Remember the chick that Justin Bieber supposedly sexed up and made a baby with? Mariah Yeater, she of the unstable tendencies and weird torso? Well Justin Bieber apparently can’t forget about girlfriend even if he didn’t knock her up, and he’s sending her messages via Twitter. From Justin Bieber’s own:

Dear mariah yeeter…we have never met…so from the heart i just wanted to say…

And you know what followed? This:

Dear heavens. If that doesn’t stir up an entire nest of crazy for poor old Mariah Yeater, then hell. I don’t know what will.

Image courtesy of Starz Uncut

I know: you’re thinking, “Really, Sarah? Eleven whole hours since the site’s last post and there’s nothing better to talk about than Justin Bieber and his stupid video?” to which I’d answer, “Yes.”

This is Bieber‘s teaser-trailer for his new single, ‘Boyfriend’, which you probably heard first here earlier last week.

The thing that I really want to talk about, though, is not the teaser, because I’m sorry, I just can’t get myself all hyped up over Justin Bieber standing in the moonlight like he’s some kind of modern-day Michael Jackson. First, it’s too early in the day. Second, it’s too early to be looking for the “next” Michael Jackson. I’m still reeling from the real Michael Jackson‘s death, and that was almost three years ago. Let’s let sleeping dogs lie, OK? No, the thing that I want to talk about is the obsession that his fans have over him, so much so to the point where they post comments like this in the YouTube forum where I ripped this video from. Here’s the number one-ranked comment (out of approximately 7,006 comments, which are probably more even by now):

HOOOTTTTTT ;)
Mom: What the f-ck? was that?
Me : That was Justin Bieber Boyfriend video teaser 3#. Did u like it?
Mom: WHAATTT?!?! Did I like it.. I’m Believer now !
me: Lets to the believer dance :D

Does it get better than that? Well yes, it does. Little Justin himself claims that the new album, ‘Believe’, has a lot more rap on it (probably courtesy of his rapping alter-ego, “Shawty Mane,” and I want to kill myself for even having typed that – twice in a year is way, way too much). From MTV:

When Justin Bieber dropped “Boyfriend,” he definitely channeled his rapper alter ego Shawty Mane on the verses, spewing lyrics like, “If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go/ I can take you places you ain’t never been before/ Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know/ I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow/ Swag swag swag, on you.”

The song now has many fans wondering whether more rapping will appear on his upcoming album, Believe. When MTV News caught up with the teen star on the set of his “Boyfriend” video, he shared just how much rapping will make the final cut.

“There’s not a lot of rapping on the album,” he said. “As people know, I’m a singer, and I don’t want to get people confused with that, but it’s something that I love to do, so you guys will definitely hear more of it.”

So, what ruined your day the most – the fact that the video’s still not quite here, the fact that YouTube commenters are … well, they’re scary, or that there’s not a lot of rapping on the album, but – oh! light at the end of the tunnel – you’ll still hear “more of it” down the road? I know I’m throwing a lot of different things at you guys first thing in the morning, but when it comes to Justin Bieber, I just know that there’s nothing we can’t handle together.

But hey, nothing we didn’t know already right?

In case you missed it, musical prodigy and legend Justin Bieber recently released a new single called “Boyfriend.” It was beautifully written with such sound musical structure and superb lyrics, not to mention perfectly performed. Here it is, one more time:

With that stunning song fresh in our minds, it should come as no surprise that producer Mike Posner has nothing but wonderful things to say about Justin and his new album:

“I think our goal was to make something that me and my friends could listen to in the car,” Posner explained. “I think we’ve all known Justin since he was 13, and that’s not the kid I was in the studio with anymore. He’s an 18-year-old. He skateboards with Lil Wayne and hangs out with Lil Twist. Those are his homies. And he listens to hip-hop and he’s a really cool kid. He’s not like a corny guy.

“So I wanted to make something that reflected who he is now and who he is going to continue to be,” Posner added. “We’re still working more on the project and it sounds really incredible. I think people have been waiting [for] when he’s going to turn that corner, and the time is now.”

Believe isn’t going to change just Bieber’s career, but all of pop music, Posner added. “He’s kind of bringing soul back, and rhythm and blues back and definitely hip-hop into his music. I’m really excited to see how it’s going to change the landscape, and I know a lot of artists are going to have to go back to the drawing board.”

I really appreciate how Mike Posner here took the time to say all this. He made a lot of really good points! I like how he said that Justin is “not like a corny guy,” because honestly, with Justin’s new lyrics, some uniformed people might think he’s just being corny, and that’s not true! When he says things like “swag swag swag on you, chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue,” he’s being so sincere. It’s so touching!

I also love that Posner noted that Justin’s new music is going to “change the landscape” and that “a lot of artists are going to have to go back to the drawing board.” Personally, I think that Justin changed the landscape back with his amazingly unique hit “Baby,” so it’s exciting to hear about how much more totally original music we’re going to get soon!

Are you guys pumped or what?!

You guys, how many times have I talked about how great a boyfriend Justin Bieber is? A lot, right? Like, so much that I could understand if you’ve ever been a little creeped out by it. But listen, this is a dude who takes his girlfriend to romantic private screenings of Titanic and who once bought his girlfriend every flower in a flower shop. I think I’m allowed to swoon a little. Besides, he’s legal now, get off my back.

