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Jessica Simpson

25Bang or Bust: Simpson Edition

photo of sisters ashlee simpson and jessica simpson

Sisters Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were photographed at the LG Night of Fashion and Technology bash last night in LA and while very, very different, both look pretty freaking hot, if I do say so myself.

I was never a huge fan of Ashlee’s, look-wise, but I think this is the best (and probably happiest) that she’s looked in a few years, though she is definitely a smidge on the, um, emaciated side. She’s got a great glow to her skin (and damn, what a set of teeth) and it’s evident that motherhood’s definitely agreeing with her. Some newer moms look like hell (and for good reason, obviously), but some of them just exude the glow after that most women have during their pregnancies.

I mean, I know what it was like for me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I did not glow. I was break out-and-bloat city and probably walked around with a major case of grump-face because my damned feet were so swollen all of the time. After, however? Glowed like a Chernobyl survivor. Loved it.

But anyway, Ashlee looks great. She needs to eat a sandwich or three, but she’s doing her thing and kills it almost every time.

Jess, on the other hand, blows Ashlee out of the water. Yeah, she’s gained some weight over the past few years, but you know what? She’s obviously not digging at herself about it, so let it ride. J Simp looks a thousand times better than she ever did when she was fifteen or twenty pounds lighter and wicked stressed out over Nick or John or Adam or whoever else. She looks amazing and if I had to pick a piece, it’d definitely be Jess.

So. Which Simpson sister would you bang?

May 25, 2010 at 1:00 pm by Sarah

8Jessica Simpson Dreams Big

At the White House Correspondents’ dinner last night, Jessica Simpson revealed her one true wish:  to be Michelle Obama.

“I really do [want to be Michelle Obama].  She’s such an incredible woman, and she’s with such a powerful man. Everything she does she exudes confidence.  I’m really just here to celebrate her.”

Shoot for the moon, Jess.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

On the topic of stars, the Correspondents’ dinner was full of them.  Guests included Justin Bieber (who, in my opinion, is the songbird of this generation), Jessica Alba, the Jonas Brothers, Dennis Quaid, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, Gabourey Sidibe, Queen Latifah, and a good few more.  Check out the gallery to see such things as Justin Bieber and Marlon Wayans flashing gang signs and Gabourey Sidibe being in desperate need of a new stylist (and before you guys hate on me, I’m not saying anything about her being a big girl, I’m just saying that there are ways to flatter every body type, and homegirl needs to work that out).


May 2, 2010 at 10:33 am by Emily

28Although I Love Jessica Simpson, She Really Grossed Me the Fuck Out Today.

Simpson recently sat with Ellen DeGeneres for an interview and let slip some pretty disturbing news: she only brushes her teeth every other day.

Okay, coming from someone who has a severe dental hygiene compulsion (ahem, me), this is really, really disturbing news.

Simpson claims that she doesn’t like to brush her teeth every day because she hates that slippery, clean feeling and doesn’t like the way her lips, ah, “slide all over her teeth”:

“My teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery. But I do use Listerine and I do floss everyday … But I don’t brush them everyday. I’ll use a shirt or something.”

Oh, ew, ew, ew!  Come on, my skin is crawling!  Jess, hon, the whole point of brushing your teeth, other than to get the food and crap off your teeth is to make sure you don’t build tartar up under the gum line which is gross beyond gross.

Oh, Jess.  You claim that you like your teeth “coated” with “plaque” … Keep this in mind: once they finally rot out of your head, you’ll miss that gross, old slippery cleanliness.

I guess we finally did find out what the hell was up with Lady Simpson’s mouth.

April 28, 2010 at 11:45 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

3Can You Guess What Jessica Simpson’s Favorite Body Part Is?

It took her an hour to break the question down because she wasn’t sure whether reporters were asking what her favorite body part was or what her favorite someone-else’s body part was.  She broke down halfway through her epiphany and started mumbling incoherently about tuna and chicken or something and their relevancy to banking in ancient Greece.

No, I’m kidding … I’ve only got mad love for Jessica Simpson and I think she’s just boss.

Favorite body part.  I’ll give you three hints:  it’s not her fabulous boobs or her tiny feet and she uses it to sniff out John Mayer’s bullshit.

It’s girlfriend’s nose.

FOX News recently sat down with the down-home starlet and asked the burning question that tortures you all before bed: “What’s your favorite feature?”  Simpson retorted that her all-time, forever-favorite feature is her schnoz:

“I do have a bump [on my nose], but I like my profile — I don’t think anyone else has my exact same nose, I think it’s unique and a little flawed.”

There’s so much to like about this girl — not even taking her personality into account — and I think it’s pretty suave that she picked something as generic as her nose.  There’s nothing better than a healthy dose of self-love, that’s for real.

Are you listening, Ashlee?

April 2, 2010 at 12:03 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

1Good Morning, Women John Mayer Has Slept With

Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston have more in common than just their Good Morning America appearances this morning. Both women have dated John Mayer, who dished details on each of their sexual prowesses in a recent Playboy interview… So I guess it makes sense why there’s not a photo of them together?

March 15, 2010 at 9:24 am by Molls

9Jessica Simpson Giggles During Meditation

I haven’t been keeping up with Jessica Simpson’s new show The Price of Beauty, but every time I see a clip online, I wind up laughing. I love that Jessica Simpson. I’m going to keep telling you that until you all love her, too. That’s how it works, right?

In this clip above, Jessica meets a Buddhist monk and she, along with her BFFs CaCee and Ken, sit in for a long meditation with him. Well, the process takes longer than expected and of course! Of course! Of course Jessica can’t keep her shit together. What’s funny about this clip? At the end, Jessica says, “For some reason I couldn’t be at peace with myself, so maybe I have a little bit more work to do.” Ya think?!

March 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm by Molls
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson