Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in a Movie With Bruce Willis

And if that’s not enough of a mind-f-ck for you in itself, Bruce‘s character, because the two look so alike, right? No. Not right. What the hell is that all about? Take the poster, for example:

photo of looper picture movie poster pics
The movie is, according to IMDB, about “… a killer who works for the mob of the future recognizes one of his targets as his future self.” BAM! WAP! BIFF!! Cue the intrigue. … No, the intrigue. Did you cue it? Oh, you did?

Others in the film include Emily Blunt, Jeff Daniels, Piper Perabo, and some dude named Han Soto. How amazing is that? Han Soto. But I guess we’re not here to talk about Star Wars fan fiction, now, are we? No, some of you are here because you’re good friends of ours and you pop in on the regular to see what’s getting our goat, and some of you might have gotten here by searching for “Looper movie trailer” or “Joseph Gordon-Levitt” or “I’m obsessed with non-hipster hipsters and I’ll see whatever movie they happen to be in as long as it doesn’t get too much attention on them internets, MMMKAY” and for all of you, I’ll talk about this movie. And this is what I have to say about it: it’s probably going to be pretty popular, or will be popular because of the aforementioned JGL. Because the official trailer dropped on YouTube yesterday, and it’s already got a quarter-million views. Good god, y’all. It isn’t that intriguing. Back up off the intrigue for a minute, alright?

… OK, it looks a little good. Just a little.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Directorial Debut!

Photo: Joseph Gordon-Levitt at the 2012 Sundance film festival

Everybody’s lovable boyfriend Joseph Gordon Levitt is directing a movie! Not only that, but he wrote the movie, too!

Deadline broke the news yesterday afternoon:

The film is a sexy comedy about about a modern-day Don Juan, and his quest to become less of a “selfish dick.” He plays that character, and there is another female lead role that will be filled shortly.

Can we say “triple threat”?

“I wrote myself a helluva role,” Gordon-Levitt went on to say, “one that people wouldn’t necessarily thought of me for.”

Scarlett Johansson has already signed onto the project, as well, which goes a long way in explaining that old ScarJoe Gordon rumor. Of course! They weren’t dating! He was just writing her into a movie script. Aha! (It doesn’t explain why they were making out, though; then again, nothing can explain that one.)

Here is the best part about the Internet, you guys: I didn’t first hear this news from Deadline at all. Rather, I read about it at Joe’s very own Tumblr. I don’t even read newspapers anymore! I just read Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook.

According to Gordon-Levitt’s video diary, the movie will start shooting in April.

(Image via the Guardian.)

Oh Wow: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Finally Did Something I Hate

I suppose it was just a matter of time, being the hard-to-please bitch that I am.

This is JGL, obviously, performing the legendary Beatles song, ‘Hey Jude’, at the Sundance Film Festival. It happened just last night. And it apparently wasn’t an accident, either. Good old Joseph filmed a YouTube video back in December (a really, really excited YouTube video) stating that he’d be there, and how much it meant to him to have the invitation extended. Check it out:

So, OK. He’s a happy little guy. He’s enthusiastic and optimistic and those are two traits that I generally like in a person. There’s nothing worse than someone famous who tries to pretend that they’re not famous when you just know that they get their rocks off on knowing how famous they actually are, and I don’t think JGL is like that. At least I hope not, otherwise I’m becoming a really shitty judge of character.

The performance wasn’t horrible, and I shouldn’t judge too hard, because it really wasn’t all that bad. Honestly. I’m just glad he didn’t go for the “Hey Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, Jude-y, WHAAAAA” because that would have been just … even more bad. And there’s not a whole lot of bad that I can take when it comes to Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I like boyfriend here a lot – I really think he’s just a doll – but contrived performances for the sake of contrived performances can easily waffle above that fine line between “endearing and hot weirdo” and “annoying and hot bad-hipster.”

Don’t cross it, brother.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Did a New Music Video!

OK, so this is officially the greatest thing I’ve seen all day, if not all week. This is Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s latest video, which is a combination of autotune the news and his special brand of political satire. I realize that it’s not as cutesy and hipster as his former video with our girl Zooey Deschanel, but it’s entertaining, informative, and above all, it’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Does much more matter … much?

Also. Is anyone completely drawn in by the fact (yes, the fact) that JGL looks so much like the late Heath Ledger in the opening ten seconds of the video? Damn and blast, bitches. Especially when he says, “I’ll be accompanying you on my Strat.” Talk about way creepy, in a bizarrely-hot sort of way.

