My first thoughts? What the hell do YOU have to smile about, fucker?

John Edwards, recently charged with charged with conspiracy, four counts of illegal campaign contributions and one count of making a false statement, has a history of bad fortune. He cheated on his ailing wife with some obsessive, attention-seeking campaign bagger, fathered a child whose paternity he vehemently denied for two years, begged a friend to take responsibility for the child that wasn’t his, got ditched by a woman who had weeks to live, and soon after ended up the widower of the woman whose heart he had broken.

Yeah, mad tons and tons to be stoked about. Especially the possibility of that 30-year prison sentence if convicted. Loser.

John Edwards, whose estranged wife, Elizabeth, passed away a few weeks ago after a battle with cancer, has reportedly popped the question to his baby mama and partner in busting up a long-term marriage, Rielle Hunter.

Sources indicate that she said yes, and I have no doubts that this story is totally legit – it was the Enquirer that broke the story of the affair those years ago, so why wouldn’t they be spot-on this time, too? It’s like the magazine has a bug stuck to Edwards’ ass, which transmits messages every time he shits, cheats, or proposes to some crazy-eyed famewhore.

And speaking of which, the headline on the latest edition screamingly directs John’s two young children to CALL RIELLE MOMMY. Because yes. Calling the woman who broke your mommy and daddy up ‘Mommy’ is probably just as rational as assuming that these children forgot that their mother died three weeks ago.

This is going to be a totally normal, non-obsessive relationship.  For sure.

Just when you think this psychopath couldn’t sink any lower, Rielle Hunter, the former mistress of politician John Edwards, is flapping her gums to ‘family friends’ to the tune of wanting to make her and Edwards’ relationship ‘official’ by gittin’ hitched.

Radar Online claims to have sources placed close to the Edwards family, and the inside makes no bones about stating that Rielle is practically about to sprint down the aisle, John grudgingly in tow:

“Rielle has been very patient through all of this. She still believes that John is her soul mate, and she thinks that they’re going to get married.”

On the topic of Elizabeth’s fatal illness, Hunter had been rather apathetic, and the sources say that her attitude almost bordered on outright scorn:

“She [Rielle] doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She’s been selfish and horrible this whole time, no matter what else has been said about her.”

Elizabeth, if, like Rielle, you’ve forgotten already, passed away yesterday at the age of 61.

And I don’t think I’m a 26 year-old Caucasian female, either. I must have been mistaken at some point in life.

Hunter sits down for an interview with Oprah today (make sure you tune in!) and in anticipation of the Big Interview, quotes from the interview have been released as bait for the public. This is to be Hunter’s first “real” television appearance since allegations of the John Edwards affair broke and Rielle’s not keeping quiet this time, hell no.

In a promo for today’s show, Oprah claims that Hunter “doesn’t think she’s a homewrecker,” and “does not think she played a key role in breaking up the Edwards’ marriage.”

As for a continuation of a Hunter/Edwards intimate relationship? “That’s private,” Rielle claims, and laughs.

So. Homewrecker, fame-whore, misunderstood or d) none of the above?

Nothing but the best for John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter. Homegirl has decided who she wants her first television interview to be done with, and obviously she went for the queen, Oprah. The interview will take place in Rielle’s Charlotte, North Carolina home and will most likely air during May sweeps. 

An “insider” spoke to The National Enquirer about the interview and said, “She’s excited about giving her account of how she met John, how the affair began and what’s in store for her future. Rielle also wants to clear the air about the GQ photos – she’s basically doing it to get the  truth out and tell her side of the story.” 

While most married men who get caught sleeping around would do literally anything to silence their partners in adultery, John apparently not only said it was fine that Rielle took the interview, but he encouraged her to do it and get her side of the story out there. 

This interview should be at least mildly interesting. Oprah tends to go soft at times (LOL), but she typically holds it down when she’s talking to non-celebs. I’m expecting a good mix ass-kissing and truth-telling.

John Edwards got pretty lucky when it came to his alleged sex tape. It looks like we’re not going to be seeing the footage of him and his mistress, Rielle Hunter any time soon because it’s in the possession of one of his ex-aides.

From People:

Andrew Young, the ex-aide to embattled two-time former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, says he has an alleged sex tape depicting the former senator and his then-mistress Rielle Hunter – and that the tape is in a safe-deposit box.

“We were offered millions for that stupid tape,” he tells PEOPLE. He says he and his wife Cheri found the tape in “a box of trash filled with crinkled paper and tapes” left behind by Hunter. He says they never considered selling it: “We couldn’t live with ourselves.”

Andrew worked for John for nearly nine years, so it’s safe to say that the politician trusts him. Also, Andrew stepped up to the plate for Johnny before and said that he was the father of his pal’s illegitimate child. We all need a friend like that!

Still, let’s not forget who we’re dealing with. I wouldn’t put it past John to cross his pal and for the tape to get released as revenge. We’re talking about a dude who cheated on his cancer-ridden wife with a lady who looks like a transexual, so who knows what could happen?