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Joan Rivers

2Joan Rivers Offers To Foot The Bill For Lohan’s Rehab

Joan Rivers created a new enemy in Lindsay Lohan last week after she Tweeted a couple jokes at the actress’ expense. Sensing that laughter isn’t the best medicine in this case, Joan decided to take a more sincere approach. Last night the aging comedian appeared on The Insider and offered to pay, along with her daughter Melissa, for Lindsay to seek treatment. Real treatment. The kind where you can’t “get your nails done.”

I’m not sure if Joan is being for real or if she’s just seeing this as another opportunity to keep her name in the press, but the offer to pay for Lindsay’s rehab was pretty nice, I thought. Too bad Lindsay beat her to it.

July 15, 2010 at 3:00 pm by Molls

10Samantha Ronson Shows Chivalry Via Twitter

So on Friday, Joan Rivers took to her Twitter account to let people know her feelings on Lindsay Lohan’s current situation:

Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.

Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.

Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.

Well, Lindsay’s awesome former girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, did not take too kindly to those words, so she told Joan about it:

Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear. #bully

It looks to me like Samantha totally won that little Twitter battle, because Joan didn’t respond to that.  Lindsay did though – with a retweet, a “thank you,” and a winky face.  A beautiful ending to such a remarkable tale of courage.

July 11, 2010 at 10:20 am by Emily

4Despite Many Surgeries and Injections, Joan Rivers is Still Able to Open Her Mouth — Unfortunately.

After the not-so-famous-anymore and more-infamous-than-anything Joan Rivers opened her trap about wanting Mel Gibson to “fucking die,” I totally thought she’d lay low for awhile. Not that many people really disagreed with her, but damn … them’s fighting words.

Rivers recently spoke on a topic that she knows oodles about: plastic surgery. And who better to critique shitty plastic surgery than the Queen of All Things Shitty Plastic? Rivers spoke to US Magazine and commended Heidi Montag — of all people — on her various plastic surgeries, stating that the reality star should have “started sooner” — like at age thirteen. Rivers also claimed that Montag “looks fine now, but [she] could have done it [plastic surgery] in stages.”

Joan, Joan, Joan … Have all of those facial surgeries blinded your ass? I mean, they say that too much male masturbation can decrease your eyesight, but you weren’t a man at one point, too … Were you?

April 27, 2010 at 4:10 pm by Sarah

27Joan Rivers Wants Mel Gibson to Take the Big Dirt Nap

Well, isn’t that just lovely.

Fuck, I rag on these celebs like mad, but I’d never want them to die for crying out loud. I don’t know these ladies and gentlemen far well enough to wish them off of the face of the Earth, but clearly, Joan Rivers, Queen of the Stone Age of Plastic Surgery, does.

I know it’s hard to tell what the hell she’s saying with that Botox-collagen-cocktail perma-grin she’s got going on, but I definitely hear Mel Gibson should “fucking die” emerging from Rivers’ mouth.

Um, wow.

Video courtesy of TMZ.com

April 17, 2010 at 1:36 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Joan Rivers, Mel Gibson

5Quotables

“Russell Crowe. There’s no graciousness or humility about him. You can be talented but you also need luck to become successful and he has no gratitude. I’ve interviewed him for various awards shows. I know a lot of things that he’s allegedly said to people.”

- Joan Rivers tells Metro about the rudest celebrity she’s ever encountered on the red carpet. Let’s hope that Russell doesn’t show face at the Globes tonight because that could be awkward.

January 17, 2010 at 11:42 am by Molls

39Joan Rivers Doesn’t Think Chelsea Handler is Funny

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I know we have a big Chelsea following here on Evil Beet, but Joan Rivers admitted in an interview with The Associated Press that she doesn’t think Chelsea Handler is funny.  Of course, Joan also claimed that she hasn’t had much plastic surgery and that some people get too much.  Not her, but “some people”:

 

AP: One of your recent books “Men Are Stupid and Like Big Boobs” is a guide to plastic surgery. Why write that?

Rivers: I did a lot of research for it. I haven’t had as much as everyone thinks. You have to know how much to do and when to do it. I recommend doing a little bit at a time, otherwise you look like you’ve been through a wind tunnel. Robert Redford looks like he’s in the Witness Protection Program. He could actually kill a man and get away with it now. (Laughs)

AP: Ed McMahon recently passed away. You knew him from your days filling in as host of “The Tonight Show.” What was he like?

Rivers: Ed McMahon was the sweetest, nicest guy. What you saw is what you got. He was very kind to me. When I left “The Tonight Show” to go over to Fox, Johnny Carson put out a mandate that nobody was allowed to talk to me. Ed McMahon, whenever he saw me, would come over and make it his business to say hello. That was very sweet.

AP: Late night is still a man’s world.

Rivers: There’s one girl, Chelsea Handler, but she’s not funny. I think there are too many late-night shows.

AP: Do you miss hosting the red carpets with your daughter, Melissa?

Rivers: Not at all. It changed. Melissa and I were the first to do it. We turned going into a building into an event. Now, God forbid you say Nicole Kidman doesn’t look gorgeous. Her publicist then won’t let you have Tom Hanks. Plus, they’re all dressed. Nobody looks like a fool anymore. Nowadays you even recognize the jewelry because it’s all borrowed.

AP: What do you think of celebrities today?

Rivers: They’re handled badly. … In the old days, when a celebrity went out they were dressed. I don’t want to see Cameron Diaz in sneakers and no makeup. There’s no glamour.

Clearly, Joan Rivers suffers from some type of body dysmorphic disorder.  She isn’t even aware of the irony that exists as she insults Robert Redford for being so over-tooled.  Isn’t it time for her to shut the fuck up and go design another craptastic piece of jewelry for QVC or something?

 

August 4, 2009 at 8:46 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Joan Rivers
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