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Jessica Simpson

28Although I Love Jessica Simpson, She Really Grossed Me the Fuck Out Today.

Simpson recently sat with Ellen DeGeneres for an interview and let slip some pretty disturbing news: she only brushes her teeth every other day.

Okay, coming from someone who has a severe dental hygiene compulsion (ahem, me), this is really, really disturbing news.

Simpson claims that she doesn’t like to brush her teeth every day because she hates that slippery, clean feeling and doesn’t like the way her lips, ah, “slide all over her teeth”:

“My teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery. But I do use Listerine and I do floss everyday … But I don’t brush them everyday. I’ll use a shirt or something.”

Oh, ew, ew, ew!  Come on, my skin is crawling!  Jess, hon, the whole point of brushing your teeth, other than to get the food and crap off your teeth is to make sure you don’t build tartar up under the gum line which is gross beyond gross.

Oh, Jess.  You claim that you like your teeth “coated” with “plaque” … Keep this in mind: once they finally rot out of your head, you’ll miss that gross, old slippery cleanliness.

I guess we finally did find out what the hell was up with Lady Simpson’s mouth.

April 28, 2010 at 11:45 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

3Can You Guess What Jessica Simpson’s Favorite Body Part Is?

It took her an hour to break the question down because she wasn’t sure whether reporters were asking what her favorite body part was or what her favorite someone-else’s body part was.  She broke down halfway through her epiphany and started mumbling incoherently about tuna and chicken or something and their relevancy to banking in ancient Greece.

No, I’m kidding … I’ve only got mad love for Jessica Simpson and I think she’s just boss.

Favorite body part.  I’ll give you three hints:  it’s not her fabulous boobs or her tiny feet and she uses it to sniff out John Mayer’s bullshit.

It’s girlfriend’s nose.

FOX News recently sat down with the down-home starlet and asked the burning question that tortures you all before bed: “What’s your favorite feature?”  Simpson retorted that her all-time, forever-favorite feature is her schnoz:

“I do have a bump [on my nose], but I like my profile — I don’t think anyone else has my exact same nose, I think it’s unique and a little flawed.”

There’s so much to like about this girl — not even taking her personality into account — and I think it’s pretty suave that she picked something as generic as her nose.  There’s nothing better than a healthy dose of self-love, that’s for real.

Are you listening, Ashlee?

April 2, 2010 at 12:03 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

1Good Morning, Women John Mayer Has Slept With

Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston have more in common than just their Good Morning America appearances this morning. Both women have dated John Mayer, who dished details on each of their sexual prowesses in a recent Playboy interview… So I guess it makes sense why there’s not a photo of them together?

March 15, 2010 at 9:24 am by Molls

9Jessica Simpson Giggles During Meditation

I haven’t been keeping up with Jessica Simpson’s new show The Price of Beauty, but every time I see a clip online, I wind up laughing. I love that Jessica Simpson. I’m going to keep telling you that until you all love her, too. That’s how it works, right?

In this clip above, Jessica meets a Buddhist monk and she, along with her BFFs CaCee and Ken, sit in for a long meditation with him. Well, the process takes longer than expected and of course! Of course! Of course Jessica can’t keep her shit together. What’s funny about this clip? At the end, Jessica says, “For some reason I couldn’t be at peace with myself, so maybe I have a little bit more work to do.” Ya think?!

March 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm by Molls
Filed Under: Jessica Simpson

8Billy Corgan is Totally Trying, Very Hard, to Get Into Jessica Simpson’s Pants

… And I think, by throwing John Mayer under the bus, that it just may not happen.

Simpson, who appeared earlier this week on the David Letterman Show was grilled by Letterman regarding her past with various — ahem, rather attractive — love interests, but I found it funny that while exes Tony Romo and John Mayer were discussed, no one thought to bring up who Simpson’s now allegedly dating:  Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan.

However, Billy’s gonna try to ride this “unnamed” buxom female celeb train until its fame wears off, evidently, because he’s once again speaking out on Jess’s behalf.   John Mayer most recently opened his loose-lipped flap to Playboy magazine regarding his and Simpson’s nuclear sexual past and Jess was none too happy about it, as she claimed on Letterman.

After Corgan was audibly snubbed during the interview with David Letterman, he’s still standing by his woman and sounds off to Rolling Stone about his thoughts on the comments that Mayer made off the cuff:

“He’s trying to destroy his career … Rather than take a year off or change his musical direction, some part of it is irritating [John Mayer's] soul to the point where he’s trying to blow it up.  Certainly a talented guy, but empathetically, it’s hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground speaking as somebody who’s done it.”

After some more vague rambling, Corgan states:

“For any person who has celebrity to drop rocks at somebody else’s feet like that, there’s things you should really just keep your mouths shut on.  There’s things that should just be left alone.”

And then the clincher that Corgan dropped a few weeks ago to the same publication:

“If people knew her [Jessica Simpson] like I knew her, they would love her like I do.”

Aww … Someone’s pissed that they’re still not yet getting any from Hollywood’s favorite, elitist gift horse.

March 12, 2010 at 7:04 am by Sarah

30WTF Is Wrong with Jessica Simpson’s Mouth???

I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance — a lot of you loved it, but I still think it’s kind of ridic.

Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show — talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer (“He gave away my game!!), among other things — I have a very important question: Why can’t she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn’t it seem like she’s holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn’t look like she recently got Botox or anything, but there’s definitely something odd going on.

That said, it’s a pretty adorable interview, and I like her a lot more after watching it.

Lastly: How fucking amazing is the quality on YouTube these days??? This is a damn sharp video. Pretty soon I’ll be able to sit in bed all day and my entire life will just play out over the Internet. Oh, wait. That already happened.

March 11, 2010 at 1:06 pm by Evil Beet