The Guardian reports that a movie based on the life of Elton John is all but inevitable—Why? Why does this need to be a movie, even?—but Elton promises it will be campy and surreal, “not just a factual look at my life, more in the manner of a Moulin Rouge.”
Oh. That sounds kind of cool, actually. Hey! If you wanted the movie to be extra surreal, you could cast William Shatner as the lead instead. You know, for obvious reasons.
It’s also kind of mediocre. And honestly, it’s a pure Timbaland/Timbalake hybrid, because the music is straight-up Justin and the lyrical rhymes are straight-up Timbaland. So you’re probably wondering why the two didn’t just get together and hop up in the studio themselves and record the music. And I don’t have an answer for that. I tried a long time ago to fathom the workings of Justin Timberlake’s mind, guys, and it was like looking into the eye of a tornado. Or the brown eye of Kim Kardashian. Both are equally terrifying in their own right, and both are sort of lazy in their paths, yet destructive as hell. Which is where I’m starting to think Justin Timberlake is headed. (To “lazy,” not to “Kim Kardashian’s brown eye” that is.)
Rumor in Wyoming is, Justin Timberlake finally proposed to his beloved, Jessica Biel, at a Jackson Hole ski resort. The rumor itself comes from the Twitter feed of nearby Tayloe Pigott Gallery. Tayloe Piggott looks like a classy enough operation, so this scrap of gossip seems as credible as any.
When Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel reconciled in July after a five-month split, friends assumed this time they’d marry. (The couple have been dating on and off for nearly five years.)
And a source tells Us Weekly it’ll be Biel, 29, who decides: “Justin thinks marriage would hurt his career, but if Jessica threatened to leave, he’d do it,” the source says of the In Time actor, 30.
The pal adds that New Year’s Eve actress Biel (who took Timberlake back after he cheated) now “has the power” in the relationship.
As someone who doesn’t know either party personally but who professionally sifts through countless stories, rumors, and photos of the couple, this seems a little far-fetched. To me, it’s always seemed like Jessica was That Girl who loves her boyfriend sooooo much and isn’t he just the greatest thing and sure, maybe he cheated or whatever, but just look at his little face, whereas Justin is That Guy who likes to keep a hot girl on standby at all times. But maybe that’s just my opinion.
Do you guys see a Biel-Timberlake wedding anytime soon?
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this whole “Justin Timberlake went to the Marine Corps Ball” story. It has basically everything that I love, all wrapped up in one neat little adorable package: heartwarming tales, neat uniforms, a former boy band member, and also I cried. Really, what’s not to love?
Just in case you needed a little extra happiness in your day (even though I really don’t see why you would), here’s darling JT’s firsthand account of his Marine Ball adventures:
To all my family, friends and fans -
I’m writing this out to all of you after attending an event that turned out to be one of the most moving evenings I’ve ever had…
I had the honor and privilege last night of attending The Basic School Instructor Battalion 236th Marine Corps Birthday Ball at the Greater Richmond Convention Center with Corporal Kelsey DeSantis…
I knew I would have an evening that I wouldn’t forget… Something I could tell my friends about. What I didn’t know was how moved I would be by the whole experience.
If you’ll recall, over the summer, celebrity after celebrity got invited to the annual Marine Corps Ball. A fine young man asked Mila Kunis to be his date, and she accepted. Another fine young man asked Betty White to be his date, but she already had plans. And, of course, a young lady invited Justin Timberlake. And he obviously said yes.
I just think that this speaks so highly of Justin, don’t you? Sure, at this particular moment he looks like the most uncomfortable boy in the world, but he showed up. Last night, he could have been doing nearly anything his heart desired – he could have rode bikes with Jessica Biel, he could have banged Mila Kunis, he could have lovingly dressed a pony up like a unicorn and taken it for a walk under the stars with some Capri Suns and cute sweaters (which is what I would do if I had Justin Timberlake money) – but he didn’t. He flew out to Richmond, Virginia, put on his little tux, and escorted a Marine to a fancy ball, just like he promised. And I think that’s just wonderful.
Really, no joke, I could do that. I realized that about a year ago when Jimmy and Justin first paired up to conquer the history of rap. I realized that if these two released one of those 20 disc sets of popular hit songs for ten easy payments of $19.99, I would be all over it. I would make every single one of those easy payments, and I would weep with joy when I finally got that glorious set in the mail. And then I would listen to it, over and over and over. And I would hate myself a little, for I despise Jimmy Fallon, but I would also feel just so warm and cozy with these two fellas crankin’ out the jams.