Finally, here are the lyrics in case, you know, you couldn’t read the captions at the bottom of the video the first time around (or just couldn’t watch the video or hear its audio for whatever reason):

My name is Vermin, Vermin Supreme
And you can vote, you can vote for me.
For president if you want
And my name is Vermin, and uh, okay.
Do you still stand by your pony pledge
Yes, I do, free ponies for all
Turn all that pony poop to methane gas.
One more thing, Jesus told me to make
Randall Terry gay -
He’s turnin’ gay, turnin’ gay!
Whooo Whoooo!
Thank you, alright, okay.
And all the un-gay is melting away!
He’s turnin’ gay, turnin’ gay!
Whooo Whoooo!
Not a single straight gene in his DNA
‘Cause he’s turnin’ turnin’ turnin’ turnin’ Turnin’ gay!

Our instinct says everybody should vote
but some people are dumb – and they shouldn’t vote!
The kids are not paying attention -
Yeah, on election day give ‘em detention
This endless cheerleading –
Let’s go to the rock concerts, register the kids.
All the kids are so stupid, stupid, dumb stupid.
Speaker Gingrich, do you propose kids work as janitors?
You can hire 30-some kids for the price of one janitor
Those kids who get money, cash money.
Light janitorial duty – get money
Work in the cafeteria – cash money
Cash money is a good thing if you’re poor
Get some cash money, then get some more.
Imma help poor people learn how to get a job
Imma, imma help poor people learn how to get
That money, that cash
Get money, get a stash
Get that money, that cash
Get money, get a whole damn stash

So, alright. Are we in agreement that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is probably going to be the next big thing of 2012? Yes? That’s good. Because I like when we can all be in agreement over something – especially something as magical and wonderful as the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun getting his long-overdue … dueness.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Needs to Take This Girl on A Date!

Did you guys see 50/50? It was that comedy where Joseph Gordon-Levitt had cancer, remember? I saw it, and I enjoyed it quite a bit (and oh, how I cried). Another person who saw it and liked it? A 26-year-old lady named Lindsay Miller who happens to have cancer and a crush on Mr. Gordon-Levitt.

As you can see in the video above, Lindsay has taken it upon herself to try and score a date with Joseph. Not even a date, just coffee. Just a quick cup of coffee with dreamboat Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and a poor girl’s wish can come true. That doesn’t sound too hard, right?

As of now, Joseph hasn’t seen the video, but of course he will, and of course he’ll follow through, and then we’ll hear touching tales for days about what a great guy he is, and everyone will be happy. I mean, let’s face it, this is a cute girl with cancer who lives in L.A. who made a very public request for a date. Is there any way that Joseph could turn her down without looking like a complete dick?

Celebrities React to Police Raid of Occupy Wall Street

Photo: Joseph Gordon-Levitt liveblogs from the Occupy Wall Street raid

Around 1:00 AM in downtown New York City, police cornered protesters who have been camping in tents in Zuccotti Park (AKA “Liberty Park”) for the last two months as part of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Police, acting on an order from Mayor Bloomberg—the legality of which was specious—gave protesters only minutes to pack up and move, promising that the demonstrators would be able to return once police had “cleaned up” the area.

Then, for the next several hours, NYPD loaded protesters’ tents, food, equipment, and medical supplies into garbage trucks, confiscating as many as 5000 books that had been donated to the #OWS movement. Maybe more chillingly, all press was penned a safe distance away (and in the meantime, airspace above Zuccotti Park was also closed, so that even CNN’s helicopters couldn’t see in from overhead) in what was seemingly a concerted effort to squelch mainstream news coverage. City councilman Ydanis Rodriguez was supposedly beaten before his arrest, other reporters were arrested (with New York Times contributor Jared Malsin first among them), and still others had their press credentials taken away by police. But without the mainstream press present to either report or confirm, other stories—really damning, real-time reports and photos of police using tear gas and “sound bombing” to control the displaced crowds—had, by morning, become the stuff of speculation.

Meanwhile, celebrities on Twitter joined the outcry:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

Photo: ows peaceful gathering downtown. Police blocking our way. http://tmblr.co/ZfxHVyByoR3d

Russell Brand:

#OWS moved out of Liberty Park “because they’re blocking 1st responders”- here’s my 1st response “that’s bullsh—t.”

Eli Roth:

A real life horror movie is unfolding in NYC as police tear apart #OWS camp. Watch here: http://www.livestream.com/occupynyc Stay safe NYC

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Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt Are Probably Dating

Photo: Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Scarlett Johansson! Making out! WHAAAT

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you guys. Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt were spied making out with each other a month ago. A month ago! I know! And we’re only just hearing about it? Some scoop, Us Weekly.

Anyway, I am not entirely opposed to this new pairing. The two are pretty close in age (he’s 30), have both been in the biz since they were each 10ish, and have talent to spare. Scarlett has always struck me as a little self-absorbed and over-serious, and maybe Joe could help her mellow out. It’s actually kind of genius! They could record an album together! Can you see it?

Us Weekly promises to have all the deets on the new couple in its Friday issue.