Oh gosh. When I read this, I screamed. I literally screamed. It’s gems like these…! I’m telling you, there’s a reason Joan Rivers is America’s second-best living insult comic. (As for Melissa Rivers? Well, I am forever grateful to her for signing my Los Angeles Avengers Arena football.)
But Joan wasn’t done, going on to insinuate that Betty White slept her way to the top.
“She is known in the business as ‘Bendover Betty,’” Rivers announces. Letterman looks genuinely embarrassed. Come on, Dave! I thought everyone knew, at least in her prime, Betty White was a man-eater on the prowl. And—while you wouldn’t guess it from her Password appearances—Betty White will do nudity. Will she ever! She is a sex panther! My last boyfriend slowly worked his way through the 2011 Betty White pin-up calendar, and all I can say is, yowza.
You know, it doesn’t really matter if you love her or if you hate her, but Joan Rivers does have this certain kind of fearlessness about her, and she goes after what she wants, and you can’t not respect her for that. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be too terribly surprised if we got some pictures in the next few months of Ryan carrying Joan through airports with love. Would you be into it?
It seems like as soon as plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes became “a thing,” comedian Joan Rivers started doing it. It’s not like she’d been shy about it– no one laughs harder about the state of her face than Joan herself– but I don’t think those of us who were born after her rise to fame truly understand the extent of work she’s had done.
You’ll probably be shocked to see the ways Joan’s face morphs over the years as you click through the gallery below. The changes beg you to ask why someone would feel the need to change their personal appearance this much in the first place.
I love you, Joan! Please stop getting nose jobs and face lifts and unnecessary fillers injected!
So when I was planning out what to say for this little piece, I was all set to defend Jennifer. I mean, it’s not like I love her weak new haircut or anything, but I typically like to cheer for the underdog. But then I checked her IMDB page and the only thing she’s ever been in that I particularly care for was The Iron Giant, and I don’t think that really counts. So better luck next time, Jennifer.
Joan Rivers created a new enemy in Lindsay Lohan last week after she Tweeted a couple jokes at the actress’ expense. Sensing that laughter isn’t the best medicine in this case, Joan decided to take a more sincere approach. Last night the aging comedian appeared on The Insider and offered to pay, along with her daughter Melissa, for Lindsay to seek treatment. Real treatment. The kind where you can’t “get your nails done.”
I’m not sure if Joan is being for real or if she’s just seeing this as another opportunity to keep her name in the press, but the offer to pay for Lindsay’s rehab was pretty nice, I thought. Too bad Lindsay beat her to it.
So on Friday, Joan Rivers took to her Twitter account to let people know her feelings on Lindsay Lohan’s current situation:
Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.
Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.
I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.
Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.
Well, Lindsay’s awesome former girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, did not take too kindly to those words, so she told Joan about it:
Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear. #bully
It looks to me like Samantha totally won that little Twitter battle, because Joan didn’t respond to that. Lindsay did though – with a retweet, a “thank you,” and a winky face. A beautiful ending to such a remarkable tale of courage.