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Joan Rivers

13Quotables: Joan Rivers Weighs In on Jennifer Aniston’s New Hair

A photo of Joan Rivers

“I would like to take Jennifer Aniston and put her hair over her fucking face! I’m so bored with her and her stupid movies. They’re all the same, I don’t know how they get financed.”

Too true, Joan.

So when I was planning out what to say for this little piece, I was all set to defend Jennifer.  I mean, it’s not like I love her weak new haircut or anything, but I typically like to cheer for the underdog.  But then I checked her IMDB page and the only thing she’s ever been in that I particularly care for was The Iron Giant, and I don’t think that really counts.   So better luck next time, Jennifer.

February 26, 2011 at 9:00 am by Emily

2Joan Rivers Offers To Foot The Bill For Lohan’s Rehab

Joan Rivers created a new enemy in Lindsay Lohan last week after she Tweeted a couple jokes at the actress’ expense. Sensing that laughter isn’t the best medicine in this case, Joan decided to take a more sincere approach. Last night the aging comedian appeared on The Insider and offered to pay, along with her daughter Melissa, for Lindsay to seek treatment. Real treatment. The kind where you can’t “get your nails done.”

I’m not sure if Joan is being for real or if she’s just seeing this as another opportunity to keep her name in the press, but the offer to pay for Lindsay’s rehab was pretty nice, I thought. Too bad Lindsay beat her to it.

July 15, 2010 at 3:00 pm by Molls

10Samantha Ronson Shows Chivalry Via Twitter

So on Friday, Joan Rivers took to her Twitter account to let people know her feelings on Lindsay Lohan’s current situation:

Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.

Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.

Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.

Well, Lindsay’s awesome former girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, did not take too kindly to those words, so she told Joan about it:

Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear. #bully

It looks to me like Samantha totally won that little Twitter battle, because Joan didn’t respond to that.  Lindsay did though – with a retweet, a “thank you,” and a winky face.  A beautiful ending to such a remarkable tale of courage.

July 11, 2010 at 10:20 am by Emily

4Despite Many Surgeries and Injections, Joan Rivers is Still Able to Open Her Mouth — Unfortunately.

After the not-so-famous-anymore and more-infamous-than-anything Joan Rivers opened her trap about wanting Mel Gibson to “fucking die,” I totally thought she’d lay low for awhile. Not that many people really disagreed with her, but damn … them’s fighting words.

Rivers recently spoke on a topic that she knows oodles about: plastic surgery. And who better to critique shitty plastic surgery than the Queen of All Things Shitty Plastic? Rivers spoke to US Magazine and commended Heidi Montag — of all people — on her various plastic surgeries, stating that the reality star should have “started sooner” — like at age thirteen. Rivers also claimed that Montag “looks fine now, but [she] could have done it [plastic surgery] in stages.”

Joan, Joan, Joan … Have all of those facial surgeries blinded your ass? I mean, they say that too much male masturbation can decrease your eyesight, but you weren’t a man at one point, too … Were you?

April 27, 2010 at 4:10 pm by Sarah

27Joan Rivers Wants Mel Gibson to Take the Big Dirt Nap

Well, isn’t that just lovely.

Fuck, I rag on these celebs like mad, but I’d never want them to die for crying out loud. I don’t know these ladies and gentlemen far well enough to wish them off of the face of the Earth, but clearly, Joan Rivers, Queen of the Stone Age of Plastic Surgery, does.

I know it’s hard to tell what the hell she’s saying with that Botox-collagen-cocktail perma-grin she’s got going on, but I definitely hear Mel Gibson should “fucking die” emerging from Rivers’ mouth.

Um, wow.

Video courtesy of TMZ.com

April 17, 2010 at 1:36 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Joan Rivers, Mel Gibson

5Quotables

“Russell Crowe. There’s no graciousness or humility about him. You can be talented but you also need luck to become successful and he has no gratitude. I’ve interviewed him for various awards shows. I know a lot of things that he’s allegedly said to people.”

- Joan Rivers tells Metro about the rudest celebrity she’s ever encountered on the red carpet. Let’s hope that Russell doesn’t show face at the Globes tonight because that could be awkward.

January 17, 2010 at 11:42 am by Molls
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