Got a Tip? Help us Beet Off!

Jessica Simpson

7Joe Simpson is Still Freaking People Out

Via Best Week Ever this morning Joe Simpson is still creeping people out with his strange “management” of his daughter Jessica.

Now I remember back in the day when Jess was all into Jesus and her father was all freaked out about her going off and boinking Nick before they actually got to the altar. Since she’s already popped her cherry, Jesus is evidently all ok about her romping around with every flavor of the month musician. Ya, keep telling yourself that Joe.

I mean, it is really weird that Joe is now taking dirty pictures of his daughters. But I see that all the time on Law and Order:SVU…wait, those dudes go to jail.

October 20, 2006 at 4:42 pm by Evil Beet

1Justin Timberlake Launches Another Fashion Line that People Will Stop Caring About in 6 Months Tops

So Justin has premiered his new “clothing line,” William Rast, during Los Angeles Fashion Week Tuesday. He is in a long line of celebrities that have really no qualifications to make clothes yet do so anyway. Is this a good idea? Let us look at some past attempts by celebrities.

Jessica Simpson- Has 3 lines of clothing. Now, I had to go to a mall in suburban Illinois to find a Fashion Bug that actually carries her clothes. I bet Jess totes wears jeans shorts from the Fashion Bug.

(Good or Bad Idea: Um, awful idea. Jess was fined $100 million dollars for not endorsing her cheap-ass Princy Jeans.

JLo- Has both a mid-priced and a high-end line which includes a lot of sweatpants. Gotta give her props for making jeans for girls with a booty.

(Good or Bad Idea: Sweetface, her clothing company grossed $130 million in 2004)

Anna Nicole Smith- Evidently she has a line in the works to show off her “Tex-Sex” style.

(Good Or Bad Idea: Unless it comes with a free supply of those diet pills I ain’t buyin it)

Mandy Moore- So I just spent like 20 min attempting to find this phantom “t-shirt” line that I remember hearing about a few years ago. I live for shopping, but I have never even seen them anywhere. I still can’t find where one can buy them but I guess her motivation was that there was a lack of overpriced t-shirts on the market.

(Good or Bad Idea: Whatever, I don’t care anymore)

October 18, 2006 at 7:24 pm by Evil Beet

2Jessica Alba Does Jessica Simpson

No, not like that.

I have no idea why it’s clips day today, but it is. I found this old MadTV parody of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica on Wampoon, and I’m posting it because:

a) It’s really funny.
b) Jessica Alba looks hot in it, and I’ve heard that all three of the heterosexual male readers of this site enjoy looking at Jessica Alba, particularly when she looks hot.

October 14, 2006 at 9:57 pm by Evil Beet

1New Videos from Nick & Jessica


I hate to admit it, but I actually kind of like Jess’s new song, “I Belong to Me,” and I’m digging the video. The emotions look real, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear she spent a lot of the days on the set crying real tears. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve been able to look at her as an actual person, and get a sense of the hell she’s been through this year. It’s a positive message, and she carries it well. Props, Jess.

Nick’s isn’t bad, either, although it sounds more manufactured than Jess’s, and I am really, really over beach videos. Like, waves crashing? Clouds in fast-mo? Hey Nick, can you give me more generic? Oh! Sitting on a jagged rock, staring out into the water? Perfect. You forgot to intersperse it with shots of yourself sucking on a mic in a recording studio, but beyond that, genius.

And they both used muted colors. Oh, the angst.

October 13, 2006 at 3:04 am by Evil Beet

3Confirmed: Jessica Simpson Looks Like Hell in Person Lately, Too

We’ve all witnessed the persistent stream of atrocious, what-was-she-thinking pictures of Jessica Simpson lately, but is it possible the camera just doesn’t do her justice? I mean, how could she possibly allow herself to walk out the door each day looking as bad as we think she does?

E! Online’s Lara Morgenson attended the opening of the newest Hollywood hot-spot, Area (how is a club already a hot-spot upon its opening? How?? (Answer: Brent Bolthouse)), and had a run-in with Simpson and CaCee Cobb in the women’s restroom. Here’s what Lara had to say:

I’m doing my thing in the little girls’ room, when Jessica and onetime BFF Cacee Cobb barge in. I can’t get over Jess’ look: She’s like a younger version of Courtney Love, with smudged red lips and disheveled hair. Seriously, what gives? As Jess and Cacee wait in line, their eyes are literally fixated on their reflections. Jessica starts playing with her short bob, pulling it into a ponytail, while her pal scrutinizes. “No, no–stop it,” Cobb instructs. “Leave it down. It looks much better that way.” With a sigh, Jess purses her lips and complies, letting her fried platinum locks fall back to her shoulders, then trots back out to her table.

Wow, I’ve heard some pretty mean things said about Jess lately, but “a younger version of Courtney Love?” Ouch.

October 9, 2006 at 3:42 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

0Brangelina Treated Like Normal Human Beings by a Gym

  • I bet Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson have really deep pillow talk. “I know many consider Thus Spoke Zarathustra to be Nietzsche’s most important work, Jess, but I’ve personally always felt it to be Ecce Homo, with it’s ultimate emphasis on transvaluation.” “I concur, Dane. So very heartily.”
  • Sigourney Weaver injures her knee on a trampoline while filming a movie. “You have to learn what not to do with your knees,” says the actress, ostensibly to Lindsay Lohan.
October 6, 2006 at 5:04 pm by Evil Beet