But for as much as I’ve talked about Justin being a great boyfriend, I don’t think we’ve ever gotten to hear Justin himself talk about being a great boyfriend. And that’s something we’ve been missing, right?

From People:

“I’m loving and patient and kind and gentle,” Justin Bieber tells Radio Disney’s Celebrity Take with Jake (running from April 9 to April 13) of his boyfriend skills.

Not that anyone was wondering. When it comes to relationships, Bieber, 18, whose romance with Gomez, 19, was revealed when they were caught kissing last January, says “it’s just about being honest with one another.”

“You just have to be honest, that’s the first thing, because if you’re not honest, then the relationship is just not a good relationship,” explains Bieber, whose latest single, “Boyfriend” features lyrics, such as, “If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go” and “Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue/I don’t know about me but I know about you.”

Of his relationship motto, he adds: “At the end of the day, your girl would appreciate you being honest more than lying to her and vice versa.”

That modesty! That wisdom! Honestly, who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who understands that “your girl would appreciate you being honest more than lying to her,” right? I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve dated who were the exact opposite! They’d be like “no, babe, you don’t understand! I wasn’t cheating, that was my sister!” And then I’d be like “why are you even lying about this, you don’t have a sister and even if you did, I don’t think you’d be grabbing her ass in the Olive Garden.” And then he’d throw his hands up in frustration and go “I THOUGHT THIS WAS WHAT YOU WANTED.”* Justin Bieber would never do that to me.

Just in case you didn’t get enough love advice from relationship expert Justin Bieber, I have one more great tidbit for you:

“To be a great boyfriend you just have to have patience and…you’re always wrong when it comes to girls, you’re always wrong, so just say sorry when things are rough.”

Ugh, so true. There has never been a dude in the history of dudes that has ever had a correct thought, and I’m so glad that one of them is finally acknowledging that. Personally, I’ve got my man apologizing on a schedule so that every two hours I get a “sorry,” just in case I happen to be upset with anything going on. It works great!

Keep this excellent advice coming, Justin!

*This is not a true story, but I’m thinking about working it into this Lifetime movie script I’ve been working on.

You know, for someone who is supposed to be such a pop superstar, dear Justin Bieber hasn’t really released that much music at all. He had that first album that came out two years ago, then that Christmas monstrosity from this past holiday season, and that’s pretty much it. That’s not a lot, is it? I really don’t think so.

But everything is about to change, you guys. This is the year of the New Bieber, and it is being ushered in with this very first single, “Boyfriend.” And it’s … well, it’s something. It’s quite a departure from his previous masterpieces – “Baby” and “One Less Lonely Girl,” to name a few pieces of art – but I think it’s going to work out well for him. Really, with lyrics such as “swag swag swag on you, chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue” and “I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe,” there’s no way he could fail.

Ok, honestly, I was completely sure this was a joke when I went to look for the video. I was like “there’s absolutely no way that this is a serious song, somebody threw something together, Amber Tamblyn style, and I can respect that, but this isn’t the new Bieber song.”  But it is. I double checked on the iTunes store and everything. This is an actual song that is being released, and not as a prank. That’s really hard for my brain to understand.

But hey, it’s “Boyfriend,” aren’t you pumped?! 2012 is definitely going to be Justin Bieber’s year, huh?

Or maggots on rotten hunks of raw meat. You know.

At least, they will be for that above photo. I’m assuming there are other ways to help soothe a busted face, though applying scads of dead cow is probably the most notorious way. Yeah, that photo above was for the latest edition of Complex magazine, which depicted Justin having the snot beat out of him, and what a concept! This is something I’ve only envisioned in my most violent of celebrity-related dreams, which occur more and more frequently as my grip on what the real world is like loosens.

Oh, and I don’t know if it actually matters, but here’s a part of the interview that actually accompanied the shoot.

On outgrowing his tween audience:
“There’s no point in doing this if I’m not going to be the best. I give up a personal life. I give up my friends and family to pursue what I love and to make my fans happy. Why would I give up so much to be just another singer? I feel like it’s my responsibility to be the greatest I can be. If I start making terrible music, I don’t expect people to like me. If I’m making great music and there’s no reason for people to dislike me, that’s when it’s going to make me upset. People just need to take a chance and listen. If they don’t want to take a chance, then I don’t know. That’s going to be the biggest problem, to make them feel like it’s cool for them to like my music.”

On boning Selena Gomez on the regular:
“There’s no way to hide the relationship completely, because then it would be unfair to us. It’s like, ‘You take this car, and I’ll take this car, and then we’ll meet up at the spot. Then, you go in this door, I’ll go in this door. We’ll end up crossing ways. You get back in this car. We’ll cross over, do a James Bond. You go through the kitchen. I’ll go through the back area. Then we’ll meet in the dressing room and see each other.’ At that point, it’s not even a relationship. You’re just hiding from everyone. That’s unfair and unhealthy, man.”

On hating pictures:
“I’ll be covering my face and it pisses me off so much when people say, ‘Get over it, Justin. You’re famous. People are going to take your picture. Suck it up, you’re rich…’ It’s like, ‘Yo, I just got off an eight-hour flight. I’m tired and my eyes have bags under them. I’m not trying to take pictures. I’m not going to come to your house, wake you up, and start snapping your picture.’”

If you want, you can check out more of the interview over at Complex.com. But if I were you, I wouldn’t even bother, really. The photos are the cream of the crop. It really doesn’t get any better than that.