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Jessica Simpson

Aww, Jessica Simpson’s Baby Shower Was Yesterday!

A photo of Jessica Simpson

I’ve never really had a reason to talk about this before, but listen, I love me some baby showers. And really, why wouldn’t I? Baby showers are just little parties with lots of cake, except no one ever really feels the need to get belligerently drunk and pass out in the bathroom right after they lock the door and then cover the entire room with their own vomit like regular parties. There are also fun games that you can win, which I always love, and there’s typically a focus on babies, which I also always love. Where can you go wrong?

Here’s the rundown of Jessica Simpson‘s baby shower from People:

Jessica Simpson is expecting a baby girl – and her family and friends have already started helping her celebrate!

On Sunday afternoon, her nearest and dearest gathered in Los Angeles for a baby shower organized by celebrity event planner Mindy Weiss.

Simpson wore her hair down with soft braids around her face and sported a light blue dress that showed off her pregnant belly. She was joined by Jessica Alba and sisterAshlee. And when Ashlee arrived with son Bronx, Jessica greeted them outside the party.

“Jessica looked pretty and very happy,” says an eyewitness.

Adds a friend: “She’s so excited to be a mom. She can’t wait to meet her little girl.”

I know this is a frequent topic of discussion around these parts, but man, Jess is so pregnant. She’s made it clear that she’s only got one baby in there, so it must be the size of a two-year-old by now. Really, and this may seem harsh or mean or whatever, but I promise I’m being sympathetic, she reminds me of this one lady I saw on A Baby Story who was pregnant with triplets, I think, and all she could do was lie in bed all day because the rest of her body could just barely support her tummy. She would just cry buckets whenever she had to stand up because it was just too much. Obviously Jess here isn’t at that point, but I really can’t imagine she’s super comfortable. Because she’s so pregnant.

Check out the lovely pictures where you can see that for yourself, along with Jessica Alba with a baby stroller and a really awkward picture of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz together. I’ve kind of missed that crazy ol’ succubus!

Jessica Simpson is Naming Her Daughter After a Feminine Product

photo of jessica simpson and eric johnson pictures photos pregnancy 2012 pic
Can you guess what it could be? Massengil? Always? Stayfree? Well, you’re sort of close if you were thinking along those lines. Jess will be naming her new daughter Maxi, short for Maxwell.

Maxwell is girlfriend’s boyfriend’s middle name, and in an effort to honor him and his baby-making capabilities, they’re going to name their daughter Maxwell. According to the source who revealed it to In Touch magazine, Jess has even been wearing a ‘M’ necklace around her neck:

“They’re going to call her Maxwell, Maxi for short,” the friend told the magazine. Maxwell is fiancé Eric Johnson’s middle name, which he in turn inherited from his grandmother. “Jessica wanted a name with meaning.” Adding to the veracity of the claims is the fact Jessica has been spotted wearing an “M” pendant around.

So it’s kind of interesting, right? Not entirely bad. I really prefer Maxwell to Maxi, and if we’re going full-out and calling the kid Maxi, there should at least be an ‘e’ on the end of it, because seriously, when I see ‘Maxi,’ all I can literally think about is Maxi Pads, and what young girl wants to be associated with a menstrual period? Come on.

In related news, Jess’s pregnancy libido is out of control, and that’s coming right from the horse’s mouth and not from a source. In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, Jess says:

“I am definitely ‘feeling intimate’. I’m kind of unstoppable right now. The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever! [Eric Johnson is] always ready.”

Did you catch that? He’s always ready. Was that too much information for you? In addition to the whole sanitary pad references? Because this entire thing was kind of way too much information for me. And that happens almost as often … nearly as much as … OK, it never happens, guys. Never.

Love It or Leave It: Jess Simpson’s Maternity Wear. Again.

photo of jessica simpson pictures pregnancy photos maternity wear clothes pics
You know, some people just never learn.

Jess, I realize that dresses are totally the most comfortable thing to wear when you’re a gazillion months pregnant, but why – oh why! – do you consistently insist on choosing the ugliest, worst-patterned, flappiest dresses you can find? Is it that hard to choose something basic and black, and not a sofa slipcover that looks like it was taken off the set of The Golden Girls? Honestly, girl, I’m in your corner and I think you look all sweet and pregnanty and I’m sure you’re way uncomfortable and ready to pop, but damn. That is one f-cking ugly getup..

The most horrifying thing, though, is that Jess is considering designing a maternity line in addition to her shoes and accessory collection. In a recent telephone interview, Jess said, “I definitely want to do maternity clothes. I’ve started to try and come up with some designs. I haven’t really loved anything. Personally, I’m not buying any maternity clothes. I’m wearing all clothes that are just in bigger sizes. I want to make a maternity line that’s comfortable, but really stylish. I believe we all deserve to feel good and look good.”

OK. Did you get all that? First, she admitted to just buying clothes in bigger sizes. This explains the inherent sloppiness. See, when I was pregnant the first time around, I did the same thing and guys, I’m not going to lie: I look at photos of myself from that time and I cringe. I cringe. I looked quite similar to Jess, just with smaller boobs, and you know why? Because buying bigger clothes when you’re pregnant isn’t a good look. When I was most recently pregnant, I splurged and spent way too much on maternity clothes. Yes, they were cut in the worst ways imaginable, and they weren’t the prettiest of things, but I, at least, didn’t feel like a walking Glad bag filled with cottage cheese and baby feet. No, maternity clothes are definitely a good investment, as far as I’m concerned, and if there’s a third pregnancy in my life (at this point I’m saying ‘no way!’), I will also be buying maternity clothes.

Definitely just not those designed by Jessica Simpson, jeez.

Images courtesy of Amy Grindhouse