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Jessica Simpson

3Everybody Loves Jessica Simpson’s Baby

A photo of Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson

But especially Ashlee Simpson and her son, Bronx.

From People:

Just hours after Jessica Simpson gave birth to daughter Maxwell Drew, her sister Ashlee Simpson says she’s smitten with the newest family member.

“Bronx and I are in love with Maxwell already!” Ashlee, who is mom to 3-year-old son Bronx, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “Jessica has wanted to be a mom since we were little girls and I couldn’t be more excited for her and Eric!”

Ashlee has already begun spoiling her niece: In March, she gifted her with a tiny Fendi dress and matching garment bag while celebrating the impending birth at Jessica’s Charlotte’s Web-themed baby shower.

“Ever since Ashlee had Bronx, we’ve become closer and closer,” Jessica told PEOPLE at the time. “I’m glad that our babies are just going to be three years apart.”

So is Bronx, who can’t wait to have a little playmate.

“He records songs on my sister’s iPhone about the things he wants to do with the baby, like swim in the ocean and go to the playground,” Jessica said. “The first one just made me cry. We’re making a CD of them – it was the best gift of all.”

How excited are you over Jessica Simpson’s baby? Is it weird to be so excited? Is it weird to have spent last night outside, waiting for a shooting star so that you could make a wish that Jess would post a picture of that big ol’ baby* on Twitter in a few weeks? That’s totally normal, right?

*Little Maxwell Drew Simpson was born at nine pounds and 13 ounces, and she’s just under 22 inches long. I did a tiny bit of research, since I know some of you were wondering, and according to good ol’ Wikipedia, it looks like the average weight of a full-term baby is seven and a half pounds with mostly all of then falling in the six to ten pound range, and the average length is anywhere from 14 to 20 inches. So the baby’s just a tiny bit heavier and a little bit taller than average, in case you wanted to know. She’s also probably one of the most precious things the world’s ever seen.

May 2, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

5Jessica Simpson Finally Gave Birth to Maxwell Drew Johnson!

photo of jessica simpson pictures baby photos maxwell drew johnson pic
Yay! Yay for fetuses and yay for Jessica Simpson! And yay for the fact that we don’t have to see Jessica gallumphing around in public wearing discarded muumuus from the set of The Golden Girls any longer!

From Jess’s own website:

Eric and I are elated to announce the birth of our baby girl, Maxwell Drew Johnson, 9 lbs., 13 oz., 21 3/4″

We are so grateful for all of the love, support and prayers we have received.

This has been the greatest experience of our lives!!

HOLY ALMOST-TEN-POUND BABY! Man, that explains so much!

Congratulations to the new family, and Jess, let’s wait a minute before we start working on the second one, OK? Let your body heal and do its thing, because Lord knows it’s been through the wringer! BABY PICTURES, WHEE!

photo of jessica simpson's baby girl maxwell drew johnson pictures

May 1, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

4Jessica Simpson is Still Pregnant, You Guys

photo of jessica simpson pregnant at wedding pictures photos
How is this woman still pregnant? Really, how? I seriously have to know. Because it seems like she announced her pregnancy years ago (it was really only this past November), but yet there’s no new baby yet. I know she hasn’t done anything interesting in awhile anyway, but I just can’t get sick of her. We literally have five-plus full pages worth of Jessica Simpson-pregnancy fodder, and according to reports, she still might have a few more weeks to go ’til she pops that baby out. Goodness.

This is what Jess had to say on Twitter earlier today:

To everyone who keeps congratulating me on the birth of my baby girl…I’m still pregnant!! Don’t believe what you read ladies and gents.

Also, why have we not seen more beautiful fashion courtesy of a maternal Jessica Simpson? I’m kind of disappointed, to be honest. Ever since I heard she might be launching a clothing line for pregnant ladies, I’ve been studying her ensemble choices very closely. You know, just in case I ever happen to get pregnant again and I need a template for exactly what I don’t want to look like for the whole nine (or in Jess’s case, eighty-six) months of my gestation period.

Anyway, pop that kid out as soon as you can, girl, because I’m certain that this little baby is going to be just as cute and adorable as her mom.

April 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

2Wait, Jessica Simpson Is Supposed to Be Pregnant For Another Month?

A photo of Jessica Simpson

Oh my goodness. Another month, seriously? An entire month? Is this absolutely crazy to anyone else? For a reference, that picture above was taken at the beginning of January. She’s apparently due at the end of April. It all sort of makes sense if you think about it: Jessica announced she was pregnant back around Halloween, which, if she’s not due for another month, would mean that she made the announcement after the standard three months. But you guys, how much bigger could she possibly get?

