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Joey Lawrence

An Essay on Why I So Dislike Joey Lawrence

photo of joey lawrence pictures
(Hah, as if the picture wasn’t reason enough.)

OK, so “essay” might be a strong word. Let’s just call it a “reason” and we’ll end there. I don’t exactly have it in me to do an entire “essay” about Joey Lawrence, because he’s not even remotely important in the grand scheme of things, even though he really, really, really thinks he is. From Celebuzz:

… Actor Joey Lawrence tells Celebuzz he has no desire to do a full-on Blossom reunion, should the opportunity arise in the future.

“It was a moment in time; it was a great moment,” he said, of the show. “[But] whenever I see these reunions like that, I always go, ‘Oh, God. These people. What happened?’ … I think that, for us, [the Old Navy Bee Bots commercial] was kind of neat,” he continued. “Old Navy approached us with that, and they begged us to do it. Mayim sent me an email and said, ‘Are you gonna do this? I’ll do it if you do it.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, f*** it. Let’s do it.’”

Ew. Seriously? Really? “Oh God. These people. What happened?” Yes, because he’s just so A-list these days. Yes, I can definitely understand where he’s coming from. See, at first, I thought, “Wow. What a self-righteous piece of shit who’s looking a gifthorse directly in the mouth. It’s not like he’s got anything good going on these days,” but then I realized: Joey’s absolutely right. Totally, one hundred percent correct. Because when he said, “… Whenever I see these reunions like that, I always go, ‘Oh, God. These people. What happened?” that’s precisely what people think when they see him anywhere. So why put him in a place where he’s forced to remember how “great” he once was—when people are just going to say, “These people. What happened?” because I KNOW that whenever I see Joey Lawrence anywhere (it doesn’t matter where, really), that’s exactly. what. I. think.

Touché, Joey. “Whoa.”

Quotables: Joey Lawrence is Really Political, Yo

photo of joey lawrence pictures photos whoa pics

“Obama was something fresh, and new, and people wanted to put their faith in his message of being different and ‘change’ and all this stuff two years ago, but that fell flat because he gets in there and it’s pretty much the same old thing. I think everybody can agree on that, there’s no real change. … Gasoline is going to be six dollars a gallon by the end of the summer. They want to raise the debt ceiling, and we have a trillion and a half dollars already in debt. … I’d be open to Donald. He’s somebody out of the box and I think that some of the stuff he’s saying makes sense. It sounds like you and I would say it, and it’s time. … I think Donald is an interesting character. He’s an amazing CEO, this is a business. This is a business, running this country is a business and it has not been run the last decade the right way, whether it’s Republican or Democrat, so it’s not really a party issue, it’s more of a person issue. Somebody has to get in there and really hold people accountable.”

Joey ‘Whoa!’ Lawrence on the many intricacies of politics. I was totally open to listening to his tirade up until he mentioned supporting Donald-fucking-Trump, and then it was all lost on deaf, bleeding ears.

I’m not saying that everyone’s not entitled to their opinions about government, politics, and the way that their nations are run, but how about this: instead of regurgitating whatever headlines you’re hearing out of the corner of your ear on your network of choice, or seeing short snippets of headlines in newspapers and failing to read the entire story, educate yourself. Lawrence, as far as I’m concerned, made no startling revelations aside from stating what he’s heard in various arenas of the media over the past six-to-twelve months.

I respect people – and especially celebrities who have a part in being a ‘role model,’ no matter how small – for their opinions, whether or not they differ from my own, but come on. Let’s have a little originality here. It’d be like a hardcore Democrat continuously walking around with a sign crying ‘YES WE CAN!’ and NOTHING ELSE for the last two years now.

PS – Despite current prices, gas won’t be six damned dollars a gallon by the end of the summer. Check out info on the market and current and historic oil trends before you start your Donald-supporting fear-mongering, JOEY.

Um, Woah

The photo agency assures me that this is a photo of Joey Lawrence.

He was at some Z-list gifting suite to promote some brand of sunglasses (other attendees: Nick D’Anna, Holly Huddleston, Brian Peeler, Jeremy Green, Angelina Jolie) so there aren’t any photos of him without the sunglasses, but still.

Damn.

I’d get with that.