Please. Please, no. There’s only so much the heart can take, and this is far too much. If Kim and Kanye fall out of love, then what sort of chance do the rest of us have? How can the rest of us hope to make it in the world if Kimye isn’t strong enough to last?
Ok, here’s the rumor. Read it and weep, friends:
Friends are wondering if things are cooling off between Kim and her new beau, Kanye West, who appeared in her life just in time to take the attention away from her disastrous marriage and divorce with Kris Humphries.
While Kim is in Miami to film her family reality show, Kanye has been living it up at Paris fashion week, even though he isn’t showing his clothing line there. On Sunday he was at a party hosted by Diane von Furstenberg and Olivier Zahm to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Purple magazine.
Another source tells us that things between Kanye and Kim are “cooling off” because “he’s getting tired of the constant press and promotion. He’s not as tight with her as he was.”
NO. NO. NOOOOOOO.
A “source” that’s “close” to the Kardashians popped up long enough to say that there’s “no truth” to this rumor, and I am just hoping against hope that that’s right. Or at least that Kim is already pregnant, so if they do break up it won’t be that big of a deal because she’ll already be cooking up the greatest human to ever live.
October 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Sometimes I roll my eyes so hard that it hurts my head. But it’s not like this big awful horrible pain, it’s just this quick pain that passes as soon as my eyeballs return to their normal position. But it feels weird, so then I roll my eyes again. I do this a couple of times until it doesn’t amuse me anymore, and then I go back to doing whatever I was doing, which is usually the thing that caused the initial eye roll, and the cycle starts all over again. And I repeat the cycle until I’m ready to focus again, or, you know, until I want some juice or whatever. Do you guys ever do that? Because I do it a lot, and I just did it after I saw this photo of Kim and Kanye.
It’s just that both of them just go on and on about how much they care about fashion, and how important fashion is, and how they’re just so fashionable, but then they step out looking like this. You can tell that Kanye’s trying real hard with those pants, and Kim … listen. That ill-fitting, unflattering thing that Kim is wearing? That costs $4,710. She paid nearly $5,000 for that mess.
I think it’s time to look for some new fashion icons, all right? I just … oh. You mean the only people who actually consider Kim and Kanye fashion icons are Kim and Kanye? All right then, well, I guess there’s nothing more to discuss.
September 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Emily
“I be all up in Goldman Sachs like these n—as tryna hold me back, these n—as tryna hold me back/ I’m just trying to protect my stacks/ Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax, Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax.”
—Kanye West in new single, ‘To the World’, off his new Cruel Summer album. Which, doubtless, is going to be all about politics that he only understands on the most base of levels, f-cking Kim Kardashian, and cleaning out that bitch’s closet (oh. Wait. Didn’t Eminem already do that one?—yes, yes, he did):
Oh, and look: an infinitely-more talented rapper than Kanye could ever hope to be, I suppose, though crap is still crap no matter how lovely the air freshener used to cover up the stench is.
September 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
But real quick, can I just say that I absolutely love this photo of Kanye and Kim? Because I really, really do. I think it’s just too adorable, and I think that if this couple was any other couple, everyone else would find it adorable too.
Ok, but let’s get back to the story at hand, which is that before Kanye was one half of Kimye, he used to have sex with other ladies while watching Kim’s sex tape. “Multiple sources with first-hand knowledge of the situation” have told TMZ that Kanye used to watch that little tape that Kim made with Ray J “to get him in the mood.” And that is just gross on so many levels.
I’m sure we all have differing opinions about porn, but we can all admit that having sex with a guy while he’s watching a sex tape of someone he actually knows would be weird, right? And would it be sweet or creepy to know that the guy you’re currently dating used to consistently think about you and get off? And I haven’t seen Kim’s tape, but I heard it wasn’t all that great, which, for some reason, makes this whole thing just a tiny bit creepier.
See, this is why this relationship worries me. I want to think it works because they’re both so wacky and they take cute pictures and seem really into each other, but then we hear these stories about how in love Kanye is (or obsessed, whatever), and we remember how Kim dated all these dudes and got married while Kanye was just pining away, and it turns sad. I just don’t want Kanye to get hurt, that’s all. I don’t want him to be another Kris Humphries.
September 10, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily
Earlier this year, Kanye released a song called “Theraflu”, which actually said “I fell in love with Kim.” Then, more recently, he let us in on the fact that he’d written a new song called “Perfect Bitch,” also for Kim. But guys. He’s been at this for literal years.
Sources “extremely close” to Kanye (so, Kim?) are saying that he’s been “obsessed” with Kim for years, and that he’s written several references to Kim in his songs. For instance, a song from 2009, “Knock You Down,” has this verse:
Tell me now can you make it past your caspers
So we can finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams
To seem to only date the head of football teams
And I was the class clown that, always kept you laughin’
We, were never meant to be baby we just happened
So please, don’t mess up the trick… hey young world I’m the new slick rick
They say I move too quick, but we can’t let the moment pass us
Let the hourglass pass right into ashes
Let the wind blow the ash right before my glasses
So I wrote this love letter right before my classes
How could a goddess have asked someone that’s only average
O.M.G, you listen to that, bitch?
Whoa it’s me
Baby this is tragic
Cause we had it, we was magic
I was flyin’, now I’m crashin’
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson
Now I’m mad, real mad, Joe Jackson
You should leave your boyfriend now, I’ma ask him
That was written, mind you, when Kim was dating Reggie Bush, football player. And just to summarize, he called Kim “a goddess” and “the cheerleader of my dreams.” I dare you to find something more romantic.
But yeah, I believe this, based on pretty much everything we’ve ever heard about these two. They’ve been friends for years, but remember that time that Amber Rose, Kanye’s former girlfriend, called Kim a home wrecker? And Kris Humphries has some reason to think that Kim and Kanye were involved while he and Kim were still together. It’s curious, friends. It’s just curious.
September 7, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
From the Daily Mail:
[Kanye West] cancelled his appearance after deciding he didn’t want to attend tonight’s ceremony in Los Angeles without his girlfriend Kim Kardashian by his side.
The reality star, 31, had a prior engagement at Fashion’s Night Out in New York, where she will be promoting her True Reflection perfume at Lord & Taylor.
A source tells Mail Online: ‘Kim’s in New York for her fragrance launch and Kanye didn’t want to go to the VMAs if she couldn’t be there.’
Kayne’s song Mercy featuring Pusha T, Big Sean & 2 Chainz is up for Best Hip-Hop Video and Best Editing. He was not scheduled to perform.
OK, so it’s not exactly because no one wants Kim Kardashian there (though I have no doubts that no one wants Kim Kardashian there and that’s the real reason she has her stupid perfume launch scheduled on the same damn day as the MTV VMAs). But come on. Wittle baby man can’t go out in pubwic wifout his wittle girlfwiend? Doesn’t wittle baby man have any real fwiends? F-CKING GAG ME. I wish these two would fall into a radioactive pit (or just, you know, Paris Hilton’s vagina) and never come out, and that way they’d never have to endure the horrors of being apart.
Me, I’m not sorry that Kanye won’t be there tonight. I’m sure he’d just give me heartburn every time I looked at him and his stupid face, anyway, so thanks for doing a girl a solid, man.