Oh. My. God. Jodie Sweetin is bananas. I don’t even know if I’m ready to get in to this with you guys right now, but it has to be done.
We all know by now that Jodie Sweetin suffered with meth addiction and generally went hella craycray for a minute after Full House was done taping. Then she cleaned up and hosted that Pants Off Dance Off show for a bit. Well, in addition to having a baby and a crazy estranged husband, it turns out that Jodie has been busy penning a memoir. A memoir that will likely be off the chain.
The book, Unsweetined (God, that title), delves in to all the madness that was really going on in Jodie’s life after the hit show she was on ended right before she started high school. Like a lot of young stars, Jodie eased her pain by hitting the bottle. The first time she ever got drunk? At her co-star Candace Cameron’s wedding back in 1994, before Full House even ended. Ahhhmazing and horrible at the same time. Who knew little Stephanie was a booze hound?
Jodie says that from there she started drinking all the time and eventually experimented with every drug out there until she finally got hooked on our nation’s drug of choice: crystal meth. “I wanted to prove that I wasn’t the girl from Full House, that I could get more trashed than everyone else.”
Wowza. This book is going to be the best thing ever.
I totally called this one. Not that it was a difficult call or anything, but still. Jodie Sweetin’s relapsed, and a judge has issued a ruling that she is not allowed to be alone with her baby.
Full House alum Jodie Sweetin is not allowed to see her 8-month-old daughter without supervision, an Orange County, Calif., judge ruled during an emergency custody hearing Wednesday.
The ruling came after Sweetin’s estranged husband Cody Herpin accused her of being an unfit mother — and allegedly that she once drove intoxicated with their daughter Zoie in the car, TMZ.com reports.
A doctor who took the stand also claimed that Sweetin, 26 — a former meth addict and alcoholic who lives with her parents — had relapsed but has been in touch with her sponsor and is attending AA meetings. The doctor said she does not believe the baby is at risk at the moment.
Sweetin will now not be allowed to be with the child unless one of her parents is present, the judge said.
A judge ordered both Sweetin and Herpin to submit to drug tests before the next hearing.
So, yeah. Stop being so predictable, Hollywood.
In general, here’s a rule I’ve learned: When celebrities are all like, “Yeah, I used to have an addiction problem, but now I don’t. I can totally just have one or two drinks and be fine,” you can pretty much just start counting down the days until there’s a gigantic relapse. Tara Reid proved this nicely for us last week, and now it’s Jodie’s turn.
Personally, I’m kind of waiting anxiously for the enormous Nicole Richie relapse that I just know is on its way.
Can you even believe there is aÂ fourth update on Jodie Sweetin’s split from Cody Herpin, her husband of 16 months?Â It’s Jodie fucking Sweetin.Â Apparently she split because he, unemployed film transporting coordinator couldn’t support the childhood actress who invested her Full House residuals in pharmaceuticals.
In court papers, SweetinÂ stated, “Our house is in foreclosure, our water has been shut off twice. Currently, all of our other utilities are overdue.Â [He] kept finding one excuse after another for his failure to even attempt to find employment.”
Herpin responded to People sayingÂ Â “I was the stay-at-home dad, my job was taking care of Zoie” because Jodie had a very busy schedule.Â Busy schedule?Â I’ve never done drugs; I was always the one who believed every Afterschool Special and was afraid of my own life becoming one.Â So I ask: Just how long does it take to do meth?Â By my best, if uneducated, guess I’m thinking 25 minutes from score to high.Â Unless she’s making her own which involves cooking and shit like that…too much like being a housewife.Â Though you get to do it stoned which is nice.
Anyway, I’ve taken the liberty of writing Jodie’s vows for her next attempt:
I, Jodie, take you 3rd victim, to be my future ex, to have and to hold for this year, for better or best, for richer, to love and to leave; from this day forward until death do us part as long as one of us croaks within the next 18 months.
You’re welcome Jodes.Â
I just question a life in which Jodie Sweetin divorce updates outnumber Madonna’s.