Today's Evil Beet Gossip
John Mayer

John Mayer ‘Quits’ Twitter

photo of john mayer eating his phone, john mayer quits twitter

John Mayer’s Twitter account, which has been a point of contention for many people including ex-girlfriends, attractive black women who agree that Mayer is racist, and other groups that just downright despise John Mayer for being John Mayer (oh! Like me!), is officially off.

The douche’s Twitter account had over 3.7 million followers — for some reason that’s probably akin to watching a train filled with puppies derail — but Mayer recently said that he has plans to communicate with fans via his blog instead of tweeting to his heart’s content.

My thoughts?  Oh, yes.  It’s a lie, it’s a sham, it’s a total farce. John Mayer, communicate with fans via anything other than Twitter? Ha!  Nope. He’s gonna start showing up at people’s front doors now. You just wait and see.

And please start with me, John.  I have a giant wad of raw hamburger that I’d love to shove down your throat.

Jessica Simpson’s Pregnant?

picture of jessica simpson looking pregnant

I think Jess would make a good mom.  Really, I do.  She’d be super-awesome at bedtime stories, throwing crazy voices for all of the characters in the book and making things up as she went.  She’d wear vintage aprons, do a lot of baking, and plan scavenger hunts for her kids.  She’d mop and wax the floor while simultaneously balancing a teething baby on her ample hip, and after a long day’s work, she’d put the kids to bed and curl up on the sofa with a box of Ghirardelli.

Just more things that make me love this girl like she was my own, and these are some reasons as to why I’d be so stoked if she were pregnant.  I wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t ask any questions, wouldn’t pry into finding out who the father was (unless it were, uh, John Mayer) — I’d just be like, “Yeah, Jess.  Yeah.  Do your mom thing.  Own it, girl.”

Things I Never Thought I’d Say (Ever): The Situation Puts John Mayer to Shame

NASHVILLE, TN - JUNE 09: Musician John Mayer and TV personality Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino attend the 2010 CMT Music Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on June 9, 2010 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Rick Diamond/Getty Images)

If there’s anything I can’t stand more than poofy-haired, whiny, crooning “racist penis” John Mayer, it’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. So to give The Sitch any credit whatsoever really pains me in a way that I can’t completely convey to you.

The two were photographed at last night’s CMT Music Awards, The Situation looking like something you could wash your clothes on and oil a lawnmower with at the same time, and Mayer looks like he swallowed a small, bloated child. Whole.

Mayer was there to perform onstage with Keith Urban, but I’m still not sure why the cast of Jersey Shore was in attendance. Many would think that’d be like Adolf Hitler kicking it at his neighbor’s bar mitzvah or something. … Oh, wait. I get it now. It was a live televised event that people watch. I guess that was the hook. Gotcha.

Whatever. You know you’re on your way out when a greasy reality TV faux-star puts you to shame.

Both of you fools: Pull your damned shirts down.

Good Morning, Women John Mayer Has Slept With

Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston have more in common than just their Good Morning America appearances this morning. Both women have dated John Mayer, who dished details on each of their sexual prowesses in a recent Playboy interview… So I guess it makes sense why there’s not a photo of them together?

Billy Corgan is Totally Trying, Very Hard, to Get Into Jessica Simpson’s Pants


… And I think, by throwing John Mayer under the bus, that it just may not happen.

Simpson, who appeared earlier this week on the David Letterman Show was grilled by Letterman regarding her past with various — ahem, rather attractive — love interests, but I found it funny that while exes Tony Romo and John Mayer were discussed, no one thought to bring up who Simpson’s now allegedly dating:  Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan.

However, Billy’s gonna try to ride this “unnamed” buxom female celeb train until its fame wears off, evidently, because he’s once again speaking out on Jess’s behalf.   John Mayer most recently opened his loose-lipped flap to Playboy magazine regarding his and Simpson’s nuclear sexual past and Jess was none too happy about it, as she claimed on Letterman.

After Corgan was audibly snubbed during the interview with David Letterman, he’s still standing by his woman and sounds off to Rolling Stone about his thoughts on the comments that Mayer made off the cuff:

“He’s trying to destroy his career … Rather than take a year off or change his musical direction, some part of it is irritating [John Mayer's] soul to the point where he’s trying to blow it up.  Certainly a talented guy, but empathetically, it’s hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground speaking as somebody who’s done it.”

After some more vague rambling, Corgan states:

“For any person who has celebrity to drop rocks at somebody else’s feet like that, there’s things you should really just keep your mouths shut on.  There’s things that should just be left alone.”

And then the clincher that Corgan dropped a few weeks ago to the same publication:

“If people knew her [Jessica Simpson] like I knew her, they would love her like I do.”

Aww … Someone’s pissed that they’re still not yet getting any from Hollywood’s favorite, elitist gift horse.

WTF Is Wrong with Jessica Simpson’s Mouth???

I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance — a lot of you loved it, but I still think it’s kind of ridic.

Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show — talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer (“He gave away my game!!), among other things — I have a very important question: Why can’t she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn’t it seem like she’s holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn’t look like she recently got Botox or anything, but there’s definitely something odd going on.

That said, it’s a pretty adorable interview, and I like her a lot more after watching it.

Lastly: How fucking amazing is the quality on YouTube these days??? This is a damn sharp video. Pretty soon I’ll be able to sit in bed all day and my entire life will just play out over the Internet. Oh, wait. That already happened.

Quotables

“He didn’t make me go brunette! John doesn’t get credit for making me brunette. He’d like to think so, but he doesn’t deserve the credit.”

-Jessica Simpson attempts to tell Allure that John Mayer didn’t make dye her hair when they were dating, but I’m not so sure I believe that.