Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber and Madonna play ‘Never Have I Ever’ with Ellen

justin bieber madonna ellen

Justin Bieber just can’t stay away from Ellen lately, so of course he had to pop in when Ellen was interviewing Madonna this week to play a round of ‘Never Have I Ever’. You won’t glean anything new and/or shocking from this ~totally kewl game~, but here are a few highlights, if it’s something that interests you:

  • Madonna has had sex with more than one person on the same day
  • Justin claims he’s never been kicked out of a bar
  • Madonna flirts terribly with Justin because she likes younger men

I mean, I was really struggling to even come up with 3 good bullet points there.

Well, that was… fun?

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Justin Bieber got roasted and it was… eh, mediocre

justin bieber roast

Justin Bieber‘s Comedy Central roast won’t air until the end of the month, but these things are pre-taped so it’s already on film and we know plenty of the jokes that will be part of the broadcast. Are they funny? Eh, vaguely. What I’m hoping is that they’ve saved the best stuff for the actual show, because if this is all they’ve got to offer, I think we’re all better off hitting up Netflix or something that night.

Buzzfeed published some of the jokes from the evenings, so here are a few… uh, highlights?

Kevin Hart:

kevin hart justin bieber

“Tonight we’re going to give what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago,” host Kevin Hart said. “We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin.’”

“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.’”

Jeff Ross:

“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”

Ludacris:

“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.”

Chris D’Elia:

“You have it all. Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.”

Hannibal Buress:

“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”

“Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likeable in the public eye. And, I hope it doesn’t work.”

Snoop Dogg:

snoop dogg

“You bought a monkey!” Snoop Dogg said. “I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”

There are more quotes at the source, but frankly, it seems a bit dire. Bieber made his own speech at the end, as well, which was supposed to be very sincere and heartfelt, I suppose:

“There was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this at 12 years old,” he said.

“I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. There were moments I am proud of. And there are moments I am disappointed with myself for. But the things I have done don’t define who I am. I am kind-hearted person who loves people. And through it all, I have lost some of my best qualities. For that, I’m sorry.”

“I am looking forward to being someone you can all be proud of,” he said. “Someone close to me once said, ‘It’s how you rise from a fall that truly defines you as a man.’ I’m excited for that challenge. And I want to say thank you for taking this journey with me.”

Huh. Well, I guess we just have to go with that, even though it’s bullshit.

Can we talk about the most important aspect of this story, though? What the hell is going on with his hair? I mean, it’s so awful. Who told him to do that? He’s obviously trying to grow it out, but to WHAT?

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Justin Bieber’s Comedy Central roast gets a commercial

justin bieber roast

Justin Bieber‘s Comedy Central roast is upon us, and there’s so much to look forward to, like people completely ripping the little twerp a new asshole and… well, I guess that’s pretty much it. Oh, don’t worry, he can handle it – he’s a big boy now.

Here’s the first preview of what’s to come on the March 30th show:

Tee hee hee. Isn’t he just HILARIOUS?

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Justin Bieber is officially 21 now

justin bieber

Justin Bieber turned 21 on Sunday, and now he can legally drink alcohol in America! Yeah! Someone get him his first beer! After all, isn’t life wonderful?



In all seriousness, JB apparently rented a private island for the special occasion and got what the kids probably call crunkadelic (is that still a thing? Let’s pretend it is) all night long. It looked like a real amazing time!

Happy belated birthday, Justin. Let’s hope you make good on your promise not to be a dickhead this year!

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It’s all our fault that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up

selena gomez justin bieber

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber dated and broke up then got back together again then split then reunited then ended it approximate 68 times in the past 5 years, but you know what? Those kids were the real thing! Nevermind that they were immature teenagers with too much money and not enough life experience to navigate the waters of a proper romantic relationship – they could have gone the distance, if only the entire world wasn’t against their love.

From V Magazine:

‘When you’re young and you’re being told so many different things… its almost felt like all we had was each other, like the world was against us in a way.

‘It was really weird but it was incredible. I would never take it back in a million years. You live and you learn, you know?’

‘That’s a growing up kind of thing. I was 18 years old, and it was my first love. The older I get, I’m guarding certain things more.’

‘There were a few months where I was a little depressed, where I wouldn’t leave (my house) as much,’ she admitted.

‘I think I drove myself crazy for a little bit. It was just easier to say, “Hey, do you mind running to the grocery store and picking some stuff up? I don’t want to get photographed.”’

I mean, it’s whatever – we’ve all been there. You’re young and dumb and think the person you’re with is going to be the one you spend the rest of your life with and that if you’re not together, you’d rather die than face another day without them. It sucks and it’s hilarious in hindsight because wowza, were you fucking wrong. Probably like, dozens of times. So I feel for her, in a way.

On the other hand… why is this still news. Talk about milking an angle for press. Even Bieber hasn’t gone on like this. And yes, I know it’s perceived as less masculine to talk about stuff like this and there’s likely a reason why she’s been more open (as I’m sure reporters tend to make it the focal point of more interviews with her), but like… damn.

Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be hearing another story about them being back together in a month or so.

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Justin Bieber loves prank phone calls

justin bieber ellen

Justin Bieber is continuing his “I’ve Changed” tour and appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres Show for the third time this month on Monday. Apparently he’s promised to appear on the show whenever he’s in LA, because there’s nothing more wholesome to align yourself with than Ellen.

Anyhoo, Justin admitted yesterday that he just loooooves prank phone calls (because it’s 1995 and he’s a 13-year-old girl), so he and Ellen decided to prank one of JB’s biggest fans. The fan is a student at UMass who’s doing really well at school – but Justin decided to do his best (worst) English accent and pretend to be the Dean of the English Department to tell her she was failing out. What results is meant to be hilarious, I suppose:

I mean… LOL? I love pranks as much as the next person, but I suppose I just can’t warm to JB.

What do you think? Funny or desperate?

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Justin Bieber is a ping-pong master

justin bieber

Justin Bieber doesn’t really have many redeeming qualities, but he’s okay at singing (I’m not saying his music is good, just that his voice isn’t complete trash and he can carry a tune) and more importantly, he’s a killer ping-pong player. Who knew?

The Fader hosted an All-Star Ping-Pong night at SPiN NYC on Friday night to benefit the American Youth Table Tennis Organization, which I don’t think any of us even knew was a thing before now. It was attended by the likes of Action Bronson in front of other stars like A$AP Ferg, Vic Mensa, Elton Brand of the Atlanta Hawks, and DJ Khaled. Oh, and Bieber – and he cleaned house.

Here’s a video of Justin’s seemingly effortless victories. The more you know. (By the way, Google image searching “Justin Bieber ping-pong” comes up with LOADS of results of him playing over the years!)

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