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Jesse James

1Jesse James is SO Blasé About the Whole ‘Ruining His Marriage’ Thing

Jesse James Cries In Nightline Interview

Jesse James is continuing to run his mouth about the demise of his marriage to Sandra Bullock and man, I want to punch this dude in the face. Just last week he was saying that Sandy sucked in bed compared to his gross, diseased-looking lover and now he’s saying that the whole “sleeping with porn stars behind his wife’s back” thing wasn’t even that big of a deal because tons of guys are doing the same thing.

Jesse told Men’s Journal, “I never shied away from anything I did. I took full responsibility. I cheated on my wife. Guess what? So do millions of other men. To be honest, it was unfair for me to even be in a relationship. I sabotaged everything. I was never 100 percent in. I’m self-destructive. I made some seriously fucked-up choices.”

Wow, what a mature statement founded in great wisdom. Really fantastic stuff. Ready for another quote from the interview? When asked about his choice to check into rehab shortly after the news of his infidelity broke, he said, “I was an animal in a cage. I needed to escape before I cracked up or did something really stupid. I don’t know why I went. I just needed help. I went in thinking, ‘All these people in this place? They are really fucked-up.’ I figured out pretty fast I was the fucked-up one. I realized I was addicted to anger. And it was going to be up to me to straighten my shit out.”

Addicted to anger? More like he’s addicted to anger and apparently, foul language.

I guess a part of me is willing to admit that this whole interview could have been a lot worse in terms of him taking ownership of his actions, but unlike Jesse, I have not gone to rehab for “anger.” I remain very angry at him for his dickhead behavior.

May 15, 2011 at 6:00 am by Molls
Filed Under: Jesse James

1Quotables: Jesse James Is A Whiny Brat

A photo of Jesse James

“At this point I don’t think I’m going to be able to do anything right in anybody’s eyes ever again, except kill myself or disappear, then people will be happy I guess.”

- Jesse James, talking like a total pussy in an interview with PopEater.

If there’s one kind of person that I despise, it’s That Person who’s constantly going on and on about how they should just kill themselves, because everyone hates them anyway and they’d just be doing the world a favor.  And I know, there are actual suicidal people out there, but That Person isn’t in that category.  That Person just wants attention and can go get fucked, ok?

I mean, we all know that Jesse is a massive douche and that he’s done some pretty awful things, but I don’t think that we want him to kill himself.  Disappear, sure, he can ride off into the sunset with Kat Von D and stay in seclusion for the rest of his days, but is anyone really still pissed off enough at Jesse to recommend suicide?

May 10, 2011 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Jesse James

8Jesse James Slams Sandra Bullock, Says She Isn’t a Great Lay

photo of kat von d and jesse james pictures photos engaged

Oh man, of all the low, dirty, fucked up things a butt-hurt douchebag like Jesse James could do, he’s done the low of the low: on a live Howard Stern interview, after being asked about his affair with multiple skanky women, James compared his current chick (Kat Von D) with his ex-wife, Sandra Bullock and claimed that while Kat Von D was superb in the sack, Bullock left a lot to be desired. According to Radar Online:

In a raunchy appearance on Howard Stern’s Sirius satellite show today, James gave a thumbs up to fiancée Kat Von D for her prowess in the sack. He then alluded that Sandra Bullock lacks talent in dancing the horizontal manbo.”That one is an easy no-brainer,” Stern said after wondering who’s better. “Kat Von D. One hundred percent,” James replied. “She’s a vixen. If she cheated on me, I would forgive her and still love her.”

Jesse also sort of claims that the whole cheating thing went on for much longer than everyone originally thought:

“She could stand there in front of the world and say she loved me, but in my mind I was thinking, ‘Yeah? Bullshit. You don’t love me. I’m just some biker kid,’” he confessed, adding that he began straying from the Blind Side star two years after their 2005 wedding.

So there you have it, folks. Just in case there was a remote shred of respect that you might have had for Jesse James (for whatever stupid fucking reason your brain might have rationalized), it should probably go out the window, along with your stupid Monster Garage paraphernalia.

May 5, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah

1Quotables: Jesse James Outs ‘Sandy’ Bullocks Affair Response in New Book

photo of jesse james and sandra bullock in happier times pictures photos

“I admitted the affair. I told her the hard details. I let her know that I had never loved this woman, that I had never cared for her at all. The feeling of shame and sadness that washed over me as Sandy began to cry was almost beyond measure … I didn’t touch her. I sat frozen in my chair, watching, as Sandy’s small body shook with sobs. From there, Sandra rose to her feet. She unfolded her sunglasses and put them on her face … She walked steadily and purposefully to the front of the shop, opened the heavy, metal door. For a moment, the sunlight enveloped her. The door closed behind her, and she was gone.”

Ugh. Told you this guy was a twat. Way to embellish and sensationalize what was probably one of the lowest moments in another person’s life in a FUCKING TELL-ALL BOOK. Then again, if I were married to Jesse James for some reason or another, it might be the happiest moment of my life, because then I wouldn’t have to pay the douchebag alimony.

Whatever, Jesse. Go back to your grease-monkey girlfriend and get fucked.

May 4, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah

2Apparently There’s Someone Out There Who Can Decipher ‘Caveman,’ Because Jesse James Dictated a Book

photo of jesse james new book american outlaw pictures

Well hell’s bells. I didn’t know Jesse James could write. Or read. But hey! Here he is, pushing a book that tries to portray him as some pseudo-sexual being that just emanates bad-boy sex, dirty leather chaps, and strong whiskey. If it were anybody else (oh, say, Adrien Brody, for example), it’d be totally hot, but really? It just makes Jesse look all Sling Blade demented and, frankly, kind of gross.

But that’s no real deviation from the truth, now, is it.

Yes, friends: Jesse James’ creatively tries to use his unoriginal name to adapt a persona that just doesn’t exist – but I guess that’s what you do when you’re such a blatant embarrassment in real life, isn’t it?

March 29, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jesse James

14Marry, Kill, F*ck: The Troubled Men Edition

A photo of Charlie Sheen

You guys have played that wonderful classic, “Marry, Kill, Fuck,” right?  If not, it’s pretty easy:  someone names three people (or things or places, but that’s more for advanced and/or drunk players), and you decide which one you’d marry, which one you’d kill, and which one you’d fuck.  It’s one of my very favorites, so I thought I’d play with you guys, you know, in order to enhance our relationship and learn more about one another.

Here are your choices:

1. Charlie Sheen.  This guy definitely knows how to party. With him, you could stay up for days, just hanging out and jamming to Train.  And hey, if he can afford to put gold in his mouth, he can afford to put gold on your finger.  On the downside, there’s a good chance he’d ruin Christmas by pulling a knife on you.

2. Jesse James.  Ok, the thing with Jesse is that he has a definite type, so if you’re not super trashy, covered in tattoos, or at least a brunette, things probably wouldn’t work, even in the imaginary sense.  And if you’re Jewish, you also probably want to move along. Good news though:  Jesse’s almost on wife number four, so he’s got to be really good at romancing a lady!

3. Scott Disick.  Now this fella here knows about fashion, and that’s a definite plus.  I’m sure you could spend your days roaming around fancy shops without a care in the world unless, of course, you’re marginally heavier or less attractive than Kourtney Kardashian, in which case you’d constantly hear things like “You’re disgusting, I would kill myself if I looked like you! Look at you, you whale!”

So what will it be, friends?

February 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm by Emily
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