You know, some people just never learn.
Jess, I realize that dresses are totally the most comfortable thing to wear when you’re a gazillion months pregnant, but why – oh why! – do you consistently insist on choosing the ugliest, worst-patterned, flappiest dresses you can find? Is it that hard to choose something basic and black, and not a sofa slipcover that looks like it was taken off the set of The Golden Girls? Honestly, girl, I’m in your corner and I think you look all sweet and pregnanty and I’m sure you’re way uncomfortable and ready to pop, but damn. That is one f-cking ugly getup..
The most horrifying thing, though, is that Jess is considering designing a maternity line in addition to her shoes and accessory collection. In a recent telephone interview, Jess said, “I definitely want to do maternity clothes. I’ve started to try and come up with some designs. I haven’t really loved anything. Personally, I’m not buying any maternity clothes. I’m wearing all clothes that are just in bigger sizes. I want to make a maternity line that’s comfortable, but really stylish. I believe we all deserve to feel good and look good.”
OK. Did you get all that? First, she admitted to just buying clothes in bigger sizes. This explains the inherent sloppiness. See, when I was pregnant the first time around, I did the same thing and guys, I’m not going to lie: I look at photos of myself from that time and I cringe. I cringe. I looked quite similar to Jess, just with smaller boobs, and you know why? Because buying bigger clothes when you’re pregnant isn’t a good look. When I was most recently pregnant, I splurged and spent way too much on maternity clothes. Yes, they were cut in the worst ways imaginable, and they weren’t the prettiest of things, but I, at least, didn’t feel like a walking Glad bag filled with cottage cheese and baby feet. No, maternity clothes are definitely a good investment, as far as I’m concerned, and if there’s a third pregnancy in my life (at this point I’m saying ‘no way!’), I will also be buying maternity clothes.
Definitely just not those designed by Jessica Simpson, jeez.
Images courtesy of Amy Grindhouse