Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Is 60 Today


Sweet fancy Moses! Comedian Jerry Seinfeld turned 60 years old today, April 29. I cannot believe he’s 60.


He started celebrating last night with dinner at home, cooked by his wife, Jessica. She posted a photo of chicken parmesan in the works on Instagram, and also a coconut lemon cake “for the Birthday Eve.”:


Okay, but I’ll be honest, I really want to use this post as an excuse to celebrate Seinfeld. Post your favorite Seinfeld quotes and/or moments in the comments! It’s gold, Jerry, it’s gold!!


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Celebrity Tweets of the Day: LA Is Weird Edition

I noticed that on Fridayish a lot of celebrities tweeted about something called “Carmageddon,” and I thought it was so weird that a 1997 computer game was suddenly getting this much visibility. So I googled for answers. Turns out the LAPD actually asked celebrities to go on Twitter and announce that the 405 Freeway will be closed all weekend. Yawn.

Speaking of the freeway, this is not Kathy Griffin‘s best look:

Got mah hair did. Ladies, try hangin ur head on the window goin 55MPH

However, this is a very good look for Ricky Gervais:

Gervais, who is too lazy to tweet, sent me this pic of his obscene new toy

In spite of his technical difficulties, I still say Steve Martin is the only old man who should be allowed on Twitter:

Much as I enjoy Sarah Silverman, that was a mysterious retweet off my iPad

As for Sarah Silverman, she is so right about this next thing. She should be a theater critic!

Yeah ok great acting sometimes involves spit strings

I think Yoko Ono is trying to get all existential and meta:

Is anything lopsided in your room? Would you like more lopsided things?

(I read that and snorted, and then I looked up and stared at my off-kilter lampshade, which is always and irretrievably off-kilter, and then I sloooowly realized that maybe Yoko Ono wants me to tilt my entire living room to match my one lampshade.)

Rob Schneider hasn’t made a good movie in ages—or ever?—but his career could be worse. He definitely has his priorities straight:

Happiness is not being on Celebrity Rehab!

P.S. Jerry Seinfeld just joined Twitter. Should we tell him about Google+? Or should we let him wait five years?

This Is Not How You Make Friends

A photo of Jerry Seinfeld

Hey, remember that time that Lady Gaga went to a baseball game, flipped off some people, then got sent to Jerry Seinfeld’s VIP box where she couldn’t bother anyone?  Yeah, Jerry was not to pleased about the situation, and he was not afraid to let people know his thoughts on Lady Gaga during a recent interview:

“You know, you take one ‘a’ off of that, you’ve got gag.”

Zing!  You gotta love Jerry Seinfeld!  Ok, you really, really don’t, but he was all revved up, so he decided to go on about Gaga’s actions.

“I don’t know what these people think or how they promote their careers. I’m older, I’m 56…I’m not one of these ‘all publicity is good’ people. People talk about you need exposure—you could die of exposure. I don’t understand how this is good for her.”

Ok, that’s fair, but then he got a little catty:

“You know I changed my mind, you’re right, this woman’s a jerk. I hate her. I can’t believe they put her in my box that I paid for. You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we’re living in now? It’s pathetic.”

And to finish, Jerry gave Lady Gaga the classic reverse compliment sandwich:

“Get an act—rhinestone bikinis and giving people the finger? She is talented, I don’t know why she’s doing this stuff.”

Excellent form, Jerry Seinfeld.  It almost makes me wonder how you’ve lost nearly all relevancy.

Seinfeld Cast Begins Filming for Reunion


Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Michael Richards have begun filming for their multi-episode reunion that will air on Curb Your Enthusiasm when it finally returns to HBO this Fall.

Julia is quoted as saying, “It was really fun to get together with everybody. Frankly, it was as if we never left.”

And there’s more fun to come. “We’re shooting again this month and in May,” she said. “We have a lot more work to do.”

No surprise, everyone has been sworn to secrecy…

Louis-Dreyfus can’t even reveal if they’re riffing on their legendary Seinfeld characters. “I really can’t say,” she said. “I’m sorry. I would if I could, but I’m not allowed.”

As a fan of both Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’m pretty excited about this. I also think I speak for most of America when I say that I hope they really take the piss out of Michael Richards. You can’t put him on Curb Your Enthusiasm and just ignore that infamously racist comedy club outburst from a few years ago. That would be a crime against acerbic comedy.

Jerry Seinfeld To Launch Reality TV Series


Jerry’s back with a new show based on marriage.  With the working title of The Marriage Ref, it has one of the most terrifying concepts I’ve heard in awhile.  Picture this:  celebrities and athletes will observe couples in the midst of marital discord and-I’m not sure if I can even communicate this with a straight face-counsel and advise the married folk on how to solve their issues.

I personally would consider any relationship advice doled out by a celebrity or athlete the equivalent of inviting dysentery into my life.

Shut Up, Microsoft

Hey, you know that Microsoft commercial that they reportedly paid Jerry Seinfeld $10M to be in?

It’s about shoes.

And it’s stupid.

Like Microsoft.

I am LOVING my Mac, you guys. Soooo much better than my PCs with Windows. Like, head and shoulders above.

But, anyway, if you wanna hear Microsoft’s side of the story:

So what’s the deal? In an email we’ve obtained from Microsoft SVP Bill Veghte to all employees, he talks about the goals of the campaign. The overall goal is to inspire consumers and “tell the story of how Windows enables a billion people around the globe to do more with their lives today.” This first phase, he says, “is designed to engage consumers and spark a new conversation about Windows – a conversation that will evolve as the campaign progresses, but will always be marked by humor and humanity.”

The ads are just an icebreaker, he ads, to reintroduce Microsoft to consumers. Later this month they’ll do a deeper dive, which I assume means talking about features.

I still think Microsoft sucks (reminder: Vista crashed on me FOUR TIMES the first — and only! — night I used it) and I love my Mac.

Still Going Strong!

It’s rare that we see them out in public together, but Jerry Seinfeld cozied up to his wife of nearly nine years, Jessica, at a luncheon she co-hosted in Amagansett, New York.

You know, I totally didn’t know this, but I just read that Jessica Seinfeld (nee Sklar) had just returned home to New York from a three-week honeymoon in Italy with her first husband when she met Jerry at the gym. She promptly divorced the guy she’d just married to be with Jerry. Ouch! That’s pretty dirty, yo. I was never a big Jerry Seinfeld fan to begin with — I mean, this is a guy who dated a teenager while in his late 30s — but I just surrendered every last bit of respect I had for him. And this Jessica chick? Forget about it. What a dumb gold-digging slut.

Anyway. Gwyneth Paltrow was there, too, sans Chris Martin, per usual, as was Diane Kruger.