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Justin Bieber

0Oh. Justin Bieber Did an Anti-Bullying PSA.

Ah, leave it to Justin Bieber to achieve the complete opposite of what he set out to do. Go figure.

Here’s what Justin had to say about bullying:

“By now, we’ve all seen news reports of things that started out as jokes or private conversations that have ended up as headline news. Now I don’t want to stop you from using the internet or connecting with each other online, but I want to make sure you’re aware of what’s going on out there and what you can do to stop yourself from making a small mistake that could follow you for the rest of your life or ruin someone else’s.”

And yeah. It’s a good message. But I feel awfully conflicted when I hear these words come out of a face that I want nothing more than to punch. Hard.

October 12, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

7The Justin Bieber Sex Tape is Probably Happening

photo of justin bieber pictures photos twitter pic
At least according to his stolen laptop, which apparently had a lot of personal “footage” on there. The only “footage” I could see causing a problem for Justin would, of course, be a sex tape. Are we going to see a Justin Bieber sex tape? God, I don’t know. The idea positively frightens me, and before I can actually consider what that might be like, I’m brought to think of Hulk Hogan and his sex tape, where he bangs the chick and immediately starts talking about how much of a pig he is because he ate [fill in the blank] not ten minutes ago. I think it’d be like that. I also think it’d probably involve that weird thing that people used to do, which I’d call “drinking tons of milk and vomiting over hotel balconies,” because I’m certain that’s what an eighteen-year-old punk who thinks his dick is God’s gift to older women the world over would think is some darn good FOREPLAY.

I mean, don’t ask me why. It’s not like I was the one who had the foresight to steal his notebook, it’s just my suspicions. You know.

October 11, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

4Justin Bieber: Beer Pong Champion

A photo of Justin Bieber

Well, “champion” is probably not the appropriate word here, because I bet poor little Justin Bieber totally ralphed after the first round. But Justin Bieber did play beer pong. And that’s the important story here.

From TMZ:

He might not be enrolled in school … but Justin Bieber is definitely getting a taste of the college experience  … ’cause we got a photo of the Biebs playing an intense game of BEER PONG.

Even though he’s underage, we know Bieber pounded some beer during the game … just like every other underage college kid across the country.

The question — which country?

One source connected with Bieber — who was not there — says the game went down on Canadian soil … or in Georgia (he travels a lot, it’s hard to keep track). Either way, the source says it happened a year and a half ago, which would have made Bieber 17-years-old … and too young to legally booze in either country.

Another source — who was there — swears it happened in Alabama back in June … which still makes Biebs too young to booze.

And the photo? You’re going to just love the photo:

A photo of Justin Bieber

That’s what Justin Bieber looks like at parties. That right there. So take a good, hard look, Beliebers, because that is what you’re fantasizing about. A baby-faced young man who wears a backpack and a handkerchief to parties. Just think about that.

October 9, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

6So Here’s This Thing That Justin Bieber Does At Concerts

A photo of Justin Bieber

That’s Justin Bieber, the new King of Pop, if you’ll remember, grabbing his crotch with a gloved hand during a concert and not vomiting. Now, I was busy either playing with blocks, learning to hold my head up, or not being born yet during Michael Jackson‘s heyday, but wasn’t this sort of his thing? Isn’t this particular move already taken?

Mull it over, friends, but in the meantime, here’s another photo from Justin’s concert:

A photo of Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber: King of Pop and Angel of Song. Inspiring, isn’t it?

Images courtesy of Oceanup

October 5, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

4For The Girl Who Has Everything: Justin Bieber Vomits On Stage

That’s all. It’s just a video of Justin Bieber vomiting. During a concert. While performing. But also, please take note of his remarkable ability to keep singing even while hunched over and barfing. This truly is a young man to keep our eyes on!

To commemorate this very special moment, let’s look through some of Justin Bieber’s other special moments, shall we?

Here’s the one where he doesn’t understand what “German” is:

And here’s the one where he doesn’t understand how revolving doors work:

And here’s the one where he doesn’t understand the continents in the world:

There’s a lot going on in that pretty little head of his. Just not knowledge or common sense or grace or humility or, like, any other good qualities, probably. Mostly it’s just vomit.

September 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

5Justin Bieber’s Mom Wrote A Book About How She Almost Aborted Justin Bieber

A photo of Justin Bieber and Pattie Mallette

Well, this is odd. See, Justin Bieber‘s mom, Pattie Mallette, wrote this book called Nowhere But Up: The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom. And on one hand, I’m like “good for you, Pat,” but on the other hand, I’m like “if you titled your memoir The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom, then maybe your life story isn’t that compelling, and maybe you’re just doing this for money.” But then I read this little synopsis, and she does have a compelling story, but I think she’s still just doing this for money. And that’s sad.

From Us Weekly:

Justin Bieber’s millions of fans are fully aware of the teen pop phenom’s humble beginnings as a young Canadian YouTube sensation, and now, thanks to a new memoir they are learning a little bit more about his mother, Pattie Mallette.

Penning her own memoir, Nowhere But Up: The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom, Mallette, 36, promoted her new book during a Tuesday interview with TODAY‘s Kathie Lee Gifford, and opened up about her life as a struggling single mom who lost her virginity at age 15 became pregnant at 17.

Surviving a suicide attempt in her teens after being sexually abused, Mallette told Gifford she had a spiritual awakening when she was visited by a Christian counselor in a psychiatric ward during her recovery. “I just knew I couldn’t [abort it]. I just knew I couldn’t,” Mallette — who was “messed up” on drugs and alcohol at the time she tried to take her own life — said. “I just know I had to keep him,” she told Gifford. “I didn’t know how I was going to do it. But I just knew that I couldn’t abort. I had to do my best. I had to see what I could do. And I was determined to do whatever it took.”

Abuse survivor Mallette was inspired to tell her story so young girls — many of whom are fans of her son — can relate to her struggle, and calls the writing process cathartic.

“I pretty much bared my soul. It definitely furthered my healing process,” she says of penning Nowhere But Up. “Justin’s really supportive, and really proud of me.”

So yeah, she has an interesting story that could potentially help some girls out (by teaching them that they can survive abuse, not by teaching them that they should absolutely not ever get an abortion under any circumstances because they could give birth to Justin Bieber), but I don’t know, it just makes me feel weird. If it’s helping her to heal, then that’s awesome, but it just feels sort of icky that she’s doing all this under the name of “Justin Bieber’s mom.” Do you know what I mean?

September 20, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber