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Justin Bieber

1LOL of the Day: Justin Bieber Has a 2-Year-Old Kid In Europe

Oh ho ho. Another day, another Justin Bieber paternity “story”. This time, he apparently has a 2-year-old kid somewhere in Europe after having sex with a woman he met at a TGIFridays when he was 15. I can’t with this – it’s too hilarious.

From the bastion of fine journalism that is Star magazine (via  The New York Post):

In a startlingly detailed report in Star, a 15-year-old Biebs allegedly slept with an unidentified 25-year-old “European” woman on Feb. 4, 2010. They supposedly met at a T.G.I. Fridays after the singer’s concert in Florida and he took her back to his room at the Gansevoort South hotel, the mag claims.

After the alleged one-night stand, the woman gave birth in late October 2010 to a baby girl, a “source” said in the report.

“She gave birth to a baby girl later that year, and Justin didn’t know anything about it. She just wanted to protect her baby. She wanted to keep her and her family away from any spotlight,” the source said. “In my opinion, she does look a lot like Justin did at that same age.”

To take it a step further, the tabloid printed alleged texts between Bieber and the woman after their supposed hook-up where he says “thanks 4 last night” and calls it “Our little secret?”

A rep for Bieber has claimed that the story is completely false.

Riiiight. Wouldn’t you love it if this were true? I mean, it’s not, but HAHAHA TGIFridays! “Our secret”! Ah, this is so good. He’ll need to stop smoking weed and get off that Segway and start playing child support – HA!

May 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

1Usher Hopes Justin Bieber Gets His Act Together Soon

justin bieber usher

It’s no secret that Justin Bieber has gone from a cutie patootie 13-year-old kid with (seemingly) lots of talent to raging asshole with far more bark than his bite that you wanna slap in the face. It’s pretty bad when even mentor realises that you’re heading down the wrong road, and indeed Usher has spoken out to say that he’s “hoping for the best” when it comes to Justin getting his shit together.

Appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Usher tried to be as diplomatic as possible about the situation, saying:

“I think all of us, in some way, have humble beginnings that pan out to be incredible and we hope that in his transition, as friends and family who have helped him be who he is, that he’ll continue to just mature.

“In this [day and] age of social media, there is no privacy and that kind of trial and elimination period is kind of done in front of a camera… Many other celebrities are products of it and some come out bad and some come out good.

“I am hoping for the best. I don’t look at it as a negative, though, I look at it as a teenager – he’s a teenager having to live his life in front of a camera. Imagine if you had to do that as a teenager.”

Yeah, that’s fine and well that he’s a teenager in the public eye, but he’s also an absolute dickhead who spits in people’s faces, speeds around his neighbourhood in a car, threatens to kill people, makes people wait 4 hours to see his puny ass, etc. I dunno about you, but I didn’t do that shit as a teenager, so jog on with the excuses.
May 30, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Justin Bieber, Usher

6Picture This: Justin Bieber Riding On A Segway While Smoking Pot

justin bieber billboard awards winner

Justin Bieber is an insufferable neighbor, with all the spitting on people and insane parties, but none of that even compares to his new alleged activity: riding around on Segways, smoking pot. Brilliant. If this is what you do in your spare time, you have too much money. It’s not that this behavior tops anything else — it’s just that it’s f-cking hilarious. From TMZ:

… neighbors tell us they saw him over the long weekend riding a Segway and smoking a joint … smack in front of neighborhood kids. … neighbors say on Sunday Justin was riding side by side with a buddy, who was also smoking a joint on his Segway.

Oh, no! Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children???

He also sucks because of his Ferrari and motorcycle (why does he have these?) and other annoying car-related incidents.

Multiple neighbors in the exclusive, gated Calabasas community say Bieber and his friends have turned the neighborhood upside down.  We’re told they’ve called cops twice in the last five days over excruciatingly loud noise coming from Bieber’s house where parties were going full-bore at 3 AM.

Neighbors tell us Justin has been a real problem in his Ferrari and on his motorcycle.  Aside from the incident Monday night when he was allegedly roaring through the neighborhood, we’re told Justin frequently drives recklessly.  Residents say Justin almost struck a neighbor pulling out of his driveway Sunday.

Neighbors tell us the homeowner’s board is planning on taking action — for starters, they’ve talked to cops who promise they will begin towing vehicles that are left on the street overnight — a frequent occurrence when Bieber or his friends throw parties.

We’re also told the board believes Bieber is running a business from his house — something prohibited by the association rules.  The way they see it — people living at the house are managing Justin’s life, which is part of his career. They are especially irked that security guards sleep in the garage.

Why the F-CK did he move to Calabasas??? Calabasas is where rich conservative families life. It is not party central. It is not hip. If you want to live somewhere quiet and pleasant and ride horses, then you live in Calabasas. If you want to party like Iggy Pop, you live somewhere else. So in case you’re wondering why neighbors would care so much about this shit, that is why. It’s Calabasas.

Chris Brown and Justin Bieber have more in common every day. They both don’t know how to drive and they suck as neighbors.

May 28, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

4Join The Club: Taylor Swift Really Hates Justin Bieber

taylor swift selena gomez

I mean, who could blame her? A lot of people hate Taylor Swift, too, I know, but she’s far less reprehensible than that shirtless pseudo-thug baby. Anyhoo, y’all know by now that Taylor and Selena Gomez are BFFs, which kinda creates a problem since she may or may not be back with Bieber. What we do know is that they shared a little cheek kiss at the Billboard Music Awards and Taylor’s reaction to that is classic:

taylor swift

She was even asked by reporters backstage what she thought of that award Bieber got (and got booed for getting) and she just asked for the next question. Love that shade. But there’s more!

From Access Hollywood (via US Weekly):

Asked by Access Hollywood after the awards show what she and Gomez, 20 were whispering to each other while Bieber, 19 accepted two of his awards (during one, the “Take You” singer was met with boos from the audience), Swift, 23, was quick to answer.

“Ohhh, you do not want to know!” she said, shaking her head and looking down at the floor. “You do not want to open that can of worms. Especially tonight.”

When the reporter then suggested that Swift should write a song about it, she laughed before adding, “No, it’s not [me] … I’m fine!”

I’m of two minds about this. First of all, people in glass houses should not throw stones, so she should sit the f-ck down on that note (shout out to my girl molls who has some pretty strong opinions on this). After all, TaySwift’s romantic choices leave… a bit to be desired and she’s got enough shit of her own for who she’s dated.
On the other hand, she was asked about it and she kinda replied in the nicest way possible. She could’ve turned around and said, “Oh, I was just telling Selena that Justin can go f-ck himself with a 20 foot pole and that I hope he rots in a well”, but she didn’t. Homegirl’s under no contract to hide her disdain. I know I wouldn’t – and plus, he’s a MASSIVE toolbox.
May 24, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

1You’d Better Call Your Solicitor If You Want To Stay at Justin Bieber’s House

justin bieber

I don’t know why you’d want to stay in Justin Bieber‘s house with or without him in it, but many of his friends seem to want to use his place as a party pad while he’s out and about, and he’s totally fine with that. Nevermind what the neighbours think! Between the massive raves and the racecar driving/face spitting, he sounds like a barrel of monkeys to live next door to – but there’s one caveat to all this. If you wanna stay, you gotta pay. Or, you know, sign a $5 million waiver saying you’ll pay if you so dare to open your mouth about anything that goes on in his house, whether he’s there or not.

From TMZ:

TMZ has obtained a copy of a document EVERYONE must sign before entering Casa De Bieb in Calabasas, CA.  The doc — a Liability Waiver and Release — warns that anyone who blabs about any of the goings on inside the mansion will get nailed, and that includes the “physical health, or the philosophical, spiritual or other views or characteristics” of Bieber or the guests.

The document makes it clear … anyone who violates the terms of the waiver will automatically be on the hook for $5 million in damages.

But wait … there’s more.  If you dare tweet about the party — $5 mil.  If you blog — $5 mil.  If you Instagram — $5 mil.

And God knows what goes on inside, but the form warns there might be activities which are “potentially hazardous and you should not participate unless you are medically able and properly trained.”

And there’s more … The risks include “minor injuries to catastrophic injuries, including death.”

Uh… what in the hell goes on at Justin Bieber’s house? Also, I doubt much “philosophical” or “spiritual” shit is going down in that house, unless you count teenagers tripping on shitty acid and smoking weed until they pass out counts.  I mean, I guess you know what they say – it ain’t a party unless you sign a NDA when you walk in the door. God, I really can’t stand this kid.

You can see a full copy of the waiver HERE.

May 23, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

0Bill Hader Confirms That Justin Bieber Sucks

bill hader 5 year engagement

Bill Hader, a very recent Saturday Night Live alum, did an interview with Howard Stern and gave us some tidbits about working on SNL. And thus, the tale of two Justins. From Uproroxx:

Justin Bieber showed up with like 20 guys. And every time, backstage is a very small constructed place, he had a guy holding a slice of pizza, a guy holding a Diet Coke. You were trying to fight around all these people to get dressed. [Justin] Timberlake, it was just him. He’s a real class act, that guy.

I think we’ve established by now that Justin Bieber is an entitled spoiled brat, but it’s still so very refreshing to hear. I get that people love Justin Timberlake, though I am not one of them. I think he is annoying. BUT I would choose to hang out with him over Bieber any day. Especially because Justin Bieber would force me to surrender my basic rights and my safety if I wanted to party at his house.

Obligatory:

justin bieber bodyguard lol

May 23, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives