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Jessica Simpson

63Who Wants to See Jessica Simpson’s Bare Ass?

So, uh, during her Good Morning America performance, apparently the wind got the better of Jessica Simpson, revealing that she decided against wearing panties with this skirt during her performance.

To see this shot from behind — and trust me, you want to — jump in.

Thanks Rob!

(more…)

September 11, 2008 at 2:30 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

25Jessica Simpson Makes Grand Ole Opry Debut

Here’s Jessica making her first appearance at the country music institution.

While her performance was mediocre at best (why do they keep panning to the back-up singers?), even the old-fashioned audience members realized that her outfit was abhorrent … but they had different reasons for thinking that than I did.

Audience members, it seemed, couldn’t believe her costume choice. “I think she should have put some clothes on,” one viewer said. While another one responded to how she liked Simpson’s performance with: “I loved that new girl, Crystal [Shawanda] – and she was dressed appropriately.”

I think Jess looks like a bobble-head doll throughout this whole performance. Like a bobble-head doll from 1984. This is all very sad, Jessica.

September 7, 2008 at 7:28 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

19Jessica Simpson Wants a Little More Than a Bottle of Beer in That Mouth of Hers

Here’s Jess in her very sexiest pose in this new ad for Stampede Beer.

Jessica owns a 15% share in the company.

But what’s with this “Stampede Light, it’s beer plus” thing? Grammatical incorrectness notwithstanding, what the fuck does that even mean? Beer plus what? Beer plus your cock in my mouth? Because that’s about the only message I’m getting from this photo, Jess.

August 20, 2008 at 11:56 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

18You Can Take the Girl Out of Texas, But You Obviously Can’t Get Her Into Actual Pants

Here’s Jessica Simpson singing her little country ass off at the Indiana State Fair.

If you look closely, you can actually see her ass cheek. See?

I tried to find a shot that was a full-on crotch shot, but there wasn’t one. Clearly the photogs weren’t trying hard enough. I’m sure it could have been done if they’d put some effort into it. What a wasted opportunity! This is what happens when you play shows in Indiana; none of the good photographers show up. In LA, we would have at least gotten a hint of labia out of this shit.

August 8, 2008 at 10:05 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

15Quotables

“I don’t want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run.”

Jessica Simpson, in a new interview with Elle magazine. The reporter asked her if she’d ever been abused, referring to lyrics in one of her new country songs. The lyrics say “It doesn’t matter how he hurts you, With his hands or with his words, You don’t deserve it, It ain’t worth it, Take your heart and run.”

Why I am certainly 100% in favor of promptly ditching anyone abusive, WTF is Jess referring to here? At what point was she abused? And by whom? Oh, she’s probably talking about John Mayer. There was a time six or seven years ago, where, if I heard “Your Body Is a Wonderland” on the radio one more fucking time I was going to call the police and have ClearChannel charged with abuse. So, I get it, Jess.

July 31, 2008 at 8:40 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

7This Stuff’s Made in New York City!

What’s more down-home country than shopping at Bergdorf’s in Manhattan?

Nothing, kids. Absolutely nothing.

July 26, 2008 at 1:27 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson