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Justin Bieber

Love It or Leave It: Justin Bieber’s Billboard Cover

photo of justin bieber billboard magazine pictures, photos
Now, I don’t normally run Justin Bieber stories myself, partially because I despise Justin Bieber, and partially because … oh, wait, right. It’s just that one thing: because I despise Justin Bieber. This, however, was interesting, because in the accompanying Billboard interview (which isn’t out in its entirety yet), Justin talks about how he’s in a really dark place in life right now, and some are speculating that it’s because of Selena Gomez and all that pot-smoking and butt-showing.

In the interview, which is set to release today, Justin says this:

“I’m not in the happiest place that I’ve ever been.”

And I’m, like, agog. Justin Bieber, not happy? I just can’t even imagine why. It can’t be because he beats on people and that makes them despise him, nor can it be because he just can’t stop with all the silly tattoos, because hey. They can be removed one day, I guess. Whatever, though. Judge not Bieber lest ye be hit by a car or something, right?

Justin’s Billboard cover—love it or leave it?

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So, Uh, Justin Bieber Wanted You to See His Butt

A photo of Justin Bieber

Happy Sunday, you guys! Did you have a good night last night? Did you get into anything wild and crazy? Me, I just went out to buy hair dye and milk and then I watched Just Like Heaven, that romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon where she’s in this coma and her spirit has to get Mark Ruffalo to save her with the power of love. But I bet you guys went wild.

Oh, this post? Yeah, this is just Justin Bieber showing off his ass. He put it on Instagram. I don’t know why, but there it is. I know it’s not the whole thing, but it’s still something special. It’s something special to me.

But hey, how long do you think it will be till Justin does a dick pic, Chris Brown style? Probably not long, right?

Justin Bieber Is Just The Worst

A photo of Justin Bieber

So Justin Bieber has this thing about wearing saggy britches. And not just regular saggy britches, no. Saggy britches like this:

A photo of Justin Bieber

I know, aren’t those the most awful pants you’ve ever seen? That’s part of why he’s the worst.

The other part of why he’s the worst is because of that picture up at the very top, the one where he’s in the skintight jeans. He posted that picture on Instagram and said “To those of u who tell me not to sag my pants. Double think that.” What a little bitch.

But really, all that tight pants picture does is make me think about how hilarious it would be if Justin Bieber starred in a remake of Grease. Blasphemous, yes, but hilarious nonetheless. And then Taylor Swift would play Sandy, and Miley Cyrus would play Rizzo. I bet Miley could do a mean “There Are Worse Things I Could Do.”

So you know, maybe Justin Bieber isn’t the worst. Maybe Justin Bieber is just a visionary.

Justin Bieber is Abusing People Now

Namely, his bodyguard, who he allegedly “punched repeatedly” in the chest, and it’s also the very same bodyguard to whom is allegedly owed somewhere in the neighborhood of $400k in unpaid overtime. Isn’t Justin just the best, guys? And by “best,” I mean “worst punk-ass little shit to ever scar the world to the core”?

Selena Gomez Dumped Justin Bieber for Sure

photo of selena gomez pictures
From Us Weekly:

No wonder Justin Bieber has been acting out: Days before the pop star, 18, was caught smoking pot in shocking TMZ photos, he and girlfriend Selena Gomez have parted ways yet again — this time for good, multiple sources tell the new Us Weekly, out now.

Although Bieber and the singer-actress, 20, journeyed to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico for a New Year’s trip, their happy holiday was cut short when Gomez abruptly flew home to Los Angeles on Dec. 30. “They had another huge fight, and Selena won’t forgive him,” an insider tells Us Weekly of the perpetually on-again, off-again pair.

It certainly seems final this time — with Gomez spending New Year’s Eve at an L.A. house party with pals, while Bieber rang in 2013 with rapper pal Lil Twist at L.A. club Couture, where he flirted with various girls. “He’s been really down about the breakup,” a source admits.

Citing Bieber’s “bad influence,” another pal insists: “Selena is done with him.” For more details on the breakup, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands Friday.

Can I tell you how glad I am to hear this? Not that I’m really partial to either Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez, but this young kid is going to have a long road ahead of him, and I have a feeling he’s going to be the male Lindsay Lohan, because really, why not? We haven’t had a crazy young dude wrecking the whole shit since … well, I don’t even know when. Selena Gomez, however, just doesn’t really strike me to be into that kind of stuff. Selena Gomez just doesn’t seem to be a big, stupid drama queen, nor does she seem like she’s into going through the motions of playing mother to a faux-bad boy gone … well, faux-bad.

My opinion? Maybe Justin Bieber can start dating Lindsay Lohan. Wouldn’t that just be so, so super?

Miley Cyrus is Mad That Justin Bieber’s Fans Are Cutting Themselves

photo of justin bieber pictures smoking pot photo
OK, brace yourself, guys, because this morning is about to get even more absurd than it already is, what with Taylor Swift getting dumped for the zillionth time in a row.

The latest story is that Justin Bieber‘s f-cking weirdo fans have banded together to cut themselves in an effort to make their favorite popstar stop all the pot-smoking, because duh, like, pot smoking is so, so bad and only scumbags do things like that*.

Things are getting so crazy that even dang ol’ Miley Cyrus is jumping into the fray, calling all of Justin’s fans who are considering cutting themselves stupid and “disrespectful.” From TMZ:

The hashtag #cut4bieber has become the top U.S. trend on Twitter … after people began posting photos featuring bleeding arms, allegedly the result of “cutting” by disappointed fans looking to pressure the singer into giving up his pot habit.

In fact, someone even started a website encouraging Bieber fans to cut themselves and post photos of the carnage …. until Bieber gives up marijuana for good.

But moments ago, Miley Cyrus weighed in on the troubling trend — retweeting a messaging saying:

“#cut4bieber? Cutting is NOT something to joke about. There are people who are actually suffering from self-harm, this is so disrespectful.”

Oh my God. #cut4bieber? Can we maybe change that to “#die4bieber”, because the whole idea of people being so stupid as to cut themselves because Justin Bieber, an eighteen-year-old kid who’s got the world by the balls, wants to smoke pot, kind of makes me want the human race as a whole to just keel over, because guys, we have all apparently failed miserably.

*Only scumbags do not do that. Sure, there are probably scumbags who do smoke pot, but not all people who smoke pot are scumbags. I mean, scumbags work at the bank, scumbags take care of poor, innocent children in daycare centers, and scumbags even teach at University. There are also plenty of people who work at the bank, or who take care of poor, innocent children in daycare centers, and who even teach at University who probably smoke pot and who aren’t scumbags. See? Things are just so diverse—it’s impossible to lump all people into one category and then cut yourself over the category that you don’t like.