Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Oh Wow: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Finally Did Something I Hate

I suppose it was just a matter of time, being the hard-to-please bitch that I am.

This is JGL, obviously, performing the legendary Beatles song, ‘Hey Jude’, at the Sundance Film Festival. It happened just last night. And it apparently wasn’t an accident, either. Good old Joseph filmed a YouTube video back in December (a really, really excited YouTube video) stating that he’d be there, and how much it meant to him to have the invitation extended. Check it out:

So, OK. He’s a happy little guy. He’s enthusiastic and optimistic and those are two traits that I generally like in a person. There’s nothing worse than someone famous who tries to pretend that they’re not famous when you just know that they get their rocks off on knowing how famous they actually are, and I don’t think JGL is like that. At least I hope not, otherwise I’m becoming a really shitty judge of character.

The performance wasn’t horrible, and I shouldn’t judge too hard, because it really wasn’t all that bad. Honestly. I’m just glad he didn’t go for the “Hey Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, WHAAAAA” because that would have been just … even more bad. And there’s not a whole lot of bad that I can take when it comes to Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I like boyfriend here a lot – I really think he’s just a doll – but contrived performances for the sake of contrived performances can easily waffle above that fine line between “endearing and hot weirdo” and “annoying and hot bad-hipster.”

Don’t cross it, brother.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Did a New Music Video!

OK, so this is officially the greatest thing I’ve seen all day, if not all week. This is Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s latest video, which is a combination of autotune the news and his special brand of political satire. I realize that it’s not as cutesy and hipster as his former video with our girl Zooey Deschanel, but it’s entertaining, informative, and above all, it’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Does much more matter … much?

Also. Is anyone completely drawn in by the fact (yes, the fact) that JGL looks so much like the late Heath Ledger in the opening ten seconds of the video? Damn and blast, bitches. Especially when he says, “I’ll be accompanying you on my Strat.” Talk about way creepy, in a bizarrely-hot sort of way.

Finally, here are the lyrics in case, you know, you couldn’t read the captions at the bottom of the video the first time around (or just couldn’t watch the video or hear its audio for whatever reason):

My name is Vermin, Vermin Supreme
And you can vote, you can vote for me.
For president if you want
And my name is Vermin, and uh, okay.
Do you still stand by your pony pledge
Yes, I do, free ponies for all
Turn all that pony poop to methane gas.
One more thing, Jesus told me to make
Randall Terry gay -
He’s turnin’ gay, turnin’ gay!
Whooo Whoooo!
Thank you, alright, okay.
And all the un-gay is melting away!
He’s turnin’ gay, turnin’ gay!
Whooo Whoooo!
Not a single straight gene in his DNA
‘Cause he’s turnin’ turnin’ turnin’ turnin’ Turnin’ gay!

Our instinct says everybody should vote
but some people are dumb – and they shouldn’t vote!
The kids are not paying attention -
Yeah, on election day give ‘em detention
This endless cheerleading –
Let’s go to the rock concerts, register the kids.
All the kids are so stupid, stupid, dumb stupid.
Speaker Gingrich, do you propose kids work as janitors?
You can hire 30-some kids for the price of one janitor
Those kids who get money, cash money.
Light janitorial duty – get money
Work in the cafeteria – cash money
Cash money is a good thing if you’re poor
Get some cash money, then get some more.
Imma help poor people learn how to get a job
Imma, imma help poor people learn how to get
That money, that cash
Get money, get a stash
Get that money, that cash
Get money, get a whole damn stash

So, alright. Are we in agreement that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is probably going to be the next big thing of 2012? Yes? That’s good. Because I like when we can all be in agreement over something – especially something as magical and wonderful as the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun getting his long-overdue … dueness.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Needs to Take This Girl on A Date!

Did you guys see 50/50? It was that comedy where Joseph Gordon-Levitt had cancer, remember? I saw it, and I enjoyed it quite a bit (and oh, how I cried). Another person who saw it and liked it? A 26-year-old lady named Lindsay Miller who happens to have cancer and a crush on Mr. Gordon-Levitt.

As you can see in the video above, Lindsay has taken it upon herself to try and score a date with Joseph. Not even a date, just coffee. Just a quick cup of coffee with dreamboat Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and a poor girl’s wish can come true. That doesn’t sound too hard, right?

As of now, Joseph hasn’t seen the video, but of course he will, and of course he’ll follow through, and then we’ll hear touching tales for days about what a great guy he is, and everyone will be happy. I mean, let’s face it, this is a cute girl with cancer who lives in L.A. who made a very public request for a date. Is there any way that Joseph could turn her down without looking like a complete dick?