Today's Evil Beet Gossip
John Stamos

Want To Know How John Stamos Lost His Virginity?

john stamos virginity

John Stamos wants everyone to know how he lost his virginity, and wants to know how his famous friends lost their virginities, so that he can make a show about it. Uncle Jesse Full House joke here, you do it, I can’t think of anything.

No, but really, 10 years ago MTV bought the show Losing My Virginity With John Stamos in which Mr. Stamos would sit down with celebrity guests who would share their own loss of virginity stories. (Why do we say “lose your virginity”? I mean hopefully you know where it went.) MTV never made the show but Yahoo apparently did and will launch it online in the spring.

Want to know John Stamos’ virginity story? No? Too bad, he’s really psyched about it. Via Eonline:

About 13 years ago, John Stamos was introduced to his bandmate’s sister.

“She’s about 10 years older than me and I was in my late 30s then, and I said, ‘Nice to meet you,’” Stamos told me earlier today while on break from filming his guest gig on Necessary Roughness. “She said, ‘Meet you?! Don’t you remember? I took your virginity.’”

“I was shocked,” Stamos said. “She didn’t look quite the same. She was a bit older and bit rounder.”

But then the memories starting flooding back.

I said to her, ‘I remember now. We were driving and I dropped my keys between my legs and you grabbed me,’” the former Full House star said. “She was like, ‘No, it was more romantic than that. I held your hand and we walked through a park together.’ The stories were vastly different.”

Oh, okay. I don’t know guys, the whole premise of the show (especially the title) makes me kind of creeped out, especially this part:

“For every actor, celebrity, musician and politician out there that we see, there’s somebody at home going, ‘I was their first,’” Stamos said. “I want to hear their stories, too.”

Really? Dude. “Whoa!” Or wait, that was Joey Lawrence’s thing, right? And “cut it out” was an Uncle Joey/Dave Coulier thing, right? So I don’t know, I don’t know what the f-ck to tell you, Stamos.

Here he is cuddling Bob Saget. That’s all I got here.

Michael Bolton Performs “Jack Sparrow” at the 63rd Annual Emmy Awards

A photo of Michael Bolton performing Jack Sparrow with the Lonely Island

My darling D.,

I’m sorry we got into a (minor) spat, honey. You said that I was “short” and “abrupt” on the phone last night, and you were probably right. I had a case of the Grumps, particularly because I had cut my leg on the refrigerator (?!) and skinned my hand on a bottle of water (?!?!!).

But I was also annoyed because I forgot the 2011 Emmy Awards were on Sunday, watched Tamara Drewe and a couple episodes of “Lingo” instead, and then discovered that I had missed a live performance of Michael Bolton singing “Jack Sparrow” with the Lonely Island.

I was so mad at myself. And worse, “Jack Sparrow” is your favorite song! I know that it is, because there was that one time, a month or two ago, when you were talking smack about Michael Bolton, and I said “Don’t you ever talk about Michael Bolton like that,” and then I said, “Watch this video of Michael Bolton, please,” and ever since, you have watched the “Jack Sparrow” SNL Digital Short a couple times a day. (It’s very annoying, the way you do that.)

But I want to make it all up to you, D. So: the medley of all your favorite Lonely Island songs is embedded below!

The boys need a backing vocal track, maybe, but their stage performance is basically one big magic trick. Bolton, the victim of a (spectacular) quick-change, is barely wearing his mustache for the first third. Also: Maya Rudolph channels Lady Gaga, John Stamos is very convincingly disguised as Andy Samberg, The Hangover‘s Ed Helms is unrecognizable in his Timberlake wig, Akon performs the hook to “I Just Had Sex,” and national treasure William H. Macy is in on the joke. Bless your little heart, Macy.

But most importantly, Michael Bolton.

If the video suddenly vanishes from YouTube—these things do happen!—you can also watch the medley here.

Image gallery via the Daily Mail:

John Stamos Will Teach You How to Love Your Lady More Effectively

John Stamos on April 20, 2011

The key to effective lovin’, John Stamos tells us, is cuddling. Embedded below is a step-by-step guide, a veritable Kama Sutra of Snuggles, in which Stamos demonstrates how to take your Bob Saget—I mean, your lady—to new heights of pleasure.

It’s all for a good cause: John Stamos is raising awareness for Project Cuddle, a “non-profit organization that offers safe and legal alternatives to baby abandonment.” (Not that the video itself has anything to do with babies; I think the aim is simply to make “Stamos” synonymous with “cuddle.” Sold!)

Video possibly NSFW, thanks to one F-bomb.