From Us Weekly:

Jessica Simpson is hitting the home stretch of her pregnancy — and the fashionista is making drastic sacrifices indeed to stay relatively comfortable.

“Only one month to go!” the Fashion Star mentor, 31, was overheard telling a fellow shopper at Fred Segal’s in Santa Monica Tuesday, where she and a pal spent the afternoon. “I can’t wear heels anymore,” lamented the star, clad in a black maxi dress and flip flops. “I tried but it was too hard. Wearing heels is like a religion to me, so it’s tough!”

That means that Simpson (engaged to her daughter-to-be’s father, Eric Johnson) will have to amend her child labor plan. Back in November, the style mogul joked to Us Weekly: “I’m probably going to deliver my baby in [4-inch YSL heels]. . .I went to the doctor yesterday and he said, ‘You’re gonna need to get out of those heels!”

During her Wednesday excursion at Fred Segal, the heavily pregnant star was already plotting her post-pregnancy body goal, eyeing a slim pair of Elliot jeans as she blew big bubbles with her gum.

Cheerful if seemingly exhausted, she chugged Fiji water as she shopped — and while she couldn’t buy clothes for herself, she picked up some togs for her little girl at the Ron Robinson store. Simpson snapped up bloomers, shirts from Le Petit Bateau and a polka dot dress.

“It’s like carrying a bowling ball!” Simpson was overheard saying of her belly. “Almost done!”

That whole story just absolutely reeks of Jessica Simpson, doesn’t it? And I absolutely love that. She was, bless her heart, so lovable before she got pregnant, and afterwards? Crazy amounts of adorable. I know we’ve had this conversation before about how big Jessica is, but Evil Beet stands firm: Jessica Simpson is the cutest pregnant lady, forever and ever, the end.

But really, she still has a whole month left?

March 31, 2012 at 9:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

4More Great Pregnancy Fashion Courtesy of Jessica Simpson

photo of jessica simpson maternity clothes pictures
These are photos from Jessica‘s latest jaunt to the Boneyard Bistro restaurant in Palm Springs, where she and that dude went for lunch. I checked the restaurant’s menu out and it features things like andouille sausage everything, chili dogs, nachos, BBQ, and six-pound burger, and nary a shred of lettuce in sight, unless it’s deep-fried and covered in blue cheese and … more blue cheese. Sounds like a heart-attack waiting to happen, or, you know, just f-cking DELICIOUS. Check out the photos of Jess and her baby bump (and that dude) in the gallery.

Oh, and the dress, too. The dress. It’s not like you can miss it or anything, but I wanted to make sure I put it out there that you have to look at the dress. OK? LOOK AT HER DRESS.

March 26, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

6Quotables: Jessica Simpson Has a Lot of Amniotic Fluid

photo of jessica simpson pregnant pics
“Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!”

Har har har, says the lady that gave birth only four weeks ago and is still sitting here in a damn robe and nightie (ooh! and slippers!) even though it’s almost four o’clock in the damn afternoon. I know I shouldn’t be using the pregnant Jess Simpson as fodder to wax comical over, but there’re limited topics that I can talk about today that don’t have to do with Coco’s NSFW Gigantor-boob or whether I should laugh or cry over Sofia Vergara’s Esquire interview, so it’s safe territory here, friends, talking about how glowy and flowy and apparently, bloaty, Jessica Simpson is, eight months into her pregnancy.

No, but seriously, Jess, I feel you. My water broke the day before my due date (while I was taking a lovely afternoon snooze, mind you), and even though nothing happened in the bed, I had to go downstairs to use the bathroom. Our home is an old, converted farmhouse and there’s no plumbing upstairs, so both of our bathrooms are on the first floor. Incidentally, there wasn’t even electricity on the second floor ’til, like, 2003 or something, but that’s a story for another day and another website. Maybe like, I don’t know, Home or whatever. Anyway, it was a damn mess. Take my word for it, seriously.

The quote comes from Jess’s appearance last night on Jimmy Kimmel’s show, where she was undoubtedly asked about her pregnancy and her weight gain, and while it’s super-interesting (you know, all of it), there was *one* thing I was interested in a little bit more. The other celebrity guest on the show was only the SECOND-HOTTEST GUY on the PLANET, Gael Garcia-Bernal. My heavens, I’m getting all sweaty just thinking about that man. If you’ve got absolutely no interest in my water-breaking story, or in Jessica, comparing her vagina to a fire hydrant’s spigot, then you can mosey on down to the gallery, where I’ve so lovingly placed some photos of Gael Garcia-Bernal as he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, OK? So go on – don’t say I’ve never done anything for you, alright?

March 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson