hoo!
From The Sun:
There hasn’t been a bigger champion for the man skirt than KANYE WEST.
But the US rapper seems to have given up on his one-man mission to make the clobber socially acceptable outside Scotland.
He’s asked picture agency Getty Images to delete every snap they have of him in his leather skirt at the Hurricane Sandy benefit gig last year.
The rapper got ribbed over the outfit by stars including CHRIS BROWN. Tellingly, his request came after rap rival LORD JAMAR posted a track online called Lift Up Your Skirt — an unflattering take on Kanye’s fashion fixation.
Lyrics include: “He introduced the skinny jeans to the rap scene/Then he wore a f-cking skirt on the video screen/Then he wore it again at a memorial/I can’t pretend this shit ain’t deplorable.”
Okay, first of all, no one has ever heard of Lord Jamar, and you kind of need to be on the same wavelength to be a “rival”, I feel. Second of all, Chris Brown dressed up like a member of the Taliban for Halloween (in addition to being the worst human ever created), so I doubt that’s much to be offended by. Doesn’t Kanye know about The Streisand Effect?